Chapter 3

BELLIGERENT

I returned to my classroom and SURPRISE all eyes were on me. This is ridiculous, now they’re blaming me for what had happened. Seriously guys, you’re all in the honors’ class right? Why on Earth are your logic and reasoning skills not in your rapport of cognitive talents? I’m really disappointed with all of you!

“Kyungsoo you should’ve told Jongin not to come to the room or anywhere near us, this is the halls of knowledge, cradle of wisdom and this must not be tainted with pure and utter form of ignorance,” Jongdae declared.

I smacked Jongdae in his head, and I meant it. “I was only joking,” he said as he gently rubbed the inflaming portion of his head. “But on another note, I saw how Kai smiled when he saw you, isn’t that quite… I don’t know … out of the ordinary?”

“Yeah! Soo I saw that too,” Baekhyun joined. “We all saw that flickering eyes of Kai when he saw you and now you’re calling him Jongin,”

“Who’s Jongin by the way?” Jongdae nosed.

“Jongin is Kai. Kai is Jongin. Kai’s real name is Jongin. Only a few and privileged people such as myself can call him that,” I bragged and got a look of skepticism from my so-called friends.

“Hang on, that’s not yours!” Jongdae yelled as he points at my neck.

“What’s not mine?”

“The necklace! Oh my God, Kai gave you a necklace? Isn’t that sweet?” Jongdae again is being nosy.

“I bet that’s the content of the gift earlier. Don’t ever deny Do Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun pried.

“You tamed our little tiger and received a gift from him, you are a beast Soo!” Jongdae and his comments, I thought I’m used to it!

“What did I tell you about minding your own business?” I yelled at him. “Yes it is from him, any problem with that? He’s just being thoughtful about the whole ‘taking care of him while his sick’ thing,”

“But if I don’t know the two of you, I’d think you’re involved….. I dun no, romantically perhaps,” Jongdae commented.

“Another word Kim Jongdae and I’ll throw you out of this school,” I was serious about my petty coercion to Jongdae.

“Yeah I get that, no need of your threats you know! I’m happy that you are being a good influence to him. Keep up the good work Mr. Council Secretary!”  Jongdae said.

“By the way, nice necklace Soo!” I face palmed at Baekhyun’s commentary.  “It really is nice Soo, it suits you. Kai has good tastes towards jewelry.”

“Don’t make me regret that we are friends,” I said as I attempted to hit Baekhyun with my notebook.  “Another word and this will fly to your faces,” I threatened them as I held a book in my right hand.

“Chill Kyungsoo! Chill!” Baekhyun and Jongdae just laughed.

~~~~~

Another full day has passed and I am now walking towards Jongin’s classroom, it is 4:45 in the afternoon and I’m 15 minutes early so I just took my time walking. Wondering about the change of venue? He’s just not comfortable in the library that’s it, so I made my tutee picked a place for our sessions and he chose his classroom.

“You’re late!” Jongin scolded when I arrived. I was barely entering the room when his voice came echoing to me.

“Late? I’m four minutes early,” I said as I checked my watch in case I am really late.

“Remember what I said this morning?” Jongin asked. What did he tell me this morning? I forg…. Hide the blushing, hide the blushing Kyungsoo. You’re the epitome of composure remember?

“Uhm, that?”

“That?” Jongin eyes signals an inquisitive look.

“That….” I was sweating. This is unfair, why is the air conditioning not functioning? I’m paying for that you know. “That you’ll miss me, am I right?”

“Yes! You are really smart hyung!” Jongin commented.

“So what is the connection between you missing me and me being early,” I asked.

“Simple, I wanted to see you as soon as possible,” He just smiled. “That’s why I’m early!”

“Why would you want to see me as soon as possible?” another inquiry from me, I swear I am about to explode. Hide all forms of blushing and being embarrassed Kyungsoo! Just hide it!

“I just …….” Jongin stammered. “I just…. Want… to… see… you with the necklace. I mean, I wanted to see if you really liked it,”

“Ahhh!” I simply left an ‘ahhh’ for an answer. “I really did not like it! The term is I love it!” I told him and flash a bright smile. A few moments of awkward silence fell but I just spoke that we should proceed to what he called torturing sessions.

“I made a review test for Geometry, answer that. I’ll give you 30 minutes to answer okay?”

“Yes hyung,” I just found him happy to comply.

My watch tells me that it hit the 30-minute deadline but Jongin was not done yet but is almost there so I gave him a ten minute extension. Nevertheless, he never utilized the whole ten minutes, he finished the test before the time hit the two-minute mark. I’m quite proud with his progress, a week ago he’d struggle to answer just one problem, now he’s solving them like a pro and it’s all because the tutor is a genius! I’m not bragging but I should pay tribute to myself once in a while, for self-esteem. Ever heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?  It’s there! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

“I’ll just check this; now answer your assignment in History while I correct this. We’ll check your answers in History after I’m done correcting your review test,”

Jongin simply nodded with a smile. He’s been in pretty good mood lately. Hehehe! I’m glad that I’m being a positive influence to him.

I was in the middle of checking Jongin’s 30-item review test in Geometry when a voice yelled out. It was peaceful and tranquil before but that voice disturbed the order of the universe.

“Kai,” the owner of the yelling voice said. “How come I can’t get in touch with you for five days? That’s five days you idiot!”

“Krystal?” Jongin was shocked.

“All I am saying is that……….. I missed you,” the girl named Krystal ran towards Jongin and kissed him.

I was in plain shock but it was more of I was in plain agony. I felt a light twitch, yes I was understating, make that a enormous twitch in my chest when I saw them kissing in front of me. She must be the girlfriend Jongin spoke of, it’s natural for lovers to kiss but still I don’t know why I am feeling pain the moment I saw them. I don’t know why you keep making me feel this way Kim Jongin. I’m feeling all these alien emotions because of you. I want to scream but I really can’t.

“Hyung this is Krystal….. my girlfriend,” Jongin said to me when their kiss broke.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Kyungsoo, senior, Jongin’s tutor,”

“Who’s Jongin?” Krystal asked.

“Him,” I pointed to Jongin with innocent puppy eyes and Krystal just nodded. It sounds as if Krystal do not know Kai’s real name.

“I’m Krystal, sophomore,” Krystal smiled.

“We’re having tutor sessions Krys,” Jongin said.

“But you did not show up for a few days and you greet me with your tutor sessions,” Krystal said with a hint of annoyance. “And since when did you start taking your studies seriously?”

I felt Krystal wants me to go so that she’ll have some time alone with Jongin so out of courtesy and since I’m the senior here I decided to leave. “I guess I’ll just leave you guys to have some quality time,” It was more of a whisper than talking. My voice suddenly became trapped inside my throat.

“Hyung?” Jongin sounded concerned.

“It’s okay, I’ll just correct your papers at the office. You can answer your assignment in History at home, I trust you can do that,”

“Yeah hyung,” Jongin agreed.

“And before I forgot, study your notes in Chemistry, I heard your teacher is having a surprise test tomorrow,” I saw Jongin nodding in agreement and that’s the cue to leave the classroom with a heavy heart. Why do I keep on feeling something for you Jongin, why? The more I logically process these weird emotions of mine, the more I become more perplexed. What are you to me? What am I to you? What are we to each other? These foreign feats of missing you, thinking of you, of wanting to see you are all uncanny. It’s not as if it’s love. It’s definitely not love but what is it? Even you don’t the answer. Screw this!

~~~~~

I am feeling really puzzled now so I decided to bury myself to my responsibilities as the Student Council Secretary in hope of forgetting my confusions so here I am in the middle of the night encoding papers in the ty desktop computer of the council. It’s not ty, I’m just pissed and the most pissing thing about me being pissed is that I don’t know why I am pissed. Good God help me!

I’m all alone in the office. The silence helps me soothe my nerves. Actually, I’m not working on any document contrary to what I just said. I just opened Microsoft Word but I really don’t know what to type on it. I know that I still have letters and memos to encode but I’ll deal with them later, it’s just that I don’t feel anything at all. I’m stuck.

“I’ll just go home, I even can’t do anything here what’s the use,” I said to myself. I’m going crazy! Am I? I was about to step out of the office when I noticed a shadowy presence by the entrance. “Who’s there?” I said with hints of bravery. I tiptoed towards the entrance of the office to check who the owner of the shadow is.

“It’s just me hyung!” I thought I was going to die in shock but luckily not.

“Oh God, it’s just you Jongin. You almost gave me a heart attack,”

“I’m sorry hyung!”

“How long have you been waiting out here?”

“Not long,” he answered. “Long enough,”

“So why are waiting there? You could always go inside,”

“No reason,”

“Seriously?” I gave a look of disbelief.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” Jongin said while avoiding my gaze.

“You’re waiting for me? Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I owe you an explanation about …..”

“You owe me what?”

“An explanation about ….. the events at the classroom….. about me and Krystal,” Jongin said and he really did think about that! What am I to you then Jongin? You’re making my confusions even more confusing.

“No need of an explanation Jongin, I’m just your tutor. I get it already you know, she’s your girlfriend. Why would you owe me an explanation?” I asked.

“I don’t know, I just feel like it. There’s someone in my heart that yells to tell you something,”

“Well that someone must be crazy; I’ll have to talk to that someone sometime in the future,” I joked with a light (make that fake) laugh. “It’s a personal affair Jongin, I can’t touch your personal life remember that. I’m just your tutor not your mother,” I smiled.

“It’s not like that hyung, you’re not just a tutor,” he retorted but this time in a higher tone.

“Then what I am Jongin?” I responded. Truth be told, I really want to know what I am to him.

“You’re …………………………..” he’s lost for words so to lessen the pain that I’ll get from his answer….. Honestly I am afraid that he’ll tell me that I am nothing and I am just his tutor so I quickly said what’s on my mind to avoid any more weird painful stabs I felt in my chest.

“I’m just your tutor, just your tutor Jongin. Don’t stress over me,”

“I told you you’re not just my tutor…” Jongin yelled.

“Then what am I to you?” I answered back. “Even you don’t know what I am to you because I am nothing to you, a no one. After our tutoring sessions, we’ll revert back to being strangers. We are nothing Jongin,” I explained in temper. I was not expecting that I can speak to him like that but I guess the flow of my emotions is just too intense that I can hear my heart beating fast and I mean real fast. “Just accept the fact that I’m just your tutor Jongin, just your ………………..” before I can continue my speech I found it difficult to speak and breathe. His eyes are directly looking at me, piercing me to my soul, his touches burns my cheeks as he cupped them and his lips, his lips are on mine. God his lips are on mine and felt wonderful but this is wrong, this is entirely wrong! I should …… I should ……. Stop.

I broke the kiss and quickly grabbed my school bag. “If there is nothing else, then you can leave. I’ll see you on tutor session tomorrow,”

Jongin simply walked out of the office and disappeared in the shadows of the evening.

It took me a moment to process all the events that took place in such a short period of time and the worst part was, it was impromptu. My heart is racing and I feel my head turn around. Why does he have to kiss me? Wait, he kissed me. He really kissed me. I place my fingers in my lips remembering the feeling of Jongin’s lips on mine. What the heck! I don’t know what to do now. A battle between my mind and my heart instigates, and the no one seems to gain the upper hand. This is definitely war, this is belligerent.