010

After days of thinking of it, Sooyeon somehow knew to herself that it’s about time to pick up the pieces of her and find herself. She thought that maybe going to some place where she could start anew is a good idea. Earlier that morning, she finally sent her father a reply to his email. Sooyeon told her abeoji that she still needs time to find herself first before she could accept the offer that her dad’s offering her. She badly needs to get away from her old self and begin again. Sooyeon wanted to refresh and to leave behind the bad memories she had. However, she made a mental to herself that there are still things that matters right now that she shouldn’t forget and one of those is Donghae.

On the other hand, it is indeed true that Lee Donghae is now the one handling and managing the Lee Group’s architectural firm while Dongwoo is still training Donghae how to be a good leader. Her sister, Jooyeon already replaced Dongwoo’s position and she’s now the acting vice president of the company. Everything’s doing fine, except for their dad’s condition who just got a procedure because of his heart disease. Meanwhile, Donghae has been busy lately because of his work. The architectural firm he’s managing got so many projects when he became the sole proprietor. He often goes home late and will just find Sooyeon already asleep.

Sooyeon decided to go in a café that Wednesday afternoon since the weather’s surprisingly sunshiny since it has been raining a lot lately. She felt like walking down the streets. She brought her Instax and scrapbook with her plus the scrapbook materials. She thought that maybe it’s awesome to fill her scrapbook with memories while having a cup of coffee. Last night, she printed out the pictures from her camera that she took when she and Donghae went country hopping. They went from country to country and she couldn’t afford miss a single scenery so she took a thousand of photos.

And that’s what happened. Her table was full of crafty stuffs and scattered photos ─ some are Polaroid pictures ─ with a cup of brewed coffee and red velvet cake. She was busy minding her business when some familiar caught her attention calling for her name. Sooyeon looked up to see her good friend and junior, Seolhyun. Kim Seolhyun is a highschool friend she met back when she’s still studying in the international school. She was Seolhyun’s senior and the both of them really got along well.

“Seolhyun-ah, it’s been a long time since we last saw each other!” she stood up to give her hoobae tight hug.

“Yes, it has really been a long time, unnie!” Seohyun agreed and hugged her back. After a pulling away from the hug, Seolhyun took a seat across her. She noticed that her unnie is busy being creative and artsy and saw a lot of scattered around the table she saw one that really caught her attention. The photo was too cute and sweet that she ended up staring it lovingly.

“Is he your boyfriend, unnie? He doesn’t look like the oppa I saw with you the last time we met. In fact, this guy you’re with in this photo is the one you’re with in the photos you posted in Instagram.” Seolhyun asked, clueless.  Sooyeon knows that she’s talking about Minho when Seolhyun said the oppa she saw with her last the last time they met.

“No, it’s not Minho. It’s Donghae,” she cleared, pointing at the photo.

Seolhyun nodded in a cute way like she’s still confused. “What happened to the oppa you introduced me as your boyfriend? I really saw all of your photos and I bet you went from country to country. Don’t tell me you’re with this Donghae all along?”

Sooyeon couldn’t blame Seolhyun from asking, though. She really liked the kid and she doesn’t mind if she’s really asking a lot instead, she answered those questions truthfully. “Minho and I called it quits. He cheated on me but I’m almost recovering from it. And yes, Donghae’s with me from the first trip until the last. It was his idea, though. He’s a good friend.”

 Seolhyun kept on staring at the photo while talking. “You know that’s where it could start, unnie. A good friendship is the best foundation of a perfect relationship.” Sooyeon’s hoobae returned the photo from where she took it and wiggled her eyebrows to her unnie.

 “He doesn’t even like me. How’s that possible?” Sooyeon chuckled as she asked.

“You like him?!” Seolhyun got a little surprised when heard Sooyeon’s response.

“Aniyo!” Sooyeon immediately denied.

“Eh~ How could you not like him? He seemed like a good catch. He looks like a good one unlike your ─ no offense ─ ex-boyfriend that looks like a jerk.” Seolhyun told her, stating her side and opinion.

Sooyeo sighed. “Fine, let’s say that yes, he’s indeed a good catch and yes, he’s damn hot and handsome but I don’t know.” she looked so confused.

Seolhyun was staring at her unnie while talking and she’s seeing something in her sparkling eyes.

“But you couldn’t deny the fact that you’re having these feelings? Even just a little bit?”

“Ahhhh, Seolhyun-ah. I don’t even know why I’m talking about this to you.” Sooyeon muttered under her breath that made her hoobae giggle.

“So, what?”

Sooyeon took a deep sigh before she answered. “Of course, you can’t help but to have those! I bet you’ll have those too if you’re always around with him. But I still don’t know if those are enough to like him. I still don’t want to name it. I just got from a breakup and I decided to give my heart a break.”

Seolhyun nodded and smiled proudly at her unnie. She’s glad that after what Sooyeon has been through, she made it to what she is today.

“You’ll get there, unnie. I just started shipping you and that guy in the picture just fifty-two seconds ago.”

The both of them ended up laughing at Seolhyun’s statement. She could be right. Like they said, love is an unstoppable force. You can’t stop it from coming to you and to hit you. The both of them did some catching up with each other. They talked about so many things before Seolhyun bade goodbye to her saying she still needs to meet her boyfriend for a date. Sooyeon was left feeling good and happy to see a friend of her that day and she didn’t forget to take a picture of the both of them.

Sooyeon was thinking of flying and going back to Italy. She really loved it there and made a promise to herself that she’s going back there. She really is feeling the need to find herself and pick up the remaining pieces of her.

She badly wants to start a new life.

Sooyeon found herself staring at the pictures of her and Donghae. She realized that there are a lot of photos of her with him. That guy, Donghae ─ made her realize things that never did she thought she would realize. He knocked some senses into her and showed her what reality looks like. Donghae changed her point of view in life and in love. She realized that she couldn’t have it all easy and perfectly. She realized how cruel can the world be. He taught her not to underestimate the things life could give to you because there’s so much that it could offer. He made her realized what life could bring to oneself.

Life and love. Different but both an uneasy game to play. You need to be wise and strategic. You need to be courageous and brave to try new things and just like in those typical games, there are basic rules to follow.

Life is a series of challenges. It has never never-ending obstacles that will challenge and shape you to become a better and stronger person.

And that’s what she wanted to.

She wanted be better and stronger.

After going to the café, Sooyeon decided to go to the mall. She just wanted to kill time since it got a little boring in Donghae’s place now that he’s always at work. She’s kind of missing him when he’s not around, The both of them seldom see each other since Donghae will go home late and she’s already asleep by that time and by the time she wakes, he’s already gone. She’s missing those times when they just spend the whole day with each other and just killing the time. Now, she’s the only one who’s doing it.

Sooyeon just strolled in the mall all alone. Everyone seemed so happy but why she’s not? She doesn’t even have a single idea what she’s sad about. Probably it’s about and Donghae? She’s missing him and she wished that he’s with her to kill time and just hang out.

But something caught her eyes.

It was Minho and Jisook spending the time with each other and looked like they’re happy together. Sooyeon didn’t feel like crying but then it still saddens her. And just suddenly, Jisook looked towards her direction and they stared at each other. Sooyeon’s face was expressionless and Jisook was taken aback to see her after that scene since they last saw each other.

“They looked so happy, why am I not?” Sooyeon asked herself in a whisper and without even her notice, a tear escaped from her eye and rolled down to her cheek.

She turned her back to them and wiped her tears away.

What happened when he said forever and always?

She went back to Donghae’s place at exactly eight o’ clock in the evening. She was left with nothing to do so she ended up watching a football game in the television but she soon got bored. She was going from channel to channel and she doesn’t know what to do.

Why is she feeling lonely and sad at the same time?

She hugged herself as she turned off the television.

The next thing she knew was she’s walking towards the fridge to get a bottle of soju. She remembered she bought one the last time she went to the grocery. She went to the balcony and watched how the city lights shine for her. Back then she thought going back to Seoul was a good idea to start a new life but she thought wrong. She sat on one of the chairs in there and stared at the bright lights that the city is giving. She found herself reaching for that guitar displayed in the living room and went back to where she is. It’s been a while since she last played a guitar and she’s not sure if she still can until she started strumming it again.

Not really sure how to feel about it
Something with the way you move
Makes me feel like I can’t live without you
It takes me all the way
I want you stay

She found herself singing and playing the acoustic version of Rihanna’s song ‘Stay’. She didn’t know how did she came up of that song but that’s the first song she thought of when she started playing with the strings. Sooyeon took a deep sigh and put down the guitar beside her. She ran her fingers through her hair and felt frustrated for an unknown reason.

Sooyeon reached for the bottle of soju and poured some in the shot glass and took a shot. She reached for the guitar and played again.

You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down
You, you enchant me even when you’re not around
If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down
I’m latching on babe, now I know what I have found

I feel we’re close enough
Could I lock in your lo─

“I didn’t know you can play?” Donghae suddenly turned up out of nowhere. He was holding a glass of whiskey as he sat on the seat across where she’s seated.

“Fancy to see you again,” Sooyeon teasingly asked as she put down the guitar and took another shot of soju. She admitted that she somehow feels odd seeing Donghae wearing a two-piece suit because she’s used seeing him wearing casual clothes. He looks… expensive and rich. “When was the last time I saw you?”

Donghae chuckled. “I always see you, Sooyeon. You’re the only one who can’t see me because you’re always sleeping.” He cleared.

“How was work?”

“Stressing, of course. It has always been like that. How about you? How’s your day?” he asked her back after answering her question.

Sooyeon sighed and looked away. She doesn’t want to talk about but knowing this guy she’s with, he’ll only push her to spill it out.

“I went out. Saw a friend, saw Minho and Jisook. I don’t know but I was so happy when I met my friend Seolhyun but after going to the café, I felt lonely and everything like everyone around me seemed so happy while I’m in the middle of them, the only who’s feeling different.”

Donghae was just staring at her as she said those things. He was looking at her with such intensity and somehow he felt guilty and it felt like it’s his fault that she’s feeling like that. He somehow felt responsible for that case. He knew to herself that he’s all that she’s got and there’s no one she could ever trust but him.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered as he lowered his head. “If I don’t have much time to be with you so you won’t be feeling lonely.”

Sooyeon chuckled as a tear rolled down on her cheek. “Don’t make it sound like I’m a desperate girlfriend who needs your time all the time, Donghae. I didn’t say it’s your fault so there’s nothing to be sorry for. I know you have a life and there are things that you need to focus on. I understand that so please don’t misunderstood my situation. Don’t be sorry. I don’t blame you. Just myself.”

The both of them had gone silent for a while before Sooyeon decided to break it. “By the way, I’m leaving for Italy next week.”

He looked up to her with a questioning look plastered in his face. He seemed confused and alarmed and sad and he doesn’t know what kind of feelings got into him. Why was she leaving? Why does she have to? He kept on asking himself such questions and he has no idea why so he ended up asking why.

Sooyeon shrugged. “I need to find myself. You got a life, I got mine. If there are things you have to focus on, I also have those. I need to set new priorities in my life and set new goals so I won’t be living a nonsense life. Because right now, I can’t still see what do I really want in my life. I’m not happy and I want genuine happiness. I don’t have that yet. I want to have it so I’m going to find it while I’m finding myself.”

God knows how much it saddened him. He really loves her company and he likes it so much when she’s around him. He only feels happiness when he’s with her and even though he still can’t name that thing but he’s feeling something special for her. Sooyeon is her special friend and he always liked being with her. With her, everything felt like easy. She was the one who dared to break down his walls and she did. She was the first person who told her things that really makes sense and she’s the first one to say that he doesn’t seem like a bad guy. He loved her presence and he can’t quite imagine his life without her now. So maybe it’s going to be the lonely kind of life once again.

“How many times… do I have to tell you not to cry?” he asked, he felt like crying but he’s preventing himself from doing so. Not now.

She wiped her tears away and forced a fake faint laugh. “You can’t stop a person from crying, idiot.”

“I don’t know why… there’s this part of me saying I don’t want you to go. But you know what? I once saw a shooting star… and I,” he sighed, looking intently at her. “And I don’t have any idea why I wished that night. I don’t believe in those kind of things but when it comes to you, I did.”

“Wh-What’s your wish then?” she asked, tearing up once again.

“I only wished one thing and that’s for you to be happy,” He answered. “And although, I don’t want to see you go, I’m letting you for the sake of your happiness because that’s all I ever wanted for you, Sooyeon ─ to see you finally happy.”

Sooyeon didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know he could make her cry like this but in a good way. What he said moved her. He doesn’t want her to go but he’s letting her just for her to be happy. She badly needs to be on her own but she knew to herself that there’s also a part of her that doesn’t want to go but the both of them have their own priorities to fulfill and they couldn’t stay in their setup for a long time. Donghae knew to himself that this will all end but she never imagined it would be too soon.

“Why do we even sound like we’re breaking up?” Sooyeon cranked a joke as she tried to brighten up the mood as she wiped her tears away. “Let’s just cut this drama off.”

She stood up from her seat and was about to walk away when Donghae stood up as well and pulled her in the arm.

He kissed her.

There’s something in the back of her mind that says she should push him away and he shouldn’t be answering his kisses, she still found herself kissing him back. Was it the fact that she really missed the feeling of his lips claiming hers? The way he kisses her felt like she’s on top of the world. Sooyeon found herself wrapping her arms around his neck as he pulled her closer by her waist.  His soft lips were against hers and the only one thing she knows is that;

Lee Donghae is freaking kissing her and it felt like heaven.

The supposedly chaste kiss turned into something passionate as Donghae took over and dominated the kiss. Both of their minds were slowly losing and their right state is fading slowly by slowly. Sooyeon admitted that every damn time he kisses her, she felt something different inside of her. His touches were something that sends electric shocks in her body. His kisses were toe-curling that makes her knees like a jelly.

“I-I think I-I lo─” he tried to say between their kisses.

Sooyeon pulled away from the kiss ─ much to her disagreement. She stared at his eyes intently and cupped his face. Her stare moved to his lips. Heaven knows she wanted more but it may seem like a wrong move.

She looked deeply into his eyes again.

“Don’t,” she muttered as her voice cracked. “Don’t say that, Donghae. Not now, probably not ever.”

She saw those questioning eyes staring right at her begging for an answer.

There are way too many things running round in her mind and she still couldn’t process those one by one. She’s leaving and she doesn’t know if they’ll see each other again. Maybe she would, maybe she wouldn’t. The possibility’s 50-50 and right now, all that she wanted to do is to find herself. She knows he’s about to say he loves her. He loves her and she isn’t quite sure if she loves him too. Yes, probably he got her feeling those different and weird feelings that she doesn’t want to name but she felt like they weren’t enough to love him… yet. She likes him but the fact that she’s not yet completely over with Minho stops her from being in love with Donghae.

To summarize it all, she’s still confused with her feelings. She just had a breakup and the least thing she could do to herself is to give herself and her heart a break from all the ty things she had been through. It was all tough but she made it and there’s no way she would let her heart be broken again. She won’t let herself be fooled twice. Maybe one-time experience is enough to teach her a lesson and to see what the world really looks like.

Love is a game and once you fell in the trap, the only thing you got to do is to play.

Finally, he spoke in a low voice asking why. Sooyeon’s tears went streaming down her beautiful face. She doesn’t want to lose him but she has to. Donghae is something special and even though she wants to keep him by her side, she can’t. There are things that are better be focused on at times like this before doing something else. Donghae just became a sole proprietor of their company’s architectural firm and holds one-thirds of their company’s shares. He apparently has a big job and task to fulfill and she just can’t beat that.

Right now, there are things that are more important than loving her. Maybe someday, it will matter the most but right at this moment, it’s not much. She still has to weigh things and find herself.

But right now, the only thing she could ever think of is how heaven it felt like while his lips were against hers kissing her hard like there’s no tomorrow.

She’s going to miss it, for sure.

There’s no way she’ll ever forget him and everything he does.

She has to find herself because right now, Donghae is making and driving her crazy.

She kissed him again.

First week being a college student was surely no joke. Tiring, though.

Hope you guys like this chapter and I would really like to hear from you! Go and send me your feedbacks about it, alright? 

Aside from that, I will be very, very busy since being in college is definitely not a joke and my schedule is surely frustrating the hell out of me. Please bear with me and my very turtle updates?

Lots of love guys.