(( A/N So I have good news~ I was able to finally start writing for this again! So as long as things continue as they are I won't have to go on hiatus and this should be finished around december. Especially since I only have a couple more chapters to write, there should be about 25 for this when it's all done, and then I have two more for Fragmenting that will be up (hopefully) around next week's update for this :3 ))

Chapter Twenty

ZiTao got out of the shower first, handing a towel to Chanyeol.

“Can you grab my bag?” He asked, rubbing the towel over his arm. “I don’t think you want me dripping water around your apartment,” He added and ZiTao nodded, closing the shower curtain. Chanyeol’s eyebrows knitted together in minor confusion until he heard something wet hit the floor and he turned his back to the curtain as his ears burned. Of course ZiTao was going to take off his boxers now that they were drenched, why wouldn’t he? Chanyeol thought to himself, rubbing his face with the towel.

“Your bag is on the counter.” He heard ZiTao say before the bathroom door closed and Chanyeol pulled the curtain back, hanging the towel on the rack. He wormed out of his wet borders and wrung them out in the tub, setting them on the wall of the tub as he stepped over it and finished drying himself off. After he pulled on a new pair of boxer he wrapped the towel around his waist and grabbed his bag and boxers, opening the bathroom door. He made his way over to where ZiTao was sitting on the bed, towel draped over his shoulders and returned the smile that ZiTao gave him as he looked up.

“Should I leave these in the shower?” he asked and ZiTao offered a small shrug.

“If you want. I can put them in the wash with mine too if you’d prefer,” He offered, standing from the bed. Chanyeol let him take the boxers, and ZiTao made his way to the other side of his studio, Chanyeol turning to take his place on the bed. After turning on the washing matching ZiTao padded back over to Chanyeol, pulling the towel from around his neck and drapping it over Chanyeol’s head, toweling his hair dry.

Chanyeol closed his eyes, leaning his head forward to give the younger better access, a smile crossing his lips. He reached out, taking a gentle hold of ZiTao’s hips and giving a small tug. ZiTao stepped closer before straddling Chanyeol’s lap as Chanyeol looked up from under the towel as ZiTao smiled at him. The blond leaned down to press his lips against Chanyeol’s, the older happily returning the kiss. He didn’t realize his grip had tightened on ZiTao’s hips until the other shifted a little so he was more centered over Chanyeol’s lap, letting the towel slip from Chanyeol’s hair as his hands found their way to Chanyeol’s shoulders.

ZiTao pressed harder into the kiss but was quick to back off so their lips were barely against one another’s when the muscles in Chanyeol’s shoulders tensed. The blond was surprised when after a pause Chanyeol stretched up to press his lips harder against his and ZiTao let out a small noise when Chanyeol’s grip on his hips tightened again. With how shy the other had been about showering together the change in heart was surprising, so ZiTao kept alert for any hints of hesitation.

ZiTao slid one hand up to tangle in Chanyeol’s hair, his other arm sipping over Chanyeol’s shoulder to rub his fingers down the other’s spine and he felt a pleasant shiver when Chanyeol moved one hand to his lower back, pressing ZiTao closer so their chests were against each other’s. The callused thumb that began rubbing over his hip bone had ZiTao’s hips rock forward as he gripped the other’s hair tighter, but the flinch that Chanyeol gave had him letting go of the black hair in his hands and breaking the kiss.

“Chanyeol?” He called, the other’s eyes slowly easing from being scrunched up. “You okay?”

“I… I think?”

“Red, yellow or green light?” Chanyeol’s eyes opened, eyebrows knitting together.

“What?”

“Green means keep going, yellow means keep going but be careful and red means stop but don’t pull away,” ZiTao explained, his hands moving back to Chanyeol’s shoulders.

“Y-yellow,” Chanyeol replied slowly, a little thrown off by the analogy, easing as ZiTao started kneading at his shoulders. “I think. I just… I got a weird feeling.”

“Weird as in good or bad?”

“I’m pretty sure good,” Chanyeol said, trying to focus on the tingle he had felt in his stomach for half a second. “It surprised me more than it scared me, I don’t remember the last time I was anywhere near this with someone… I don’t think I have been, actually,” he added, looking down at ZiTao’s chest as his cheeks burned. “This is embarrassing,” He said after a moment with a breathy laugh.

“What’s embarrassing?” ZiTao asked, placing his hand on Chanyeol’s cheek, coaxing him to look up again.

“Being a at my age, and not being able to remember the last time I got a hard on,” Chanyeol stated despite his throat trying to tighten around his words. ZiTao stared at him for a moment before rubbing his thumb over Chanyeol’s cheek, his smiling returning.

“Hey, I’m not that much younger than you are, and I haven’t gone all the way before either,” He said, kissing Chanyeol’s forehead. Chanyeol closed his eyes, tilting his head closer to ZiTao’s hand when he started carding his fingers through his hair.

“Can we try again?” He asked after a few moments of silence,looking up at ZiTao who nodded before leaning down to give him a light kiss. The light pecks slowly turned into hard presses of lips and Chanyeol let out a low groan when ZiTao bit into his lower lip, feeling the way ZiTao shivered at the sound. He moved his hand back to ZiTao’s back, pressing him closer and running his tongue over the other’s lower lip and swallowing hard when ZiTao let out a small whimper and parted his lips. Chanyeol slipped his tongue into ZiTao’s mouth, humming at the way ZiTao pressed closer to him and tangled a hand into his hair.

Chanyeol broke the kiss slowly, grabbing hold of ZiTao’s hips before pushing him to the side so the blond landed on his back with Chanyeol crawling up to hover over him. His eyes trailed up ZiTao’s body, stopping on the mess of a state his eyeliner was in, a fuzzy feeling filing his head. He was about to connect their lips again, becoming aware of how stiff his body felt just before he felt ZiTao’s hand on his cheek and he blinked. ZiTao wasn’t under him anymore, but was sitting up holding Chanyeol’s face and he was thrown off by the scared look in ZiTao’s eyes.

“Chanyeol? Can you hear me?”

“Huh?”

“Can you hear me?” ZiTao asked slower and Chanyeol tried to sit back, stopping when he felt something drip off his chin. He reached up, fingers tracing over the backs of ZiTao’s hands until they stopped below his eyes, brushing over the tears that laced them.

“What… What happened?”

“That’s what I want to know. You checked out for about a minute, I thought you got really nervous, but when I called your name you started crying.” Chanyeol let out a whine, pulling his face from ZiTao’s hands and rubbing it, but it only seemed to make things worse as his body quivered. He flinched when he felt something touch his back, pulling his face from his hands to see ZiTao wrapping a blanket around him and nudging him to lie on his side. He was sure he had called the blonds name, his throat ached like he had and he felt a sharp pain shoot through the back of his head. He shut his eyes tightly, reaching back, confused when touching the back of his head didn’t ease or make the pain worse.

“Hey!”

Chanyeol was confused when he found himself laying on his back with ZiTao’s hands on his cheeks again. Hadn’t the other been getting off of the bed? When had he rolled onto his back? Chanyeol watched darkness creep into the sides of his vision again and he blinked slowly.

“You’re hyperventilating again.” He blinked again, looking at the panicked look in ZiTao’s eyes when he opened them again.

“Chanyeol, you need to breath with me.” He heard ZiTao say slowly, a ringing filling his ears before he could hear the other take in a deep breath through his nose and let it out through his mouth. The fourth time Chanyeol tried to follow along as he seemed to regain some control over his breathing, but he ended up coughing half way through inhaling as his lungs protested the action. He tried again when he could focus back on ZiTao’s breathing, and he coughed a little when he inhaled as deeply as he could. Eventually the panic in ZiTao’s eyes faded, just as the ringing in his ears did, the dizzy feeling in his head easing after, and he coughed a couple more times.

“You shouldn’t… be getting good at that,” Chanyeol said softly when ZiTao released his face and he blinked slowly before closing his eyes.

“I want to be able to help you when you have… those,” ZiTao replied, brushing a few strands out of Chanyeol’s face. Chanyeol sighed, opening his mouth only for ZiTao to press a finger to his lips. “Shh,” he soothed, reaching up to run his fingers through the other’s hair and Chanyeol shook his head.

“You’re not going to let me apologize for ruining the night?”

“Who says you ruined the night?” ZiTao asked, frowning down at the other.

“I would call having a freak out ‘ruining the night’,” Chanyeol stated.

“I wouldn’t.”

“Why not?” Chanyeol asked, opening his eyes.

“It’s not like I invited you to stay the night to get into your pants. Our date was to go get pumpkins and carve them, and for you to stay the night after,” ZiTao said, looking over at the kitchen. “We have our pumpkins and to my knowledge you’re not going to sneak out in the middle of the night, so that makes this a successful date in my book.”

“But I-”

“We also got to have a nice shower together, which has been something I’ve dreamed of doing with someone that I liked a lot, so that’s a bonus,” ZiTao interrupted, looking back at Chanyeol before he flipped on the lamp beside his bed and he padded into the kitchen, returning with a glass of water, turning off the main room light on his way back to the bed.

“So you’re not going to ask about what just happened.” ZiTao shrugged, offering the glass of water to Chanyeol once he sat back beside him.

“I’ve stated before that we’ve all got our own . That’s part of yours and that’s just how it is.” Chanyeol shook his head, sighing.

“It doesn’t have to be, that’s the thing.”

“What do you mean?” Chanyeol sat back up and took a drink of water, lowering the glass to stare into it. He was going to have to tell ZiTao eventually, it seemed.

“Every time that I’ve had some kind of fit, either something like that or my night terrors, has been because I didn’t take the medication that I have that makes it go away,” He stated, and he could feel the frown that was on ZiTao’s lips.

“If you have something that helps, then why would you…”

“Because as long as I take them, I…” his throat tightened and he groaned, covering his face with his hand. “I can’t go further than what we were just doing with you, because they make it so I can’t.” Chanyeol felt his heart begin to race at the silence that fell between them, and he wasn’t sure how long had passed before he dared to look at the other. Not that it helped, since ZiTao was staring at him with a blank expression.

“So you’d rather go through hell on a regular basis just so you can me?” ZiTao stated, and Chanyeol started to reply, flinching when the other cut him off again with a question of “Are you really that stupid?!” and Chanyeol stared at him with wide eyes.

“B-but I thought-”
 

“I’m not dating you because I want what’s in your pants, I’m dating you because you make me smile and feel all bubbly in my chest, and you’re really cute and apparently really dumb!” ZiTao exclaimed, huffing once he had gotten the words out, and Chanyeol wasn’t sure what to do with the pout on the blond’s face. “If we never have , I don’t care, as long as you’re happy and okay, so stop being an idiot!” He continued, his head coming down onto Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Knowing that both times that you’ve gone through something like that with me is because of something so unimportant makes me really sad.” Chanyeol set the glass of water on the nightstand and wrapped his arms around ZiTao, pulling him against his chest once he laid down.

“I’m sorry, ZiTao,” He murmured into the top of the other’s hair, ZiTao shifting closer to him and Chanyeol moved the blanket a little so it was over the younger as well.
 

“Just… promise me that you’ll start taking them when you need them,” ZiTao requested, looking up at Chanyeol. The black haired male opened his mouth, starting a protest, which ZiTao silenced with a finger to his lips. “I said promise me.” Chanyeol stared at him for a long moment before a small smile cracked his lips and he held up his hand, curling three of his fingers so his pinky and thumb were the only fingers that stuck out. ZiTao perked up, holding up his own hand and curling his pinky around Chanyeol’s and they pressed their thumbs together.
 

“I promise.” Chanyeol’s eyes shifted to where his bag was sitting by the front door, knowing that he would be able to find it with the lamp that ZiTao had when he came back with the glass of water, should he need to take his medication. He turned his attention back to the ZiTao when he offered a shirt from the drawer of the night stand to Chanyeol. After pulling it on he laid back down he looked to the blond who settled his head into the crook of his neck and he shifted one arm under ZiTao’s neck.

Once ZiTao shifted as close as he could to Chanyeol he reached up and gripped the night shirt Chanyeol was now wearing, and the older draped his arm over ZiTao, closing his eyes and feeling his tension ease.