(( A/N Not much to say this week. Angel seemed surprised when I told her that according to the statistics only one person has read chapters one and two for Fragmenting, and no one has read the third, ut she also said it made sense since Jongdae's past isn't the story people are probably interested in. Which does make sense, I just sit there like 'but this is important, for many reasons' and then I whine because it took a lot to write Fragmenting. Like you can ask Angel, I sent her the part that is now the third chapter, though I wrote it first, and said 'this is a thing, we're not going to talk about it' and it took me close to a month to be able to go back and read over/revise it/fix the words that Word corrected things because I couldn't even go back and spell check it correctly, I just let Word change the misspellings to whatever it wanted.

But really in general I wish more people talked to me about this story and all the parts of it. I have one friend who does when she can, Angel sometimes does when I send her things t beta, and then Kuduo is my faithful commenter, but I crave attention to want to write more. At this rate the fic might go on hiatus at the end of the month because I have no motivation to write more ))
 

Chapter Eighteen

Chanyeol scrunched up his face, eyes shutting tighter as he became aware of the gravel digging into his back, the sting in the back of his head traveling down to his neck as well. The heaviness in his arms made him feel tired and he wondered if he should even bother opening his eyes. A scream filled his senses and his eyes shot open as he bolted up, panting as the sharp feeling of gravel faded and he groaned, rubbing his face with his hands.

“I just want this to go away,” He muttered, frowning when he realized that his face was wet and he pulled his hands away from his face. His stomach dropped at the red that painted his hands and the scream he heard this time was his own. His chest gave a panicked throb and he woke up in his bed, coughing.

Chanyeol sat up, blindly reaching for the cup of water on his nightstand, knocking his pill bottle and mobile to the floor in the process. He coughed a couple of times between gulps of water and once more as he set the glass back onto his nightstand before sighing. He leaned over, picking up his mobile and putting it on his nightstand before grabbing his pill bottle.

‘You’re just mad that I can get it up and your pills make it so you can’t’ Jongdae’s voice chimed and he shook his head, opening the bottle. Even if it was preemptive since ZiTao and him hadn’t been dating for long, he really did want to be able to go further than soft kisses if they got to it. ZiTao was understanding, but he was sure that it would be a big hit to anyone’s ego if they weren’t able to get someone excited in the moment. That really wasn’t something he wanted to explain because it meant he would have to tell the younger about the pills he was taking.

Chanyeol pulled out a pill and opened his mouth as his mobile screen lit up, showing a notification from ZiTao. He was about to close the bottle when the preview of the message scrolled across the screen, ZiTao saying he was finally falling asleep. Chanyeol closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly before pacing the pill on his tongue and chasing it down with the rest of his water.

He tried to get through the night without a pill a few days days later, still unable to get himself to call to text ZiTao despite the other reminding him of his offer. It wasn’t until a few weeks later when the faceless figure pushed him off the roof they were on, causing Chanyeol to wake up crying for a reason he didn’t understand, that he selected ZiTao’s number with a trembling finger, holding the device to his head with such force that it are his ear start to ache before long.

“Who decided that clichés in movies needed to be a thing?” Came ZiTao’s voice as he answered, Chanyeol coughing hard as his throat tightened around the younger’s name and there was a pause. “Chanyeol? What’s wrong?” ZiTao asked and the dizzy feeling in Chanyeol’s head was what made him realize that his breathing had picked up, and he was unable to piece together the noises passing his lips into the words that he may or may not have been managing to get out.

“Hey, hey! If you keep that up, you’re going to pass out,” ZiTao said and Chanyeol tried to speak again, his body feeling heavy. “Chanyeol, seriously. You’re hyperventilating; you need to slow down your breathing.” Chanyeol covered his mouth and nose with his hand, his chest heaving as his body was fighting to take in air through either sealed off passages. His throat began to burn and he coughed hard, repeating the covering of his nose and mouth after he took a deep breath.  How many times he had to do it, or how long it took before the jerking of his shoulders eased into small twitches and his breathing turned to small pants was lost on him.

“Chanyeol, what happened?” ZiTao asked as his voice became less ragged and his sobbing subsided.

“N… Night… t-terror…” He choked out and the silence that he was met with grated at his mind.

“Please tell me that’s not what you go through every night.”

“N-no, the… that one was b-bad.”

“Okay, good, because I really think your body would give out if you did that every day,” ZiTao stated, Chanyeol wiping the tears and sweat from his face with his sleeve.

“I… I tried…”

“You tried, what?” Chanyeol shook his head, swallowing hard.

“N-nothing…” He dismissed, shutting his eyes tight. Right now was probably one of the worst times to try and explain about his medication. “I feel dizzy.”

“You should try drinking some water and laying down,” ZiTao said and Chanyeol nodded. He slid his legs over the edge of the bed, pushing himself to shakey legs that sent him to the floor. He groaned, curling in on himself, reaching around for where his mobile had slid to when he dropped it. “Are you okay?” ZiTao asked.

“I fell.”

“I guessed that. Are you okay?”

“I don’t think I’m ever going to be okay,” Chanyeol said, voice cracking a little at the end, his grip tightening on his mobile. “These things are never going to go away, I’m going to be like this forever.”

“Hey, shh, don’t start talking like that. Maybe you need time is all-”

“ZiTao, it’s been almost three years. And if anything this has gotten worse. They were the same night terror over and over until…” He swallowed hard, taking a deep breath and holding it when he noticed his breathing had started picking up again. “Until I moved here.” He coughed again, pulling himself back into his bed and settling for the little water left in the cup on his nightstand.

“To me that sounds like it’s getting better.”

“What?”

“Well, you know what they say. Insanity is the same thing over and over, or something like that. So I think that if things are changing that it’s a good thing. Maybe you’ll be able to figure things out because they’re different.” Chanyeol shook his head, pulling his covers up over himself again.

“I hope you’re right,” He sighed, pressing as much of his face into the pillow as he could while still speaking clearly enough that the other could hear him. “Sorry to call you crying, it probably freaked you out,” He added.

“I told you to call me if you ever needed to.”

“I tried hard not to. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“If it was a bother I wouldn’t have offered. It’s nice to feel needed, even if it is for something that for you to go through,” ZiTao replied and Chanyeol felt his body starting to get heavy again, the little of the other’s breathing that he could hear lulling him. He heard the other’s voice and he didn’t realize it took in a few moments to reply.

“Hmm?” He heard ZiTao giggle.

“I asked you if you had fallen asleep.”

“I didn’t think I would be able to after my fit, let alone this soon after.  I think your voice might be like a lullaby to me,” Chanyeol said, a smile creeping onto his lips when the other fell silent and he could swear that the other was blushing.

“I-I’m not singing, so I don’t get why my voice would be like a lullaby.”

“Yeah, but I like the sound of your voice. I’d ask you to sing if I didn’t think it would be asking too much.”

“… I… Could sing something, I guess,” ZiTao said softly before clearing his throat. “Don’t laugh if I sound bad,” He added and Chanyeol hummed an affirmative.

wǒde bǎobèi bǎobèi, gěi nǐ yīdiǎn tiántian

ràng nǐ jīnyè dōu hǎo miàn

wǒde xiǎoguǐ xiǎoguǐ, dòudòu nǐde méiyǎn

ràng nǐ xǐhuān zhè shìjiè

wa lā lā lā lā wǒde bǎobèi

juàn de shíhòu yǒu gerén péi

āi yā ya ya ya ya wǒde bǎibèi

yào nǐ zhīdào nǐ zuì měi

wǒde bǎobèi bǎobèi, gěi nǐ yīdiǎn tiántian

ràng nǐ jīnyè hěn hǎo miàn

wǒde xiǎoguǐ xiǎoguǐ, niēniē nǐde xiǎo liǎn

ràng nǐ xǐhuān zhěnggè míngtiān

wa lā lā lā lā wǒde bǎobèi

gūdān shí yǒurén bǎ nǐ xiǎngniàn

āi ya ya ya ya ya wǒde bǎibèi

yào nǐ zhīdào nǐ zuì měi

juàn de shíhòu yǒu gerén péi

āi yā ya ya ya ya wǒde bǎibèi

yào nǐ zhīdào nǐ zuì měi

yào nǐ zhīdào nǐ zuì měi

Chanyeol didn’t remember drifting off, and he was pulled from sleep again as sun creeped in through his curtains. His eyes slid open and he blinked a couple of times before he sat up, running a hand through his hair. Sliding out of bed, thankfully not tumbling to the ground this time, he exited his room. A quick shower while coffee brewed, Chanyeol padded back into his room, mug in hand as he picked up his mobile from his pillow with his other. He smiled when he read the text from ZiTao, setting it on his nightstand as he got dressed.

>That was some of the best sleep I’ve gotten since I was a child. Can we do that again sometime?

(( Here is the link to the lullaby that ZiTao sang to Chanyeol. I flailed to Angel when I found it ))