The box-shaped electrical device beeped several times and Jill opened the door. The white cream-like food melted and looked more like white soup.

“Here you go.” She placed the plastic cup in front of me. “You can drink it now.”

I smiled and took the cup. She sat down next to me on the sofa and dug her spoon into her cup.

“Ice cream is wonderful. It makes you feel better no matter how bad or upset you feel. Kind of like chocolate.” I watched her take a big bite and shiver a little. “Ugh, brain freeze!” She clamped her eyes shut and held the side of her head.

My breath came out in a quiet rush. Why are you teasing me like this? I gently patted her shoulder until the expression on her face relaxed.

“Okay, it’s gone now.” She shook her head a little and scooped up a much small dose of ice cream.

I slowly raised my own cup that was a little warm around the edges and took a small sip, keeping my eyes on her just in case she got another brain freeze. After about a day in a half, I have gotten pretty good at drinking without a tongue. Now I didn’t have to tilt my head back as far to get what I was putting into my mouth down my throat. We ate in silence for a few minutes. I wondered what she was thinking about. I wondered if she was thinking about me and not at all about the guy who’s been trying to talk to her.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” Jill looked at me. She had finished her cup.

I nodded as I wiped off some melted cream from my chin. You can ask me anything.

She hesitated for a second. “Um…hold on.” She stood up and walked out of the room. She came back seconds later with more paper and a pen. “Here.” She handed both to me.

I put down my cup and took the paper and pen.

“Why did you hug me earlier?”

I blinked at her. Because I love you. I blinked again. No, I can’t write that. Too soon. I looked down at the paper and started writing.

“질 씨가 슬펐어요.” (You were sad.)

“‘I was sad’.” She looked at me. “You hugged me because I was sad?”

I nodded.

“Well that’s very nice of you, but honestly…you scared me a little.”

“왜요?” (Why?)

“’Why’? Because…well…the situation I’m in with this guy. It’s not a pleasant situation. I’m not really in the mood to be physically intimate with really anyone right now.”

I held the pen still, staring at her quietly.

“I’m sorry. I really am.’

“제발 미안하지마요.” (Please don't be sorry.)

“’Please don’t be sorry’. Well I kind of have to be.”

“있어야 안 해요. 질 씨는 사람이 신기해요.”

“’You don’t have to be. You are an amazing person.’” She slowly looked at me. “How could you possibly know anything about me?”

“질 씨는 나를 도와줬어요. 나는 혀를 없어요. 하지만 아직 질 씨한테 쓸 수 었어요. 말하지 않는지 싫어요. 하지만 질 씨의 곁에니까 행복해요.”

 “…’You helped me. I don’t have a tongue. But I can still write to you. I hate not talking. But because I’m by your side, I’m happy.’”

She was very quiet for several seconds.

After a second, I wrote a little more. “당신은 행복해질 자격이 있어요.”

“… ‘You deserve to be happy.’” She didn’t look at me. Just stared at the words I wrote. I watched her face.

She met my gaze after a moment. “That’s so sweet.” Her voice was quiet. Her eyes were a little wet. She looked so vulnerable, yet so beautiful.

My hand started to move on its own. Keeping my gaze locked with hers, I wrote something more: “너를 안고 싶어줘요.”

She slowly looked down to see what I was writing.

“너를 지키고 싶어요.”

Her voice was even quieter. “’I want to hug you. I want to protect you.’”

I nodded slowly, staring into her eyes. She stared down at my words in silence.

The impulse came back. But this one wasn’t to hug her. Before I could stop myself, my hand rose to the side of her face. She eyed it with an unclear expression on her face. I gently brushed the tips of my fingers down her cheek. I could feel her shiver very slightly. I love you. I slowly tilted her head up so our eyes were meeting. There was fear in her eyes. I think I saw her shaking a little. Her shoulders moved up and down as her breathing got faster.

I love you so much. My eyes lowered to her full, pink lips. They were slightly parted and looked so attractive. A quiet sigh escaped my own lips. I leaned in a centimeter closer. She didn’t do anything. I leaned in a couple centimeters more. Her head tilted down. “I’m sorry.” She got up from the sofa and walked toward the nearest stairs and ran up them.

I was left frozen in place. So many emotions were spinning around in my head, the strongest one being heartbreak. I was so close. I thought I was doing everything right. All I wanted to do was love and protect her just like I promised her I would. But now I’m thinking maybe this whole trip was the worst mistake I ever made. Maybe my feelings were better left spoken to her when she didn’t even know I was there. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to see her.

No sound came from anywhere on the second floor. It was very quiet in the entire house. I looked down at the paper and pen in my lap. After another couple seconds, I picked up the pen and placed the tip to the middle of the sheet. I didn’t move. I couldn’t think of anything to write that would make the situation better. I would only be apologizing a lot and begging her to open up her heart and accept my love. It would turn into a letter of anger, and I’m certainly not angry at her. Someone who’s been hurt like she has been would be in the closed-off state she’s in right now. I understood her situation completely. But my own heart hurts. I told her I would make her happy, but I only seem to have made her more upset. So what would be the best thing to do now? I could tell her the entire truth about me. Or I could just leave right now and she can forget ever have discovered me on the side of the road. Which one is best? Are there any other options?

My gaze turned toward the stairs. Many dead silent seconds ticked by. I don’t want to leave you.  I slowly stood up. Because I’m here with you now, I don’t ever want to go back. I moved to the stairs and climbed up them one by one. I’m sorry if my actions are too straightforward for you. I can’t help it. I’m like this because of you. I stopped in front of her closed door. No sound came from the other side. Please don’t run away from me. I slowly placed my hand on the door. Please accept my feelings.

I knocked gently. There was still no sound. Then, I heard her quiet voice. “I think you should leave.”

This sentence felt like a harpoon to my chest. I stared at the door wide-eyed and still as a statue. ………no. No, you don’t mean that. I bite my lip and knocked on the door harder.

“I said I think you should leave.” She said a little louder.

I reached for the knob and turned it. The door clicked open and I rushed into her room. She gasped loudly and backed up against the wall. “Have you gone deaf too!? Please leave!” She was sitting on her bed and hugging one of her pillows close to her chest. Long streaks of tear stains ran down her cheeks. There was pure upset in her eyes.

I met her gaze adamantly. I’m not leaving you.

She opened to speak, but no words came out. More water appeared in her eyes and her head dropped into her pillow. A muffled sob came from her pillow.

I walked to the side of her bed and placed one of my hands on her upper shoulder. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” She swatted my hand away, making me back away with surprised eyes. “I DON’T NEED YOU! I DON’T NEED MORE LIES AND DECEPTION! I’VE HAD PLENTY!”  Her shouts were shaking with her tear-filled voice. “GET THE HELL OUT, PLEASE!” Her upper body collapsed into the pillow and she cried loudly.

I stood a safe distance away from the side of her bed watching her in pain and shock. I’m not lying to you. My head slowly sank to the ground. She wants me to leave. She’s had it with me. Me who only wants her to be happy.

“Please…just leave.” She mumbled quietly.

I looked back up at her slumped over figure. I don’t want to leave. I stayed in place with my head lowered.

About five minutes went by. Her breathing started to come back to normal. After a couple seconds, she lifted her head. I watched her out of the corner of my eyes.

I heard her sigh. “I said leave.”

I heard you.

“Why are you still here?”

A small sigh escaped my lips. I’ve told you more than once why I’m here.

She slowly stood up and put her pillow back in place. Then she walked past me without looking at me and into the hallway. Her footsteps disappeared down the stairs and onto the second floor. Then I heard another door open and close. I ran to her window and looked outside. She walked down the sidewalk and toward the town square. She disappeared into the dimly lit area without looking back at the house.

Crap.