“What hurts the most is some things will never be the same again.”

As it has already been planned in the first place, I am now in the plane, which is on the way to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for the InStyle magazine photo shoot. I’ll be featured as the cover girl for May edition. My manager, Heechul oppa is flying with me as well as my young stylist, Naeun, though she’s not clearly in charge of my outfits there. She’s merely here on my request.

I sit in the business class row with Naeun, and Heechul oppa, on the other hand, is sitting two seats ahead of mine. I chose to sit with her is solely because I can’t stand of his sleeping habit. He’s quite a big snorer in which he would always slap me in the chest with his long arm all the time. I swear, I’ve had lots of experiences before.

“Unnie, why are you still up even after meals?” Naeun asks, who seems to have been ready for a deep sleep.

“I’m reading a novel,” I say, showing her a glance of the novel in my grip. “I don’t feel like sleeping yet.”

“What novel is that?” She leans closer to me for a better view. “Found You?”

“Yes,” I say in acknowledgement. “Have you read it, Naeun?”

“Of course I have! In fact, I’ve read it twice.” She sounds as if she could literally tell the whole story to me. “Though I’m kind of pissed at the male lead. He’s a complete .”

“?” I actually want to laugh out loud for her choice of words, but I just stifle it. “Why is he an , Naeun?”

“At what page are you reading now?” she questions.

“Uhm, it’s when the night where everything became crystal clear and uhm, the first night they’d ever slept together.” I feel my cheeks burning. I mean, it’s kind of awkward to talk about adult stuff with her—she’s still in her early twenties.

“Ah, I still remember that scene!” The latter crosses her arms over her chest. “At that moment, the male lead, Minhyuk mask has yet to be uncovered.”

“I know he’s got loads of secrets that he’s been hiding from his wife, but are those really big?” I am very eager to know what is going to happen afterwards, though I’m not really a huge fan of spoilers. This time, I concede defeat and am utterly curious to see through to the end.

“Really, really big!” she bursts out, a smirk forms at the corner of her lips. “He seems to very nice in person, but it’s all a bluff. He’s a betrayer!”

“He’s a betrayer?” Okay, I’m officially lost. Perhaps this is why I should have never listened to her in the first place. “You mean, he betrayed his wife?”

“Definitely!”

Naeun then shares me the whole story of the novel in which I feel like giving up already to continue reading it. It’s not because of the big spoilers, but I’ve completely lost interest in the male lead, Jo Minhyuk. According to Naeun, he was a nice, loving man towards everyone and of course his wife—though it was just an arranged marriage—until his mask had been uncovered. His true demeanor and how evil he was to betray his wife, Nam Soohyun.

“You see, I can pretty much relate his nice-turned-evil character to men nowadays,” she deduces, as if she’s a pro. “We cannot just put our faith in men so easily despite how nice they are.”

“Sometimes without us knowing, they could have their demeanor changed in an instant—their true selves,” she adds charismatically. I actually gawk at her inwardly after seeing how different she is. She’s never been this kind of girl to begin with. She has changed right at this very moment.

“Once we’ve seen their true self, we’d start to regret for our stupidity to believe in them. During that moment, there’s no need to cry ourselves silly because no matter how hard we cry, things won’t change. Ever.”

Two days have been a very pain in the —it’s not because of the photo shoot, but rather the weather. I know Malaysia is a hot and humid country, but I never thought it’d be this hot!

To make it worse, we have a lot of outdoor photo shoots and it’s really hard for me—I utterly mean it. I swear I literally look so tanned, as though I’ve been having continuous sun-bathing session at the beach.

When those times have passed, only God knows how delighted I am. I spend the next day pampering myself in one of the renowned spas in Malaysia, Serenity Spa. Naeun joined along the session, by the way.

 And yes, I’ve become a human being again.

The next day and it’s apparently the last day I’m in Malaysia, Naeun (once again) and I are now going to the Bukit Bintang or known as Starhill through monorail.

So now, let’s shop till we drop!

“So far… what kind of souvenirs have you bought for your family and friends, Naeun?” I throw the young girl an inquisitive question as we’re still in Berjaya Times Square.

“T-shirts, sweets and bracelets for my family and t-shirts, keychain for my friends,” she informs in a detailed way. “And not to mention, a t-shirt as well for Heechul oppa!”

“You bought one for him?” I ask her in disbelief. Heechul oppa’s not joining us today. He said he hasn’t had enough sleep these past few days, so he’d rather stay in the hotel for the rest of the day.

“Yes.” She nods excitedly. “He might be upset if we come back to the hotel empty-handed!”

“I know, right? He can be pretty sulky at times.” I could not help agreeing with her point. “By the way, I’m going to the washroom, so you can have some time for yourself, okay?”

She nods again. “Okay, unnie! I’ll hang around this floor, so let me know anything through KakaoTalk, okay?”

 “Okay.”

And with that, we’re off to our own direction. I head towards the north and she heads towards the south.

After I have settled myself in the washroom, I stalk off and saunter towards the crowd. Truth be told, I have no idea where I am right now. To be completely clear, I don’t remember which direction I headed to the washroom earlier—whether it’s the left side or the right side. I just can’t seem to remember, though it just happened like, twenty minutes ago.

Amidst the panic of searching the way back to Naeun, I stumble upon a small stall, which sells creative hand-made women accessories like rings, bracelets, necklaces, earrings and whatnot. Miniature perfumes inspired by famous designer labels are also available for purchase.

“Hello,” the middle-aged woman, who is apparently Chinese, greets me in English, as though she knows the fact I’m a foreigner. “Is there anything you are interested in, Miss?”

I give the elder a warm smile in response. “Uhm, let me take a look around for a second,” I say meekly in English. Though I’m not particularly good in English, I do know how to initiate a Basic English conversation. There are a few English teachers from Canada in my agency and I always reach them once twice a week for lesson.

As I’m immersed into browsing through variety of accessories, she comes closer to me and says, “All the accessories here are made by me and my two daughters.”

“They are all very pretty that I can’t choose which one I want,” I say in awkward English, having a purple diamond necklace in my grip.

“The one in your hand is pretty, Miss,” she says with a bright, motherly smile. “You should consider buying yourself one.”

I rack my brain for a second, thinking whether I should buy this necklace as she just suggested.

“Okay, I’ll have it,” I say after a few moments. “How much is it?”

“It’s actually RM 65, but I’ll give you a discount today because you’re so pretty,” she says, to which it makes me cringe in embarrassment. “So… it’s just RM 50.”

I do not really know how much RM 50 is for a pretty necklace, but according to what I heard from Heechul oppa, Malaysia is a fair country in terms of goods.

“Okay, I’ll have it.”

At last, I have reached Mr. Anon!

While waiting for the middle-aged woman to wrap up the necklace in a box, I receive a KakaoTalk message from him. I mean, I have never expected one from him. We haven’t been keeping in touch for these past few weeks—or to be specific, he’s been literally missing in action since the day I refused his invitation. He asked me for a meeting, but I straightforwardly rejected him.

Mr. Anon: Hi.

Though it’s just a simple ‘Hi’, I am still delighted to hear something from him. I kind of missed him, to be honest. We’ve always texted to each other before, so when we have stopped doing so, it feels different—like my heart is being stabbed by a knife of emptiness.

Me: Hi. Where have you been all the time?

Once I have his reply