SEASON 2 PREVIEW

December 19, XXXX

It's been years since I inhaled the oppressive air of New York City.

The salty snow falling from cumulus clouds floating above, the stench of chopped-cheese sandwiches from Bodegas, the hissing sounds of gas escaping from cars and other modes of public transportation, but I love it. After all, I grew up here.

Juilliard is still the same as it was when I graduated. Aspiring performing artists still use the name as a benchmark for their pilgramage to success. The shadows of past alumni remind you that time is fleeting, and that you must make haste before someone else snags that principal horn position in the New York Philharmonic. Sure, Juilliard's name on your resumé will impress the panel, but it doesn't grant everyone a job. I know this for sure because most of my friends are still struggling to make a name for themselves in the world of classical music. Some of them even gave up.

Including some members of the Crack Squad.

But even if you do score a position with a major orchestra, you can't be complacent. You have to hold yourself up to the expectations of the conductor and the other musicians, up to personnel management, and give stellar performances even when your lungs want to give in. Failure to attend to these rules and you'll get fired. And if you do get fired, good luck trying to find another job.

I'm still here, standing my ground with my bassoon. It's my second trial year with this orchestra and if I hang on for another year or so, I can get tenured. But even at this point, the finish line still seems so far.

I'm not happy. In fact, ever since my only other friends in London didn't outlast their trial period, I've become lonely. No one in the United Kingdom uses American Sign Language and nobody cares that I'm hard-of-hearing. They treat me as if my ears are perfect, which they aren't. It's difficult to build relationships with these people because they're either concentrated within their own "friend groups" or they're absorbed within their own personal bubble. I'm currently the newest member on roster and also the youngest. Almost fifty-nine percent of the members are private instructors and/or professors in the orchestra academy or conservatories such as Guildhall, RCM, the Royal Academy, and Trinity Laban. Then, since we're a self-governed orchestra, the next thirty-five percent are board members. Kwon Yuri is one of them. The remaining are reaching retirement.

And then there's me.

I should've not severed ties with my friends after graduation. It's arduous to keep in contact with your friends when you relocate to a new country and take up a job that involves demanding rehearsals and recording sessions, back-to-back concerts and events, and spontaneous tours that range from domestic to cross-continental. Sometimes, I'm fearful of bothering their busy lives as well. But the regret of distancing myself has been hitting me so hard, that I've experienced a slight tremor run down my spine whenever I glanced at the affirmation posts on my bedroom mirror. Yes, I brought those post-its to London because I thought that they would help me, but they didn't.  

After extensive visits to the psychiatrist, I found out that I had clinical depression. Sometimes I'll drink a little more than I can handle, and then I'd return to my flat in Chilworth Mews feeling like a sack of . I honestly don't know if I'm enjoying music anymore. Performing with those that I love versus performing with a bunch of strangers — there's a difference.

I wonder if they still remember m—

"Mina!"

Is someone calling me?

"Mina Myoui!"

I adjusted my hearing aids and scanned the Lincoln Center, nothing catching my eye.

"I'm right behind you, idiot."

I jerked my head around and looked up at the tall girl dressed in maroon, black overcoat draping just her shoulders, cello case resting on her back like a tired child. Her hair is tired up in a high ponytail with tendrills of hair hanging down, like she usually does for concerts and receptions. 

"I've missed you, Tzuyu", I told her, pulling her into an awkward hug as I clutched my bassoon case with my other hand.

"Me too", she said, "I came here to watch your concert with the Squad."

We caught up on each other's lives while ambling around Juilliard's campus, occassionally commenting on the weary students entering and exiting the Irene Diamond Building. It's the middle of December, so it must be the season for juries.

Anyways, a lot of things occurred while I was in London. Dahyun and Tzuyu are still together, making ends meet by tutoring children in their respective instruments during the daytime and taking up gigs at night. Nayeon, Momo, and Jeongyeon are doing the same. Additionally, the five of them plus other Pops Orchestra alumni are arranging and covering popular songs whilst posting their covers on YouTube and Instagram. On the flip side, Jihyo is experiencing much success by touring the country with the New York City Chamber Orchestra. She's also giving masterclasses with her colleagues at Mannes, MSM, and even Juilliard. 

"What about Sana and Chaeyoung?" I asked eagerly, "What are they doing? Are they going to watch tonight's concert?"

With much hesitation, Tzuyu coughed up a nervous laugh, "They're gone."

I knitted my eyebrows, "What?"

"They're not in New York anymore",  she continued, "They left last year."

"Where did they go?"

"Sana and Chaeyoung, well... they ........................................................................................................     ......................................................................"

Just to let you guys know, Silent Sonata Season 2 has a foreward already.