Chapter 11

ADAMANT

 

“What took you so long?” Sehun commented.

 

“We just have to talk about things er,” Jongin replied to him.

 

“er your !”

 

Jongin just let out a loud giggle. I just don’t know with these two, a minute they’re all cursing then the next they’re all laughing. I was scouring the place to look for Chanyeol but I can’t really see where is he until someone patted my shoulder, “Looking for me?”

 

“Yeah,” I replied and turned to face Chanyeol. “Just want to check if you’re really okay,”

 

“I’m okay Soo, but if Kai here hurts you, just tell me and I’ll personally brawl him to death,” Chanyeol replied.

 

“As if you could?”

 

“Of course I can Kai!” Chanyeol bragged flashing his teeth.

 

“I wanna see you try!” Guys, please stop, I mean you can’t fight now and because of me and here I am really worried about the two and they just let out a really loud laughter.

 

“You’re both crazy!” I smiled.

 

“They say, tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are!” Chanyeol said and I mean, he really used a quote. “All of my friends are crazy and so am I!” Then the crowd was just laughing and laughing and laughing.

 

The night was real fun and all we did was chat and chat and chat. The food was also amazing, we are all stuffed. The best thing is that, even though I am practical outsider to this club, I am here being entertained and all. Once, I thought that this place is the dwelling of the ignorant but I guess I just have to know them before I judge, they’re really happy and misunderstood people and I am grateful they showed me that.

 

I guess it’s true that when you’re having fun, time flies so fast that a minute feels like a second. I am checking my watch every minute, I mean, it’s nearing 12 midnight and I am still here. My mom would kill me!

 

“We should hit the road,” Jongin declared halting the awesome atmosphere forming in the studio. I guess he noticed me gazing my watch once in a while.

 

“Yeah! It’s really late, I should go!” I said. “Jongin, you should stay, the party is for the club and I don’t want them thinking that I am stealing their President,”

 

“Nope! It’s really late, I should go with you!” Jongin insisted and when I was about to argue Chanyeol voiced, “Jongin should accompany you home that way I’ll be assured that you’ll arrive home in safely,”

 

“I’m sure Kyungsoo-hyung can go home safely but it’s the way home I’m worried about,” Tao chuckled.

 

“And what do you mean by that?”

 

“None!” Tao smiled. “You should go!”

 

We bid our farewells and went out of Terp’s lair and proceeded to walk. The night, wrong – midnight was really cold considering that winter is upon us. “You’re cold hyung?”

 

“Yeah, but it’s bearable,” I smiled. I know what he’s going to do, he’ll give me his jacket like I’m a princess lost in the forest of snow. Thanks for the concern Jongin but I think I can deal with a little cold alone.

 

“If you want I could …………..,” I know this would happen! What did I tell?

 

“No need Jongin, I already said it’s bearable,” I said cutting him in his statement.

 

“But, you’re only on your sweatshirt and it’s really cold hyung,”

 

“I said I’m okay and by the way, I’m older than you and you should respect your elders,” I let out a chuckle.

 

“But… but… but..,”

 

“No buts, I don’t want you to get cold you know,” I said and I noticed him smile.

 

“Okay hyung,” he replied and another silence fell upon us, c’mon, what’s with this silence!!! “Hyung?” I droned in reply. “Were you happy with Chanyeol?”

 

“Yeah,” I agreed of course, I was happy with Chanyeol and I would not trade what we had for anything.

 

“Happier that when you were with me?” Do you really need to compare Jongin? You’ve been acting really, really, childish.

 

“I guess,” this is a lie, I mean I was happy with Chanyeol but not as happy when Jongin came into my life, it was a different kind of happy. I am really holding of my laughter because of Jongin’s expression of annoyance. Ha! Ha! Ha! Serves you right! “What’s with the face?”

 

“Nothing!” he grunted and I really can’t control it and I laughed in the middle of silent dawn. “Why were you laughing hyung?”

 

“Nothing!” I let out another giggle but this time a little quieter, people are in deep slumber by this time and I would not like to become someone who’ll ruin their sleep. “I mean, you’re really stressing about that?”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I was happy with Chanyeol, but I am happier with you of course,” I smiled. “I was and I am happy with you… always remember that,” I said that and pinch his cheek.

 

“That’s good to know,” Jongin’s frustrations turned to glee upon hearing these things.

 

“But we can’t really replicate that happiness though,” I said making the atmosphere of our walk sulky.

 

“I know,” Jongin nodded. “But just stay by my side hyung,” he stopped me from walking and held my hand, “Just stay by my side hyung, I’ll figure this one out,”

 

I nodded, “I’ll be by you Jongin until you need me, until such time that we can be together and until you want me to be by you, I’ll be here!”

 

He smiled and laced our hands together and we continued our walk. A few minutes of walking and we arrived at my place. It’s almost one in the morning, the whole community is snoring by now but I’m only getting home!

 

“Thanks for walking me,”

 

“No worries hyung, see you tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah,” I was about to open the door when it opened by itself and I practically was horrified.

 

“Kyungsoo, why were you late?” it was my mom, she waited for me.

 

“The Dance Club had a victory party and I was invited in,” I smiled in an effort to stop my mom from reprimanding me.

 

“Hmmmm” she said, “Just come inside,” I proceeded to walk inside when my mom butted out something. “And…… are you Jongin?” Gosh! How did she know about him? How? I never shared anything about Jongin to her.

 

“Yes ma’am,” Jongin was shocked and stuttered while replying.

 

“It’s really late why don’t you stay for tonight,” My mom smiled, first she knows about Jongin then he lets him stay? There is something fishy about this!

 

“I would love to,” Jongin smiled and he was really happy about this but don’t be genuinely happy Jongin, my mom here is a monster of surprises. She’s planning something!

 

“Get inside before you freeze there,”

 

Jongin smiled and paced inside our house. “I’ll be preparing some tea for you and your friend Soo, please wait in the dining table okay?”

 

“Yeah eomma!”

 

I am really nervous and Jongin’s really oblivious to this. My mom is planning something, is she putting poison in the tea? Nah, she wouldn’t kill her own son! What is going on? Eomma!!!!!

 

A couple of minutes of waiting and eomma joined us in the dining table, “It’s chamomile, I hope you’re okay with that?”

 

“Of course ma’am,” Jongin replied.

 

“Jongin’s mom loves tea eomma, so he always has tea at their house,” I seconded.

 

My mom hummed, “Very well” then she sat and she has this look, and I know what’s with that look!!!! A few sips and a few gazes occurred before eomma said something.

 

“I guess, you chose him over Chanyeol?” I literally choked. How did she knew?

 

“Eomma?” I asked and I really saw Jongin’s reaction to the question.

 

“If you’re wondering how I knew,” my mom sighed. “Remember when Chanyeol slept here?”

 

“Chanyeol slept here?” Jongin’s tone was in disbelief. “Hyung!”

 

“It was unplanned, he was freezing outside so I offered him to stay the night,” I explained.

 

“You remember, you got up late?” My mom continued and nodded. “We had a little talk about what’s happening between you two,”

 

“Okay,” I sighed. “But how did you know about Jongin?”

 

“I also know that you were having an affair with this guy but you got your heart broken for reasons Chanyeol did not disclose,” Chanyeol, why did you? She’s gonna haunt me forever! “And he also said that, you’ll make a decision after the Showcase and I guess you chose him!”

 

“Yeah eomma,” I said in a low tone.

 

“Don’t sulk there Do Kyungsoo, I never said Jongin here can’t date you,” she smiled. “Now, Jongin,”

 

“Yes ma’am?”

 

“Just call me eomma,” my mom said and I saw how Jongin’s face light up. “Chanyeol calls me eomma and all of Kyungsoo’s friends too,” but when he mentioned that Chanyeol calls her eomma, he sulked. “I just you to take care of my son, if you hurt him, you’re also hurting me. Just take care good care of Soo, I know he’s a little hardheaded and naïve but he’s smart, he does not show too much affection but if he loves someone, he treasures them,”

 

“Yes eomma!” Jongin saluted. “I’ll take good care of hyung eomma,”

 

“Okay, that’s all the reason why I talked with you,” Eomma smiled. “Soo, after finishing your tea, place the cups in the kitchen, I’ll wash them in the morning,”

 

“Okay eomma,” I nodded. “….and thanks!”

 

“Anything Soo,” she flashed a motherly grin. “I guess, I’ll be on my bed now, after that you go to sleep okay?”

 

“Yes eomma,” it was Jongin who replied with glee. “Good night eomma!”

 

“Good night Jongin and Soo,”

 

I know that my talk with eomma is done but I still have to explain many things to Jongin and basing from his facial expression, he’s demanding some from me. I’m dead!

 

“Hyung, why did you let Chanyeol sleep here? Did you cuddle? Did you like it? Did he kiss you? Did he,” Jongin blurted out when we got in my bedroom but even before he goes all paranoid and hysterically I cut him from his overly reacting speech.

 

“We were dating at that time and it was all because of you that he came you know,”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yeah Jongin! You! A hundred points for Kim Jongin!”

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“After we had our talk in the Chem. Lab, Chanyeol came here and brought cupcakes because he knows we had a little fight. He cheered me up but he came here very late so I offered him to stay to make sure he’s safe, I don’t want him walking in the creepy streets,”

 

“Okay,” he sulked.

 

“But hey, we cuddled and I really liked it,” I and I saw his face grow a little jealous. “He hugged me all night,”

 

“I’ll kill that ing Chanyeol, he got into you for too long,”

 

I laughed at Jongin’s resentments. “Silly you, you’re here now so quit envying him,”

 

“He got here first,”

 

“But you got me first,”

 

“That’s quite true,” Jongin grinned hearing that. “So I guess, I’m still ahead of Chanyeol!”

 

“No need to get all jealous, you’re here, I’m here, we could cuddle until the sun rises if you want,”

 

“That’s sounds like a plan,” he smiled.

 

“Now take a shower and I’ll find some clothes for you,” I said as I handed him a towel.

 

“Yeah!”

 

When he was showering, I texted her mom and told eomma offered Jongin to sleep here and she just replied that she’ll send their driver in the morning to bring Jongin’s school uniform. Apparently, she’s still awake because she’s finishing some reports and files.

 

Jongin finished taking his bath and when he got out, he was just wearing a towel strapped in his waist and he’s really, really y.

 

“Here!” I handed him a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Luckily, I still kept the shirt eomma gave me but I never wore it because it was really big for my size, I just hope it’ll fit in Jongin’s body. After he received it, he removed his towel rendering him totally before my eyes. I blushed and I should turn away, turn back!!!!!

 

“What’s with you hyung?” Jongin chuckled. This is not the time to be all giggly Jongin, please hurry up and wear those things we call clothes. “It’s not like you’ve never seen Jongin Jr. before?”

 

“Just.. hurry… okay,”

 

“Whatever you say hyung,” and I heard a little chuckle again. This is superbly embarrassing and the worst part is, I don’t know why!

 

“I’m done, you can look now,” he said then I turned around to face him.

 

“Why are you still half ?”

 

“The shirt’s too short for my liking, I’d rather sleep topless that uncomfortable,”

 

“I’m sorry, that’s the largest shirt I have,”

 

“No worries hyung,” he smiled.

 

I smiled and got another towel and proceeded to take a bath. “Wait for me okay?”

 

“Yeah hyung,”

 

It took me a good 15 or 20 minutes of being in the shower. Luke warm water is really best to unfreeze your frozen body caused by winter. By the time I went out of my bathroom, Jongin’s positioned himself in the bed.

 

“Hyung?” Jongin asked when I was done changing. “Can I sleep beside you tonight?”

 

“Yes you can,”

 

“I just can’t let out the thought that Chanyeol slept in your bed holding you,”

 

“Okay, if it calms you can,”

 

He smiled, “Can you hurry hyung? I want to sleep now,” that’s a new thing, I thought nocturnal creatures sleep in the day?

 

“Yeah! Yeah!” I nodded. “Excited this much,”

 

“You bet,”

 

I lay down pillowing Jongin’s arm and my face buried in his chest. I really missed this! “I missed this hyung,”

 

“I also missed this,”

 

“Hyung,”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Don’t let go of me okay? Whatever happens, just don’t let go of me, stay by my side, just stay,”

 

“I know I’ve said that I will not let go of us but what about your girlfriend? I don’t want to be a side dish and more importantly, I don’t want to hurt her,”

 

“I know,” he sighed. “I am thinking about that hyung, everyday, I can’t let her go and I still can’t let you go, call me selfish or a douchebag hyung, but I can’t,”

 

“If the moment when you’ll gonna choose, choose her, don’t choose me,” I said to him and it was really painful.

 

“Don’t be ridiculous hyung, I’ll never let you go again, ever,”

 

“This thing we call us has no definition Jongin,” I replied to his smartass comment. “You can’t run away from the prospects of reality,”

 

“Can we talk about that later, I want to sleep,”

 

“Jongin,” I said in a pissed tone, I was being serious and all then you cut me off with your nonsense. “We can’t be together like this…… I don’t want to hold your hand while someone is holding the other,”

 

“I’ll figure this one out hyung, I need a little time,”

 

“Just tell me if you can’t figure out this labyrinth we got ourselves into,” I said with a hint of pain. “I’ll take the liberty of easing your burden,”

“I will not let you go hyung, I will not,”

 

“This is something you can’t decide on your own Jongin,”

 

“I can’t,………………. if I have to let Krystal go for you to stay, I will,”

 

“Jongin!” I yelled at him. “You just can’t a girl and dump her, you’re a man and men are supposed to carry the responsibility of taking care for their woman,”

 

“What do you want me to do? Go on without you, I’ve been practically engulfed by you hyung, you have no idea what you have become to me,” and with those words, Jongin was all yelling. Looking him in the eye is such a painful task to do, I just can’t imagine his confusion now. “I promise, I will figure this one out, I just need to be with me, just me,”

 

“Okay,” I agreed with him with a hint of doubt. I am the lousiest person in the world. All of my logical and reasoning powers are telling me that what we have is wrong but still this freaking heart of mine yearns for him. “Now, go to sleep,”

 

“Yeah hyung,” he embraced me tighter this time. “Just be here hyung, where I can hold you,”

 

The feeling to be with his arms again is celestial; these little things are what I missed the most – the feeling of his arms, his heartbeat, his scent and everything he is, but how long can we stay like this knowing that this thing we call us is wrong, definitely wrong. I know that I can’t stay with him but I am still here, my brain tells me that I should get away but this heart of mine tells me that I can’t let him go, he’s just too important. Am I entitled to such selfish feats? Can I be selfish with Jongin? No! No! Do Kyungsoo, snap out of it, you can’t change your principles because of Jongin, you have to let him go, your resolve is unbreakable, you are adamant!

 

Help me! Help me to find to courage to set him free!
 

 

---

 

A/N:

(1) I'm sorry for the really late update, I'm still heartbroken because of Tao. I never really did find the inspiration to write, I'm so sorry again!
(2) Upvote and Subscribe if you liked it, Comments are highly appreciated.