ARC ONE

concerto
Origin: Italian
A musical composition for a solo instrument or instruments accompanied by an orchestra, especially one conceived on a relatively large scale

DISCLAIMER: The personalities and opinions of these characters do not represent those of actual idols themselves, the Juilliard students, the New York Philharmonic, or any of its employees. The Juilliard School is not responsible for the accuracy of information.

The Thirty-Fourth Measure

Friday: October 2, 2020

Oh god, what's hapening to me?

My head really hurts.

This entire week, I've found that the usual symptoms of "whatever-the-heck-I-have" had hidden from me and only decided to come out during the big day. In fact, I grieved for the entire week about this day, sometimes hiding my anguish until I reached the sanctuary of my room or the practice rooms. I didn't even tell any of the Pops Orchestra members about this condition. I was usually good at hiding my tears of pain from everyone else. However, today was the first time this week when I cried in front of all the orchestra members, during freaking dress rehearsals.

"What's the matter, Mina?" Kai, in place of Maestro Gilbert (who is getting yet, another coffee), halted the entire orchestra to focus on their star soloist, which is me, "You seem tense. It shows in your playing too". 

"Sorry..." I muttered, immediately ducking my head as I hugged my bassoon closer to my chest, praying that it doesn't slip out of my hands.

"Okay, lets end it at that", Kai announced, setting away Maestro's baton and tidying music scores, "Mina, go and get some rest before tonight."

While the orchestra members pack their belongings and left the auditorium, Sana and Chaeyoung worryingly trotted up to me and kneeled. I'm crying as I burried my head in my arms, merely to the point where my tears nearly overflowed my eyes. It was abnormal to see Sana and Chaeyoung comfort me, especially since Chaeyoung might still be upset with me not defending her in the face of bullying. But then again, ever since Sana joined the Juilliard Orchestra in Chaekyung's place, Chaeyoung always follows her around because she has no other friends in this ensemble.

Sana placed an assuring hand on my shoulder, "Are you okay?"

She received no response.

"She must've been stressed from practicing. I bet she's disappointed with her playing", Chaekyung explained to Sana, knowing that she's quite the perfectionist herself, "I've been through that experience as well. Some people feel that they're not good enough and in the end, they're not satisfied with themselves. In this orchestra, Mina is pressured to play so well because her parents are in the audience."

Sana cocked her head at Chaekyung's revelation, "I don't get it, though. I thought that her playing wasn't bad at all".

"It isn't bad at all", Chaekyung nodded, "But she's not only striving to perfect the piece itself, she's trying to please her parents."

"Hmm..." The blonde girl couldn't add to what Chaekyung had just said, but instead, Chaeyoung had another idea.

Let's go dress shopping!

"Great idea, Chaenggie! Let's go dress shopping!", Sana optimistically suggested, "It'll take your mind off the stress you're facing".

Chaekyung agreed, "Good idea! Not to mention that you'll still need a dress for opening night."

She's right. I don't have a dress for my concerto tonight. In a classical music setting, the soloist would always wear a dress that differs from the rest of the ensemble members to show that they're the spectacle for the night.

Much to their relief, I was brought back to reality from my sobbing after the throbbing pain from my headache subsided. However, there was still a sign of weakness arousing my internal senses, hiding from my friends. Wiping off my tears with the cotton sleeve of my off-shoulder sweater, Sana and Chaeyoung helped me up to my feet.

"Chaekyung, will you have time to hang out with us?" Sana spoke in her usual squeaky voice. 

"Man, I wish I did", she sighed, glancing at the time on her Swiss watch "But my flight for South Korea leaves in three hours and I don't want to get caught up in traffic heading to the airport."

Chaeyoung wrote something in her notebook.

Have a safe flight!

"Aww... thanks Chaeng", Chaekyung picked up on the nickname that Sana used for her dear friend, "Oh, and Mina. Good luck tonight!"

"Thanks", my voice cracked.

"I'll just invite Jeongyeon to come with us then", Sana decided, "She's the only one in our group who has a car. It'll be much faster than taking the subway."

The Thirty-Fifth Measure

As soon as the orchestra members evacuated the auditorium, the three of us headed out to Jeongyeon's car as she drives us to Times Square, among all places, for our shopping spree. Although Sana and Jeongyeon are discussing frivolous topics in the front row, Chaeyoung and I remained silent in the backseats with me and Sana’s instrument cases and everyone’s backpacks/purses. Now that I think about it, it kind of when you're not able to communicate with Chaeyoung at all because she uses a different language — sign language.

In the meantime, I gandered at the small charm suspending from the car’s front mirror — Blake Belladonna from RWBY? I only know of the series because Minami and Juri Takahashi are huge fans of it. I held my instrument case as I wondered aimlessly as to whether or not Jeongyeon is a huge nerd. I mean, she likes Pokémon too and she still hasn't given up on GO.

"We're here!", Jeongyeon vivaciously announced as she made her way to the back door to me and Chaeyoung outside.

Since I spent most of my childhood growing up in a strict household, there was never enough time for me to indulge in fashion and spend time being a “real” teenager. My mother took control of my elegant gowns and other formal wear for me. Thus I was never exposed to that kind of culture until I became independent and started to study music at Juilliard, in the metropolitan city of New York City. But even then, instead of spending hours wandering around outlets and wasting my money on clothes, I would have rather use my time to broadened my knowledge of classical music and improve my skills in my primary instrument instead of doing empty-headed activities.

My private instructor, Mr. Cseszenky, always asked me about what I wanted to wear for concerts, but I never truly cared about my attire as long as I looked presentable. If anything, I would prefer comfortable clothes over anything upscale and trendy because I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a tight dress for three hours, the normal duration of an orchestral concert. Also, I need to be able to breathe.

We headed to Forever 21, which was sandwiched in between the Disney store and Swarovski. Unlike most Forever 21 stores, this particular store was colossal, boasting multiple floors and various clothing selections. Sana guided me to the dress section while Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung wandered off to another section. I learned that Chaeyoung wanted to go shopping not because I didn't have a dress, but because she didn't have a dress for the concert either.

"Is there a particular dress that you're looking for?", Sana asked as she browsed at a selection of pink dresses.

I glared at the tenacious horn player, “Oh my god. Anything but pink. Please."

“You don’t like pink?” Sana looked surprised.

“Not for a classical concert”, I shook my head.

"Come here real quick", Jeongyeon motioned me to come closer as she scans my body assets.

"What the hell are you doing?" I question as she touches me in places where I’d rather not be touched.

"To tell you the truth, bassoon-chan, you have a really hot, womanlike body figure", she commented and I felt like obliterating her after she called me 'hot'. "Even though you have toned legs and your height is below an average American female, you have a nice chest and very broad shoulders. Perhaps you should wear something that'll accent your upper body, like a strapless dress and a necklace that draws emphasis to your chest. Since your body is also slender, long dresses would look more fitting for you rather than short dresses. Dresses with long skirts emphasize tall-statured people more, but I think that you’d fit into one quite nicely."

I didn’t know that Jeongyeon was quite the fashion analyst.

"Strapless dresses? Emphasis to my chest? Wouldn't that be too provocative?" I hesitantly asked, picturing myself wearing those y dresses she saw on display at the entrance of the store.

"It's not going to be as disturbing since the audience is going to focus more on your playing rather than your attire", Sana mentioned, "Especially since the Juilliard School is the best music school in the entire world, the critics are going to be more interested in your skill level, not your entire body."

“You wear a neck strap too, I reckon”, Jeongyeon guessed, “To hold your bassoon?”

"I guess..." my soft voice faltered off as I watched Jeongyeon and Sana leaf through a selection of long dresses.

"Little duck, can I embroider your neck strap?" Sana pleaded, rubbing my arm.

I slapped her hand, "NO!" 

Eventually, Chaeyoung returned to our section, dragging along a tall girl with long, wavy brown hair and fair skin. She looked like a supermodel but her clothes were so casual, the ubiquitous look all the college girls had: tight jeans, wide necked sweater and cute brown boots. As soon as the girl made eye contact with me, she screamed out of amazement. Her eyes were getting watery.

"Who is this?" I asked Sana, pointing at the taller girl standing next to Chaeyoung.

"Oh, that's Sowon", Sana told me, "President of your fanclub."

"I enlisted her help in choosing your dress for tonight. I basically gave her the same bodily description that I described to you earlier and had her pick out a couple of dresses that meet these standards", Jeongyeon grinned, "Sowon has been thrilled to meet y—"

The taller girl grabbed Jeongyeon by her shirt collar, "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT MINA WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO BE HERE!"

"Of course she needs to be here. To try on her dress!" Jeongyeon snickers at the startled fangirl, and then she snatches both of us by the wrist, "Now shake hands, you two."

"Nice to meet you, pres", I held out my hand for her to shake.

Sowon barely reaches out her hand to place her fingertips on mine, "N-Nice to meet you too!"

"You're very pretty", I told her.

"EEEEEK!" Sowon squealed, drawing back her hand from my grasp out of surprise, "MINA CALLED ME PRETTY! I'M DEADED!"

Is this okay?

After Sowon was brought back from her fangirling state, she walked back to one of the clothing racks with her preferred alignment of dresses, flashing them in front of my eyes, "S-Sorry for possibly startling you. I picked out these dresses for you to try on, i-if you dont mind."

"Chaeyoung will take care of your instrument. Go on and try these dresses that she picked out for you", Jeongyeon instructs. I hand her my case and obeyed her directions. I headed towards the dressing room to try on an abundance of dresses that Sowon had selected. After about an hour of changing, I finally came to a conclusion of what dress I'm going to wear for my solo for opening night. By the time I finished, Sowon, Jeongyeon, Chaeyoung, and Sana were already waiting outside my changing booth, impatiently anticipating my choice.

"Mina!" Sana called, "Can I see you in your chosen dress?"

Eyes peaking out from the changing booth curtains, I stepped outside in my dress while taking a great interest at the marbled floor beneath me. The dress was red and charming — an evening gown with a jeweled bodice and a sweetheart neckline, and a full-length skirt that is trimmed with an asymmetrical hem to give off a graceful look. 

"OH !" Jeongyeon gasped, "You look like a queen! A hot queen!"

I had to blush at that.

"Mina, you're so HOT!" Sana whips out her smartphone to take numerous pictures as if she were a part of the paparazzi during a red carpet event.

"You're a genius, Sowon", Jeongyeon gave the fanclub president an expression of approval, "Did you see Mina, yet?"

Sowon opens up her eyes, slowly and timidly, anxious at the result of her choosing.

"OH MY GAAAHH", Sowon is at a loss for words, "I think I need an ambulance because I can't ing breathe."

"Girl, calm down", I tell her, "This is just one of my many dresses." 

"This is perfect!" Jeongyeon squeals before she gets all poetic up in our asses, "The dark-red hues representing passion, strength, determination, and a fiery desire for victory and glory. Such an emotionally intense color, just like the nature of Jolivet's hard-as-hell concerto."

"Mina, turn around!" Sana, now acting as my unofficial photographer, demands to see the rest of my assets.

"I don't mean to rush you guys, but the concert is in an hour", I say.

"You're right", Jeongyeon nods, "And you still have to change into your black dress for the first half of the concert."

As soon as Sana finished taking a batch of pictures, I escaped behind the velvet curtains to change back into my concert black dress while Sowon heads to the cashier to pay for my chosen dress. When I finished changing, she walked outside to meet up with her two accompanying friends. Me, Sana, and Chaeyoung file in Jeongyeon's gigantic white van.

Chaeyoung and I are sitting in the back again, still keeping to ourselves before Chaeyoung pulls her notebook out of her backpack:

You look beautiful.

I nodded at her as a way of saying "thanks". It felt good to hear Chaeyoung give me another positive note in a long time.

The Thirty-Sixth Measure

I guess I'm feeling a lot better now.

Sana and Chaeyoung followed me to the bathroom, where I stripped off my concert black attire and changed into my solo dress. The two girls were adjusting my strapless red dress so that it doesn't suddenly slide off my body in the middle of my performance. 

Ein Heldenleben was an astounding success thanks to Sana. The crowd was thrilled at her rendition of the "hero" figure and at the end of the final movement, Jeongyeon shouted "brava!" and the rest of the audience stamped their feet in excitement. Her debut with the Juilliard Orchestra would be considered a success to those who genuinely enjoy music or don't have much knowledge about the art itself. However, a few critics and quite a handful of the Juilliard Orchestra members started to criticize the blonde girl's somewhat-stellar performance, ranting about how she didn't follow the score or defied the Maestro's hand or something like that. I didn't pay attention to the whole conversation but I was astounded.

I thought that Sana did well.

Chaeyoung, on the other hand, did not make much of a presence even though she was barefoot again. The percussion members had the small girl stand in the back with a pair of crash cymbals, only so that nobody would notice her. To be honest, It was kind of a sad thing to see.

"Mina, you ready for your solo?" Sana ensures as she zipped the back of my dress.

"I'm just hoping that I don't pass out", I answered.

"Don't worry about whether you're going to pass out or not", Sana whispered to me, "Just keep playing until you've had enough."

"Easy for you to say", I mumbled.

"Is your mom and dad going to watch you or something?" Sana asked.

I totally forgot that my parents were going to view my performance. And in addition to that, I have to ditch Juilliard Pops Orchestra rehearsals tomorrow because the New York Philharmonic is having their opening night the day after ours, with a dinner party following suit. Dinner parties are the worst because me and the families of my friends would come together and brag about their children's accomplishments. Those were the only days where my parents would actually compliment me before putting me at the stake again.

Sana tilts her head, "Is there something that you're not telling me, Mina?"

"Wha— huh?" I blanked out.

"You know that your secrets are safe with us, right?" 

I rolled my eyes, "Psh. Says the one who told Jihyo and the others about my past Pokémon addiction."

"I promise that this secret will be safe with us, me and Chaeyoung", Sana heaved a heavy sigh. She translates our conversation to Chaeyoung using sign language, and then Chaeyoung rebounds another hand sign back to the blonde girl. "Chaeyoung says so too."

I open my mouth for one second, "I think that my health is in a—"

"Mina! What are you guys doing? We're on standby!" Kai warns, swinging the door of the women's restroom wide open for the world to see.

"WHAT THE ARE YOU DOING IN THE LADIES' RESTROOM? GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I THROW MY MOUTHPIECE AT YOU!" Sana boldly intimidates the negligent concertmaster, loosening her horn's mouthpiece from its lead pipe. Kai escapes the facility before she could strike him.

Chaeyoung taps my shoulder and flashes her notebook in front of my face:

Are you sick?

I shrugged, not knowing how to answer that question.

The Thirty-Seventh Measure 

My turn now.

Alright, Mina. You better get your together. The 4-7-8 method. Inhale through my nose to a mental count of four, hold my breath for a count of seven, and exhaling through my mouth to a count of eight. Rinse and repeat.

Once the orchestra finished filling up their seats, Maestro Gilbert cues concertmaster Kai to come up to the stage and shake his hand, and lastly, he calls me to advance towards the center stage. The moment I exit the dark, backstage corridors and enter onto the brightly-lit stage, my mind begins to feel fuzzy from the exceptional applause as my vision begins to blur slightly. I could hear Jeongyeon, Jihyo, Momo, Dahyun, and Tzuyu screaming at me from the balcony seats while holding up poster boards with my name on it.

"YAAAASSSS GURL, GET IT!" Jihyo hollers in her boisterous voice.

Then Momo stood up from her chair, "SHOW 'EM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!"

" it up!" Tzuyu follows.

"Make that concerto your !" Dahyun yells next to her cellist girlfriend.

I'm so embarrassed now.

"MINA! MARRY ME!" Sowon follows up with this high-pitched cry that could ressemble a little girl getting murdered, "I WANT YOUR BABIES!"

Jesus Christ.

With Sowon's whimsical proclamation, the audience enlightens in awe at her announcement of dedicated love towards me. But I'm just fretting about what my parents would think if they figured out that I have a strange fanbase lurking around the Juilliard School. Maestro Gilbert turns around to shake my hand when he whispers something in my ears — something among the lines of, "You have very weird friends." And just to make things clear, I don't consider Sowon as my friend yet. I don't get attached to people that easily.

I went back to the center stage and prepared for my performance, fastening my bassoon's neck strap. Then the lights dimmed and Maestro Gilbert raised his baton.

And Jolivet's Concerto began.

Swallowing hard and taking a deep breath, I timidly nodded at the conductor to initiate the piece. As I waited for  part, my heart began to tremble with every progressing from the accompanying string section. My bassoon suddenly begin to feel uncomfortably heavy as I'm standing up and carrying it in the air instead of sitting down like I normally do. The moment the first movement ended and I began to hoist the heavy instrument again (In my mind, it felt unwieldy) to my twitching lips, a knifelike pain shot at my chest as if the sharp bones of my ribcage was trying to penetrate my lungs, forcibly squeezing out all its remaining air until those short phrases ended. I ignored the pain as I continued.

Maybe it's because Jolivet's Concerto is so hard.

I shook the thought off my head and prepared for the next movement. You got this, Mina! You're doing good so far. You made no mistakes.

But before the second movement could even commence, my head started to thump as if a hammer took a blow to my skull. I wasn't aware of the fact that I let out a soft squeal that sounded like a lucid bell in the midst of complete silence. I prayed that no one would notice that it was me. When I focused on my sheet music, my vision was becoming disoriented as the picture of the audience in front of me began to blur. My eyesight was swimming in confusion at the time signatures and the triplets and the dynamics. I feel dizzy.

No. Not now, please.

After the successful yet excrutiating solo, I let out another rigid sigh as soon as I felt a throbbing headache coming on, clutching my bassoon while the audience exchanges comments with one another. With the second movement ending on a whim, the conductor lowered his baton before inaugurating the third movement, ensuring that I try to catch my breath before suddenly starting in my disposition.

The third movement was a lot better, in my opinion. 

Even though I had to endure the arduous task of completing the softer-sounding portions of my solo, my tone sounded genuinely warm and inviting, something I didn't expect from the beginning. The gleaming high notes from earlier begins to transition into duskier low ones. The audience was clearly enlightened by the mellow, sentimental song as my tender bassoon takes its slow waltz with the compassionate string section. I gave myself a small smile as Jihyo, even from afar, mouthed a silent 'good job' to me.

However, it wasn't long until halfway through the fourth movement when my upper body decided to give me more hell. And if that wasn't enough, the solo portion near the end made it worse as the accompanying sounds began to fade in the background, leaving me to fend for myself without making a noticeable mistake. With every loud and high note I was busting out of my instrument, I felt that my brain was digging into my face like a rough dagger jabbing at me.  And then—

No. This can't be happening.

My ears.

I can't hear anything.

Is the Maestro still conducting? Is the orchestra still playing? Am I still playing?

I still roll with the flow, blowing and as correctly as I can. My headache proceeded to grow even more painful and unbearable to stand. I wince in pain and a tear rolls down my cheek. I feel like I'm going to pass out.

I can't do this anymore. My head hurts. My ears hurt. My cheeks hurt. My jaw hurts. My tongue hurts. My lips hurt. Holy crap, everything hurts from my skull to my face. But I need to continue. I need to finish this damn piece. No, no, no, no, no, NO!!! Why is this happening to me?

After I stop at what I think is the long note, I open my eyes to see this scene: Everyone is standing up and applauding. Jeongyeon and the others leaped to their feet and are shouting something cryptic to me. I don't know what they're saying; I can't hear them. 

My eyes intuitively manuever over to my parents, who aren't standing and clapping from their seats like everyone else. They're just gawking at me as if I'm some alien from another planet. My face pales from their dull reaction. I look down at my hand and it looks like it's painted with whitewash. I can't feel my face nor my fingers in the aftermath of Jolivet's rigorous concerto. I'm dead-set on passing out, so I hastily shake Maestro Gilbert's hand and dash stage-right in my high heels. Sana abruptly gets up from her seat backstage and runs up to me, her horn dangling in her left hand. I remove my neck strap and hand over the bassoon to the horn player before I feel completely disoriented.

Sana said something to me. I can't hear her either. 

*THUMP*

I sprint for the women's restroom when suddenly, I trip on an electrical cord and my head hits the ground.

Sana hoisted me up and deliberately shook my numb body, trying to talk to me.

"Sana, I can't hear you!" I yelled horrifically at her. The sound of my shrill voice made my ears vibrate in the same fashion as before, but this time sounding a thousand times more deafening with the accompaniment of a ton of clapping hands and hollering voices from the audience section.

But Sana didn't realize what hit me next. The stray wire hit my body so hard, that I couldn't even handle my own strength. My heart began to race as my chest tightened, feeling as if the center of my head — right behind the nasal cavity — was being pulled. I'm undoubtedly lightheaded, my vision swarming in unspeculated cycles before my head slammed against the ground hard. Without notice, the hardwood floor hit me like a rock, demanding pain to be felt. Sana was shouting something at me, but I out before I could even communicate with her.

BONUS (Earlier that evening before opening night, after buying tickets)

Scanning through the dresses, Sowon noticed a short figure hiding in the clothing rack, as a pair of legs stuck out from below. Her forehead wrinkled in confusion as she stared at that person's legs with wide eyes of bewilderment and suspicion. She didn't know if she was hallucinating or not as she darted her eyes back and forth. Stealing her nerves, she pulled away the two dresses that sandwiched the two girls.

"JJANG!" The hiding girls turned out to be Umji and Yuju, who held several bikini tops in one hand and bikini bottoms in the other.

"Why are you two picking out swimsuits?" Sowon raised an eyebrow at the redhanded fangirls — her little minions.

"You said that we're picking out clothes for Mina, right?" Umji said encouragingly, peering her eyes at Mina's body figure, "These might look good on her."

Sowon stared skeptically at her, "Why would it make sense to wear a bikini during a classical concert?"

"YOU'D NEVER KNOW!" Yuju cut in, "Juilliard might have a indoor pool!"

"Nice try, you little s. Put those back to where they belong. Jeongyeon assigned us a very important mission vital to Mina's success", Sowon chided as she dragged the guilty girls away from the swimsuit section, "We're trying to woo Mina, not scare her."

"Hey, you guys!" Jeongyeon calls, "Take a look at Mina's dress!"

Sowon, Yuju, and Umji rush to the dressing room after hearing two significant words — "Mina" and "dress". Sowon laughs, hides her face away from Mina because the idea of that girl in a long and y dark red dress that accents her slim figure would make her go crazy. And to add onto that image, she had pearl studded-earrings and diamonds that sat on her wine-colored hair, tied up into an elegant bun by Jeongyeon, so majestic and well-put together that she looks like a Roman goddess trekking the mortal world.

" ME, MINA! YOU'RE SO CUTE!" Yuju squeals without shame.

"Shut your mouth, Choi Yuna!" Sowon covers the dark-haired girl's mouth with her hand, "Mina's coming!"

"Hey Sowon", the beautiful bassoon player smiled, "Thanks for the dress. You have a great sense of style!"

"OH!" the frantic president flips out, "Y-Y-You're welcome, M-M-Mina!"

Umji shook Sowon's shoulders, "SHE TALKED TO YOU! OMG!"

"HOLY !" Yuju screams, frightening the other customers and Forever 21 staff members, "SHE ACTUALLY TALKED TO YOU!"

"Okay, girls. Calm down", Jeongyeon tells them.

"Are you guys coming tonight?" Sana asks.

"You bet your mothering we are!" Yuju grins creepily, "We've been in line for tickets since—"

"Don't reveal that!" Sowon warns, "Mina is going to think that we're weird."

"Like saesaeng fans?" Umji cocked her head.

"Yeah... something like that." 

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