So many comments for the last chapter.................I'm flattered. Thank you guys for appreciating my story :') It seems like everyone has reached the breaking point because of chapter 10, so I hope I don't disappoint you guys with this chapter. I apologize if there are some errors or some parts don't connect with each other or with the other chapters. I wrote most part of this way before I wrote chapter 7 and honestly I haven't checked this thoroughly. Aaaaaaaaaaand I'm sorry I killed Jungkook, the guy is too precious I know :''''''''''''''''''' This is getting me emotional too LOL

So here we go; my longest chapter so far. It's almost coming to an end. ENJOY!!

The worst thing about grief was coping with it.

Taehyung didn’t cry when they buried Jungkook. He didn’t cry when Jimin refused to leave the tombstone. He didn’t cry when Namjoon let out angry tears and started hitting the wall when they just got back from the ceremony. Taehyung didn’t cry days after Jungkook. He just didn’t have it in him. He wondered if the tears had ran out of his body, that he had grew dry, or that he just didn’t love Jungkook enough to feel sad and cry. He was sad; he just didn’t know how to cry. So, he acted okay. Wasn’t that what Jungkook wanted?

“Doesn’t it feel weird when we’re an even number now?” he said during one of their rare dinner time together.

“Even number?” Jin asked while putting another dish on the table and Namjoon swore those are too much food for six people, although one more person didn’t change much of the fact.

“Our number, hyung,” Taehyung looked up with a bright smile, signature rectangle grin on his face, “we were always seven and seven is an odd number.”

Everyone froze in their places, except Yoongi who just continued eating like he felt nothing. Nothing at all.

Hoseok looked at Taehyung softly and wondered if the kid had lost his mind. It wasn’t normal to joke about that kind of stuff when Jungkook’s funeral was only two weeks ago, especially when Hoseok thought Taehyung would be the one who cried the hardest.

“Are you okay, Tae?” Hoseok asked carefully.

Taehyung smiled sheepishly and nodded. “I just thought we have to start moving on about this. He’ll hate it if we keep being sad like this,” he answered casually.

Jimin caught Hoseok’s concerned eyes and was confused himself, because how could Taehyung move on when he hadn’t even cried a single tear. Yes, Jungkook asked them not to be sad, but it was not healthy. Unless Taehyung had been crying all by himself at night and walked out of his room in the morning with the same smile as bright as sunshine, then the kid really was sick.

So, Jimin checked Taehyung up at night and made sure he was asleep. Sometimes, most of the times, Jimin stayed longer next to Taehyung’s sleeping figure. Taehyung didn’t know it at first, but then Jimin had walked in one night when he wasn’t asleep.

“You’re the one who checked me out the other nights before, huh? Why? Have a hidden feeling to me up?” Taehyung and Jimin just stared. Taehyung didn’t filter his words before saying them most of the times, but these reckless jokes weren’t his kind of joke.

“I—“ he didn’t know how to handle jokes in general, because it had been a long time since jokes felt normal amongst them, “I’ll just go back to my room.” He had started to turn around and walked away, when Taehyung called him from his bed and Jimin looked at him again.

“Will you stay with me? We can cuddle together,” Taehyung wiggled one of his eyebrows teasingly.

“Tae, you—“

“Okay, fine, no cuddle,” Taehyung sighed and rolled his eyes, “it’s already so quiet in the mornings and it’s too quiet at nights. I hate it. I hate how everyone is so stiffed,” he whined childishly.

Taehyung rarely whined at Jimin before. All of his hyungs spoiled the three maknaes just the same, so they usually chose one of them to whine to. They never minded when Jimin, Taehyung, or Jungkook acted childishly toward them.

“Okay, I’ll stay,” Jimin gave in and joined Taehyung on his bed, befor tuning the lamp next to the bed off.

Taehyung gave him the brightest smile; Jimin could see it through the dark. “It feels like sleepover with friends from school.”

“Yes. Yes, it does, Tae,” Jimin said, staring at Taehyung who started humming softly.

“Remember our second dorm, Jimin-ah? When we shared room with Hobi hyung and Jungkook always ended up in our room?” Taehyung laughed as he reminiscence the memory, “It was the biggest room that we had but still too crowded for three, especially for four. But, we had so much fun, didn’t we?” he turned to Jimin.

Jimin thought that Taehyung probably wasn’t aware of the tears that were threatening to fall in Jimin’s eyes in the dark. “Yeah, we did, Tae.”

“What game was it that we always played together?”

“Mario Kart?” Jimin answered weakly. He actually wanted Taehyung to stop talking, but it was probably his own way of coping with the grief.

“No,” Taehyung shook his head, “I mean, yes, we played Mario Kart often, but there was another one. I don’t remember what it was.”

“We can find out tomorrow morning.”

“Right. I’ll go find it in the storeroom. I’m sure Jin hyung hadn’t threw it out.”

“Yes, I think so too.”

“Oh, can we play it too tomorrow?”

“We don’t know if it’s still working, Tae.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is! Jungkook took good care of it remember? Well, it’s not working awesomely like five years ago,” Taehyung laughed again and again and again, “but I’m sure we can fix it.”

“Okay,” Jimin answered with final tone, “let’s just sleep for now.”

“Yeah, let’s. I’m tired,” Taehyung yawned, “good night, ChimChim, sweet dreams.”

Jimin hummed softly against the pillow that was already wet. His chest twisted in pain. He had lost Jungkook, he didn’t want to lose Taehyung too, especially not to some mental sickness.

And, Jimin didn’t sleep, he watched Taehyung, made sure his best friend didn’t fade away like Jungkook did.

Yoongi was always the quiet one, full of shushing whenever Taehyung yelled too much of excitement, full of cursing reckless words whenever Jimin did his job to wake him up in the morning, full of coldness when his unfinished songs were waiting him in the studio and , I need inspiration. But, Yoongi was also the one who was full of passion, full of music and artsy stuffs, eyes sparkling with happiness when he looked at the members after finishing his songs, full of silly laughs and actions when he was simply in a good mood.

“You love sleeping so much that you start cursing when one of us touch you in your sleep. But you barely even remember an hour of it in the studio. Is that how being passionate feels like, hyung?”

Jungkook had the smile of a naïve young boy and Yoongi just wanted to keep it forever, protect it, and look at it whenever he needed to.

Now. Yoongi forgot where he kept that smile. He had searched it everywhere. But, even the pictures of smiling Jeon Jungkook couldn’t give him the same tingling warm feeling in his chest like before.

Yoongi felt cold, and alone. They all needed the time in the world to move on and pass this time. He just couldn’t ask for the others’ help because the only one who could help him out of this coldness had died. He died. He left. And, every single day he woke up on his bed, he felt anger and hatred. He just didn’t want to go on with the coldness in his chest anymore.

So, he went out and bought a pack of cigarettes. He was once addicted to it, until he stopped—until someone stopped him.

“Not cool, hyung. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

And, all Yoongi had ever wanted was to become the cool hyung Jungkook looked up to all the time. Now, that Jungkook had gone, there was no one he wanted to impress the most.

Yoongi didn’t care. Jungkook had left. Yoongi smoked.

Namjoon always had his door closed and no one dared to enter it anymore.

“Hyung, help me out with this song, please?”

Namjoon wrote lyrics, word to word. Namjoon composed songs, key to key. Namjoon watched their dance practices, step to step. Namjoon watched their variety shows, laugh to laugh.

“Hyung, what song should I sing for my audition?” Jungkook had asked him one morning in the waiting room.

Namjoon had looked up from his notebook and frowned. “What audition?”

“SOPA,” he answered casually while pulling out his phone, “Yoongi hyung said I should sing—“

“Wait, what? SOPA? Seoul School of Performing Arts?” Namjoon stopped him there, because he remembered precisely about some heated conversation he had with Jungkook a week before. Namjoon had insisted that SOPA was the best one, and just look at how many idols graduate from that school every year?! But, most of Jungkook’s friends went to Hanlim Multi Art School. “What about Hanlim? You said you want to go there. You almost cried because I said Hanlim , remember?”

Jungkook widened his eyes. “I did not cry! There was something in my eyes, okay?” he said with a pout, and went back looking at his phone.

Namjoon laughed. Jungkook couldn’t lie and how cute was that. “Okay, fine, didn’t cry. Now, Hanlim? What about it?”

Jungkook shrugged casually, eyes still focused on the playlist in his phone. “Nothing. You want me to go to SOPA. So, I’m going to SOPA. We’ve talked about this.”

“Yeah, indeed we have,” Namjoon said, pushing the phone down to Jungkook’s lap so Jungkook would look at him again, “but, you’re the one who’s going. Why listen to me?”

Jungkook laughed like it was the silliest question. “Because I trust you, hyung.”

Namjoon was stunned. Jungkook trusted his future to him. All he gave was some silly reasons why SOPA was better than Hanlim, and everyone knew that Hanlim was one of the best too.

“Have you talked to your parents about this? Your mom mentioned about Hanlim too the last time I saw her.”

“Yes, hyung. And, she said that ‘Namjoon knows the best, Jungkook-ah, you should listen to your hyungs more’,” he said, mimicking his mother with her casual Busan accent, “and I’ve been a good maknae by listening to all of you every single day! She doesn’t trust me with that,” Jungkook grumbled.

Namjoon was even more shocked that Jungkook’s mother actually trusted him too. He felt honour for that. Other people might think he was overreacting, because it was just a school. But, it was more than a school for Namjoon. It was a future for Jungkook and the reason he listened to Namjoon’s opinion was because he trusted him. Trust. How rare was that these days.

“So, now, songs?” Jungkook pulled his hand out of Namjoon’s and started looking through his phone again, “As I was saying, Yoongi hyung said I should sing the songs I love the most so I can actually feel it in my heart. Cheesy, isn’t he?” Jungkook giggled, “What about Two Melodies, hyung?”

Namjoon smiled.

Namjoon cried. He still had five more members who trusted him, who would follow him wherever he went, but it was just not complete without Jungkook. And, Namjoon couldn’t give more to Jungkook when he was alive, couldn’t make him happier during his last days.

He had always hated his leader job. If it weren’t because there were six hopeful eyes along the way, he would have given up a long time ago. And, giving up now wouldn’t change a thing. He had failed taking care of the group, he had failed Jungkook, and he had failed himself. If he gave up now, the group was indeed going to break apart. There wouldn’t be any Bangtan anymore. Jungkook would hate that.

Namjoon was a leader.

Jin cleaned the dorm when everyone else left; filling their lonely days up with activities that would make them forget. Jin washed the dishes and cooked, washed the dirty clothes, cleaned the members’ rooms when they told him no he didn’t need to. But, he didn’t stop when he heard Jimin cried in his room, he went to sleep when Hoseok was roaming around at night, he didn’t help Namjoon to find the cough syrup or when Taehyung was looking for the storeroom’s key, he didn’t say anything when he found Yoongi smoked on the rooftop. And, none of them complained at how careless he had become, because none of them cared anyway.

Jin didn’t mention his name. He accidentally turned their frame pictures with a smiling boy in them when he was dusting the shelves—Hoseok had asked once why one of them was broken.

“Oh, I guess it must have fallen down when I was cleaning. I’ll fix it later.”

Hoseok only hummed and put it back to the shelf.

It was the picture of the seven of them on the beach during their last trip to Busan. Their last picture together.

They let it broken for days, weeks, months; they forgot it, Jin pretended that he forgot.

Hoseok forgot how to sleep the moment Jungkook left. He forgot how to close his eyes and get lost in a dreamland without nightmares. He forgot how to wake up without crying, missing, suffering. He forgot how Jimin was just next door, hearing him calling Jungkook’s name in the middle of the night. He forgot how bright he always was when everything was okay, because everything wasn’t okay and it would never be anymore.

He left when the clock strike midnight, when the lights were off, when he thought everyone else was asleep, when he thought Namjoon wouldn’t hear their front door closing and bringing him to the other universe where sleep itself was a nightmare. He walked and walked, looking for the most crowded places he could find during odd hours, because he hated when it got dark and lonely. He was the sun of the group, so it made sense when he hated darkness, right? But, none of those crowded places ever made him happy again. None of them gave the energy he hoped for.

He came home when the sky was a bit brighter.

He usually found the dorm quiet when he pushed pass the door; Taehyung was fast asleep and mumbling on his bed, drawing a tiny smile on his face.

But there was also one morning where Jin, Namjoon, and Yoongi were waiting for him in the living room. Jin was leaning against the wall, hands folded in front of his chest. Yoongi was sitting carelessly on the couch, he thought nothing mattered anymore for Yoongi that the only reason the he joined Jin and Namjoon there was because of his obligation as one of the older ones. Namjoon stood up as Hoseok looked back at them, somehow looking like he was betrayed because he knew that the guys were loosing their patience toward him and is this an intervention?

“This has to stop,” Jin had told him when Hoseok refused to sit down just like how Namjoon had asked him to.

Hoseok didn’t say anything, didn’t even move a muscle for any of them. He just stared across the room emptily. At least, not until Jimin went out from Taehyung’s room with eyes full of unwashed sleepiness, he did turn his head toward the younger one—and he didn’t know when Jimin started to sleep in Taehyung’s room.

“Is everything okay?” Jimin asked, one hand resting on the door frame and he glanced back slightly into the room, like Taehyung was watching him from the other side and Jimin was trying to calm his friend down—and when did Jimin get so mature that he could give solace to the others? To Taehyung?

“Yes, Jimin-ah, go back to sleep,” Namjoon reassured him with a gentle smile—Hoseok remembered that Jin was always the one who gave out free assuring smiles to everyone.

Hoseok wondered how many things he had missed ever since he started this pity party of his. When had everyone changed and how far had he walked through those nights, how far had he left them all.

“Okay,” Jimin whispered back and nodded slightly, “just—please don’t fight?” It had come out like a timid question but they all could see the sincere in his eyes. It wasn’t like they never fought before, but Jungkook always hated it when they fought, so Jimin just didn’t want to make Jungkook sad in heaven.

“Of course,” Namjoon answered.

Jimin gave one more nod and went back inside Taehyung’s room, closing the door softly. For a full minute, no one said a word. Not until Yoongi stood up abruptly.

“You’re making the kids worried. You’re making everyone worried!” Yoongi spitted. Hoseok stared.

“This has to stop,” Jin said again firmly, it was probably the only sentence he knew and it didn’t feel sincere anymore. Jin was always sincered.

“This isn’t healthy, Hoseok-ah.” Namjoon took his turn to talk and who else? Everyone in the room had talked but Hoseok himself.

“Okay,” he said, shrugging his shoulder weakly, “I’ll stop.” And, he walked to his room.

The next nights were peaceful; Namjoon had stayed up until at least two in the morning to make sure no one left the door. And, no one did. Jin had started to act like everything went back to normal again, that was until he found the sleeping pills in Hoseok’s room when he took the dirty clothes out. Yoongi threw the pills to the wall—not sure if it was out of anger or just acting—when Hoseok came home that night after hours of dance practice.

“I thought you wanted me to sleep?” Hoseok responded calmly, emptily.

“You need help,” Namjoon concluded from the couch.

“We all need help,” Hoseok scoffed and walked to his room.

“No, Hoseok, stop,” Jin tried to hold him but Hoseok avoided him, “this can’t go on. It’s a destructive behavior and not—“

“What? Healthy? Oh, so you care now?” Hoseok finally snapped as he his heels and watched Jin with anger, disgust—whatever it was that made them all know that he hated everything and everyone at the moment, “Yoongi hyung smokes and you stay quiet. Namjoon locks himself in the studio and only comes out when he needs to do his job as the leader,” Hoseok laughed humorlessly, “you also stay quiet! Aren’t those destructive behaviors too or am I just a stupid?”

His yell had made both Taehyung and Jimin came out of the room, scared eyes watching him. He looked at the two younger ones, before staring back at Jin’s eyes.

“Taehyung! Taehyung didn’t cry at the funeral—damn! He doesn’t cry even until now! He laughs and he jokes around, being an inconsiderate jerk like he sometime was before. But before was fine! And now’s not fine! None of us are fine! Do you think that’s healthy? Normal? Jungkook was his first friend!” Jin flinched at the name. Hoseok smirked at that before turning to his other victim; Jimin.

Jimin was standing in front of Taehyung, like he was protecting him from another hurtful rant Hoseok was going to make. His eyes were dark from the bags under them, probably darker than Hoseok’s now. He lost some weight too. He wasn’t the chubby cheeks boy Hoseok always loved to tease before.

“Jimin doesn’t sleep too; do you know that?” he looked at how surprised Jimin was because he thought he had it cover up. Hoseok laughed. “He just doesn’t come out at nights and force himself to sleep with pills, do those things make me so much worst than him?” Hoseok turned back to Jin. He didn’t say anything for a while; just staring at Jin and Jin stared back, daring him to say one word about him. “And, our Jin hyung,” Hoseok pointed at Jin, “you don’t say his name, you don’t come into his room, you don’t look at his pictures, you don’t cook his favorite food, and you don’t dote anyone around anymore, do you? Because—“ Hoseok breathed, feeling his chest getting heavier and heavier with each words, isn’t this kind of outburst supposed to help? “Because you thought no one needed your doting as much as him, as much as our,” Hoseok stopped, watching how Jin tried to hold himself back from flinching again and looked down, looked at anywhere but Hoseok’s cold eyes, “our Jeon Jungkook,” he finished slowly, like he meant to hurt every part of Jin’s body and soul.

And, hurting felt nice for Hoseok—he didn’t know how he got that evil, but it felt nice because he wanted them to open their eyes that he wasn’t the only one who was grieving, that they all needed the help too.

“We all are coping in different ways. And, if all of you stay quiet about each other’s way of grieving, why start now? Why start with me, huh?” He turned around and Yoongi softened his eyes, Namjoon sat back on the couch like he didn’t have enough energy to face the cruel facts. “Admit you have problems yourself, then I’ll do the same,” Hoseok said one last time before walking to his room quickly, pushing pass Jimin and Taehyung on his way, and slammed the door.

Namjoon found Taehyung on the kitchen floor, looking under the table for something.

“Tae, did something fall there?” Namjoon asked and Taehyung didn’t see it coming because he sat up in surprise until his head hit the bottom of the table.

“! , , ! That hurts!” Taehyung said, holding the spot where he got hit with one of his hands, hoping it’d ease the pain.

Namjoon helped him out from under the table and sat with him on the floor. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know it would surprise you!” he said as he put one hand on top of Taehyung’s hand on his head, and the other hand held Taehyung’s shoulder. “Are you going to pass out? Tell me if you’re going to pass out!!”

“Hyung, I don’t think I’m able to really speak to tell you when I’m going to pass out,” Taehyung said, still cringing in pain.

Namjoon giggled at the question. “. Right. Sorry,” he apologized again.

Taehyung stop cringing and stared with wide eyes in amusement. “You’re giggling,” he muttered, unsure of what he was seeing.

“What?”

“You’re giggling, hyung!!” Taehyung beamed happily and giggled too, “Oh, it’s been a long time since the last time anyone in this place would giggle,” he said happily.

Namjoon stopped smiling and thought. Yes, indeed, he was giggling. Taehyung was too cute for him to handle. He always was. And, now, somehow, giggling felt normal. “Yes, Tae, yes, I’m giggling and it’s okay to be happy again, right?” Namjoon said softly.

Taehyung giggled again and nodded.

“Now,” Namjoon helped him standing up, “what were you looking for?”

“Ugh, I think Jin hyung hides the key to the storeroom. I’ve been looking for weeks, hyung and I haven’t found it!” Taehyung whined.

“Well, maybe that’s because the key is hanging right next to the storeroom’s door, Tae!” Namjoon rolled his eyes at the younger. “Who told you to go look for it under the table? Who the hell would put a key under the table, huh?”

“Em, me?” Taehyung smiled sheepishly. “Alright, then, come with me, hyung!” Taehyung dragged Namjoon toward the storeroom down the hall.

“Wait, stop!” Namjoon told him, but how could Taehyung get so strong these days and he did not stop, did not let Namjoon’s hand go.

“Do you have anything else to do?” Taehyung asked when they reached the storeroom and opened the door with the damn key that was hanging next to it. Damn. He had been looking for it for weeks!

“Well, no, not really,” Namjoon said hesitantly.

Taehyung put the key back to where it was hanging and opened the door. “Then help me, hyung.”

Namjoon sighed. There were just the two of them at the dorm at the moment and the both of them had nothing else to do, so why not helped the boy? So, he walked in with Taehyung.

The storeroom was dark. Namjoon tried to turn the lamp on but it wasn’t working. He noted himself to check up on it later. The boxes from their last dorm were unpacked. Maybe that was why some of his stuffs were missing. Namjoon walked to the window and opened the dusty curtain so the light could come into the room.

Namjoon turned around and found Taehyung already sat on the floor, opening one of the boxes with the name Kim Taehyung written on it. “What are you looking for?”

“Video game,” he answered cheerfully.

“What? You have your latest video game in your room now, why are you looking for the old one?” Namjoon asked, but his only answer was a shrug of Taehyung’s shoulders. Namjoon shook his head and decided to find the other boxes with his name on them.

Namjoon was too caught up with his own box because it filled up with his old records, old computer he always used to compose songs during the debut days, old pictures of their group together, and it all made him feeling nostalgic. They were so innocent and full of life. Happy. Carefree.

“They’re here.”

“Huh, what, Tae?” Namjoon turned his head to where Taehyung was sitting.

Taehyung didn’t move to look back at him. “They’re all here, hyung.”

“What are here?” Namjoon asked again and stood up. He walked to Taehyung’s place and looked down on the CDs on one of Taehyung’s hands, while the other held the game console tightly, and they were shaking. Namjoon crouched down next to the boy and watched his broken smile from the side. “Tae?”

“These are Jungkook’s favorite games,” Taehyung said, voice shaking, and Namjoon saw a tear fell down to one of the boxes of those games. “He—“ Taehyung wheezed because it hurt.

Namjoon rubbed his back softly and shushed him. “It’s okay, Tae, don’t say it if it’s too hard.”

Taehyung shook his head and more tears fell down his eyes. Broken smile had entirely gone. “He said he loved PS4 the most, that’s why he kept it even until before we moved here. I mean, PS4 is so old and there are so many other new video games that came out, and if Jin hyung didn’t pretend to forget where he put this box at, he would still keep these in his room, hyung! I mean, why—“ Taehyung stopped again, sobbing, “—why did that love this thing the most? It didn’t even work properly anymore and he still insisted on fixing it!” Taehyung threw everything in his hands to the ground, he even stepped on one of the CDs until Namjoon held him back, hugging him tightly, keeping Taehyung’s head on his chest. “Naïve !” Taehyung yelled on Namjoon’s chest.

“I know, Tae, I know how it feels. Let it out. It’s okay,” Namjoon assured him, rubbing his back, sitting firmly and telling him that he was there. Because he was and he had been through that phase, where he wailed and regretted at how things were. Taehyung might got there a little late and that was the reason why Namjoon had to be strong for him.

“Hyung, it hurts. Why does it hurt?” Taehyung sobbed again, clawing onto Namjoon’s arms like a lifeline.

“Because you love him, Tae,” Namjoon kissed Taehyung’s temple and hugged him, never letting go, “and it’s part of the phase that we all have to go through. It’s okay. I’m gonna be here.”

Taehyung finally cried and it was a brand new feeling. He never knew it could hurt this much. “Is this how grieving really feels like, hyung?” he said once the sobbing part was over. They were still sitting on the floor of the storeroom, broken video game in front of them and Namjoon never let go.

“No, Tae,” Namjoon said as he separated himself from Taehyung. He held onto his shoulders tightly. “Everyone was coping with different ways. This isn’t always how grieving feels like. But like you said, we all have to move on eventually. And, we will, okay? Together.”

Taehyung nodded. His lips were shaking with another wave of sobs. “I miss him, hyung.”

“I miss him too,” Namjoon said and hugged Taehyung again. Namjoon would always hug him whenever he needed the shoulder, whenever he felt like crying at Jungkook’s name, whenever he broke down and let it all out, until one day Taehyung would laugh and joke around again like before, and that time he would do it without Jungkook’s death shadowing him or people judging him for almost losing his mind over a grief.

Just because Kim Taehyung cried six month after Jeon Jungkook’s funeral, it didn’t mean he was crazy.

“Taehyung cried this afternoon,” Namjoon cornered the two oldest, when Jin was fixing the broken refrigerator in the kitchen and Yoongi was taking a glass of water.

Jin looked up from the floor. Yoongi was just about to go out of the kitchen again, but Namjoon blocked his way out, so he didn’t really have any option other than to listen to what he was saying.

“Is that so?” Jin asked, not sounding surprise or impress.

Yoongi nodded and took a sip. “It’s about time, don’t you think? I mean it’s been six months.”

Namjoon was upset at the responds. How could these two people, the most attentive people in the house, acted like they couldn’t care less that Taehyung had finally accepted the fact that his best friend was gone. “Indeed it has been six ing months, hyungs. You’ve been smoking for six ing months, Yoongi hyung. And, it’s been six ing months, Jin hyung, but you still can’t fix the broken frame. It’s been six ing months and Taehyung had made the progress with his grief while the two of you haven’t.”

Yoongi turned around, didn’t want to look at Namjoon’s eyes because he insisted on being strong with his own way, being hurt with his own way.

“I know I’m a bad leader and all of you have lost your trust on me. And, I’m so ing sorry for wasting those trusts. But, I need your help to keep this family together!” Namjoon was about to turn around but he stopped in his step when Jin spoke up.

“Then stop trying to hold us together, Namjoon-ah. You said you’re not doing a good job as the leader, right? Then, go. Leave.”

Namjoon scoffed. He didn’t turn around to see Jin standing up to face him. “It doesn’t take a leader to hold a family together, hyung. It only takes some people who are willing to work it out together.” Namjoon finally looked at Jin, “It takes people who are brave enough to face their grief and move on. But, I see that the two of you are cowards. Maybe keeping this family together alone is going to be hard, but it’s okay. Jungkook trusted me. Taehyung does too. So, why don’t you leave, hyung.”

Namjoon went out.

Jin fixed the broken frame the next day.

“It’s going to take time,” Jin said, intruding Namjoon’s personal space in his room one night.

Namjoon his working chair, glasses on. “What is?” Namjoon asked casually, like they didn’t go through that fight a few days ago, like he did not notice the fixed frame.

“Grieving. Not everyone can live with it only six months after what happened,” Jin said firmly, maybe too firm that his voice was shaking.

“I haven’t, hyung,” he replied, “it still hurts me the same way it was six months ago.”

Jin nodded. “It takes time.”

“It does. But are you willing to make it better or you going to deny it for the rest of your life?”

Jin looked away, thinking. He was tired of feeling sad. It had been over 180 days. He couldn’t live like that one more day. “It takes time. And, yes, I’m willing to make it better, Namjoon-ah.”

Namjoon stood up. “Okay, then, let’s go.”

“What?” he asked as Namjoon dragged him out, “Where are you taking me?”

“Jungkook’s grave.”

“What?! No!” Jin pulled his hand forcely and Namjoon turned around. “No! I can’t! Not now, okay?”

“You don’t say his name, hyung, like he was some taboo story or that you’ll have your luck bad when you even remember him for just a little bit. He was a part of our life. He lived with us. He was there, in that room you never even spared a glance at! You know why it’s been hard on you? Because you act like he never existed! You think it’ll ease the pain, but denial never eases anything!”

“Shut up, okay?! You don’t know anything!” Jin yelled, screaming in tears, holding his hands up to his ears and cried.

“You’re not the only one who’s sad!” Namjoon was furious. How could Jin be this selfish? “Yoongi and Hoseok are lost! Jimin and Taehyung need you the most! Yes, Jungkook is gone, but you still have them to take care of! Do you think it’s fair for them? I need you to help the four of them get through this. Stop acting like it doesn’t hurt us as bad!” and by the time Namjoon finished, he was panting and heart was in pain.

Jin crumpled to the floor, from the flooding of emotion, of missing someone he never got to see anymore, for being his bad self, for opening his eyes finally that he couldn’t but he had to for the sake of everyone else.

“Hyung,” Namjoon cried with him as he knelt down and hugged the sobbing man, “it’s hard, I know. But you have so many other reasons to live for. Jungkook would hate us being like this. This is not the point of all those sacrifices we made for him when he was still alive, not the result he had hoped for when he was still around.”

“H-How do you kn-know?”

“That’s what all six of us would want if we were ever in his position, don’t you think?”

Jin looked up, still hiccupping but mind was more calmed and more acceptance. And the tears did not stop, the wound did not close in a minute or an hour or maybe even for the next month. The memory of a smiling boy he loved so much latched deeply in his mind and he swore he would never forget. He existed and he would always be around though not physically.

Yoongi and Jimin were next and they did it themselves, not with the help of Namjoon, Taehyung, or even Jin.

“Hyung has to be strong, okay? For everyone and for me. That’s all I ask for now.”

“You’re smoking,” Yoongi pointed out the obvious.

Jimin glanced back for a while before looking down to the streets, sad cynical eyes watched the unfair world. “Sorry, I took your spot,” he said as he threw his cigarette to the ground and stomped on it. Jimin stepped back from the railing and turned around, going passed Yoongi.

But, the older caught his arm without looking at him. Slowly, Yoongi moved his grip down to Jimin’s palm and intertwined their fingers gently. Jimin stared, confused.

“You’re not allowed to smoke,” Yoongi muttered shyly.

Jimin looked away and scoffed. “It’s not really your place to tell me that, is it?” he said coldly, and he did not mean it to be that hard on the rapper, but he could not help it. He hated Jin and he hated Yoongi the most. They were not there with them and they acted like Jungkook never exsisted, like they were like this ever since they were born. Pathetic. But, somehow, he did not want to let Yoongi’s hand go, he wanted it to be there, in his, forever.

Yoongi turned around slightly, eyes watching Jimin from the side. “I know. I’m telling you, and myself most importantly. I’m your hyung, I should give you the right example, help you get through this, but I—“ Yoongi stopped talking, he wished he stopped breathing and just died there, but that was not how it worked. He stopped because if he continued, he would cry, and Jimin would see his flaw even more, that he was a bad hyung and he was weak.

And, Jimin understood. He turned around and softened as he felt Yoongi’s hand shaking and griping his hand tightly. “Let it out, hyung.”

“I lost Jungkook,” Yoongi whispered, eyes were tearing slowly. He wanted to help Jimin, not to seek help from Jimin.

“I lost him too, hyung.”

“He asked me to be strong, Jimin-ah,” Yoongi’s face contorted in real agony, “he asked me to be strong because I have you guys, and I had him too.”

“I know, hyung, I know.”

Yoongi shook his head, tears splattered to the ground. “I—“

“—need help. We all do. And we can’t expect Jungkook to help us, hyung, because he’s gone and now we only have each other to fix ourselves,” Jimin took a step toward his hyung, and another step, and another, until Yoongi was safely wrapped in his arms, “so, don’t shut us out, please,” he whispered brokenly and Yoongi cried hard on his shoulder, begging for his hopelessness to fade away easily just like how they took Jungkook away in his sleep as Yoongi hugged him tightly.

“I’m sorry.”

The five of them had took into one’s head to help Hoseok out. That was why they were waiting in front of Hoseok’s “studio”.

They thought when Hoseok excused himself to go to the studio, it would be BigHit’s studio, their own office, but, surprisingly, it was not. They freaked out when they knew that Hoseok had not came to their office for the last seven months, ever since Jungkook’s funeral. They wondered, more like blaming themselves, how could they not know that Hoseok never came to the office and that the staffs were struggling to find out what the dancer was up to. Hoseok was an open door once, but when he shut himself off, it was a hard wall to break into.

They were asking for other people’s help to find where Hoseok had been going to. And, they found a place that was opened 24 hours and most likely was the place Hoseok had been running to when his mind was speaking ugly thoughts.

It was an orphanage at the edge of Seoul.

They found Hoseok, laughing and teaching some of their dance move to those kids one afternoon. He never realized them there until one little girl pointed to them.

“Oh, aren’t they your best friends, oppa?”

Hoseok looked up and his expression had changed drastically because they found his hideaway.

“One, two, three, four, five…why only five, hyung? You said you have six best friends?” one boy tugged on Hoseok’s jeans.

Hoseok looked down and ruffled the boy’s head affectionately. He smiled, the smile s had longed to see so much. “Why don’t you and Harim look around for some cookie? I’m sure Raemi have prepared her famous chocolate chip!” he said to the little boy with an over-exaggerated tone and hand gesture. Jin could not help but smile.

“Yes! Let’s find cookies, Jungkook-ah!!” the little girl screamed and she ran inside with the boy following behind, screaming Raemi noonaaaaa!

Yoongi’s breath caught in his throat when he heard the name. So, that was why Hoseok had been going to that place.

Hoseok looked at the little kids running and when they were out of his sight, he turned around to watch s, timidly shifting on their feet.

“Nobody knows this place,” he said accusingly.

Namjoon took another step forward. “We—“ he said, sighing, scratching the back of his head, “we want to take you somewhere,” he said softly.

Hoseok did not react. Jimin and Taehyung had to hold each other’s hands and hoped for Hoseok to come back.

“We need our sunshine back, hyung,” Jimin said, tears were threatening to fall that Yoongi had to his hair gently to calm him down.

Hoseok’s heart kind of moved by that certain affection. His eyes flickered from Jimin to Yoongi then to Taehyung, to Jin, and finally to Namjoon. “Have you had your right minds back again?”

Jin shrugged. “Not entirely,” he said, “they’re not really right without you.”

“Where are you taking me?”

Yoongi smirked. “Just come and see yourself.”

They took him to Jungkook’s funeral. It was not only for Hoseok, but also for every one of them; for Jin who was afraid of accepting that Jungkook had existed in their life once, for Namjoon who was thrown off balance without their youngest, for Taehyung who was afraid of crying because he had promised him a happy ending for everyone, for Jimin who lost something precious that he had been fighting for since the beginning, for Hoseok to make him believe that they were not afraid of fixing themselves together, and for Yoongi who never knew how to love someone so much until he met these six people and when he finally learned to love, one of them was taken away.

Taehyung had insisted on buying flower first. Rose. He bent down to put them nicely in front of the tombstone.

“Sorry I don’t know if you have any preference of flower, Jungkookie, so I hope you don’t mind,” he said as he straightened up.

Namjoon, who stood by Taehyung’s side, rubbed the back of his neck softly. “We come to visit together, Jungkook-ah.”

“Sorry, it took seven months,” Hoseok chimed in.

“Yeah, there were some troubles,” Jin looked to each one of them, “but we kinda sorted things out. Don’t worry.”

“We miss you,” Jimin sighed and Taehyung’s hand in his squeezed tighter, “we’re moving to a new dorm.”

“We are?” Hoseok frowned, “You guys decide that without my consideration?”

Namjoon was ready to calm his friend down because he thought Hoseok was still a bit emotional, but when we heard him chuckling softly, he relaxed a little bit.

“We just thought it’s for the best,” Namjoon said, “but if you really mind, we can always stay there.”

Hoseok shook his head. “Nah. Jungkook hated that place anyway, so it’s okay. I’m up for any good change.” He gave him that wide grin they missed so much.

Yoongi snorted. “.”

“Hey!”

“Um, guys, we’re at the funeral,” Jimin reminded them.

“Right, sorry,” Hoseok apologized and Yoongi nodded in agreement.

“And, that was not so nice, Yoongi,” Jin informed him firmly.

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “Yes, mom.”

Jimin, Namjoon, and Hoseok laughed quietly at that exchange conversation. They missed that too. There were so many things that they lost and they wanted them back, though not all of them could.

Jimin noticed Taehyung’s silence and nudged his friend. Taehyung was startled, came out of his own world, eyes wide, and now all of his hyungs were watching him, some were curious, some were pitying him.

“You wanna say something, Tae?” Yoongi asked.

Taehyung looked down again. How he missed his best friend. How he missed joking around, dancing silly, and laughing until they cried with all six of them together.

“I hope you don’t mind that I’m the new maknae now,” Taehyung smiled sadly, like he was taking the burden of the world, like it was his fault Jungkook died, “the hyungs don’t change so much now that I realize. They still have me and Jiminie to be pampered around. We still have each other to complain and fight. And Jimin and I still have each other to play with all the time. Yes, I know they lost you too and something must have changed in them no matter what. And, it’s not fair to feel like I’m the one who got hurt the most here, but I—“ Taehyung stopped, tears fell down ruthlessly from his eyes as he was a crying mess, he clenched his eyes shut, hoping it would stop, “I miss you so so so much. It’s not complete without you, it’s not okay without you. It’s not.”

“Tae,” Jimin called him as he hugged his best friend and cried together with him, and slowly Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi, and Hoseok gathered around to sandwich the two maknaes in the middle of them, near their hearts.

“Hey,” Yoongi said, putting his chin on Jimin’s shoulder, hands holding Namjoon’s and Hoseok’s backs, “we’re gonna get through this together, okay?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok nodded, surprisingly not crying, “yeah, this time we’re together, all of us.” He tipped Taehyung’s nose lightly, calming him down in a way no other people outside their group could.

“We’ll fix ourselves. It’s not okay now, but it’ll be soon,” Namjoon smiled at the way Jimin looked up to him in trust.

“Because we have to make him proud like how we always were of him, right?” Jin added, smiling but also crying.

It was hard for them, the elders, to bare the lost of someone they were supposed to protect the most. And, Jimin and Taehyung lost a friend and a brother, someone they could share everything with. The pain was most likely unbearable but somehow they knew they were going to make it eventually, if it was not now then soon.