Chapter 17

JB POV 

Part 3

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I picked up my phone, staring at the good night text Youngjae sent me only a few minutes ago. It was on my mind even as I took a shower when I returned from work.

 

He sent it as soon as I got home.

 

And as soon as I saw it, I wanted to see him.

 

Somehow.

 

Or at least hear his voice. 

 

The last time I saw him was two weeks ago on our first date to the movies. After the movie we found somewhere to go eat and I finally returned Youngjae home, grinning in happiness.

 

I could tell Youngjae was happy too, but since then I became so busy again, having to suddenly go abroad just a week after. 

 

The month is almost ending once again and I've been with Youngjae alone only once. 

 

I couldn't stop myself from dialing his number. It surprisingly only rang twice before he picked up. As if he was waiting for my call. But he couldn't have, since his voice strained, as if he just woke up.

 

It was almost midnight.

 

"Hyung..?"

 

"I want to see you."

 

I couldn't believe I let the words come out of my mouth so quickly. I'm usually very smart with how I say things around him now. Being too straightforward with Youngjae makes him nervous. With my eyes wide, I waited until the short silence passed.

 

I had just one thought.

 

I scared him again. 

 

"H...huh?" Youngjae finally said something.

 

"I'm hungry. Come cook for me?" I asked.

 

There was a long silence, and I hoped he didn't fall back asleep.

 

"Do you know what time it is?" he suddenly chuckled lightly, sounding as if he was now fully awake.

 

I guess he's brushing off what I said earlier.

 

"You owe me." I just replied, a little irritated that he ignored what I said of wanting to see him. 

 

I listened to the silence on the phone again. Youngjae didn't say anything. I could hear him shuffling around though, so I knew he wasn't asleep.

 

"I'll-"

 

"I'll see you." I just said, hanging up the phone.

 

"What was that?" I mumbled to myself, staring at my phone. It's like something suddenly came over me. I never thought I would push Youngjae to do something so selfishly, but I guess not being able to see him really is making me a little frustrated. 

 

The more I don't see him, the more I get a temper thinking about it. I get to see the person I'm together with every few weeks only, and sometimes we are never alone. Youngjae never willingly comes alone to my apartment anymore either, unless I force him or he has a reason to. 

 

I don't want to feel like I'm forcing him, but I wonder if he really doesn't understand what a relationship is supposed to be like. I don't want him to feel like I'm clinging on him but we rarely ever see each other at all. 

 

With these thoughts in mind I fell on my bed, groaning loudly in frustration.

 

Youngjae turned up thirty minutes later, a bag hanging from his shoulder, breathing hard.

 

I opened the door, eyes wide, surprised he really came just because I selfishly asked him to, knowing he has class tomorrow.

 

"I rushed here. You just called and asked so suddenly hyung. I had to leave a note for my mom." he said.

 

"You came." I said, a little wide eyed and surprised as I closed the door.

 

"What are you saying? I promised you." he said smiling.

 

I unconsciously pulled him into a hug. Surprisingly he didn't pull away, but he also didn't hug me back. 

 

"What is this?" he asked.

 

"A hug." I replied.

 

He hit my back and I instantly squeezed him hard as punishment. 

 

"Hyung..." he groaned.

 

I released my tight hold on him, chuckling at his small protests.

 

"That's what you get." I murmured.

 

After the hug Youngjae dropped his bag on the couch and headed straight into the kitchen. He didn't talk but started opening and closing my fridge. I walked up to him, grabbing an apron.

 

Together we made some kimchi fried rice that we found an ingredient for online. 

 

We ate quickly and in silence, but I could tell it was a comfortable silence. Something changed with Youngjae. He looked at me straight in the eyes when talking to me and didn't seem so nervous when I touched his arm, grabbed his hand, or leaned closer to him. 

 

He was acting like how the old Youngjae acted around me before I confessed.

 

We finished eating quickly, both washing the dishes together and coming to lay down on the couch.

 

"I have classes tomorrow afternoon. Somehow...I don't want to go." Youngjae said.

 

"You don't have to." I murmured.

 

"Such a bad influence." he chuckled.

 

I laughed. 

 

A short silence passed then.

 

"Maybe I won't go. I'm tired too." Youngjae suddenly said. 

 

Another short silence passed. I don't know when but somehow I unconsciously grabbed a hold of his hand, my thumb rubbing his palm back and forth.

 

"Now I want something sweet." I sighed.

 

"Me to-Wait!" he suddenly stood up and went straight for his bag. He pulled out a small notebook and glanced inside.

 

"We can do this." he said walking towards the kitchen.

 

I followed him, and then watched as he opened the fridge and stared inside.

 

"What are you looking at? " I asked, looking over his shoulder.

 

"My mom made watermelon punch a few weeks ago." he said.

 

"Punch?" I stared at him.

 

He looked really excited.

 

"It didn't take a lot of time. I learned while making it with her." he said.

 

"You want to make watermelon punch?" I asked.

 

"I asked her to teach me...I even took notes." he whispered this last part.

 

I wanted to laugh. 

 

He did this again?

 

"I thought you don't like cooking?" I asked.

 

"This isn't really cooking right? And you have a watermelon in your fridge. Did you know? Ah-do you have cider?" he looked away from me, back into the fridge. "You have cider too!" he said excitedly, even clapping.

 

I stared at him.

 

"Since when do you like cooking?" I asked.

 

"I told you, it's not really cooking." he looked at me. "And it's not that I don't like it...I just didn't learn before. But my parents say when I move out I need to cook for myself so I'm trying to learn really easy recipes. It seems you have everything we need." he said turning to me wide eyed with a big smile.

 

"I went grocery shopping for a lot of things after I came back from China. My brother brought over the watermelon. He said it was on sale or something. And you don't need to learn, your girlfriend will cook for you right?"

 

It was instantly after I said this that my eyes went wide and I grabbed Youngjae's arm.

 

What the heck did I just say?

 

A laugh escaped him.

 

I stared at him.

 

"So...you're going to cook for me Jaebum hyung?" he suddely teased.

 

"Hey!" I yelled, pulling him into a neck hold. He tried to pull away but I tickled him, which lead to apologizing and begging for me to stop.

 

I stopped and smirked at him.

 

"Yeah. I'll cook for you." I finally said.

 

Youngjae just laughed, grabbing an apron once again. I watched him in surprise. He was so calm joking about our relationship all of a sudden.

 

Has he really stopped being so nervous?

 

"You have to help me hyung." he suddenly said.

 

"Huh? Yeah. Yeah." I grabbed the extra apron. "Watermelon punch at this time of the night? It's not the right season."

 

He laughed as I joined him.

 

For a snack that night we had really refreshing watermelon punch, despite the weather. Youngjae stayed over and in the morning mumbled he wasn't going to class. After a small argument with his mom on the phone he fell asleep again and I headed to work.

 

Only to get there, and have nothing to do. Promotions for most of the artists were over and the rest were abroad.

 

I was given the okay to go home along with some others.

 

I speeded home and went straight for the bed when I arrived, laying next to Youngjae and letting sleep take over.

 

______________________________________________________

Jackson contacted us one day, to meet up since we all haven't seen each other in a long time. It was a group message and surprisingly everyone could make it for the first time in a long time.

 

I thought we were going to meet at his apartment, so I was surprised when I arrived home to find them sitting around eating snacks.

 

"We've been waiting forever." Jackson suddenly said.

 

I walked up to them smirking.

 

"It takes a long time to get back." I replied. 

 

"Jr hyung opened the door for us. He knows the passcode." BamBam said.

 

I nodded, glancing at Youngjae.

 

He knows it too.

 

Jinyoung knows the passcode because we used to live together as roommates for about a year before we decided it would be best to get our own places. That's around the same time we met Mark and Jackson.

 

We always joke on when Mark and Jackson are going to get their own places since they have different personalities, but it seems that even though they don't really have a lot in common and live in silence half of the time, they like it that way.

 

Jackson told me it's cheaper to share one big apartment with one room then have to move out.  

 

I agree with him.

 

There's no reason that Jinyoung and I decided are own places. We both just thought it would be good since we lived together so long anyway. It got tiring having to see him every day and he surprisingly felt the same way. 

 

I was lucky that my uncle was looking to buy an apartment anyway, and he said I could stay with him. In the end my uncle moved abroad with his wife, so I've had the apartment to myself for a while, but lately I have thoughts of asking Youngjae to become my new roommate. 

 

I've had this thought that maybe with Youngjae, it will be different than with Jinyoung.

 

"We need to hurry and watch the movie." Yugyeom said. 

 

They already had everything set up. I glanced at Mark who had coco in his hands, then at Youngjae who was busy playing with her. I tried to catch his eyes but he didn't look.

 

"I'll be ready in a few minutes. I need to go shower. My muscles hurt." I said, heading to my room.

 

"I'll call for food while we're waiting." Jinyoung said. "But hurry."

 

I nodded quickly over and over.

 

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm coming." 

 

I fell on the bed first, staring at the ceiling.

 

Is Youngjae ignoring me again? So suddenly?

 

He would be the first to come up and say hi. We didn't even catch eyes. It looked like he was avoiding my eyes and I could tell because he's done it before.

 

Or maybe I'm thinking about it too much. 

 

"I need a shower." I mumbled.

 

I got up finally and headed to the bathroom for a much needed shower. I didn't intend for it to be long, but it was long anyway, and when I went back to the guys, they were complaining.

 

I ignored it and grabbed a slice of pizza.

 

Youngjae was totally ignoring me. 

 

It irritates me. The last we talked was a message three days ago. I suddenly remembered what I wrote in the message, but we talked just fine a day ago. He didn't talk as if something was wrong.

 

So why is he suddenly like this again? We're taking only a few steps forward just to push ourselves back.

 

Even when I said his name he didn't look at me. He wouldn't laugh at something stupid I did like he always does. At least before he would ignore me with eyes but laugh at all my jokes and everything else. 

 

Currently sitting, watching the whole movie, finishing the movie, playing some games, and finally lazing around, Youngjae didn't look at me at all, and when he talked to me it was really short with no feeling.

 

It really irritated me. It irritated me more then I thought it would.

 

But that's because I like him. I like Youngjae as a person. I don't look at whether he's a guy or girl, whether he's younger than me or not. He understands me and it happened so quickly. The only other person who understands me so well is Jinyoung and that's because we've known each other for so long. 

 

It needed to be Youngjae . No matter what it needs to be Youngjae. 

 

But did I make a mistake? 

 

The guys soon started leaving one by one, and I was glad Jinyoung suddenly 'forced' me to take Youngjae home since he was taking Yugyeom and BamBam home. Even after Youngjae protested a little, we ended up being left alone.

 

I could tell Jinyoung sensed something was wrong.

 

"Is it because of the message from three days ago?" I quickly asked, staring at Youngjae.

 

"Huh?" he replied.

 

I sighed and crossed my arms.

 

"I know already so don't try to deny." I said.

 

"Hyung...I should really get home. I have class tomorrow morning." he said, sitting down.

 

In the message, I only wrote-

 

"I really really like you Choi Youngjae, and I think one day we could be more than what we are now."

 

 It's all I wrote. I only did it because I remembered the night I called him to come over to make food and he was acting like before and wouldn't pull away in embarrassment when I touched him. It made me happy, so I unconsciously messaged him without thinking twice. 

 

We talked two days after that though, so what is the problem? Does he not like me back after all? Am I forcing him? Did I make a mistake by scaring him? The perfect little ball of sunshine. He's always smiling everyday and I ruined it because I selfishly wanted him to know my feelings.

 

He still wouldn't look at me.

 

I sighed.

 

"If you want to...let's break up." I said.

 

"Huh? What? Why?" Suddenly he lifted his head and looked straight into my eyes.

 

What is this? Why is he playing with my feelings?

 

"Hey! Choi Youngjae!" I yelled loudly.

 

He flinched, looking at me wide eyed.

 

"If you don't like me you should just say it! I'm getting frustrated always thinking about whether or not I made the right choice! I don't want to scare you so tell me if you don't want this!" I continued yelling.

 

"Hyung!" he said loudly.

 

I've never seen him raise his voice either.

 

"Don't treat me like that. What could I be scared of?" he asked.

 

"Of me. That I confessed. You're confused and I know why! You don't like me like this I know so just tell me and we can stop whatever this is so we both don't get hur-"

 

"Stop it!" he yelled.

 

His head lowered and he got up.

 

A long silence passed.

 

I sat down on the couch and covered half of my face in frustration. Youngjae was standing up for a few more minutes before he finally sat back down next to me.

 

"JB hyung?" he said. "Hm?" I responded.

 

"I've never see you so angry before. It surprised me." he said.

 

Youngjae and I have never had a fight before. We've argued playfully of course but it never turned into yelling at all.

 

I was surprised at myself when I suddenly yelled at him. He looked shocked as he stared at me real hard, waiting for me to apologize probably.

 

But I won't. He's playing with my feelings right now. 

 

I sighed and lowered my voice.

 

"If you don't want this we don't have to do this. You think I wasn't nervous to confess? You think I'm not nervous around you too? I can't even look at you sometimes, and sometime I stare so hard...." I stopped talking and ran a hand through my hair, sighing again as I stood up and walked towards the kitchen.

 

I grabbed two bottles of water and walked back to Youngjae, slowly handing him one.

 

"Maybe we should stop this. Just go back to being hyung and donsaen-"

 

"No." he quickly interrupted me.

 

I looked down at him.

 

He played with his hands, but didn't look nervous anymore. He looked like he wanted to say something.

 

He looked at me hard, then looked away. He did this a couple of times.

 

"We don't have to do this Youngjae. Let's just be friends again. I think it will be easier for both of us. It will make you feel better. This is weird right? Between two guys...I know. I shouldn't have confesse-"

 

"I'm sorry for everything since school started." he suddenly apologized.

 

"Huh?" I stared at him.

 

I could be shocked, but I've realized Youngjae has many different surprises about him. 

 

"I've been avoiding you hyung. It's time for me to be an adult now and stop being nervous. We agreed to this. I agreed to this, but I'm treating you badly just because of how I feel right?" 

 

The sudden thought came to my mind.

 

"Did you talk to Jinyoung?" I asked, somehow knowing.

 

He slowly nodded.

 

"It's just...I didn't know what else to do. I was so embarrassed." he said. "I've never done this before you know it. But I..." he paused.

 

I stared at him, leaning close.

 

"You what?" I asked. If he was going to take this serious then so would I. We were going to the next step right?

 

"I want this too. Slowly I've realized that I think I really like you hyung. I don't want us to fight so suddenly." he said, covering half his face in embarrassment. "It wasn't the message. I think you don't remember." 

 

"Huh?" I stared at him.

 

"I think you were drunk." he suddenly laughed.

 

I continued staring at him, watching as he took out his phone.

 

"Listen." he said.

 

Suddenly I could hear my voice, and even my own words were so embarrassing it made me cover my face. I was singing. I was definitely drunk.

 

Some of the guys at work invited me to go eating yesterday. I remember talking to Youngjae, but I don't remember when I called and left a message singing a full song confessing that I love him. 

 

"You called again after we talked. I was asleep. I heard this this morning." Youngjae said, stopping the voice message.

 

I lifted my hand from my face.

 

"I've been thinking about it all day. I can't stop thinking about it." he said.

 

"But I think it's true." I said, smirking.

 

He looked at me.  

 

I quickly pulled him into a hug. 

 

"Jaebum hyung?" he said, so low that I barely heard him. I responded by squeezing him in a tighter hug.

 

"Hm?" I replied smiling.

 

"I have something to confess too actually." he said. "And don't squeeze me so much." he said chuckling lightly.

I pulled us away and looked at him. 

 

Staring at the floor for a few seconds he looked up at me. 

 

"When you were sleeping..." he mumbled.

 

"Huh?" I stared at him confused.

 

"I stole a kiss that day I stayed over and skipped school. When you fell asleep next to me. I woke up and you were deeply sleeping...so I...I did it." he admited, both his hand went straight to his face and I watched Youngjae in embarrassment as he shook his head, his eyes lowered, anywhere but on me.

 

"So don't say I don't like you." he continued.

 

A short silence passed.

 

"Because I really do." he said.

 

"A kiss where?" I quickly asked.

 

"Huh?" he still didn't look at me.

 

I leaned in close to him.

 

"Where did you kiss me?" I asked.

A nervously shaking finger touched his cheek and I chuckled and shook my head. I slowly took off my hat and ran a hand through my hair.

 

Before I knew it I was pulling Youngjae in.

 

Our lips touched slightly and when he didn't pull away I deepened the kiss. 

 

He's sloppy, but he's always trying his best.

 

I can tell Youngjae tries his best. I can tell he really hasn't ever been in a relationship before because everything he does is awkward.

 

It's alright I'll teach him.

 

Pulling away from his lips, I let myself hover over Youngjae for a few moments before pulling him into a hug. His arms slowly wrapped around me. 

 

I don't know how long we sat hugging, but we eventually pulled away, turning towards the TV that was on during the whole thing.

 

 Youngjae laughed suddenly and nudged me on the arm.

 

"Hey. What is it?" I asked, looking at him.

 

He continued laughing harder.

 

"You were so angry." he said.

 

I stared at him laughing, my arm reaching for him when he pulled back, arms folding across his chest in defense.

 

I pulled him towards me anyway.

 

"Because I really really like you." I whispered.

 

He stopped laughing, but a smile stayed on his face.

 

"Then let's not fight about it." he murmured.

 

He suddenly pulled me into another hug and I returned it, listening to his small chuckles and stupidly smiling.

 

Youngjae is becoming an adult. 

 

________________________________________________________

A few weeks later and I sent a group message to everyone.

 

I haven't been to Youngjae's house in a long time so I set the destination at his house, and even though he complained, we eventually met at his house.

 

Both his parents weren't home so after playing a few games on his computer and laying around in his room, we decided to go out to eat, somewhere we could take coco. It was really hard finding a place but we did.

 

A pet cafe that served food for the owners, and coco had a chance to play with some other puppies. 

 

We were there for a long time before we left. But not before I stole a kiss on Youngjae's cheek when he was laughing. In front of all the guys. Luckily we were outside and no one was around us.

 

BamBam yelled in protest, but laughed quickly afterwards. They didn't have any big reaction at all. I've known that secretly they know, not as much as Jinyoung knows, but the guys know a little. They can at least see us staring at each other all the time.

 

Youngjae hit me on the chest and looked away, but soon Jackson placed one big one on his other cheek and Jinyoung did the same. Mark surprisingly stole one and even though it irritated me slightly, I couldn't help but laugh.

 

Youngjae on the other hand, looked disgusted, and proceeded to hit them as they about how he has become so handsome lately.

 

We went walking towards the cars to go home. Yugyeom and BamBam went with Jinyoung, Mark and Jackson left, and it was only me and Youngjae sitting in my car.

 

We sat in the car for a few minutes in silence where I knew he was just a little irritated. I was irritated at myself for doing something so stupid in public.

 

I drove Youngjae home, planning to return straight back to the apartment after, but as soon as he got out of the car, he suddenly peeked his head through the car door and asked if I was coming in.

 

I happily found a spot to park and ran towards the familiar house. His parent were still not home.

 

So we walked into his room.

 

"Do you have to go to work tomorrow?" he asked, putting coco down.

 

"I do." I groaned laughing on the bed.

 

"Maybe we can go somewhere after." he said.

 

"Huh?" I quickly looked at him, wondering if I heard right.

 

Youngjae just smiled and his computer, sitting down in front of it.

 

"I thought you would be irritated." I chuckled, staring at him. 

 

"Why would I be?" he asked.

 

I looked at him confused. He was really making me confused. His reaction to it all before compared to now. 

 

"We're trying this right? We even had a fight where you looked so scary like you were going to hit me." he said, chuckling.

 

I got up and pulled Youngjae up into a hug, even surprising myself.

 

After a few moments arms wrapped around me as well and I smiled and leaned into the hug.

 

"I really like you Youngjae-ah." I whispered such a cheesy line once again. 

 

"Aren't you embarrassed to say that...again?" he asked.

 

I shook my head no, not being able to reply since I suddenly felt embarrassed at my own words.

 

Youngjae chuckled lightly and his arms wrapped tighter around me.

 

"Then...I think I like you too hyung." he replied with his own cheesy words. 

 

Somehow I ended up pushing him towards his bed where we both fell down. Him first and then me.

 

"Ow...JB hyung." he groaned and I apologized, not knowing what came over me as I suddenly stole another kiss.

 

He managed to pull away to tell me to calm down. 

 

"Wait a second. In any case, give me a moment hyung. This is really embarrasing for me." he mumbled.

 

"No." I replied, surprising myself. I wasn't thinking of doing anything over and beyond, but I was so happy to hear him say he likes me too again. It always makes me happy to know I'm not pushing him or scaring him.

 

He laughed as I ran my hand through his hair.

 

"I don't know what it is, but I've never felt this way about someone before." I admitted. 

 

"Are you confessing again?" Youngjae asked, still laughing.

 

"Maybe." I replied.

 

He continued laughing.

 

"You don't have to. I know." he said.

 

I wanted to be honest with him. I wanted him to be honest with me. I wanted so much of Youngjae in that moment that I felt embarrased, but I didn't stop. 

 

I pulled us into the position I always find us in when he sleeps over. I wrapped my arms tight around him and closed my eyes.  

 

"Are you falling asleep?" he asked.

 

"Yeah." I mumbled. 

 

He didn't push me away that night.

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Three weeks later I picked up the phone and dialed Youngjae after going into the company and being told there was nothing to do so I could leave. A week earlier I was abroad in China with some of the others for an award show performance. 

 

"I'm coming to your house." I said, smiling at the familiar voice.

 

We've sent messages and talked, even when I was in China for three days. But it's still funny to suddenly hear his loud voice talking over his game. I've visited his house all the time when I'm free, sometimes not telling the guys because I want to be alone with him.

 

I laughed at a frustrated Youngjae because I wouldn't let him play his game. When I go to his house usually I just lay on his bed and stare at him playing games until I fall asleep. Some other times we have serious conversations, which always distracts him from the game. 

 

"Hyung?" he said, laughing. 

 

"What is it?" I looked at him.

 

"Lately...lately it's always at my house. I haven't been to your apartment in weeks." he said.

 

I smiled at his cute words.

 

"You're saying you want to come to my room?" I asked slyly.

 

"Hyung...!" he yelled.

 

"Mm?" I said, chuckling.

 

Youngjae suddenly whispered.

 

"JB hyung, that's such a ert thing to say." 

 

"Hey!" I yelled.

 

He started laughing.

 

"I'm coming over now. Then we will see who's a ert." I said, for a second forgetting who I was talking to. As Jackson always says, an innocent Youngjae, but lately, Youngjae and I both haven't been so innocent right?

 

We are trying to move forward. 

 

He's not so innocent anymore is he?

 

"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry." he quickly apologized, laughing hard.

 

"I'll be there in a few minutes." I murmured, a smile on my face.

 

"Hyung-"

 

I didn't give him time to say anything but hung up on him, then sent a message with a smirk face. Youngjae replied the message with an angry face and I laughed, getting ready to go to his house.

 

_______________________________________________________

Youngjae opened his door slowly, at first peeking out of it.

 

"Hey Choi Youngjae!" I yelled.

 

"Yes!" he opened the door wider and I laughed. 

 

"Can I come in?" I asked.

 

He looked at me surprised before stepping back. I chuckled, stepping inside, closing the door and hugging him.

 

He didn't pull away.

 

"Your mom isn't here?" I asked.

 

"She stepped out with my dad." he replied. "It's only me and coco."

 

I tightened the hug. 

 

"Good..." I mumbled.

 

We stood hugging for quite a while. I continued hugging him only because he didn't pull away, when usually he would quickly pull away in embarrassment and scold me that his parents are coming home. 

 

In the end he gives in though, and we eventually go into his room. 

 

"You're okay with this?" I asked after a while.

 

I could feel coco nudging on my leg, barking for a long time before disappearing into Youngjae's room. 

 

"We should...go...to my room." Youngjae finally said.

 

I pulled away and stared wide eyed at him. 

 

He lowered his eyes.

 

"I'm okay." he said.

 

My hand moved, slid down his arm, and caught his hand. I pulled Youngjae with me into his room where coco had magically fallen asleep.

 

I wondered how long we were standing in front of his door hugging that coco fell asleep and I didn't even realize the sudden quietness.

 

I sat down on Youngjae's bed and he walked to his chair close to his bed. His head was still lowered. His computer was surprisingly turned off.

 

"Come on don't be like this. You're the one that said we should come in here." I said slyly. 

 

He looked up at me, his ears red.

 

"You're really embarrased." I said.

 

He nodded.

 

"Come here. I want to hug." I said.

 

"So demanding!" he suddenly yelled, laughing loudly. Coco woke up, barking little barks, walking towards Youngjae and falling asleep once again next to his leg. 

 

"Hey!" I yelled back. "Weren't you embarrassed a few seconds ago?"

 

Youngjae stood up and walked towards me, sitting down with his arms out.

 

"The hug." he said.

 

I smiled and pulled him into a hug. 

 

"Aren't you embarrased?" I asked him.

 

"You always hug me and hold my hand anyway." he replied.

 

"So you're not scared?" I asked.

 

"Huh? This again? Why would I be?" he asked.

 

"Okay." I said, my arms tightening around him. "Then don't pull away."

 

I didn't give Youngjae time to react. I slowly pushed him down on the bed, he didn't flinch or push me away. Our lips sort of connected somehow when we landed on the bed. 

 

We've done this a couple of times when I come to his house now. We do it so naturally that I think the embarrassment left both of us the second or third time.

 

The kiss continued, slowly getting deeper. I needed to make it slow to teach him. It's something we've never done before. Our kisses never usually last long, because I don't want to push Youngjae.

 

"Youngjae-ah...." I whispered his name in between kisses. He didn't say anything, his awkward hands lingering on my upper arms.

 

"Relax..." I whispered.

 

He relaxed a little more and I pushed into him, my hand moving lower and lower until I didn't even realize it was already inside his shirt. I wasn't planning to take it that far so fast. I've never taken it so far.

 

So Youngjae squeezed my arm.

 

I stopped my hand but accidentally leaned on him in the heat of the moment, leading Youngjae to push me up and pull away slightly himself. His ears and face were completely red.

 

"Hyung...what are you doing?" he mumbled, glancing at me. 

 

I stared down at him, smiling. We stared hard at each other, so hard. He looked so embarrassed. His ears were still bright red and his cheeks even more red. 

 

I've never seen his face so red. 

 

"You okay?" I asked.

 

He nodded slowly.

 

I smiled and chuckled.

 

He slowly smiled, copying me, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair. 

 

"What am I going to do with you?" he mumbled, covering his whole face with both his hands.

 

I lowered myself down, my hand leaving the inside of his shirt. I didn't want to scare him, since he was accepting me.

 

We have plenty of time. 

 

I smiled wider. 

 

"Like me more." I said, finally laying down flat and attempting to pull him into a hug. He laughed and hit me on the shoulder when my fingers caught his ticklish parts.

 

After this he surprisingly hugged me back.

 

"You're heavy..." he mumbled.

 

"Deal with it." I replied. 

A few minutes of silence passed.

 

I closed my eyes and relaxed, not believing that Youngjae was letting me do what I've thought of doing, but have been too afraid to do for a few months now. 

 

"Jaebum-ah..."

 

He flinched, maybe because I flinched at him saying my name. It was so sudden my eyes quickly opened wide. He called me without honorifics. 

 

Finally. What I've been waiting for since I confessed to him.

 

"I like you Jaebum hyung." he said.

 

I felt a nervous quick kiss to my neck and it surprised me even more.

 

He's learning my moves.

 

I chuckled.

 

"No." I said.

 

"Huh?" he stared at me.

 

"When we're alone, you can call me Jaebum." I said.

 

Hands tightened around me, a little too tight.

 

I chuckled and returned the quick kiss, but this time to a very bright red ear. He almost let go of me to grab his his ear....but didn't.

 

"This is really too embarrassing."he said.

 

"Really? Then just think only of me." I murmured.

 

A cheesy line I know, but I wanted to say something back in this very rare moment.

 

"I like you..." a long silence passed "...Jaebum." he finally said again.

 

This time he didn't laugh. He sounded so serious.

 

I could only chuckle, squeezing him tighter, glad that finally I'm allowed to touch him without any tension, that finally he accepts my feelings fully.

 

From now on he will call me Jaebum.

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_{^{the end.}}

_{^{credit to @honeybaek for picture above}}