ARC ONE

subito 

Origin: Italian
Suddenly (e.g. subito pp, which instructs the player to suddenly drop to pianissimo as an effect)

DISCLAIMER: The personalities and opinions of these characters do not represent those of actual idols themselves, the Juilliard students, the New York Philharmonic, or any of its employees. The Juilliard School is not responsible for the accuracy of information.

The Eighth Measure

2020:  Sophomore Year of College - End of the Spring Semester

When you emerge into adulthood and realize that the job prospects for classical musicians are astronomically low, you need to keep your head in the game. And that means networking and doing as many extracurriculars as possible to spiffy up your resumé. If mom and dad were right about one thing, it’s that I stick with Reina Washio because she’s a great help in sneaking you into classical concerts and masterclasses for absolutely no charge.

Since sophomore year, the students in the music department have been referring to me, Nayeon, Reina, Yuzuna, Shuuka, and Karen as "The Spectacular", just like how one would refer to the U.S. Olympic women's Artistic Gymnastics Team as "The Magnificent Seven" in 1996 or "The Fierce Five" in 2012. I don't understand about the origins of our nickname since none of us made up the name itself, but Reina assumes that the student body perceives us as a group of five girls with brains and beauty. And to be honest, I don't really hang out with anybody else other than my girls.

Let me give you a rundown about a typical day with The Spectacular Six:

Basically it’s just attending classes, eat lunch with them, more classes showing up to rehearsals, talking eating out for dinner, go to bed, and the cycle starts over again. But some days are different than others, including today.

Reina invited us over to her studio apartment at Normandie Court — a cozy environment that felt like any other upper-middle class home, fitted with full marble bathrooms, a fitness center, a sauna, housemaids, an elegant sundeck, and an actually-functioning air conditioner for NYC's humid summers. Her parents insisted on having her stay there because the Juilliard dorms were not up to their standards.

Second semester juries had already ended and we were all eager to wind back after a stressful six months. Because we didn't have spare time to watch the fifth season of Pretty Little Liars (PLL), what couldn't be a more perfect time to catch up than after final examinations?

The doorbell rings and Karen hops off her purple beanbag chair to answer it. The door opens to reveal Im Nayeon and a beaming Shuuka Fujii, her teeth glistening white as she flashes two grocery bags in front of her boyfriend, horn player Yuta Nakamoto. The two formerly-best-friends lean over to kiss each other on the lips before Yuzuna steps out of the bathroom, snorting at the lovely couple.

"Ew! Get a room, you two!" Yuzuna flinches, but Yuta and Shuuka ignore her gripe and settle their stash of food on the dining table.

"Food is here!" Shuuka's peppy voice breaks through the loud chatter in the room.

"About time!" Reina yells from the comfort of her bedroom, "What took you two so long?"

"Do you really expect us to be here on time when we're coming from Staten Island?" Nayeon says irritatingly.

Everyone launches their butts off of couches and chairs to marvel at the huge display of food: pretzel bites, pizza rolls, pork belly sliders, sweet potato bites, goat cheese stuffed apricots, lamb meatballs, strawberry buttermilk donuts, and save for the classic Asian party trays filled with Korean fried chicken, coconut shrimp, Nigiri sushi, potstickers, and spring rolls. There's eight of us — six girls, two of whom had brought their boyfriends — so there would be no doubt that the food would all be gobbled up at the end of the day. To top it all off, Nayeon cracks open a bottle of sparkling apple cider and pours it into wine glasses.

Shuuka pulls away and kisses Yuta's forehead, "And a Thai tofu and noodle salad for you."

"You're so good", Yuta giggles. God, he sounds like a girl when he laughs.

Reina rolls her eyes at her display of affection, "Hurry up or else we're going to start episode 108 without you two!"

"Wait! Where's Ryusei?" Karen inquires about her and Shuuka’s older brother.

"He has Axiom Ensemble rehearsals today. He's going to be late”, Shuuka answers her.

"Well I'm not going to wait for him", Yuzuna declares, propping her on the same purple beanbag chair that Karen was using earlier.

I scoot over to leave room for Shuuka and Yuuta, suffocating in the center of two couples — Shuuka and Yuuta to the left, Shori Sato and Reina to the right. At that point the long, creamy white couch had reached maximum capacity and Shuuka was on the verge of slipping off the edge.

"What do you mean On Demand doesn't have PLL?" Reina grumbles.

"Try ABC Family", Yuzuna suggests as Reina hands over the remote to her.

"There it is!" Karen squeals after Yuzuna flips through endless channels, "It hasn't even started yet!"

Halfway through the episode, my eyelids grew heavy from exhaustion and I could no longer pay attention to what was going on. I couldn't stop thinking about my final examination and how I choked in the third movement of Mozart’s Bassoon Concerto. Not only did I have a migraine and this bothersome tingling sensation in my ears, but I must've abandoned my reeds out in the open cold for too long or trimmed it a little too short, but what matters is the end product. I'm worried about what the adjudicators think of me, I'm worried about what my private teacher thinks of me, I'm worried about what my parents would hear from them. I swallow a bite of tuna sushi and try to focus my senses on the sourness of the vinegar rice, the spiciness of the wasabi, and the butteriness of the raw fish.

A breaking news report interrupts our program, ticking off my friends. There is an opening graphic with John Williams' Pulse of Events playing in the background, adding emphasis to the importance of this event. The newscaster is wearing a sorrow expression as she illustrates the story of a person who have jumped off Brooklyn Bridge to their death. Yuzuna ignores the news and brings up a topic.

"So how did all of your juries go?" Yuzuna asks everyone in the room

Oh no. Not this question.

"They loved my rendition of Monti's Hungarian Folk Dance", Reina offers, Shori wrapping his arm around her, "I was surprised because I didn't think they would like it. I strayed away from the original piece. I used an electric violin too."

"Of course they love you!" Yuta attested, "Our fathers are one of the faculty members!"

"You can't use relatives as a free ride, dumb ", Shuuka nudged his ribs.

"My father wasn't in the jury!" Yuta countered, "He even admits that other musicians have better skills than I do!"

Thank God. Maybe I'm not the only one who screwed up.

"Why thank you", Reina laughs in pride, "But as far as I'm concerned everyone passed their juries, right? You know that in Juilliard, if you don't pass the first time then you're on probation, and if you don't make it up the next semester, you're kicked out of the school."

*gulp*

As everyone else talks about their success, my stomach knots up. I haven't received my results yet, so how can I tell the group how well I played? If I mention my mishap in that bassoon concerto, they're going to judge me. We're all supposed to be the Top 20 of our graduating class, and it's been that way since our high school days. All eight of us attended LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts, each of us having our own success in the musical world and standing above others.

"What about you, Mina?" Reina suddenly asks.

"What?"

"How did your jury go?"

My head is racing for words as I try to answer Reina's question. But instead of retrieving answers, it's retrieving thoughts of fear and sadness all at once. Don't let them see you, Mina. They're going to think that you're a freak and they'll never want to speak to you ever again. They're the reason why you'll become successful as a musician. Before a single tear could seep from my eyes, I took a deep breath.

Inhale, exhale.

"Okay, I think", I flash an assuring smile, but the group doesn't look too assured.

.

"That's it?" Yuzuna chuckles, popping a potsticker into , "I'd expect more from the youngest classical Grammy Award recipient of all time."

Great. Now I have to share that story too.

"I'm sorry? You mean The Grammy Awards?" Karen squeaks out the words like they're a huge deal, "The biggest, most prestigious award in the music industry? The one with Solti, Boulez, U2, John Williams, Stevie Wonder, Kanye, Jay Z, and Beyoncé?"

"You didn't hear?" Shuuka's eyes widened, "Mina won Best Classical Instrumental Solo for her performance of Weber’s Bassoon Concerto and Seo Joohyun's Le Cygne Noir for solo bassoon and orchestra with Valery Gergiev as the conductor and the London Symphony Orchestra as the accompaniment. She performed at the BBC Proms too, at the Royal Albert Hall — the most sought-out concert seasons in the world."

"Oh wow Mina, congrats", Reina half-heartedly projects.

"Hey!" Nayeon interjects, "This is a big deal for Mina."

"Yeah yeah. I know that", Reina said, half-distracted by her conversation with Shori, Yuzuna, and Karen about this week's episode, "This isn't just any episode. It's the PLL Christmas Special! We have to discuss this before I leave for France next week."

"Oh, so you're saying that one episode of a stupid television drama is more important than one of our friend's biggest accomplishments?"

“Nayeon, please”, I begged her to stop as I didn’t want to cause any further misunderstandings.

"Jesus Christ. I'll congratulate her properly later!" Reina raises her voice, creating tension in the room.

"You guys, stop it!" Shuuka chides the two.

Reina and Nayeon distance themselves to avoid any additional trouble. I look over and Nayeon mouths the word 'sorry' over to me. Nayeon and I have been together for as long as I can remember, even before I met Sana in elementary concert band. We're both woodwind players and we guide each other through our music and our hardships. She sits next to me whenever we have similar classes. We compete in the same competitions, but I always end up placing higher than Nayeon, and it makes me feel guilty that I'm not giving her an opportunity to bask in the limelight. But Nayeon doesn't care; she puts it off with a teethy grin in the end, but I'm not so sure about how she feels on the inside.

I wasn't happy at all with Reina's attitude, but at least it kept us off-topic from her previous question. And at least Shuuka saved my by giving Reina an explanation. As panic and fear finally subsided, I sank lower into my seat and waited for the breaking news report to end. Reina had already forgotten about her question and only focused on waiting for PLL to resume.

As soon as the report ended and the television switched back to our original program, the ending credits display on the wide screened TV.

"Hey! What the hell!" Karen shouts, "We don't even know how the episode ended!"

"God", Yuzuna grunts, "It's because of that stupid breaking news report!"

"Why do we need to hear about people taking their lives?" Reina gripes, "They chose to die and be pathetic and all that!"

The only thing that comes out of my mouth is a docile response, "You guys can just watch it another time, right?"

Are you that stupid?

Reina's eyebrows knit together, "Are you that stupid?"

Oh my god. She said it.

"I'm leaving next week and I'm going to be gone all month! And by the time I come back there's going to be more episodes and it’s going to be the first semester of our third year!" She stuffs her black hair and pulls it into a messy bun as if we were going to engage in a fight, "Haven't you thought about that? How do you expect me to value your accomplishments if you can't even value my time?"

Her last sentence rang in my head like a broken tape recorder. What was I thinking when I said that? I felt something strange inside of me, like I was detached from the world and everything faded to pitch black. My throat tightened and I body temperature sky-rocketed. I wanted to throw on my coat and escape from the building, running as fast as I can because I could not understand this sensation. But I figured had I done that, everyone will perceive me as a coward and wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore.

"You entitled prick", Nayeon glares at Reina, "You're being ridiculous."

"What?" Reina pretends that she wasn't pay attention and returns to her chat with Yuzuna. Everyone else in the room is dead silent.

"I said, 'You're. Being. Ridiculous.' How hard is it for you to understand three words?" Nayeon's voice grows harsher.

"If you don't want to be friends anymore, leave the room", Reina laughs, "I'm not going to waste my time bickering with a joke like you."

"Mina, let's go", Nayeon says urgently.

"Mina doesn't want to follow you", Yuzuna spat.

"Don't ing speak for Mina!" She hisses at the shorter girl, "Mina, you don't want to be with these people. They're only going to make your life worse. They only know you on the outside, they don't care about what's on the inside."

"I beg to differ, we're going to make Mina's life a lot better", Reina opposes, "In the cutthroat world of the classical music industry, meek girls like Mina will never make it out alive. She needs protection from the most talented people there are, like us. And our parents are friends with her parents, so it wouldn't be wise for her to leave us. She needs us."

"Mina doesn't need you guys to be successful. She's talented in her own right!"

"Yo", Reina's voice grows even more serious than the last time, "You told us not to speak for Mina, so keep your word."

"Why don't we let Mina decide what she wants to do?" Shori speaks up spontaneously, casually sipping his apple cider drink.

"Good idea", Reina complies, "Mina, who are you going to stick with? Me, or Nayeon? I suggest the former."

Nayeon shoots a desperate look at me and Reina crosses her arms, her eyes signaling the message, 'you're going to regret it'. I know that Nayeon would be understanding of my problems, but then my parents and Reina's parents have been close friends since their Juilliard days. If Reina tells her parents about me leaving her group, eventually my parents will find out and they're going to beat me up for it. Reina's other relatives work for the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC), they can try to ruin my family reputation and prevent us from performing at the Proms. My parents could get fired from the New York Philharmonic. I'm on the verge of crying now, but my tears translate to sweat and I start hyperventilating instead. If I keep this up, they're going to find out about my mental illness.

"Sorry", My answer is brief — brief enough as to not send me into another panic attack.

Nayeon doesn't say anything. Her head is hung low as she slips on her boots and leaves the room. My heart rate goes down, but my mind is still filled with regretful thoughts. But the cost of losing my friends, a career, and my family for one person is too unbearable.

"Good choice", Reina smiles at me.

The Ninth Measure

The Summer Before Junior Year of College

Every evening, for three or four days a week, we have Juilliard Orchestra rehearsals in the school’s Harris/Woolfson Orchestral Studio. Me and my friends were the only underclassmen that were accepted into the ensemble as everybody else is either in their Junior Year, Senior Year, or are pursuing post-graduate degrees. I’ve been principal bassoon since freshman year. This is surprising because The Juilliard Orchestra is the most prominent ensemble on campus, giving students numerous opportunities to grow and improve by emulating the atmosphere of an actual professional orchestra. The Juilliard Orchestra performs regularly at Lincoln Center and Carnegie Hall, as well as in the school’s opera and dance productions, on-and-off-campus events, radio broadcasts, and national and international tours as well. Before one could take on all of that hullabaloo, there is a three-week Orchestra Orientation that undergraduates need to go through before taking on the rigors of The Juilliard Orchestra. This is all before they even get a chance to audition to occupy a vacant seat in one of the sections.

Because it’s still summer and classes have not yet begun, The Juilliard Orchestra runs long rehearsals every day. Luckily, we’ve just finished our national tour so all we have to do now is prepare for the freshman orientation in September.

"Shuuka! That's your third hiccup today!" Maestro Gilbert, conductor of The Juilliard Orchestra, addresses the lanky oboist sternly.

"I'm sorry", she acknowledged.

"I'd expect this error from a first year, but from the Principal Oboe of The Juilliard Orchestra? The top ensemble of the Juilliard School of Music? And the daughter of the Principal Oboe (Her father) and Cor Anglais (Her mother) of the New York Philharmonic?" He continues to ramble, and every sentence acts as a dagger to my chest, "Do you know how many oboists are dying to be in your seat? Act like you deserve this position, and stop rushing! Match the pace of the Principal Clarinetist."

"Yes sir", she complies again.

I jerk my head to see who the Principal Clarinetist was. It’s Shori Satou, Reina’s boyfriend. Last year’s position was occupied by Kwon Yuri, a senior and the top of her graduating class. I talked to her everyday because it is customary that the principal clarinetist and the principal bassoonist always sit next to each other, no exceptions. Yuri is such a beauty, with long and luscious chocolate-colored hair, tan skin, and a leg game too strong for me to comprehend. She smells so nice too. I don’t know much about her but she probably has a good life, having both brains and beauty. I envy her for being so calm and composed during rehearsals.

Oh, Shori Satou. The Japanese flower boy smiled disparagingly; he doesn't want my companionship. It was no longer Kwon Yuri, the one who acted as my sister and my partner-in-crime in hiding snacks from the director's sight. The sweet, fragrant scent of her Pink Cherry Blossom perfume from Etude House was replaced with the harsh scent of citrus. Every time I would inhale, I'd suffocate from the strong smell.

I miss Yuri a lot. Yuri was a keen role model to me in my Juilliard Years beacause she was very introspective and she always did her best to assist her section mates with their needs. . Yet at the same time, I’m happy for her because she’s found success after leaving. She graduated a few months ago and is leaving for England to join the London Symphony Orchestra.

And then I look over Shori’s head to see an empty seat next to the Eb clarinetist.

Im Nayeon, who played bass clarinet with us for a while, was booted out of the orchestra because she was put on academic probation. According to JB, a trumpet player who sits behind me and also Nayeon's boyfriend since middle school, Nayeon failed her music jury last semester and has one more semester to redeem herself. If she fails again, she'll get kicked out of Juilliard. In the meantime, she joined forces with the Juilliard Pops Orchestra to fulfill one of the diploma requirements. Almost everyone in The Juilliard Orchestra despises Nayeon for making this decision. There is a rivalry with our orchestra and the Juilliard Pops Orchestra, but I never quite understood why or how this rivalry commenced.

I also I don't know how one of the brightest, most passionate clarinetists in the school could dip so low, to the bottom of her class. It must be because of what happened in the eighth grade, and I'm partly guilty for it. And she’s so close to graduating too.

“Myoui!”

Oh no.

“Quit spacing out and look at your sheet music!” he chided.

“I’m sorry”, I apologize, swallowing hard.

"Let's move onto something else", Maestro Gilbert grimaced, closing the score to Elgar's Enigma Variations, "Get it together, you guys! We only have a few days before we play for the New Student Orientation. From the top of Mahler's Third Symphony, first movement."

I sniffled back the tears and sat up straight, preparing for the next piece.

The Tenth Measure

After rehearsal, I meet up with my friends at the Indie, a cafe conveniently located across Juilliard's main entrance. We sit near the wide windows, talking and laughing with espresso drinks in our hands and mini gelato bowls piled up in the center (Except Karen, who is a vegetarian). I hunker down in a seat next to Shuuka, because she’s the nicest girl in our group and she won't savage me down like a shark. Reina isn't even here, which makes it a bigger relief considering that she won’t throw a temper tantrum and that I could speak as freely as I want. She, as the assistant concertmistress of The Juilliard Orchestra, stayed with concertmaster Kai for a meeting.

"Minari!" Shuuka exclaims, her arms reaching out for an embrace. I’m shocked that she’s in a good mood and not bawling because Maestro Gilbert screamed at her in rehearsals. "What happened to you in rehearsal? You seemed upset."

I shrugged, laughing it off, "It's just one of those off-days, I guess? I was making reeds and I sliced four of my fingers open."

Shuuka grabs my right arm and lifts it up to eye level, "Oh my God, you're right!"  

"Can they move?" Karen asked.

"Not really", I said, flexing my bandaged fingers.

"I heard that if you cut your fingers, they grow back", Shuuka mentions, "It's like how starfishes can grow back their limbs."

Yuzuna raises an eyebrow, "Shuuka, what the ?"

"They're just deep cuts!" I giggled, somewhat snorting in between, "I didn't decapitate them or anything! And besides, this always happens when I'm carving reeds, so I'm used to having cuts on my fingers."

"God, Mina. You're so cute", Yuzuna cooed, poking my cheek.

In the middle of our meal, a tall girl with curly brown hair emerges from the front door and heading towards our direction. Karen removes her viola case from the seat next to her so she can sit. This girl's eyes jump from left to right, trying to identify who we are.

"Umm..." Yuzuna just hums as she stares at the younger girl sitting across from her, "Who is this?"

"Her name is Somi", Karen introduces her half-Dutch, half-Korean mentee, "I tutor her in music theory at the pre-college division. I have to keep an eye on her because her mother is coming home late from work, her father is in Denmark visiting family, and New York City at night time is far too dangerous for a eighteen year-old to be wandering alone. So she'll be with me for a while."

"Oh okay, no problem!" Yuzuna perks up again, "Hi Somi!"

"Hello!" She greets enthusiastically, then she turns to me, "Hi Mina!"

What the hell? How does she know me?

"Remember me from The National Youth Symphony of the U.S.?" she crinkles her nose, "I played clarinet and you were Principal Bassoon."

Oh.

I’m not a member of the NYO-USA anymore because the maximum age for members is nineteen years-old and I’m already twenty.

"Oh shoot, you're right!" I address clumsily, knocking over my drink until Shuuka saves my cup from its fall, "I'm so sorry. I blanked out for a second. That's right! I was a senior and you were a sophomore at LaGuardia. How are things going?"

"Awesome! I'm preparing for my Juilliard audition with Nayeon as my tutor", Somi exclaims, "Speaking of which, where is Nayeon?"

Oh god.

The air is filled with silence as each of us waits for someone to answer. Karen is mouthing over to Yuzuna to give a response, but then Yuzuna nudges Karen so she could avoid the question. Karen then pinches her older sister, and then Shuuka shoots puppy-dog eyes at Yuzuna. Yuzuna shakes her head and leans over to stare at Karen, but Karen still doesn't know about the whole ordeal between Nayeon and the rest of the Juilliard Orchestra since she’s only a freshman and has yet to become a member of the ensemble. The tension boils down to me.

"She's busy, I think", I say sheepishly. I glanced at Yuzuna and she is crossing her fingers, hoping that Somi falls for my lame reply.

That's not true.

"Oh, I figured", Somi says coolly and everyone emits a sigh of relief, "Also, Nayeon is a college upperclassmen and you guys are college underclassmen so she's probably worrying about after-college stuff. There are days where she can't find enough time to teach me."

"When's your Juilliard audition?" Yuzuna avoids the previous topic in an attempt to uplift the mood.

"The end of February", she answered, "I have to perform one major solo and one complete concerto from memory. And in addition, an unnamed amount of orchestral excerpts and etudes. At least I don't have to pre-screen, but still."

"", Karen, who is a year younger than us and had her audition last year, gasps in surprise, "Juilliard is seriously ramping up the difficulty level."

"Just be prepared for the unexpected", Shuuka advises, "You might not even get a chance to play all of the pieces that you have prepared. And in some cases, the judges might ask for more so it doesn't hurt to build your repertoire."

My mind backtracks to my horrid LaGuardia audition where my parents yelled at me for not giving a perfect performance. I never felt so much like a loser in my entire life.

"You okay, Mina?" Karen suddenly asks, packing her things. It looked like they were just about to leave.

"You're deep in thought", Shuuka adds with a worried expression.

"Oh, sorry", I say, blinking rapidly, "Today was just an off-day."

"You'll do better tomorrow", Yuzuna guarantees as the waitress hands her the check. Her words aren't assuring in the slightest.

​Somi gapes at the piece of paper held in Yuzuna's hands, "How are your drinks that cheap?"

"It's all about that 10% Juilliard discount!" Karen boasts, waving her Student ID card couched in between her middle and index fingers.

"So many benefits. I can't wait to get into Juilliard! It's going to be so much fun being with a bunch of talented musicians", I hear Somi's excitement and I'm just thinking to myself, Oh dear god. I feel almost bad for what you’re about to go through.

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