Routine is what you daily do . Routine is waking up at 4 am because of having a nightmare and checking the contracts and reports on my computer hoping that reading them will make me fall asleep again. Routine is hearing my daugther screaming my name upon entering the room, she will run to me and  shower me kisses and hug, saying "Good morning mama, how was your sleep?". Routine is watching her turning back on me to enter the classroom together with her bestfriend ryung hoo. Routine is locking myself at the spacious office room together with the papers, reading, analyzing and taking notes for the growth of company.

                      For the past 3 months, faith was the reason for me to keep on moving forward, to wake up and live the day and I could say that chearin is a good parent to her. My daughter is a tough beautiful girl. I am proud to the both of them but until now I don't have any idea where chaerin is. Every ing night I'm having a hard time falling asleeping because i miss her and the thought that she's nowhere to be found makes me worry. thinking if she had her breakfast already, if she's having a hard time, if she misses faith or me because if I were to asked? I miss her so much, so ing much but I need to be strong for faith and for mom, I don't want them to worry. Sometimes i want to give up but the thought of not seeing her smile anymore makes my heart torn, I want to see her face, her smile, to show her how much I love her, to fight with her, to live with her together with faith, to watch her answering faith's extraordinary questions. How long will I wait?.

                     "Penny of thoughts?" Jessica interrupted, She was wearing semi formal red y office dress, showing her curved, not a daring one but exactly a dress for work place like this. I shrugged and look down at the papers in front of me.

                    "I told them to prepare, any moment right now faith will arrive" I didn't bother to look at her, cause surely she will notice the thing under my eyes and making laugh at me.

"I still have a lot of time to finish this" I replied.  

 "and about the CCS project, they're asking for your approval" She told. 

 "I still analyzing the deal, it is  a big risk"

"you always take a big risk so what's the difference?" I gave her a drastic glance. I don't care if she saw my raddled face, I know something is up to her because even she smile, it doesn't reach her eyes. I known her for 5 years, I know whether she's faking it or not. Studying her face is a good choice now, i hadn't get a chance to observed her. It's true that she's beautiful and add the bubbly attitude she has.

"you don't understand... one wrong move and faith will suffer" I explained. From smile it turn to a sympathy and i don't want to see that kind of expression. I unwieldily lean myself on swivel chair.

"I'm sorry... I'll just inform them that it's still on process" She said and retreat. She always made me feel the sympathy and it's  bad for one's who wanted to be strong.  sorry was the only way and accepting it must be my choice.  

a couple of hours passed,  when i heard a loud creak coming from the door my eyes landed to my daughter's face. she's hiding her half behind the door. 

"come in,  lady" a wide shyly smile filled her. 

"did i disturbed you? " she asked and anxiously walk towards me. my brow meet making a line. 

"no,  when did you arrive? "

"just an hour ago" she declared that my curiosity grew even more. 

"and you didn't bother to look for me? " she stopped half way.  contemplating whether she will move forward or retreat. 

"I..  ah..  don't want to interrupt you,  I'm sorry" she didn't meet my gazed since she arrived and also,  this is new to me,  her being shy around.  I signaled her to come near.  once she did,  i gently held both of her little shoulder. 

"what's wrong? " I asked her making her to meet my eyes. 

"nothing,  i just wanted to behave"

"clearly " simple school uniform fits in her.  white collar long sleeves with plaid design tie, red, white and blue lines intersecting together to create intensity on the plane.  same design as her above the knee skirt.  

" unnie said we're going to vacation so i have to behave"  i find it cute when she's shy. i patted her head..

"you've been the best,  faith" a bright smile draw to her lips, that's what i like about her.  whenever she grin or walk it reminds me of her,  chaerin. a loud knock echoed in the room, the door opened revealing jessica and yoona. 

"they are ready" jessica stated,  faith run to her and held her hand.  i nodded and pick the things i needed.  i dont want to work while we're on vacation but i guess that it is not going to happen.  yoona walked by my side. 

"we're going on vacation" i started. she lean closer to hear what I'm saying.  I'm lazy to speak loud. 

"when are you coming back?" she asked,  her eyes on the tab while her focus still on me

"after three days" i saw her stopped and winced. 

"your father will surely kill me" she said in horror.  i continued to walk without a care for her.  I'm old enough and yet i don't have freedom.  i sigh in defeat knowing that faith would be in danger. 

"just a day" she pleaded.  i pinched the bridge of my nose.

"alright,  a day would be enough" I said then nodded after a while that made her sigh in relieved. 

"thank you" she muttered,  looking at her tab with my schedule. all the way up she talked about it but stopped when faith asked me "mama,  dragons do cry right? " actually,  i wasn't listening to yoona,  my ears on faith since and it's weird because jessica look like awfully stupid answering little girl's extraordinary questions.  all eyes on me that made me chuckled and have faith's hand. 

"yes, faith" i answered with a smile and saw jessica sigh in defeat. 

"i know you will on her side" she muttered.  

"No!  dragons do cry! I saw it on the TV " my daughter fired. 

"stop it cookie" i warned then look at jessica"they did"I said as she rolled her eyes . exactly the steel door opened,  men in black scattered as we walk inside the chopper.  i have faith on my hand.  we left Jessica and yoona waving at us. my daughter behave as what she told. she was quiet and fell asleep on my lap. 

30 minutes passed when we arrive.  i let faith slept on the bed while me on the couch ,still working.  the wooden clock of the room shows eleven o'clock.  i know i should be rest but the everything in the house is torturing me of memories of chaerin that i couldn't. 

"mama? " faith called.  she cutely scratch her eyes and yawn making her way to me.  she slide herserlf on the couch and wrapped her arms on my waist. 

"i miss my mommy" she whispered half sleep. 

"me too" i squeezed her for her to feel that we're the same. after a while,  i felt her heavy breathing telling that she fall asleep again. i stared at her face and ended up thinking about my life.  i sigh and put her on bed.  once I settled,  i get back to papers i left. 

the sun is rising so I made a coffee. the result of not being able to sleep are seen to my face,  I took a bath and put some light make up to covered the ungrateful result. i wear maong shorts and large white tee and my sneakers. we're going to explore the island when faith get up. 

The aroma of coffee and pancakes explore the kitchen,  today's activity will made us exhausted but enjoyable.  i stopped when i heard the door closed and footsteps on front room. Doubtly bring myself to them,  a loud laugh , chuckles and whispered made my curiosity grew.  my body limp when I saw her back and i know she is chaerin. 

"you shouldn't done that" she said to the girl beside her.  

"i should chae" I'm happy to see her but jealous spilled on my blood vein.  she's happy with another women.  all this time I want to see her but now she's happy with another girl. 

"mommy? " they stopped when they heard faith.  I saw her stiffened,  that's right,  i want you to remember that you have a daughter.  faith run to her and jump to hug chaerin. when i saw them crying i turn back and take a step back to kitchen but stopped after two steps. 

"mama,  mommy is here!  thank you for bringing her to me" faith yelled,  i faced them,  and all eyes on me,  I kept my eyes on faith and give her a little smile. 

"how's your sleep,  sweety? "

"it's horrible,  mommy was there but gone,  Now i know why,  because she's here!!" she declared wrapping her arms back to chaerin. 

"it's good,  now,  we should eat,  we're leaving" i said immediately turn back to the kitchen.  i heard them laugh and it's killing me. 

"mama,  are you okay? " i sigh and nodded when i saw them on the front door of the dinning.  I almost finished preparing the table. 

"let's eat" i said without looking at the two guests. 

"mommy,  join us and you too unnie." i sat on the chair,  faith beside me and the two settled in front of us.  faith do the talks,  i fed her,  anger filled the brain but I show no emotion,  that's what I'm best at. 

"dara,  how are you? " i stiffened when chae