ARC ONE

tutti
Origin: Italian
All together, usually used in an orchestral or choral score when the orchestra or all of the voices come in at the same time

DISCLAIMER: The personalities and opinions of these characters do not represent those of actual idols themselves, the Juilliard students, the New York Philharmonic, or any of its employees. The Juilliard School is not responsible for the accuracy of information.

A/N: Words that are fingerspelled (e.g. spelled) out letter-by letter using sign language and then followed by the sign that coordinates with each word) will use this 'f-o-r-m-a-t' 

Alright readers, take your pick as you read the 68th Measure. There is a slight difference in the way both pieces are arranged (ex. one is longer than the other), but the reading experience won't change regardless of which version you choose, so have fun with it. Generally, the Pops Orchestra does have a chorus and the programme is theoretically supposed to last for at least two hours. Unfortunately, there's no longer version of the Totoro orchestral arrangement on YouTube. So I'll leave these links here just so you guys can get a gist of what the Pops Orchestra Members are playing — My Neighbor Totoro (With Chorus) or My Neighbor Totoro (No Chorus)

The Sixty-Sixth Measure

Wednesday: November 18, 2020

One month had passed since I received stage four surgery. Unfortunately, this was only one of two or three surgeries I would have to go through since I also have Neurofibromatosis Type II, which is the reason why I'm going to lose hearing in both ears rather than just one.

The twelve-hour long surgery had been nothing but lost time to me. I woke up and could still recount the names of my friends who supported me after the process. I could still have emotions, especially fear — fear of what would come next as time progresses.

Life hasn't been much easier since I had part of my brain tumors removed. I wasn't allowed to leave the Columbia University Medical Center for weeks because I had to undergo a tremendous amount of physical therapy and mental tests to screen my condition. Dr. McIntosh told me that I would encounter a slower recovery rate because of the stage of my acoustic neuroma. My tinnitus still remained and I still had vertigo, but one of the most excruciating parts of my experience was undergoing nausea in the ICU. I couldn't move, my neck ached, my stomach was sore, and every two hours or so, nurses would come into my room with chipper attitudes when the reality is that they're just poking me with even more needles.

I missed several days of school and Jihyo would have to drop by every Tuesday and Thursday to drop off any missed homework that were assigned for those days. My professors and my private instructor have already received doctor's notes so they were completely understanding of me not showing up to my classes and lessons, but I still felt terrible for not being there. Mingyu and Yerin subbed for me during Juilliard Orchestra and Pops Orchestra rehearsals. I've been absent for two Juilliard Orchestra concerts at the Alice Tully Hall — Brahms's Second and Bruckner's Ninth.

I was given a time limit as to how long I could practice my bassoon because I was still recuperating and going ardent in my normal practice regimen would give me facial paralysis. My fingers lost their agility and my stamina depleted. I was devastated because I couldn't perform the same way as I did before. The loss of practice time and the state of my health had worsened my playing. I actually cried about this overnight.

Today, I've finally been discharged from the hosptal. I'm still unbalanced and I can't walk on my own. This is where Sana and Chaeyoung came into play, supporting me with their strength by linking arms with mine's. Sana had a lone work shift to cover afterwards, so she left Chaeyoung and I in our dorm room. The air wasn't thin and dry, nor was it awkward. If anything, Chaeyoung and I were having a good time. We communicated.

Wait, let me explain.

When you're finished with your homework, your physical therapy sessions, and you've only been allocated an hour or two of bassoon practice a day, you'd spend the remainder of that day in bed. Somehow, you had to keep yourself occupied since watching soap operas all day won't cut it.

During my hospital stay, I honed my sign language skills by continuing my online lessons and practicing with Chaeyoung and Sana. Sign language had become a crucial necessity to my survival. My hearing is going to decline over time and I needed to prepare myself for when that day comes. Sign language is not something that can be learned overnight, let's get that right. I'm not yet perfect and it will take a long time for me to achieve fluency. One to two months of five hour lessons once a week only taught me the basics.

Spending time with someone (Chaeyoung) who is actually deaf has been very beneficial in a sense that I have no choice but to use sign language but communicate with her.

Through my personal experiences and practice conversations with Chaeyoung, I've summed up a lot of things about this girl than I'd expected:

1) This is her tenth year using sign language
2) She's freaking good at video games.
3) She's an amazing cook.
4) She writes for the Juilliard Admissions Blog.
5) Evelyn Glennie and Keiko Abe are her role models and I guess that she adores Picasso too?
6) She can do taekwondo/
7) She has done drum corps before, once with Santa Clara Vanguard as a pit percussionist and once with the Blue Devils as a snare drummer.
8) She loves to sleep (Who doesn't?)
9) She likes K-POP and anime.

And 10) She likes girls.

The last fact doesn't faze me at all. I mean, do you remember the look on Chaeyoung's face when she kissed me at Dahyun and Tzuyu's apartment? Chaeyoung was flushed with this eye-popping amount of confidence that she didn't even take one minute to consider whether or not she'd take the kissing route or the alcohol route. She didn't even hesitate to slip her fingers into mine when we were walking in the frigid cold.

But then again, Chaeyoung isn't twenty-one yet so she probably didn't want to take the risk of being caught wasted on the metro.

Right now, Chaeyoung and I are lounging on the bottom bunk where Sana (formerly Chaekyung, who is taking a semester off from Juilliard) sleeps. We had just finished one round of Super Smash Bros. Wii U as Chaeyoung plundered my with her signature character, Kirby.

I set down the Wii U controller, "You know, you could've fought Reina's when she stole your hearing aids."

Chaeyoung snorted, "Oh, Mina. Taking down a stranger who stole your isntrument and taking down Reina Washio are different. It would've been easier if Reina were just some random violinist at this (I can't decipher this sign). But she's not."

I cocked my head at the sign I couldn't decipher.

Chaeyoung spelled it out for me, "Random violinist at this I-N-S-T-I-T-U-T-I-O-N."

She's right.

I would've not been able to pillage Reina's even if I had the godsend ability to take her down in one hit, like Saitama from One Punch Man. (Said Chaeyoung, the anime enthusiast)

"Aren't you worried about The Six getting back at you for (I can't decipher this sign) on Reina?" Chaeyoung glances back, worringly.

"Can you repeat that please?"

"R-A-T-T-I-N-G O-U-T", Chaeyoung finger spelled then signed, "Ratting out."

I shrug, gesticulating back to the deaf girl, "I think that I should use a different name for them, since there's five of them now and not six."

"Nope. There's six", she shakes her head, "Reina found another girl to take your place. Her name is Jennie Kim — the clarinet major who had just returned to Juilliard after studying abroad in (I couldn't keep up with her finger spelling). I forgot to say this, but she's sitting next to you in the orchestra."

"She studied where? Can you spell it out again?"

"S-P-A-I-N."

I know who this girl is.

I don't know anything about Jennie's true personality since we've never held a meaningful conversation before. However, Jennie and I have always brawled out in the final rounds of international woodwind and youth competitions, especially of those all around the continent of Europe or in the country of Japan. My dad considers Jennie as my "biggest rival" and that I should be on the lookout for her at all costs. but a critical thought about this girl had never crossed my mind. Even though she's one year older than me, I've always won gold and she'd place at either silver or bronze. Rarely, she wouldn't place at all. When NYO-USA auditions came around for vacant positions, I won principal bassoon. Jennie didn't get anything. Instead, she performed with the EUYO before the European Union decided to end funding for that orchestra, therefore liquidating the program.

I guess that's why she transferred back here.

"Where does she even sit?"

"Next to you, where Shori used to sit."

"You're kidding me!" I almost yelled, rising abruptly from the bed and hitting my head with the top bunk. I became even dizzier after that.

"Uh..." Chaeyoung chewed on her lip, seeming almost too tentative to answer back, "You do know that he hurt me too. Polisi kicked him out from school. And he's not coming back unless he pays the other half of the money he owes me. If he doesn't pay by the end of the fall, he'll be (I can't decipher this sign)."

"What?"

"E-X-P-E-L-L-E-D."

"So when will Jennie be joining me?"

"Starting next Monday."

Honestly, I don't know how I feel about having Reina's new friend sitting on my right for the rest of my Juilliard Orchestra life. But then again, it's already insufferable enough that I had to deal with the principal clarinetist sitting on my right, also known as Shori Sato, Reina's -, well-off partner. At least he'll be gone once Jennie steps in, but I'm simultaneously apprehensive about Jennie turning out to be a second Shori.

Or even worse: A second Reina.

"Wanna continue the game?" the shorter girl cocked her head, pointing at the flat-screened television in my dorm room.

There's only two options displayed on the dialogue box: "Continue" or "Quit"

"I think I'm done for today", I admitted and Chaeyoung unplugged the console, drawing out her Super Smash Bros. CD from the disk receiver.

I attempted to take a nap because I'm heavily exhausted from walking, just walking. And then I don't have the strength to get up and practice because playing an instrument uses up more muscles in my body than just carrying out simpler tasks. I lie spread-eagled and Chaeyoung lackadaisically sits on top of my legs, her fingers skittering away as she plays her Nintendo DS. Then she taps my chin to grasp my full attention.

"Eh?"

"Mina", Chaeyoung motions, "Have you ever been in a (I can't decipher this sign)? Like, a serious one?"

"What?"

"R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P."

"Oh", my voice came out hoarse.

"Do your parents even allow you to date?"

I tugged my hands out from under Sana's Hello Kitty blanket and start gesturing, holding a solemn facial expression, "I'm not even allowed to date after college. They'd become even more enraged if I dated someone of the same as me."

Chaeyoung's face fell as she considered this, "That ."

She's absolutely right. It does , being held captive by your parents even if you're more than halfway towards becoming the age of majority. I've earned thousands of dollars of competition prize money and I don't even get to keep half of the sum. I didn't have the option of not wanting to attend family gatherings and other social events that make me miserable and comfortless. I never even had one single feeling about love and life because I occupy myself with too much work and self-hatred. All of my years of being young have been wasted just to perfect my craft, and now all of those hard-earned years of stress and practice are going to be thrown into the trash can because I'm going to lose my hearing.

I don't have that much time left.

"But I get it", is what Chaeyoung interpreted next and I'm stunned that she'd say (or rather gesture) that. Then she took out her phone.

[Son Chaeyoung] I still have to rely on my parents because Juilliard is expensive and my job alone won't help.

And there are other factors to consider as well — food, clothes, transportation, school supplies. She probably uses her job money for those things.

"And hearing aids", I added.

"Exactly."

I'm going to have to use the money that I earn from teaching bassoon lessons to pay for my own hearing aids.

And then the room becomes inaudible. I mean, the air in this room has always been this quiet because Chaeyoung and I aren't using our own voices to talk to each other. The only tip of noise that my ears catch are the rounds of our distinct breathing. Chaeyoung's breath was more shallow and smelled of some potent peppermint gum. Mine's was a lot heavier and more erratic, and I don't know why.

I've never been good at talking. When I used to hang out with The Six or let alone involve myself in any social circle, I reveled in the fact that I could just hang onto words and prick up ears, being the observant one in the group. And it's not like I'm shy or introverted, I just enjoy being the listener.

Much to my expense, being the listener doesn't actually do anything if everybody just becomes an audience. This has led me to think that I had to keep conversations going, no matter what. I would devise a list of questions and map a bunch of topics that I could refer to if our chat ever lulled. 

"Have you ever been in a relationship?" I relayed the conversation back to the percussionist.

"Once. Dahyun and I", she confessed, a stupid smile embracing her youthful face as she slumps her small yet athletic figure against the backframe of Sana's bed. 

My eyes grew back in shock, "What happened?"

Chaeyoung gave out a cordially laugh, "Nothing bad! We're still friends. I needed time to figure out myself."

"Figure out who you are?"

She sighed, signing slowly and spelling out words that I might not be able to comprehend, "For a long time, I've always had something wrong with my ears. I—"

Seeing that I couldn't keep up with her signing, Chaeyoung took a breath before taking out her phone to text me.

[Son Chaeyoung] I was born prematurely and me weighing less than five pounds at birth put me at a greater risk of hearing loss. I started off with no hearing in right ear, then my left. Becoming deaf put a huge block on my self-esteem because I couldn't carry out tasks the same way that I used to — simple tasks just like talking on the phone, ordering your food, and more complicated things like pursuing a career that's noise-oriented and requires you to listen.

She took a second break. 

[Son Chaeyoung] It's different from being born deaf. You know what you're going to lose than what you're going to gain because you were born with hearing.

Chaeyoung and I are not so different afterall. She's still contemplating about her career choice, I'm worrying about my future. I wonder what keeps her going. Is it her undying love for music, or is there another factor of this equation that I'm missing out on? I'm going to have to find out.

"What makes you stay?" I ask.

Chaeyoung rolls the sleeves of her oversized panda fluff hoodie back to show her hands.

[Son Chaeyoung] I love music. A lot. And though I can't listen to music the same way as I used to, I don't want to give up. My parents made a lot of sacrifices to move out to NYC from SF. They're even taking up ASL classes on weekend nights. 

"That's amazing. You're lucky to have parents like that", I implied with a hint of jealousy. 

The percussionist gazed at me with pensive eyes, "I've heard about your family. I'm so sorry, Mina. I can't imagine living a life like that."

"It's not fun", my head downcasts at my narcoleptic fingers.

"I'm going to sound like Sana here but I think it's important that you have a support system", Chaeyoung emphasizes with a light smile as she signed slowly, sometimes spelling out the words that I have not learned how to sign yet, "Especially as musicians because we're constantly faced with (I can't decipher this sign) from our classmates, our teachers, even the regular people."

"Faced with what?"

"D-I-S-A-P-P-R-O-V-A-L."

Chaeyoung took a break before continuing.

"Giving out a (I can't decipher this sign) to ourselves and one another gives a positive mind—" 

"Can you repeat that one sentence please?" I asked.

Chaeyoung signed that same sentence yet slower, spelling out the word that I did not catch, "C-O-M-P-L-I-M-E-N-T."

She texted the rest to give me some relief.

[Son Chaeyoung] Giving out a compliment to ourselves and one another gives a positive mindset and builds our confidence when we perform in front of others. We hate our own playing that we forget to see the positive points. It's not being arrogant, it's learning to love oneself. 

Damn. That hit the spot.

Chaeyoung always knows where to provoke my emotions, particularly my mushy ones. My life was a chock-full of self-loathing and fault-finding, personality traits that my parents believe to be "healthy" to my growth as a classical musician. I was either astoundingly talented or a piece of pillaging ; there'd be no in-between. I was so driven to perfectionism to the point where I never said anything nice to myself.

"That was beautiful, Mina-unnie."

"You know Myoui, you really do perform magnificently."

"You have an honest sound. Don't let people change you for who you are."

I really need to start praising myself.

"Mina, I know what you can do", Chaeyoung picked out a pack of colored sticky-notes from her Pokémon backpack and tossed it over to me, "Each day, write one fact that you love about yourself (She points to the sticky-note and then directs me to post it on my mirror.)"

That's going to be so hard. Where do I even begin?

"Um..."

"Anything", Chaeyoung grinned, "From your outward appearance to the way you play your bassoon."

I'll just make this super simple.

I reach for a Sharpie on the lamp table next to Sana's bed and jot something down along the lines of:

11/18/20: I love my hair.

Chaeyoung rapidly claps in excitement, almost as if she were a hyperactive puppy, "Do that everyday."

"You know, I really do like the members of the Pops Orchestra", I admit to Chaeyoung, "They're better than any of my old friends."

[Son Chaeyoung] Different from the Juilliard Orchestra, eh? Maestro Ishii is very kind and she always remembers to compliment, not like Petrenko. Jihyo was the one who came up with that (she points to the sticky notes) when Sana was struggling.

I'm intrigued. So Sana went through this process as well.

"Can't wait for opening night", Chaeyoung perked up and I felt a surge of ecstatic energy surging through my veins.

I closed my eyes, "Me too."

The Sixty-Seventh Measure

Thursday: November 19, 2020

11/19/20: I have really cute feet.

That was a lot easier than I thought.

Before heading out, I write this on a blue sticky note and pin it to my mirror. Then I slip on my socks and my favorite pair of designer boots. 

Sana, Chaeyoung, and I made our way to the concert hall, invited by the outrageous sound of scales and arpeggios. The Metropolitan Opera House auditorium is fan-shaped and contains 3,800 seats and 195 standing room places, totaling up to an audience of 3,995 people in total. A golden proscenium arch complimented the high ceiling with custom-woven damasks acting as the stage's main curtains. 

More than half the Pops Orchestra members were already present on stage, tuning their instruments or going over their music scores. We headed quietly to their seats to avoid disruption of any other musicians. Unlike the past few rehearsal sessions, concertmaster Jackson Wang imposed a calmer demeanor, sophisticatedly taking out his Guarneri violin and tuning its strings. He didn't make contact with anyone in his section, not even assistant concertmistress and girlfriend Eunha, as the seat partner was too busy in her own world. From the corner of my eye, Park Jihyo stood up from her principal violist seat and headed up to the conductor's podium to make one last speech before tonight’s performance.

"Hello everyone", She greeted, tugging the edges of her long, concert black dress so that she doesn't trip on the hem of her skirt with her high heels, "This is your vice president, Park Jihyo. Congratulations, to all of you. Throughout our arduous rehearsal sessions that sometimes drive us past midnight, I’d like to commemorate all of you for making it this far. I’m positive that we're going to put on a spectacular performance tonight.”

"Heh? That's it?" Jeongyeon teased, stopping the tenacious violist's trite talk, "You sound like President Polisi at our opening ceremony."

That statement emitted by the timpanist earned her a chorus of giggles all around the Pops Orchestra members.

"I love it when those two bicker. Like mom and dad", Nayeon whispers over to me. I just nod and wait for something interesting to happen.

"Do you want to give the speech, then?" Jihyo retorted.

"Ahem! Listen up everyone! I have prepared a speech that will knock your socks off!" Jeongyeon cleared , standing on top of her chair with an astounding aura of confidence before whipping out her phone and reading from it, "Do you like to play with your instruments? I like to play with my timpani. I'm not very good at it, but it's the fun of doing it that's important. Now, I wouldn't have made it this far in my career if I'd just thought about it. No matter how anybody says it is, it feels good to have made something. The best thing is that each person's path would be different. In a way, you've already won in this world. Because you're the only one that can be you, and that's the way that it's supposed to b—"

"Did you plagiarize this speech off of Tumblr?" Tzuyu snorts and everyone started to laugh once again. My palm landed on my face.

Dammit, Jeongyeon. That's Mr. Rogers.

"You've all been a wonderful audience!" Jeongyeon evaded and maintained her composure, "Thank you ladies and gentlemen and bassoon-chan!"

"Don't single me out!" I cried. 

We ended the humorous pep talk there and did one more dress rehearsal with the Tokyo National Children's Chorus and the Professional Japanese Choral Association. But at least Jihyo and Jeongyeon were meaningful in their words. Both girls have good intentions, nonetheless.

"Can I make a speech this time?" Dahyun declares after the dress rehearsal, twirling her bow in the air.

"Nobody cares about your dank memes, Kim Dahyun", Bambam, another percussionist in the Pops Orchestra who would be in charge of the bass drum tonight, titillates the young girl who had rose from her stool and nearly knocked down her double bass. 

The double bassist glared at Bambam, "I'm not dank memeing today."

"Alright, dubu. Go ahead", Maestro Ishii grants before Dahyun kicked her off the podium.

The smaller girl rubs her hands together, eyeing each and every single musician onstage for the duration of her speech, actively listening, "I'm normally never serious. Heck, when am I ever serious? My girlfriend, Tzuyu a.k.a Chewy, would know from our childhood experiences. In kindergarten, I used permanent markers to draw on Tzuyu's face during naptime. In first grade, she was drawing Pororo with a piece of blue chalk when I decided to barge in and give the poor penguin a green mustache. In second grade, I stole her tuna sandwich when she had nothing—"

"Where is this speech even going?" Tzuyu interrupts, slightly embarrassed at Dahyun's anecdote.

"AHEM!" Dahyun coughs loudly, undermining the cellist for rupturing her heartwarming flow, "The point that I'm trying to make is that even though our failures are our polar-opposite personalities and the arguments that we've endured in our fifteen-year friendship, we're still together and I consider our current relationship a success. The Pops Orchestra, let alone any orchestra, cannot reach towards prosperity without our shortcomings. So even if we don't give our best performance tonight, let our stage be a reminder of the resilience and hard work that we put forth into achieving success and never forget the raging flame that burns within you."

Tzuyu had to smile at this.

After taking a glimpse at her taller girlfriend, Dahyun restrained a laugh and continued her speech, "Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling mentioned that two conditions form success — failure and creativity. Creativity is lined with individuality. When you play your instrument, don't just play for the critics listening for every mishap. You play for you. And when you portray your love of music to the audience, they will feel the love with you, no matter what degree of skill level you're on. The most powerful thing about music is knowing that some kid in that audience could be inspired by your music. You could save somebody's life with your music. So when you go out there and play, be true to yourself, be kind to yourself, and know that you're so ing awesome."

The Sixty-Eighth Measure 

We finished The Sorcerer's Apprentice and intermission is about to end.

The scene before showtime is always the part that allures me — the red velvet curtains are still down, the lights are dimmed, and in the complete silence, everybody is just waiting for their turn to play. I look across my section and all of the members are attentive, especially a nerve-wracking SinB, who looks as if her heart was about to jump out of her chest at any given minute. 

"Mina, you've made a lot of sacrifices for me. Giving up your personal time and helping me improve my own playing."

"I can't help but feel even more grateful for what you've done for me. You really are kinder than most people think you are."

"I'm going to work super duper hard on my own while you recover. It's my gift to you." 

She has improved so much and I couldn't be anymore happier at how far she has gone even though we started more than a month ago. As her instructor, I feel accomplished that I could motivate her to work this hard. I just hope that she still has enough stamina to survive the second half.

I'm a little wary about the next half of our performance. Not just about SinB, but also Yerin. Yerin was supposed to be my subsitute for the duration that I'd be trapped in the ICU. I don't know too much about this girl except for the fact that she's always out of reeds at Pops Orchestra rehearsals. Luckily, she didn't ask for any of my reeds today yet I can't help but feel stressed about her reed crippling in the middle of our performance.

"Mina", Yerin cut off my thought process, trying to keep a low voice as not to break through the quietness.

"What is it?"

"I just wanted to thank you for helping my best friend, SinB", she employs a graceful smile, "She just needed a break from dancing and your music really uplifted her. SinB loves to dance, but she's been depressed lately because her trainers are pressuring her to lose weight, and the other dance majors have been making fun of her because her weight had remained static since her first year here. Ms. Chan told me that she's been diagnosed with anorexia and major depressive disorder."

"Anorexia? Depression?" I gasped. I had no idea that SinB was going through this.

She doesn't even look fat.

"Don't worry about it, Mina. She's recovering", Yerin assures.

I exhaled, "Oh, thank goodness."

She continues, "But I just wanted to let you know how much of a big influence you are on SinB's life. We watched your Grammy Award-winning performance at the BBC Proms when you were nineteen years-old. That Weber concerto, and Seo Joohyun's Le Cygne Noir — SinB and I were enamored by your music. She felt more inclined to pursue her dream of dancing even ffrther, and if it wasn't for your inspiration, she would've—"

Yerin paused and I could feel a teardrop threatening to escape my eye.

"She would've killed herself", those words finally leave Yerin's mouth.   

"You could save somebody's life with your music."

"Mina, you saved my friend's life", Yerin smiled. 

All eyes fell on me as soon as Yerin made that proclaimation. I tried to hold back my tears but I couldn't help it as my eyes were stinging. Her words so affectional, so moving that it touched my heart. What even is the proper reaction to someone telling you that you've saved a life? I've been showered with a lot of compliments from rave reviews and some of my peers, but to be personally notified about making a difference in one of your audience member's whole perception of living is just unbelievable. I wanted to hug this girl so badly.

No, no, no. I can't cry now. I have to focus. FOCUS!

"Mina?" Nayeon pokes her head into my peripheral, "Are you crying?"

"Huh? No, I'm n—"

The stage curtains fly away and I open my eyes to see over three-thousand people giving a big hand, especially the children. Lee Chaeyeon and Lee Chaeryeong were sitting in the front row with the rest of their schoolmates as all of their eyes home in on me. I hastily wiped away the residue of my tears and prepared my embouchure. Nayeon was trying to hold back her laughter at the sight of me nearly welling up in tears.

Maestro Ishii shook hands with concertmaster Jackson Wang, flipped open to the first page of the full orchestral score, raised her baton...

And we began.

Starting back to our positions, the Pops Orchestra members immediately put on a vigilant face for this dynamic performance of My Neighbor Totoro. Right at the introduction, there is an instrumental piano part, building up power with the string section afterwards.

We arrive at Sanpo (Stroll) and each section has a chance to showcase their playing, sort of like an art exhibition.

The flutes and the solo piccolo are the first ones to start off with playful and giddy tones. Then the oboists came in with their nasal, merry song. Bambam is playing the snare drum, emulating the steps that Satsuki and Mei would take when they explore their new house.

The clarinets came next. Nayeon executed the opening run perfectly in one breath, her agile fingers expertly flying over the sticky release of her clarinet's keys. Her tone was warm and lighthearted, lifting the mood of the ensemble. Her section was playing at a momentum faster than the speed of light and I felt that they advanced through the song with an impulse. They ended their little excerpt and Nayeon winked at me.

My turn.

I in a deep breath and prepared to play my part with the rest of the bassoons. I found it a bit weird to have five baritone and bass-voiced instruments playing synchronously, but the end result was stirring. Me, Yerin, Junior, SinB, and Mark sounded like five vocalist in utter harmony.

I'm elated. My section played extremely well. Even SinB managed not to hitch a breath. 

After all of the woodwinds weaved their convoluted sounds together, the brass came next. The horns came in like a pack of water buffaloes — strong, impeding, cocky. Sana Minatozaki has this big, bright glow on her face. The song's festive melodies are wrought with intense emotion. The horns gradually becomes louder and stronger as they climb every ascending note onto beauteous flights. With every breath taken, Sana's instrument shouts out every note not only with flawless technique, yet with stirring and expressive emotion. The spunky and brazen trumpets follow, then the audacious and rip-roaring trombones, and lastly the overpowering, groundbreaking tuba.

The brass nearly reach the the grandiloquent bridge of this exuberant yet touching song with the orchestra's soaring strings taking flight. 

The second violins followed as soon as the first violins signaled their grandiose entry. Concertmaster Jackson gave a knowing look to Principal Second Violinist Momo Hirai. Jackson and Eunha take the lead as the first violinists move their fingers precisely over the neckboard of their instruments, notes unflawed. Momo tucked her violin under her chin as she begins to imitate the same melody that Jackson had just played, except in a more spirited, emotive manner as opposed to the exquisite first violins. Her violin's voice was soaring, reaching into the celestial ceiling and to the broad audience as she smiles to herself, confidently. The whole view of their underlying teamwork was charming. 

The ecstatic, upbeat vibe slowly dies down, bringing back the spontaneous, passionate orchestra. The lower-pitched violas have their turn to shine. Each expertise violist sings the first few lines here with the gentle, ethereal voices from the Japanese chorus. Principal Violist Jihyo's joyous, jagged sound climb across the increasingly large landscape finding inner peace with the choir and audience members alike. 

The cello and double bass sections come afterwards, the orchestra becoming stronger and their deep, compelling voices growing into eternity. Tzuyu and Dahyun gaze fiercely into each other's eyes at their parts, drawing their bows across their signature instruments like some unseen magnetic force was imposing them to do so, their fingers were suddenly lingering on the terrain of their fingerboards as if it were a slow waltz. As the strings continue to ramble, the percussion section gradually build up the tone of their voices. 

The booming and exciting timpani initiated by Jeongyeon and the impelling percussionists advance into an exhilarating, sententious section. Chaeyoung's marimba and Eric Nam's xylophone comes off simple, yet clean like an intricate piano melody. Each ascending and descending note represents the path that the Susuwatari (sootballs) and rabbit-like creatures make to lead Satsuki and Mei to Totoro. Jeongyeon imitates the fortitude and greatness of Totoro himself with her robust timpani strikes. The little kids from the Special School of Music raved over the percussion parts the most, for their unique tone colors and catchy choruses accompanying them. 

The voices expending from the two Japanese choruses are smooth and clear, sometimes quiet yet powerful. The younger children in the choir fidgeted and whispered throughout the program. The littler ones played with their smocks and shouted out in song instead of singing. But nonetheless, their voices were almost like angels' with high notes soaring over the clouds, limber notes dancing on the staves. The adults on the other hand, had voices as sweet and mellifluous as the autumn heat, echoing from the stands to the rear ends of the concert hall, reaching out. They reminded the older audience members of the innocence of youth, comforting their spirits, awakening sweet memories of their childhood. 

The Juilliard Pops Orchestra members and the Japanese Choral Association come together to produce glorious strains of music for the masses; the soaring yet tender strings, the luxuriant yet soothing winds, the strong and robust brass, and the playful and substantial percussion. Every sound and tone color mingled together beautifully, like doves bathing in a sumptuous scene of rose petals with the radiant sun shining down on us. 

I marvel at the faces scattered around the concert hall. Everyone was awake and listening attentively to our music. The younger kids bopped their heads with the beat, their parents suffused with blithe. Chaeyeon and Chaeryeong seemed like they were humming a few of their favorite lines.

And then my eyes fall towards this girl, who looked about the same age as the Lee sisters, fully fixated on the musicians with droplets of water b her eyes. Dahyun talked about being an inspirational figure to the masses with your own playing, and this is exactly what she meant. The girl was impassioned. She probably had the urge to pick up an instrument as soon as the orchestra reached its symphonic .

I hold my breath behind pursed lips to steel myself against the gales of tears to come. The girl's face reminded me of the time I became so moved my middle school band teacher's bassoon playing. I knew from the first note that I was going to play this instrument. 

I don't ever regret making that decision.

I love the bassoon.

It's astonishing how music can change you and others around you. Often times, I forget to focus on what I want to play and I end up hating myself at the outturn of a technical etude or concerto. Often times, I looked at the classical music industry as a strange community with a bunch of kids beating the crap out of each other to become the cream of the crop. Often times, I only focused on the negative reviews and disregard those who genuinely love my music. When Yerin expressed to me that I saved SinB's life, I felt that I had a purpose: My purpose was never to please people and hit every single note at the exact time and with the exact intonation; my purpose to uplift others and myself, use music as a saving grace.

I think there’s something to be said about searching for things in your life that you can invest time and energy into because it’s gratifying.

At last, the orchestra finally transitions to the main theme. It was amazing to witness the love and passion that every single Japanese Chorus member Pops Orchestra member puts into their playing. We were like a hundred different soloists combining to form a homogenous sound. This development renders me emotional, to the point where I couldn't even play my bassoon properly.

The Juilliard Pops Orchestra members were exceptionally reveled in the artistry of their fervid, mutual music. Sharing elated smiles with each other, each section was especially enjoying the bright and cheery piece as they played the festive opening on their triumphant instruments, strong with the brilliant register of percussionists, trumpets, horns, trombones, and tubas that were bringing a heroic, blazingly intense fanfare. The woodwinds ensued with a graceful passage, featuring a pair of duets, first between the clarinet and bassoon, then the flute and oboe with occasional subtle underpinnings from the horn. The violins, violas, cellos, and double basses makes a substantial comeback with their effulgent strings creating a lyrical, idealistic theme to the adventurous score. Then came the big finale, marked as tutti, meaning "all together".

There was a tremendous response from the audience; an exploding of applause and standing ovations of approval for the youthful musicians. Maestro Ishii signaled for us to stand up and give our bow. Two rows back, the percussionists were grouped up into a large hug with little Chaeyoung in the center. Nayeon looked at me and gave me a "thumbs-up". Yerin was laughing in disbelief at the idea of performing in front of over three-thousand people. SinB was sobbing into a hankerchief for giving out possibly the best performance of her life. I let out a shuddering breath as I took a moment to comprehend what had just gone on. Everyone is celebrating as if their favorite team had just won the Super Bowl.

For the first time in forever, I don't feel as nervous when I perform in an ensemble. 

Playing with the Pops Orchestra was one of the most fulfilling experiences that I've ever had.

BONUS (The Black Swan)

Little did Mina know that Yerin and SinB were more than just "best friends."

They were girlfriends, since SinB was a high school freshman and Yerin was a high school junior.  The two girls met in their high school's symphonic band in the libertarian South Carolina city of Charleston. Yerin had been playing the bassoon for six years while SinB had only switched from clarinet to bassoon in her last year of middle school. She only played the bassoon because her dad also plays it, and she wanted to take up another hobby other than dance. SinB didn't like her instrument at first, but then she met Yerin and it became love at first sight.

Yerin was adorable and carefree, and didn't give a damn about what other kids would say about her. SinB digged that.

The two girls were the only bassoonists in their entire school district and destiny somehow set them in the same ensemble. Bassoon sectionals turned into love-making sessions. Post-concert nights became their date nights and spontaneous sleepovers at SinB's manor. Life had been nothing but a bed of roses for Yerin and SinB until something tragic happened.

SinB stopped eating.

The dark side of the dance industry crept in like a spider underneath a bed. SinB felt fat and gross during the off-season and it didn't help that her ballet teacher would berate her for gaining weight. In addition, her peers were making fun of her for dating Yerin, who is the same as her. South Carolina isn't the most forgiving state for LGBTQ+ people. She had been called many names, including pudgy, whalelike, psycho, dyke, and a fagott. 

Although the Yerin was lucky enough to turn in her younger friend to the hospital, early enough in time for the doctors to treat it before things could've gotten worse, the doctors told SinB that she should schedule an appointment with a psychologist. This sort of news disheartened the aspiring dancer because she feared that everyone would view her as a lunatic. Mental health awareness isn't prevalent in their school and people who were diagnosed with such illnesses were looked down upon.  

When marching season came around, SinB had to resign because she was occupied with her competitive dance team events. When the concert season came around, the band instructor dismissed SinB from her musical activities and put her on the indoor color guard team instead. It had now become fate that SinB and Yerin were set in the same school, separated at all costs. SinB's private lesson hours were replaced with visits to her local psychologist. 

But she still became a dance major at Juilliard? Why? Because dance was the only other thing she was passionate about after music. Concurrently with private clarinet and bassoon lessons, SinB's parents had also signed their daughter up for ballet and modern dance classes since she was two.

Not only that, but she needed to be with Yerin.

August 23, 2019 — One Year Ago

The resounding bell of Big Ben rings to commence the inauguration of tonight’s impelling concert. A line of paparazzi was held back against a linked velvet line as visitors walked across the red carpet to the entrance of the Royal Albert Hall. Waiting in the grand, ornate backstage area of the decorated concert hall, Mina was standing at the sidelines as the cheers from the audience grew louder and louder. The members of the London Symphony Orchestra made their entrance, and then their former artistic director and principal conductor, Valery Gergiev. Mina would have to walk up to the center stage next — only her and her seventy-five thousand dollar Heckel 41i.

Meanwhile, in the balcony area, Yerin and SinB are sweating their butts in their seats. The concert was running slightly behind schedule.

"Why are we watching a classical music concert?" the younger girl murmurs scathingly underneath her breath.

Yerin puts on her 'go-to' happy face, "Because I want to!"

"You didn't have to bring me along", SinB snits, "I mean, we see Mina every day. She goes to school with us."

"We're on a date, remember?" she made clear, "And besides, I've never heard Mina play before so I'm stoked."

Yerin knew. She just didn't tell her. SinB didn't want to be reminded of what she had to give up to keep herself "healthy", or so her damn peers and teachers said. On the inside, SinB still had a little spark of love for music and even though here was no chance of her pursuing a career in music, Yerin knows that SinB needs a temporary escape from dance in order for SinB to get back on track and become inspired again. Yerin wanted to ignite that flame. Again, Yerin knew. None of the dance majors talk to SinB. The psychologists tell the young girl not to lose too much weight but dance majors are required to take a course designed for weight loss, because experts say that if you're going to become a professional dancer in New York City, you cannot be fat. Yerin thought this was absurd. Nothing is helping SinB regain her self-esteem. If anything, she's losing it.

"And what if Mina doesn't show up?" SinB ogles at her fidgety partner, using a macabre tone of voice.

"She has to!" Yerin jumped out of her seat, flashing the program in front of SinB's face, "Her name is in the program!"

"Of course Mina is going to perform today", an older British guy sitting in the row in front of them says, gawking at the two girls like the newbie 'prommers' they are. This gentleman is a noticeably huge classical music fan and he could write a guide about how to 'Prom like a pro'. 

At this point in time, Yerin was going into her third year at Juilliard as a bassoon major and SinB was going into her first year at Juilliard as a dance major. Yerin's parents, who were flight attendants for British airways, snagged round-trip tickets for the two girl's four-year anniversary as girlfriend to girlfriend. They would be spending about a week in the city of London before returning to New York City for the beginning of a new school year.

And they picked the perfect time to go on vacation.

It was the midst of The Proms concert season. The BBC Proms is the world's biggest and longest-running music festival, spanning eight weeks of daily orchestral concerts in various concert halls around London, but most prominently, the Royal Albert Hall. Every year, the Proms committee invites the world’s greatest orchestras and classical performers to come to London, showcasing their prodigious skills in front of hundreds of thousands of live spectators and millions of online/television viewers. If Yerin did her calculations correctly, Mina would be performing on the 49th concert night. Yerin prayed, waiting anxiously for that red-haired girl to make her entrance on stage. She didn't buy scalped tickets for no reason.

And luckily, the gods chose not prove her wrong. A couple of seconds later, the young bassoonist shows up draped in a magnificent strapless black gown fashioned from fine Italian silks and French Chantilly, the sweetheart bodice made up of Alencon lace and the dress blazing with twinkling diamonds streaming down from the top down her thin waistline. Mina's glassy, wine-colored hair was also drawn up to a classy updo and accented with a crystal hair ornament. Yerin's eyes then dart at the bassoon being held in Mina's hands, A German brand. Of course. Yerin is just bewildered at how delicately Mina maneuvers the tall instrument, from the positioning of her fingers to the placing of the double reed in between her cushy lips.

She looks like a ing princess, Yerin thinks and then she whips a quick glance at SinB, who looks as if she had accidentally met an angel.

Weber's Bassoon Concerto was cleanly executed, as expected. Weber wrote this concerto with an intention to illustrate all of the bassoon's variant characters — The first theme is brash and exultant (aided by the dotted rhythm). The second theme, marked dolce, is meditative and placid. Volatile mood shifts spread through with markings of brillante, dolce, con fuoco, dolce again, and a brillante for the sensational finish. With perfect embouchure, flawless air control, impeccable articulations, nimble fingers, exemplary tonguing, and careful attention to the dynamics, there was no bassoonist in the world who could match up to the caliber of Mina's at her prime age.

And to think, she's only nineteen years old. She's a year younger than me and I'm nowhere near her level. Yerin thinks again. SinB is just floored at the amount of virtuosity this young soloist possesses. And after all of those glitzy arpeggios, scales, and trills, then Mina purses her lips and tightens her diaphragm to ascend to a dramatic high note — a high D (D5). The two girls are enraptured. 

"That was just thrilling", SinB sighs over to Yerin in between intermission. The older girl sees her reaction as a sign of success.

"Mina's amazing, huh?" Yerin gobs down a chocolate bar to ease her empty stomach, "I couldn't play like that when I was nineteen."

"I'm so emotionally wasted right now", her friend's voice comes out woozy, "I don't even think that I'm mentally prepared for the second half."

"Speaking of the second half..." Yerin's eyes scroll through the program again, "This is a new piece that's never been performed before. And it's composed by Seo Joohyun, that pianist and composition major who just graduated from Juilliard last year. What a small world that we live in."

"Oh, great!" SinB exclaims, "Now I'm seriously mentally unprepared for that second half!"

Indeed, everybody was unprepared.

Le Cygne Noir for solo bassoon and orchestra was the title of the next piece. It translates to "The Black Swan" in English. Doubling in piano studies and music composition, Juilliard music school graduate Seo Joohyun had designed this work in her fourth year at the coveted institution. The advisors in her division described Le Cygne Noir as heart-stopping, spine-tingling, melodramatic — it stole their breaths away like it did to Mina.

You've probably listened to the main theme of Swan Lake and learned that the theme of the White Swan or Odette is set by an oboe — a double reed instrument with capabilities of playing in the upper register, like white angels climbing up echelons towards heaven. Now, if you're familiar with the Swan Lake storyline, you'll know that the Black Swan, Odile, is a witch and the daughter of central antagonist Von Rothbart. The Black Swan is cunning and is always willing to follow her father's orders, no matter how trivial or disparaging they may be.

When Seo Joohyun was in the process of writing Le Cygne Noir, she did it with the intention of writing from the Black Swan's point of view. Joohyun imagined a scenario wherein the Black Swan became a pawn to her commanding father and in the end, drove the Black Swan into a mental breakdown. Mina fell in love with this piece as soon as Joohyun played a demo version on the piano. She found it somewhat relatable.

And what would be a better idea than to assign the harrowing role to none other than the bassoon? Also a double-reeded instrument, the bassoon is contradictory to the oboe in the sense that it provides a much deeper, dismal tone color as opposed to the oboe's lighter, lofty register. 

Ironically, Mina would be the first one to perform Le Cygne Noir. Her bassoon would be posing the role of the theatrical Black Swan. 

The young soloist presented the first theme — a downward arpeggio, scalar ascent, and a descending sequence to represent the Black Swan's rise and downfall. She tries to spread her wings and fly, only to be beaten down again and again by her father. It's only been a few seconds into this poignant piece and both girls had already found themselves flooded in tears. What must've been Mina's thought process while performing this section?

At a five-minute mark, Mina already raised the bar for aspiring bassoonists waiting to compete with her. With proficient air support and skillfull fingers prancing throughout the bassoon's sleek keys, Mina left no room for error as she glided through tough passages, quickly alternating between the bassoon's lowest and highest registers with a trained tongue and rich, clarion-clear sound. Mina looked even more beautiful when she played with her eyes closed, basking under the warm spotlight as her dusky, low notes fill each and every crevice of the Royal Albert Hall. 

The elegant bassoonist opens up the second theme — a section marked cantando and arguably one of the most beautiful and haunting solo bassoon melodies that Yerin and SinB have ever heard. Her bassoon rolled over the surface of the Royal Albert Hall in sorrowful waves. Swells of power rose up in Mina's throat. Nobody could even tell if the sound emitted her bassoon or from a operatic voice. That's how one could tell how marvelously Mina executed this section. Her bassoon sounded like it was singing of rage, of pain.

The Black Swan couldn't fly anymore; her wings have been slashed off by her father.

Mina briefly opened her eyes to catch a glimpse of the audience's facial expressions. Her tone was so dark and sinister that the spectators cried at her sad, reflective melodies. Both girls wwere biting off the nails of their thumbs in all anxiousness, trying not to look like a pair bumbling messes in front of other spectators.

And yet, SinB could relate to this piece as well. When she was told that she couldn't pursue a career in music anymore, she felt as if she had spiraled downward from the sky and crashed onto the pavement. She too, had been robbed of her ailerons.

The final movement is where all hell breaks loose. The same arpeggio from the beginning is being played — fortissimo to diminuendo, then tremolo to forte. Sheer anxiety began to build up as Mina rushed through the swan-inspired rondo theme with double stops from the string section.  Upon the arrival of the second theme, the strings play grave, weighty figures from the rondo theme while the soloist emits a long trill. Mina's rushed trills and arpeggios continue, as do the tentative rondo theme entrances from the strings and syncopations from the wind sections. Seo Joohyun interpreted this movement as the scene where the Black Swan's psychological breakdown starts to kick in. 

SinB could so relate to this.

Yerin and SinB's seat wasn't too far from the stage where Mina is standing radiantly. In fact, when the piece indicates a rest, SinB is even more in shock when her restless gaze meets with the soloist's ravishing eyes. She critically felt that her heart was going to jump out of her chest the longer Mina deeply stared at her. . . . She's so ing hot. She makes the bassoon look even more attractive.

Mina diverts her gaze back to her reed and she continues playing. SinB sits up in her seat, engrossed in every notion of Mina's transcendental song, her ears luxuriating in every single note being sung from her bassoon as she extends into a powerful, heartbreaking high note (E5) that sums up the agony of the Black Swan's wings being cut off. Reverberations leak into the far reaches of the long concert hall and it makes the two girls feel incredibly weak. Maestro Gergiev calls the orchestra to a halt and there is this long pause. People use this time to wipe away any stray tears.

This sudden stop is actually intentional. It represents the Black Swan looking back at her happier memories before ultimately withering away.

Mina's pensive eyes cast down to the floor as she prepares for the final note — a low B-flat, held for forty seconds long. She inhales a deep breath, brings the reed up to her trembling lips, and plays the note with a shivering vibrato, resounding like a beacon in the blackening fog. This would represent the last breath that the Black Swan takes before she dies in grief. Forty seconds felt like an eternity for Yerin and SinB. The latter girl is all out of tissues to wipe her eyes with so she resorts to the sleeve of her white sweater. Le Cygne Noir is sad, so sad.

The long note gets quieter and quieter and the next thing Mina knew, all of the wind had left her lungs in a violent shudder.

An absence of sound ensued after Mina ended her performance. One could literally hear the sound of the exasperated bassoonist gasping for air. But once the silence ended, the audience stood up for an exploding round of applause as Mina shakes her head with a meek smile on her pale face. The girl winded up being on the front cover of classical music magazines and newspapers. She and Seo Joohyun had also received praise from several famous critics, including those from the Gramophone, Classic FM, BBC Music Magazine, and The New York Times. Months later, soloist Mina Myoui and LSO director and conductor Valery Gergiev would receive a Grammy Award for Best Classical Instrumental Solo.

"So, what did you think?" Yerin asks her girlfriend as they were granted a view of London in front of their eyes. Both girls and a couple of others were the last passengers on the London Eye, a few days after the concert had ended. It was what SinB wanted to do the whole time they were on a date.

"You know..." SinB begins, "I really want to play like that. Even though it's a sad piece, I found it inspiriting for me. I want to become great too."

"It's never too late", Yerin smirks. But on the inside, she's proud that her partner is not thinking about some other thoughts.

SinB stares confoundedly at her partner, "What's not too late?"

"You know exactly what I mean", she chuckled, pinching her cheek, "Go pick up your damn bassoon again and start taking lessons from Mina. Everyone needs a break from something. Too much dance can turn into more of a job than a passion, so you need a brief getaway."

"Take lessons from Mi—" SinB scoffs, "Please. I don't feel worthy of being in her presence."

"Life is too short to be thinking about whether or not you'll be accepted by Mina", Yerin stresses, gawking at her naïve friend, "So why don't you just do what you enjoy while you've still got time? You can still do other things that you love and not let go of your dream of wanting to dance."

The younger girl contemplates, fidgeting with her left foot. It's only so long until Mina graduates from Juilliard, beginning to move on with her life and becomes a successful musician. I should ask her while I still have the opportunity to get close with her.

"You know what? I'll do it", she confirms.

Yerin spaces out, "Do what?"

"I'm going to ask Mina next time I run into her."

"YAY! MY BASSOON BUDDY IS BACK!" Yerin screams and scares the other passengers in their car. Then she gives her girlfriend a warm hug with her stuffy jacket.

"Ew! You're all sweaty and gross!" SinB teases, pushing Yerin away from her.

"I think for starters, though. You should join the Juilliard Pops Orchestra with me", Yerin suggests, pulling her friend in her embrace again, "Jihyo said that we're extremely low on bassoonists and there's no audition needed to become a member. All experience levels are accepted. You don't even have to be a music major to join. We even have students from the drama and dance departments who are a part of our ensemble."

", seriously?"

"Yeah!"

She puts a finger to her chin, "Well... it's a start."

A/N: Words that are spelled out letter-by letter using sign language will mostly be bolded rather than using this 'f-o-r-m-a-t' to prevent confusion and reading troubles

Nearly 10k words? My longest chapter by far! I wish Le Cygne Noir (The Black Swan) was a real piece. That scene was brought up from a dream I had not too long ago about Mina playing in a shimmering black gown. Also, Seo Joohyun is Seohyun of SNSD ^_^

Also, If some of you haven't noticed yet, there's a chapter dedicated to the terminology used in this story. I'm planning on adding definitions to the musical terms in this box. I've realized that not all of you guys are familiar with classical music. I will provide definitions to any unfamiliar terms here and past chapters so you all don't have to go through the trouble of having to look them up on the internet. I'd like to thank one of my readers, chom_poo9, for making me self-aware about this and I promise to work hard to improve everyone's reading experiences. The glossary will constantly be updated.

Thank you!

Did you like the Pops Orchestra's performance? Mina's performance in the bonus?

Let me know about your thoughts in the comment section below...

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