007

The plane back to Seoul seemed like forever. Sooyeon doesn’t know why but she can’t help but to feel nervous. She knew to herself that she already needs that talk with Minho as soon as possible. However, no matter how much she wanted to have the talk with him, there’s a certain part in her mind that seems to be scared about what Minho could say to her. Will he deny it for who knows how many times already? Or will he just choose to set the both of them free from all the lies he made up? Either way, it’ll still going to hurt her no matter how many percent the progress of her moving on is.

The thing is, she avoided this talking stuff because she was scared to hear the truth from him and even if he denies it, she still knows the truth. Truth will always hurt but there’s nothing we can do about it ─ that’s one of the things she realized before. Back then, she realized that the first four stages in the five stages of moving on came to her in one go. Everything ─ denial, anger, bargaining and depression ─ came to her like a flood and there’s only one left thing to do: to accept.

“Do you know the five stages of moving on?” Sooyeon absentmindedly asked Donghae who is seated just beside her. She was quite unsure whether he’s asleep or not because his eyes were closed but then she doesn’t mind, if he’s awake, he could answer it.

“I’ve done that,” he spoke out of a sudden.

His answer caught Sooyeon’s attention. She sat properly and faced him, looking like she’s interested to hear something from him. “How?”

How?

All of a sudden, all the memories came back to him. Moving on isn’t really about forgetting. The memories will still be there, they will remain so you won’t forget. For him, moving on is all about accepting. No matter how hard you try to forget, there’s no way you will as long as the memories exist. The only thing you have to do is to accept no matter how hard it is to do it.

He sighed and opened his eyes. “Back then I was really urged to have her, to be with her and to get her. I don’t care if my brother was always there with her. I was willing to be his competitor just to get Jaekyung away from her. I kept on convincing myself that I will get her in many ways I can but the truth is, I can’t.”

“You mentioned that the two of you never have been together, right?” she asked and earned a nod as a response.

“I was so frustrated thinking of ways to get her but one thing that I kept intact to my mind was to be never the desperate one. I’ve never been so desperate in my life. When I realized I couldn’t have her, I couldn’t accept that fact. I blamed my brother for that. I don’t know, I just found myself blaming him for everything that made my life a living mess. After that I was having what ifs in my mind. Like what if Jaekyung and I ended up together? What if everything comes easy for me? The pain was too unbearable that I needed someone or something that will ease the pain. Or maybe some place to go to snap me out of misery. There I found that place where I took you. It has been my escape along with liquors. But then you know, it’s never enough for me. That time, I was so depressed and I couldn’t think straight. I’ve been going there back and forth just to unwind and get wasted aside from going to pubs. Sometimes, pubs are boring and I couldn’t figure out why. Then there comes you,” he stopped right there and closed his eyes again.

Sooyeon’s eyebrows furrowed. “Then there I came, what now?”

“Depression drove me almost crazy, Sooyeon. I spent have of that depression by getting wasted and as I was on that stage, I met you right there in that pub. I was feeling lonely that time that I used to think how do people around tend to be so happy while I’m in some corner running away from the misery. Then I saw you drinking like there’s no tomorrow and it left me thinking that maybe I’m really not alone.” He continued.

“How did you take the last stage?” Sooyeon asked again.

Donghae chuckled a bit. “It was funny back then. I was saying things to you just so you’d snap out of it. I was telling you things to do in order to move on but I couldn’t do it to myself. I keep on telling you to just accept it and I couldn’t even do it to myself. I came to the point where in I realized that you’re not the only one who got his heart broken. Being with you for the past months made me forget the misery I am in that I actually forgot that I was in a deep too. My own words hit me real hard that I realized how stupid I am for saying those to you if I can’t even apply those to myself and in my situation.”

“So now, you’re done accepting things? That there’s no way you’ll have her?”

“She already slapped me with that fact, Sooyeon. Not literally but now that she’s married to my brother? There’s no way I’m third-wheeling. Besides, even if I hate my father so much, I wouldn’t take another risk to ruin our family name’s reputation by just having an affair with my brother’s wife.”

Sooyeon just nodded and diverted her attention to the window. The clouds looked so fluffy and even if it’s almost night time, she could still see them. Sometimes she wondered what it’s like to touch the clouds. But then the thought of coming back to Seoul suddenly hit her. Once the plane lands, she’ll be facing the things she wanted to get away to. She was thinking of what could happen once she comes back to Seoul when Donghae suddenly spoke.

“One thing I’ve learned about moving is that it isn’t really about forgetting. It’s really about accepting all you have to accept,” he told her while keeping his eyes closed. “In setting yourself free from the misery you are in, the only way out is to accept, Sooyeon. Acceptance.”

Acceptance.

Acceptance is the word. Acceptance is the key. Acceptance is the only way out. And she got to let herself free and spread her wings.

She badly needs to talk to Minho.

She wanted to hear the truth from him.

She wanted to clean up the mess he had made and pick up the pieces of her broken heart. She may not promise that she won’t cry anymore but she swore to herself that after she hears the whole truth from him, she will accept it wholeheartedly even if it kills her.

Of course, it will hurt.

And maybe the movie was right that pain really demands to be felt. Because pain makes a person strong and it makes a person who he is right now. Like her mother would always say, it maybe raining now but remember that there’s always a rainbow after the rain.

She’s hurting now and there will come a day that the pain will pass and she’ll be free.

She looked at Donghae and realized he was the perfect example of it.

He’s been through what she’s going through and seeing what he is now gives her faith that someday, she’ll be okay.

She’ll be okay.

Maybe not today or not now, but someday she will.

She will be okay and someday, she will be loved like she’s the only that matters to that person.

Someday.

A few days after, Sooyeon just woke up with the idea of going to Minho’s apartment to talk to him. She thought that maybe hearing Minho’s side will somehow spare her. She has no idea what might happen but she doesn’t care and she decided to just go with the flow. What happens, happens ─ she won’t care.

Sooyeon asked herself many times if she was sure about the idea of talking to him. After days of thinking things through, she thought that maybe this is the right time to know everything. Yes, she may know the truth but that’s not the whole truth she needs to know. She also happened to think that what if Minho begs her to stay with him, will she agree and do so? Of course, she won’t. Only a stupid would do such thing. Who would stay with someone who cheated on and lied to you? That would never happen, not in a million years.

If he can’t stay with her, she also can’t.

For Sooyeon, she and Minho already broke things off since the day she found him and Jisook on one bed. But then, she realized that the both of them need closure to their relationship. She can’t just let Minho look like a fool thinking they’re still together even though they aren’t for her. That led her to the decision to just talk to him and leave everything behind.

This is Sooyeon letting herself free from the cage she had been. This is her mending her broken heart. This is her snapping out from all of it. This is her letting herself move on to the next chapter of her life.

It’s hard for her, of course. Nothing comes easy. She loved him but he never did ─ well, maybe he did at some point but it faded. He wouldn’t hook up with her Jisook if he was so in love with her. She just kept on convincing herself that God has a better plan for her whenever she thinks about what happened to her and Minho.

She realized that maybe being with Minho is a lesson for her. She was too gullible back then. She fell so easily with his sugar-coated words and promises that the both of them promised to each other. She held onto his words so much that she believed him that he won’t hurt her but look what he did. He messed up everything. Everything was just lie that made her doubt if what they had was real or was really just a lie.

Thinking about the memories they’ve once had and shared, of course it’s saddening that all of them will only remain as memories but then they are the ones she’ll treasure the most. She couldn’t deny to herself that she loved him so much. She was a very loyal and faithful girlfriend to him and she did nothing but to show how much she loves and cares for him. That’s why it hurt her so much to know such thing that will totally broke her heart and ruined everything.

Sooyeon blamed Minho for everything she’s going through. She also blamed Jisook for it but then it all ends there. She couldn’t do anything but to blame. Heaven knows how much she wanted to ask Minho such questions that only him could answer that’s why she came up with the decision to just go to him so he could clear things out.

But one thing’s for sure, she will never, ever going back where she used to be.

Questions flooded to Sooyeon’s mind as she walked towards the same building where she was exactly three months ago where her misery had all started. From what she could remember, she wanted a simple and peaceful life but thanks to life for being so ironic that the simple and peaceful life she wanted turned into a major catastrophe. Well, not really her whole life ─ her love life, specifically.

Her knees were trembling because of the uneasiness she’s feeling. Was she really sure of this? She doesn’t know anymore but now that she’s here, there’s no going back ─ not when she finally stepped into that place again.

Her mind was too preoccupied by her thoughts that the next thing she knew was she’s in front of his doorstep. She raised her fist to knock but then before it could land to the door, she stopped. She closed her eyes and took a deep sigh.

She felt like crying and at the same thing, screaming. She actually doesn’t know why she’s feeling all those weird feelings at that time. She doesn’t know if she’s scared or what. Maybe she is and she doesn’t know why. She was too scared to know the truth but only the truth sets people free. She knew to herself that no matter what happens, no matter how many times she refuse to do this, she’ll just end up doing it.

That’s when she knocked.

The door was answered a few seconds after she knocked. Right in front of her was her boyfriend or should she say ex? His hair was disheveled and looked like he just woke up. However, his eyes widened a bit seeing her MIA girlfriend.

He smirked and chuckled. “How fancy to see my girlfriend here,” Minho stopped right there. He was obviously teasing her like a fool. While on the other hand, Sooyeon was giving her that engrossed expression. “Were you still even my girlfriend? ‘Cos I don’t feel like I have one anymore.”

Sooyeon smirked. No matter how much it hurts her seeing him right now, saying those words to her she needs to stay calm and pretend like everything’s okay.

She crossed her arms and stared right back at him. “Oh really? Have you broke things off with Jisook, sweetie?” she gave him a sweet smile and heaven knows how much she wanted to break down in front of him. She wanted to do many things now that he’s right in front of her. She wanted to hit him, slap him and shout at him for being such a jerk to her.

She could see his mouth parted a bit as he froze. Shoot. Now, he’s caught. Sooyeon was smirking at him while her arms were crossed. “Why don’t you let me in, Minho? How many times do I have to tell you that it’s rude not to let your visitor come in?”

Sooyeon tried pushing him but he won’t budge, he won’t let her. He’s stopping her and quite pushed her.

“Ouch!” she groaned and immediately shot him a glare but it seemed like nothing to him that made her realized that yes, Minho was used to it. “Why won’t you let me in? is someone or something in there you don’t want me to see?”

“Sooyeon, can you stop?!” he raised his voice on her that made her stop in an instant. Though, he can’t make her stop from glaring at him like if looks could kill, his body would probably be lying on the cold hard ground by now.

The both of them went silent for just a few seconds before Minho sighed and started talking again. “Where were you?’

“What do you mean where was I when I’m here just in front of you?” Sooyeon retorted, rolling her eyes at him.

“Can you just answer me?! Where were you and who are you with? Don’t make me look like a fool, Sooyeon. I know you went to some places for the past few weeks with someone. I’m not stupid like you. Where were you and who’s that someone?”

I’m not stupid like you.

That kept on playing inside her head that made her way too furious. She glared and glared at him and she already wished looks could really kill. No matter how much she wanted to kill that guy with her bare hands, she can’t afford getting her hands dirty so glaring at him would work somehow. But then, going back to the main point, what he just said really drove her to the maximum level of her anger, never minding her managing of anger.

It felt like her hands has its own life that the next thing she knew was her right hand landed on his left cheek.

Did she just give him a slap? 1-0.

“What was that for?!” he asked but then with all her might, she pushed him aside and went inside of his apartment. There she saw Jisook who just got out of his room with a bathrobe on.

Sooyeon could see how shocked Jisook was to see her there. Never did she imagine that there will be a day like this. The two liars were right there in front of her. She finds Jisook’s shocked face funny. Her expression was like she had seen a ghost.

She wanted to laugh. She wanted to cry. She wanted to be mad. She doesn’t know what to feel and she’s not sure about what she should feel. She feels betrayed. Right now, the truth is right in front of her. Everything seemed so crystal clear that no matter how hard she tries to convince herself that Minho was being loyal to her, it just doesn’t seem right.

She knew the truth but she wanted to hear it from them.

Sooyeon turned to face Minho, almost crying.

“Y-You knew a-about this, don’t you?” Minho stutteringly asked. His voice was shaking in an unexplainable reason.

God knows how hard she tried to prevent those threatening tears to fall from her eyes but she just couldn’t. The pain was there again. Just like what she told to herself, truth hurts. It was indeed painful. Even though you know the truth will set you free, it will still hurt and she doesn’t even know why it has to be like that.

“How dare you two do this to me?! How dare you do this to me, Minho?! HOW DARE YOU!!” She attacked him with slaps and hits as she pushed him. She was freaking out while shouting at him. Heaven knows how much she wanted and how long she waited for her to do those. “HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH MY VERY OWN BESTFRIEND?! HUH? WAS I NOT ENOUGH THAT YOU WANTED MORE?! DAMN YOU, MINHO! ROT IN HELL! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS?! DAMN YOU! CURSE YOU WITH ALL THE CURSES THAT EXISTS IN THIS WHOLE DAMN WORLD!”

“Sooyeon, stop!!” Jisook was trying hard to stop her but Sooyeon seemed unstoppable. She was throwing punches on Minho’s chest and kept on grabbing him by his shirt and kept on shouting at him. She was crying non-stop and Minho could do nothing but to let her.

Sooyeon yanked Jisook away.

“WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET THE GUTS TO ASK ME WHERE WAS I AND WHO I AM WITH?! I’M WITH DONGHAE AND SO WHAT?! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH SINCE THAT DAY I SAW THE TWO OF YOU LYING ON THE SAME BED WITH NOTHING ON BUT A BLANKET SO SHUT THE HELL UP! WHAT DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT, MINHO?! IS THAT WHY YOU’VE GONE COLD TO ME BACK THEN? BECAUSE YOU’RE WITH HER?!”

Minho stood there like a statue. He had gone speechless as he remembered what she’s talking about. She was right. He has been spending a lot of time with Jisook back then that he barely gets time to be with Sooyeon. It’s true that he had gone cold towards her. He forgot to contact her for days because of having fun with Jisook. He admitted to himself that he almost forgot about Sooyeon because of Jisook.

“ANSWER ME, YOU !” she shouted once more like there’s no tomorrow.

“YES! HAPPY?!”

That’s when Sooyeon couldn’t find the right words to fire back. She felt speechless. She tried so hard to calm herself and she somehow did. But still, the pain was still there piercing in her heart. The wounds becoming healed but still, it’s painful. What have she done to deserve all these things coming to her right now?

But then the serious face of Lee Donghae suddenly popped in her mind saying: You don’t deserve any of these, Sooyeon. You deserve so much more.

Minho was a bad idea but despite of it, she chose him. She was so blinded for her not to see his bad side. People warned her about him but she didn’t mind them. She was convinced by the fact that she could eventually change him. But that didn’t happen until this happened.

“D-Did you e-ever love me?” she stuttered. She doesn’t know where she got the guts to ask him such question that she wished she didn’t just bother asking it. She wouldn’t want to her his answer anyway but then it just slipped.

“I loved you, Sooyeon. I did but─”

“Stop,” she told him as she let her tears fall. “The fact that you loved me is enough and I wish you just didn’t.” she swallowed the lump on and faced her bestfriend.

She looked at her with so much hatred.

“I never thought you’d do this to me. I treated you more than friend, Jisook. You’re like a sister to me. I’ve been so good to you and this is what I get from you? Is this your way on saying thank you for all the things I’ve done to you?” Sooyeon asked her. “Well, what a nice way to show you’re thankful to me. I so appreciate it.”

“Sooyeon, I─” Jisook was about to apologize but then Sooyeon cut her off.

“Please, I don’t even know if I still could forgive the two of you for what you’ve caused me. It was too much and way too unbearable. I came here to talk. To let things out just so I could sleep better at night and make me feel okay. I came here to hear the truth directly from the two of you and I guess I got what I want.” Sooyeon wiped her tears away.

She looked at Minho and gave him a fake smile. “You’re such a jerk, aren’t you? I swear I wanna strangle you but I wouldn’t waste another effort on you. I don’t deserve all of these coming from you and just like someone has told me, I don’t deserve you. Well, he’s right. I don’t deserve a jerk like you,” she spoke to him while giving him a disgusted look. Right then, she slapped him ─ hard.

“That’s for cheating on me,”

Minho received another slap from Sooyeon.

“And that’s for breaking my heart,” she smirked. “I may be stupid before but not now, Minho. Not now when I finally woke up from the bad dream you dragged me into,”

She fixed herself before walking towards the door.

Sooyeon looked at Minho for the very last time. “This is where it all ends, Minho. You don’t have to lie anymore,” she smirked at him before twisting the knob.

“I wish you two to be happy with your damn lives,”

Just as she walked out of his apartment, she broke into tears and swore to herself that that will be the very last time she’ll cry about him.

Keep your comments coming! =))))) Thanks for having the time to read and I hope you guys liked this chapter :) Don't forget to tell me what you think about, alright? Lots of love!