Sungjong watched as the rain pelted against their window. Dark clouds covered what used to be the clear blue sky. Sungjong could hear faint sounds of thunder from afar. He frowned. Sungjong hated the rain. It was cold. It was gray. And to him, it seemed like the sky was crying. Like a premonition that something bad was going to happen.

 

Truthfully, it hadn’t been a good week for Sungjong. Myungsoo had fallen ill again and had been staying in bed these days. He tried convincing Myungsoo to go to the hospital but Myungsoo refused, saying he was fine every time.

 

Sungjong felt helpless and frustrated. He wanted to help Myungsoo get better but he couldn’t exactly force him to go to the hospital. He could only do simple things like cook porridge or wipe the sweat off his foreheard and neck or pat his back when he’s throwing up. Things that Sungjong thought were completely useless.

 

He wished Myungsoo could spread what he called the “flu” to him. Then, Myungsoo wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. But he knew that was impossible. So now, he could only sigh and watch the rain which further ruined his mood.

 

Myungsoo opened his eyes groggily. His body felt as heavy as lead as he didn’t even have the strength to lift his head. He noticed Sungjong sitting by the windowsill, his shoulders slightly drooping.

 

Myungsoo had never seen Sungjong so depressed before. Sungjong was always so warm and encouraging even when faced with Myungsoo’s bad mood at times.

 

Lately though, there seemed to be something bothering his lover. Myungsoo had tried asking him what the problem was but Sungjong would always shake his head and smile back at him. Myungsoo wondered if it was because Sungjong was getting tired of taking care of him.

 

Guilt.

 

He used to be the ringmaster of his own life. He had a great job, a great house. Went to the bar occasionally to have a drink with his friends. Got girls whenever he wanted and whoever he wanted. If he was tired of them, he could just throw them away.

 

Here he is, now, lying on the bed and needed someone to take care of him. He was bowing down to this stupid illness, stripped away of everything. Most importantly, he doesn’t get to decide if he wanted his partners or not anymore.

His most important person will be taken away from him even if he wanted them to stay this time.

 

“Sungjong” he called softly, who quickly went to his side upon hearing Myungsoo’s voice.

Sungjong took his hand in his and lightly kissed it. “You’re awake. Are  you hungry? I’ll fix you something to eat.”

 

Myungsoo shook his head, “I’m not hungry. Just lie down here with me.” He patted bedsheets and tried to pull Sungjong towards him but the boy was having none of it.

“Nope. You need your energy back. I’m going to cook porridge. Wait here like a good boy, ok?”

Myungsoo pouted. He could never get Sungjong to do everything he demanded of him.

 

After awhile, Sungjong came back inside the room, holding a tray with a bowl of hot porridge, medicine and warm water. He placed the tray on the nightstand then helped Myungsoo sit up, propping up the pillows to support his back. He lightly carressed Myungsoo’s cheek, frowning at how pale he looked.

 

Scooping up some porridge, Sungjong blew on it until he thought it was warm enough for Myungsoo to eat without burning his lips. “Myungsoo, ahhh”

Myungsoo opened his mouth like a little boy and chomped down onto the spoon. Sungjong giggled at his childishness, wiping the corner of Myungsoo’s lips with his finger.

 

He placed the empty bowl back onto the tray and took the bottle pills next to it. Shaking the bottle until 2 pills fell onto his palm, he held them towards Myungsoo’s lips who shut his mouth tight.

 

“Myungsoo, take your medicine”.
“No.”

“Take it. Now.”

“No.” Myungsoo replied stubbornly. He laid back down onto the bed, his back facing Sungjong. He had expected Sungjong to give up and was not prepared for what Sungjong was going to do next.

 

Sungjong placed the pills in his mouth, being careful not to swallow them. He climbed onto the bed and straddled Myungsoo, pushing his shoulders down on the mattress so that he couldn’t move.

 

His silver eyes shone with mischief before he pressed his lips against Myungsoo’s dry and cracked ones, transferring the pills into the other’s mouth then sat back up, smiling innocently.

 

Myungsoo gulped down the pills, still shocked at Sungjong’s bold behaviour. Sungjong could be an innocent puppy one moment then become a playful kitten the next. Myungsoo could never guess what the boy’s next actions were.

“W-Where did you learn that?”

“I just knew.” Sungjong smiled, pecking Myungsoo on the lips and laid down on his chest. Myungsoo slightly moved to the side so that Sungjong now lay against the curve of his neck.

“Jongie?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t leave me. Wait till I fall asleep.”

“I would’ve done that without you asking me, silly.”

They fell asleep in each other’s arms.

 

Like every day.

 

Like nothing changed.

 

--

 

Knock Knock Knock

 

Sungjong woke up at the sound of the door’s knocking. He looked at the clock on the nightstand. 1:45am. Who could it be at this hour?

 

Sitting upright, he shook Myungsoo awake. “Myungsoo, someone’s at the door.”

Myungsoo rubbed his eyes, his hair messy from sleep.

 

Knock Knock Knock

 

Hearing the knock, Myungsoo’s eyes shot open. “What the-“ he quickly got on his feet and walked towards the door.

 

Making sure it wasn’t someone suspicious, he walked in front of Sungjong, who instinctively wrapped his arms around Myungsoo’s waist, his arm raised in a defensive manner as they approached the front door.

 

Myungsoo peered through the hole and gasped upon seeing who it was. He opened the door to reveal Dongwoo, drenched.

 

“Dongwoo! What are you doing here?” Sungjong cried in alarm.

 

Dongwoo’s usual waves fell flat around his face. He had his arms wrapped around himself, his body shivering from the cold rain. Despite his appearance, his usual smile remained plastered onto his face.

 

“Sorry. I-I asked Sungyeol for your address. I should’ve called before I came here but I left my phone at home so…”

 

Now that he mentioned it, Sungjong noticed that he wasn’t carrying anything with him.

 

“Come inside! Quickly!” Sungjong pulled him inside and sat him on the couch while Myungsoo went to get some blankets and some fresh, dry clothes he could change into.

 

Sungjong ran into the kitchen, taking three mugs and a kettle. He poured hot tea into one of the mugs and gave it to Dongwoo, who was now wearing one of Myungsoo’s shirt and sweatpants and wrapped in a blanket.

 

Myungsoo and Sungjong sat on either side of Dongwoo. Myungsoo pondered on the current whereabouts of Howon and whether this had something to do with his past.

 

 

 

“We broke up.” Howon whispered, downing another glass of vodka.

Sungyeol poured his friend some more liquor. He didn’t want Howon to get sick by the unhealthy amount he was drinking but he figured the guy needed the alcohol to forget about his current situation.

 

Sungyeol foresaw they would eventually break up one day. In front of others, Howon and Dongwoo appeared to be deeply in love with each other.

 

Judging from the way Dongwoo looked at Howon, it was clear that the cybord was deeply in love. But for Howon, it wasn't this Dongwoo he was looking at but the dead boy that he searched for in him. 

 

Sungyeol wondered how Dongwoo could bear the pain and yet, remain by Howon’s side.

 

“How did it happen?”

“He asked me if I loved somebody else.”

“And you said yes?”

 “Yeah…I mean what did you expect me to say? It’s true. I love Dongwoo. Jang Dongwoo. And the Dongwoo that’s with me right now isn’t really…him…”

 

-flashback-

 

“Sungjong and Myungsoo are really sweet together, huh” Dongwoo said in between chews, taking another big bite out of his bagel.

 “They are, surprisingly. I never knew Myungsoo was the type to initiate skinship.”

 

He and Howon were currently having breakfast at the restaurant that just opened nearby. It had been a long wait but they finally got a table and ordered their food.

After finishing up the last bite, they got their coffees to go and left the restaurant.

 

They took the long route to go home today, wanting to take a walk before heading back. It was still raining from last night. With only one umbrella to share, they squeezed under it with Dongwoo’s arm linked with Howon’s.

 

 

They walked for a long time in silence. Dongwoo, who didn’t know how to break it and Howon, who appeared lost in thought.

 

Somehow, they ended up getting lost in the neighborhood. As they walked some more, trying to find their way out, Howon felt their surroundings become more and more familiar.

 

 And just as he guessed it, they were standing in front of his high school. The place that contained his most painful memories.

 

“Look, Howon! That cherry blossom tree. It’s so beautiful.”

 

The cherry blossom tree that Dongwoo was leaning against, moments before the accident.

 

The crosswalk. Lights. Blood. Tears.

 

Memories of Dongwoo’s death flooded Howon’s mind. He clutched at his head, the umbrella falling from his hands, as he tried to block out the memories that he had locked away deep within his mind

 

“Howon? Are you ok?” Dongwoo asked, concerned. He reached for Howon’s hand but before he could grasp onto it, Howon stepped back.

 

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t do this anymore…”

 

 

“He showed me a picture…a picture of someone who looked just like me. Someone he loved very much.” Dongwoo felt hot tears sliding down his cheeks as he recalled what happened this morning. Sungjong slid closer to Dongwoo, pulling him into a hug.

 

He continued, “He said seeing my face is too painful for him. That he couldn’t do it anymore. I guess I’m just a replacement, huh. He never loved me.”

 

Sungjong placed his hands on either side of Dongwoo’s face and shouted, “NO YOU’RE NOT! You’re not a replacement! You’re you! You’re Dongwoo!”

 

“I always knew…I always knew he had someone else in his heart. But I couldn’t bring myself to leave him. I couldn’t leave him. I love him, Sungjong. I love him so much.” he sobbed into Sungjong’s shoulder.

 

 

“Dongwoo. Jang Dongwoo. You stupid jerk. Why did you leave me?” Howon yelled. His face was pink and warm. His vision was blurry as he stumbled around in the streets. He couldn’t think or see straight due to the alcohol that flooded his system.

 

Sungyeol grabbed his arm, throwing it around his own shoulders as he tried to steady Howon on his feet. “Walk straight, you idiot.”

 

Howon laughed loudly, “I only have you now, my friend. My bestfriend in the world!” he yelled before latching his arms around Sungyeol’s neck, almost dragging both of them onto the ground if not for Sungyeol’s desperate effort to remain balanced.

 

Sungyeol hated seeing Howon like this. To see the usually composed Howon lose control pained him.

 

He took Howon to his own apartment, not trusting him to take care of himself. He placed him on the bed, taking off his shoes and loosening his shirt and covered him under the blanket.

 

“Dongwoo…I miss you...a lot..” A single tear slipped out of the corner of his eye.

 

 

Myungsoo wrapped a blanket around Sungjong and Dongwoo, who were both asleep, exhausted from crying. He laid next to Sungjong, studying his sleeping form.

 

Hearing Dongwoo’s story made him uneasy. He worried about whether Sungjong would be able to take care of himself after he left. Whether someone would look out for him if he was having a hard time.

 

But the thing that worried Myungsoo the most is how Sungjong would react if he found out that he, too, had to leave him some day. 






--------------------author's note---------------------
Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please comment below~ <33