Vulnerable and Cold Baths
I Didn't Want You, But I Needed You
*Trigger Warning: Mention of suicide
"Dong Youngbae! I'm telling you that I really want you here! It's your father! Just please come, even if it's for a few measly minutes." Over the phone, an older aged woman scolded her son.
"Mom, he cheated on you! He's not my father, or my dad, or anything. He's just some douchebag I'm forced to be related to. That didn't even bother to show Youngmi's funeral because he was probably off ing some other woman. And you wonder why I'm so messed up." Even though his word choice was mostly spiteful, his voice was soft. It was voice he rarely used unless talking to his mother or his baby sister, when he was still able to talk to her. "He acted like such a when I was a teenager, how do you think that stuff impacted me?!"
"Youngbae...." The woman's voice was unstable, her breathing quick like when you're about to start crying. "I'm so sorry Youngbae. I'm so sorry." Youngbae released a sigh then pulled the phone away from his ear to hang up. There was no way in hell that he'd be able to sit there and listen to his mother cry on the other end. Maybe his mom would call back, but he bet more on the thought of her just giving up. In frustration, Youngbae screamed at the top of his lungs an threw his phone down onto the concrete.
That's the third phone he's broken in two months.
Above his head, clouds moved lower toward the cold earth. Sure, it was supposed to be springtime. He had always believed that rain made everything better. All the built up stress, worry, problems in general of the world would simply be washed away. And if Youngbae could be completely honest, he sort of wished he could wash away too. It's not like his life was horrible, besides the fact that his sister was dead, his mother was so close to being utterly done with him, and his father was well......he hated going there. Family life was a bit of a touchy subject for him.
Breathing out in pure irritation, Youngbae craned his soaking wet head to catch the sight of someone out of the corner of his eye. It was sight he had never seen before. She didn't notice him though. Instead of barging into through the door like usually, she just dumped her bag, sat herself on the stone steps, and released everything she seemed to be holding back. Sure, they were in the middle of a somewhat busy area, but that didn't matter to either of them. She yelled something, but he couldn't make out what. While he watched her, for the first time since the incident had occurred, he actually regretted every transgression he had ever committed against her.
But then again, only for a millisecond had he regretted.
- Dong Youngbae
There was no more hot water left, but even if there had been, it's not like she would've noticed. Alcohol had made her so numb, even the the cracking thunder wasn't registering in her mind. Problem wasn't that she drank too much, it was that she drank strong liquor. Usually soju mixed with tequila or whatever else she could scavenge from her fridge. Nothing fancy. Sure, it was probably making her vocal problems worse. And the drinking would more than likely take away the one thing that made her happy.
But at this point, why did she care anymore? Why did Bom even care?
Her family deserted her years ago, her friends threw her aside like she was trash, and her first/last boyfriend dumped her for someone prettier. Bom had always thought of herself as average looking, but when people constantly are telling you that you're invaluable, you're garbage, ugly, it eventually starts to get to you. Though Park Bom tried, there was no way she couldn't prevent stuff like that from seeping through the small cracks in her walls that she so desperately tried to patch. Bom never really thought of surgery, but who really does? Everyone likse to think of themselves as beautiful until that one thing, that one person comes along, throws a rock (insult, bullying, etc.), and shatters that image.
Small bumps formed on her skin, making her hair stand up and turned her ghostly skin even whiter. By this point, Bom couldn't even remember why she was sitting in that cold water. Bom didn't even know why there. Sure, thoughts of suicide had crept into her mind every now and then, there was something that suddenly stopped her. Most recently, it was some emotionless brunette that paid for her coffee when she was a dollar short. When thing like that happened, even just small things, it gave Bom an ounce of hope in the human race.
It reminded her that not all people in the world were as bad as she knew them to be.
- Park Bom
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