(( A few hours early because I decided to post this before I went out tonight. It was almost put off until tomorrow because today's been a really crap day and I almost went to bed at 5 in the afternoon because of it, and I really should of because the day just got worse.

This chapter was nice to write, mainly because somewhere along the lines I fell in love with the Chenris in this story, and this chapter is focused on poor Jongdae.

Has anyone checked out Fragmenting? I would love to know what any of you think, I saw that it got a couple subscribers, which made me feel better. I'm also really glad that I write a few chapters a head for both this and Three Halves because I have been so unmotivated to write for this story and I don't know why. Hopefully that goes away in the next month before I run out of chapters.

Also, ZiTao shows up (finally) in chapter 15 and is in every chapter after that until the end, thank you for your patience ))

Chapter Thirteen
There's Nothing Else I Can Do
But Love You the Best that I Can

Jongdae pulled his legs closer to his chest when he heard the crunch of gravel beneath someone’s feet, pressing his face so hard into his knees that the pressure on his eyes caused him to see fleeting figures behind them. The crunching stopped, the footsteps continuing to come closer until he heard them stop in front of him.
 

“You shouldn’t be alone,” Yifan said, Jongdae flinching even though he expected the voice, and he shook his head. He knew the other was holding his hand out to him, and he heard Yifan sigh while kneeling down in front of him.
 

“Don’t touch me,” Jongdae’s voice creaked, his nails biting into the fabric of his jeans at the sound of it.
 

“… I imagine he’s happy about the music box.” Jongdae’s shoulders tensed and he lifted his head just enough to look up at Yifan through his bangs.
 

“Did you follow me to Hongdae?” Yifan could hear the bite Jongdae was trying, and failing, to force into his accusation as his eyes traced over the brunet’s face. His eyes were already red and puffy, and Yifan wondered how long he had been there already.
 

“I ran into Chanyeol when I was looking for you. He told me that he thought it was for me,” He explained. “He was worried about you. Are you ever going to tell him about what happened?” Jongdae buried his face back into his knees, his shoulders beginning to shake again.
 

“I want to go home.”
 

“There’s a cab waiting for us.”
 

Jongdae slowly released the grip he had around his legs, and a few moments of silence passed before he reached back, using the gravestone to help himself stand. He took a step back from it, staggering before Yifan wrapped an arm around his waist and Jongdae gave a weak push to the older’s chest.
 

“I said don’t touch me.”
 

“You can smack me for it later,” Yifan replied, leading Jongdae from the grave as the brunet craned his neck back to watch it until they were so far from it that he couldn’t make out the inscription. Jongdae slid into the cab, leaning against the window and as far from Yifan as he could through the ride back to the dorm.

Yifan was a little surprised when the other allowed him to hold onto him after getting out of the cab, guiding Jongdae with one arm around his waist through the building when they got back to the dorms. Jongdae’s hand shook to the point that he couldn’t get his key into the lock, and he made a displeased noise when Yifan took the key from his hand and unlocked the door for him. Yifan opened the door, nudging Jongdae to get him to step inside, with the intent of following; the brunet turned to face him as he got one foot over the threshold, hands pressing against Yifan’s chest.
 

“No.”
 

“Jongdae,”
 

“No.” Jongdae hung his head, his shoulders shaking more as he mumbled the word over and over. His voice cracked and he curled in on himself a little, Yifan watching a couple tears fall to the floor before he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around the other’s trembling frame. “No. Leave.”
 

“I’m not leaving you.”
 

“Leave,” Jongdae insisted, his throat burning.
 

“If you want me gone in the morning, you can throw me out,” Yifan said, tightening his embrace. “But until them I’m staying. I’ll do what you want, make you food if you feel like eating… Anything you need.”
 

“I need you to leave,” Jongdae’s voice had been reduced to a whimper and Yifan sighed, looking down the entrance hall as he rested his chin a top Jongdae’s head.
 

“I’m not going to see anything I don’t already know you have,” He said, eyes scanning over the dozen pictures on the table a few feet behind Jongdae. They all had the same person in them, and in several Jongdae was with him. “Why do you do this to yourself?” He asked, feeling Jongdae grip the front of his shirt, and the way his breath quivered as he inhaled.
 

“To remember.”
 

“I don’t know if I believe that. You said once that you drink and sleep around to forget.”
 

“For the love of god, will you stop talking?” Jongdae choked out, his nails digging into Yifan’s skin a little through his shirt and Yifan tightened his grip on the brunet as his knees gave out. Yifan moved one arm down under Jongdae’s , hoisting him up before kicking the door closed behind him. He then carried Jongdae down the hall to the couch, setting him on it.
 

“I’m just trying to understand, Jongdae, and this is one of the only two days a year that you acknowledge he existed,” He explained looking left to the entertainment center. On top there were several other pictures of the pair, and Jongdae pulled his knees up to his chest as if they would work as a barrier between Yifan and himself, leaving his shoes on the floor. “Unless you’re safe behind the locks on your doors, since you don’t allow anyone else in.”
 

“There’s no reason for anyone to come into my dorm.”
 

“That’s not the only door you refuse to let someone past,” Yifan replied, hearing a knock at the door and seeing Jongdae flinch at the sound. He looked to the door before to Jongdae again for a moment, stepping back and turning to walk back to the door. He looked through the peephole, seeing a pair of worried eyes through black bangs and he opened the door part way. Chanyeol seemed surprised to see Yifan, his eyebrows knitting together.
 

“Did… did you find him?” Chanyeol asked and Yifan gave him a single nod.
 

“Yeah, I brought him back here.”
 

“I tried calling him, is he alright?” Chanyeol pressed, stretching up on his tip toes to look past Yifan, seeing the familiar figure residing on the couch. Yifan shifted a little, closing the door to block Chanyeol’s view so he was the only one the other could see.
 

“I’ve got him, he’ll be safe with me,” Yifan said, Chanyeol lowering himself back to flat feet. He frowned, but gave a small nod.
 

“Can I… talk to him?”
 

“Now isn’t a good time,” Yifan countered, starting to close the door the rest of the way; Chanyeol reached out, stopping it from closing.

“Tell him that my door’s open if he needs me,” He said. “A-and take good care of him. I hope you know what’s going on,” He added, pulling his hand back from the door and lowering his gaze. “I want to help him, but I have no idea what’s bothering him, so I don’t know how.”
 

“Give him a little space. I’ll have him call you when he’s feeling better.” Yifan said before closing and locking the door.

Yifan made his way out of the kitchen, setting a bowl of ramen on the coffee table in front of Jongdae. The other hadn’t moved from his curled up position on the couch in the last two hours and Yifan looked to the window seeing the sun had already set.
 

“You should eat something, even if you don’t feel like it,” He said, sitting beside Jongdae on the couch. The ramen was cold by the time Jongdae reached for it, Yifan scooting it into his grasp and watching him set it on top of his knees, eating slowly. He got half way through it, which was more than Yifan expected, before he put it back on the coffee table. Yifan leaned forward to pick it up, Jongdae grabbing onto his wrist to stop him. Yifan looked over at Jongdae, watching his expression closely, leaning back as the brunet moved closer to him. Jongdae let go of Yifan’s wrist, grabbing onto the bottom hem of his shirt and giving it a tug. Yifan continued to watch him, and when he made no movement, Jongdae tugged on it again.
 

“Off.”
 

“Jongdae,”
 

“Off.”

“Now is not the time-”

“You said whatever I wanted, didn’t you?” His voice was far more stable than when they had arrived at the dorm and Yifan closed his eyes, resisting a sigh.

“Yes, I did.”

“Then take it off,” Jongdae said, tugging once again before Yifan brushed his hand off and removed his shirt.

Yifan moved his hand to start ing his pants, looking up at Jongdae when the other stopped him. Jongdae watched Yifan’s face as he removed his own shirt, keeping the eye contact as he moved one leg onto the other side of Yifan’s lap, the blond suddenly getting an uneasy feeling from the prolonged eye contact. Jongdae didn’t usually hold someone’s gaze for long unless he was teasing them; Yifan took a slow breath as the brunet shifted closer until their crotches were against each other’s and Yifan prepared himself for the younger to start rocking against him.
 

Jongdae leaned forward and Yifan tilted his chin up to accept the other’s kiss, mentally back pedaling when the brunet’s lips didn’t meet his. He blinked, feeling Jongdae press his face into his neck and the brunet wrapped his arms around his neck, pressing their chest together before taking a deep breath through his nose. Yifan looked down at him from the corner of his eyes before carefully wrapping his arms around the other’s waist.
 

“You said you won’t leave?” Jongdae mumbled into his neck and Yifan nodded.
 

“I won’t leave, even if you try to throw me out.”
 

“Don’t leave me,” Jongdae’s voice softened as he started to shake again in Yifan’s arms, and the older tightened his grip.
 

“You never have to worry about that.”
 

“I want to go to bed.”
 

Yifan gave another nod, a small smile trailing over his lips, moving one arm under Jongdae’s again, standing from the couch with him in his arms. Jongdae wrapped his legs around Yifan’s waist and he carried Jongdae into his bedroom. Yifan started to set Jongdae on the bed, but the brunet tightened his hold on Yifan’s neck, shaking his head against it, mumbling ‘no’. Yifan straightened as he chuckled, stepping out of his shoes before turning around and sitting on the bed. He reached back, pulling the blankets down, sliding his legs under them and shifting a little before he laid on his back, pulling the blankets up over them as Jongdae remained against his chest.
 

Jongdae shifted a little, pressing as close as he could to Yifan and the older started carding his fingers through Jongdae’s hair until Jongdae’s breathing evened out and his body finally relaxed. Yifan closed his eyes, almost asleep when he felt Jongdae’s face scrunch up against his neck, a soft whimper escaping him. Yifan moved his free hand to the middle of Jongdae’s back, his thumb along Jongdae’s spine and started to card his fingers through the other’s hair again until the whimpered faded and his expression relaxed, breathing evening once again before Yifan decided it was alright to drift off to sleep himself.

He woke up as sunlight filtered into the room, looking to his left hand that had moved to beside his head, seeing Jongdae’s fingers intertwined with his own. He craned his neck a little, looking over the other’s face, a smile ghosting his lips.

“I love you.” He whispered, Jongdae’s face giving a faint twitch before his grip on Yifan’s hand tightened and he gave a sleepy grumble that sounded a lot like ‘mine’ to Yifan.