Dear Taeyeon,

I was hurt.

I was broken.

Then I found you.

As if you saw the broken me and knew exactly where the pieces were to go back into place, your loving embrace, your tender kisses, and sweet words made me feel complete.

I fell into your heart.

You also fell into mine.

We were so in love. A love people say come only once in a lifetime.

How could something so captivating and surreal also become something so unhealthy?

I lost my color. I lost who I was.

With the time we spent together, I became more like you. I wanted to be like you at first. You were so kind and had a heart of an angel but the longer we were together, I thought I needed to be perfect like you, but I am not.

I am broken.

I am damaged.

I have sinned.

How could someone like you, an angel, be with someone like me that is only...human?

I realized now that love is not what should keep us going. This kind of love won’t last a lifetime.

If I forget who I am and transform into someone I am not, you are not loving me. You are only loving an image of me that I painted to your liking. I used your favorite colors and painted you a beautiful picture that would make you smile and fill your heart with joy.

What if I told you that I liked using black instead of white? Would you still like the painting?

What if I told you that I didn’t even like painting? I prefer the roughness that comes from charcoal than the smooth brush marks that come from paint?

How could you love something that is so different than your ideal?

It is impossible.

Love can’t be imagined.

Love needs to be real.

That is why I left.

I was so captivated in our imaginary world that I soon found that everything was so fake.

I was suffocating.

I couldn’t breathe because every second I thought I needed to be something else for you. However, I am different. I am unique and I have edges that can be sharp.

You may have not saw that I was hurting because it wasn’t your fault. It was mine.

I chose to be better for you. I chose to do everything to make you smile because that is what love is.

Love can tear you apart and make you into something you are not.

I am leaving, not to say goodbye, but to find the broken me again.

Maybe when I return, you will be there to put me back together but in that process, you might be disappointed that I transformed into a different picture.

If you choose not to accept the new me or can’t forgive me for leaving you, I will understand.

I only ask that you look.

I want you to see me for who I really am. That way, you will not remember the imagined me, but see who I really am.

If our love were to last a lifetime, time will be on our side.

Love Always,

Jessica