LEENA POV

I woke up with swollen eyes and tired body the next day. Straining to open my eyes, I tried to recall what actually happened before I fell into slumber last night. But my brain stopped when a handsome face came into my sight. What kind of man would have such long eye lashes? I pouted inwardly. He looked peaceful in his sleep. At that moment, I knew this was what I wish to have for the rest of my life, waking up to this man.

Then he stirred, his serene expression was replaced with a deep frown and he pursed his lips so tight, as if he was dreaming something horrible. My brows knitted together, tracing his distinct features with the pad of my index, wondering what was in his dream. I brush the crease between his thick eyebrows, hoping to chase away his nightmare. A smile spread across my face when the crease disappeared and my finger traced along his high nose, down to his now relaxed lips, which forming a smirk against my index.

I pulled back and closed my eyes, pretending to sleep. My heart pounded wildly as if a child got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Good morning.” His voice was hoarser in the morning, ier. But I kept my mouth shut. I’m sleeping, remember?

A giggle was heard before he teased. “I know you’re not sleeping. I can feel your eyes burning a hole in my face.” Frowning, I opened my eyes and retorted, “I did not.” I was ready to defend my thinning prestige but my heart softened when I met his gaze. So warm, so calm. “Good morning,” he repeated, smiling. Instinctively I reciprocated his smile. “Good morning.”

We spent the day with some boring stuffs. He read me poems he picked from the study while I rested my head on his lap, sometimes looking intently at him, sometimes playing with the buttons on his shirt. He could kill with his voice when he rapped on stage, yes I had watched I bunch load of clips from the internet, can’t blame me for wanting to know more about my own boyfriend, can you? But reading poems with that baritone voice? It brought you into another world, a world you never wanted to leave, a dream you never wanted to wake up from, because you can find peace and love in the little world his voice built for you.

We strolled along the beach, fingers intertwining. The chilly wind seemed to pierce through me despite I had three layers on, but my heart was warm, so was my heart. “I don’t know why would someone choose bone piercing wind over a cozy couch,” he whined when we stumbled through the front door to escape from the teeth rattling early winter blocked behind the wooden door. “Excuse me, that someone said sunset in winter is not to be missed.” I hung my coat at the coat door near the door and turned to him, imitating his tone, “Purple is more vibrant, red is more transcendent, orange is more melancholy, and all of this blend into one. Everything seems more beautiful, more sensational.” I paused for the effect. “And I’m pretty sure I’m not that someone.”

He flushed red, as breathtakingly as the sunset. I approached and helped him with his coat, then wrapped my hands around his waist and looked at him through lashes. “Why are you so poetic?” Time seemed to stop when his dark gaze staring at me. We share moments of silence before he planted a kiss on my forehead. “We should come again when it snows. You’ll never forget the view.” He murmured, lips brushing my skin.

Neither of us brought up the topic last night, knowing it’s too heavy and since our time was running out, we decided to make the best of it.

Now that I thought of it, I didn’t know what made me do that. We were making love for God’s sake, and tears just started to stream down, words flowed out as uncontrollably as my tears, cutting open the wound, breaking myself into pieces. But he picked me up, putting the pieces together. For hours he whispered words of loves and comfort into my ears, brushing my hair, kissing the tears on my cheeks. He fixed me.

Something within me had changed since then, I noticed. I felt lighter, as if a big boulder pressing on my heart had been lifted and replaced by his warmth and kindness. And love, of course. Even the way I looked at this world was different now. Everything seemed more beautiful.

SEUNGHYUN POV

“Hyung, how did it go?” Seungri pulls me to the corner, a hand on my shoulder. “The lyrics are done, I’m…” He raises his palm. “I’m not talking about the song, Hyung! How.Did.It.Go?” He peered over my shoulder to make sure the other two are not looking. Daesung being Clarence’s temporary Korean tutor, is teaching him the correct way writing Hangul.

I sigh. I’m not ready to have a talk about this, let alone a talk from maknae. Seungri studies my expression. “You didn’t tell her, did you?” I reply defensively, “I was going to.” He knows me too well. “But?” I hang my head low, not wanting to meet his deadly glare. “But what, Hyung?” He’s persistent, and he’s annoying when he’s being persistent.

I steal a glance at the tutor and student before settling my gaze on Seungri. “Look, we can’t talk about this here, ok?” If I thought I could get away with this excuse, I was unforgivably wrong. He grabs my arm and yanks open the door, yelling at Daesung, “Daesung Hyung, we’re going to grab a coffee, do you need anything?” He drags me down the hallway and sits me on a couch after gaining a smile and a polite “No, thanks” from Daesung.

“Now, talk.” He towers over me, arms crossed over his chest. “It’s true, I was going to tell her. But she was faster than me.” He shoots me a puzzled look. “What does that mean?”

I take a deep breath, hesitating where should I begin because everything is so messed up. “Do you remember Cordy?” Words come out bitterly from my mouth. I never thought I would speak her name again, not since we broke up. Silence hangs in the air.

“Your ex?” He asks nervously. His reaction is understandable, her name has been the biggest taboo with me. No one would speak her name around me. Seungri knows better than anyone else because he slipped once, and I pounced at him, a fist landed on his face, almost breaking his nose.

I close my eyes and hum in response, her name still has that effect on me, heavier if I have to say since I knew what had happened to her. “What about her? She must be the kid’s mother, unless you’ve another ex as special as her.” I scoff at his poor choice of words, he rolls his eyes before continues, “But I thought she’s out of the picture, then Leena adopted Clarence, and you met Leena, fell in love with her and boom! Destiny! Clarence’s your son, he’ll be your son anyway, it’s obvious that you’re dead serious in this relationship.”

I sigh in exasperation, burying my head in hands. “I wish it’s that simple.” He takes the seat beside me, putting a hand on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “What’s so complicated about that? You’ve to let me know so that I can help.”

My mind is going miles a minute. How Leena cried and broke down in my arms, and those memories with her, everything comes flashing back, stirring up a puddle of mess in my head. Words are pressing against my chest, squeezing the air out of my lungs, but the two words I manage to let out are but “she died.”

The hand on my shoulder freezes. I lift my head from my hands and look him in the eyes. “She died, Seungri-ah. She died,” I repeat, helplessly, tears pricking my eyes.

His eyes widen, his lips part, but nothing comes out. The expression he wears is begging me that it’s a joke, but I fix my stare at him unwaveringly. Then he knows. It’s not a joke. “But….how? What happened?” he stammers. I take a long breath to calm myself, which is utterly useless, before putting him in shock with every word I’m going to speak.

“She takes care of Clarence since then, as his mom.” I heave out a sigh and lay back against the back of the couch. The man beside me blinks once, twice, thrice, his gaze empty. I don’t push him, for I know he needs time to let the fact sink in.

“So…She hates you now,” he adds, “She doesn’t know it’s you but, she hates you.” It’s an intriguing statement but regrettably, he is correct. I nod my head slightly because, what else I can do?!

“! What do we do now, Hyung?” he squeals in panic. That’s the last question I’d expect from him. He’s Seungri, and Seungri always has his ways. But it seems he has lost his charms on this. I shake my head, feeling helpless and aggravated. “I don’t know. I’m ed.”

LEENA POV

Revealing my darkest secret before him was a leap of faith. He might treat Clarence differently, he might treat me differently. But that’s a risk I was willing to take. And after that night, I thought it’s a big leap in our relationship. I bared myself to him and he stayed. That feeling was new to me as I had never told anyone of this, not even my parents, because they kicked me out before I could even explain, and I decided I wouldn’t after that.

A big leap, yes, that’s what I assumed it would be. I was a fool for assuming so.

Ostensibly, everything is the same, nothing has changed. But I’m a woman, and a woman knows when something is different. He still comes over for dinner, but he rarely stays for wine or ice-cream, in fact he never did that since we came back from the island. He still texts me every day, but it’s more like a daily routine, he doesn’t flirt, doesn’t say sweet words that make me blush anymore. He still smiles at me, but something used to be in his eyes when he looked at me, it’s no longer there.

I hate myself for coming to this conclusion, but I know it can’t be the other. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s doing all this out of kindness, he takes pity on me. And the last thing I need right now is sympathy. I don’t know when he stopped loving me because we were so close back in the island, everything felt so perfect, his hand in mine, his heart beating against mine, his lips on mine, but everything took an ugly turn once we came back to Seoul.

I laugh at myself bitterly, love is unpredictable, you can’t stop it when it comes, and you can’t when it leaves either. When it’s gone, it’s gone. He might have met someone else and a short getaway to the island was sort of make it up to me or one last wonderful memory before…he dumps me.

No, don’t jump to conclusions! He might have a good reason behind it. At least give us a chance to make things right.

A chance? I ponder. Right, he had done so much, he had taken so many steps to come to my side, perhaps it’s my turn to walk towards him now.  

I nod, as if I need to convince myself, and as I do, a plan starts to form in my head.

“Plans always fall behind changes.” I smile inwardly, shaking my head, amused by the predicament I had just fallen into. I murmur, “Explained my life in five words. Sounds perfect for my epitaph.”

Few minutes ago, I got a call from him. My heart beat so strong that I thought my chest was going to burst when I saw it’s his name on the phone screen. It was the first time he took the initiative to call me, ever since, well, that night.

“Hello!” I answered excitedly, but the person on the other end didn’t respond the same. “Hey. Uh… Are you at work? I can call back later if you’re busy.” “No,” I blurted out, only to cover my mouth a second later after realising I was being too obvious, too clingy, “I mean I’m browsing through some contracts, it’s nothing urgent.”

Silence hung in the air. This, was uncomfortable silence. It made me wish to pull my hair. Then I heard some muffled noises from his end. I pulled the phone closer. “Seunghyun? Are you there? Hello?” It took him a while to answer. “Yes, yes I’m still here. Just… Gimme a minute.” I frowned as I heard the muffled noises again. Something was going on. Who’s with him?

“Omma!” was the last word I heard from him before a familiar amiable voice rang through the phone. “You, stand there and don’t move.” I chuckled as I pictured how omoni shoved him away from his phone. Then she cleared . “Nahyun-ah, I can call you Nahyun, right? Leena sounds weird coming out from my conservative tongue.” “Yes, of course, omoni.”

“It’s Seunghyun’s appa’s birthday tomorrow. Did my son tell you this?” I blinked. “Uh…” I heard a pang and then “ouch” from the other end. A smack on his head from omoni, if I had to guess. “I know he didn’t tell you, that coward.” I let out a giggle.

“So, are you coming over tomorrow?” Omoni’s question froze my laughter. Is this an invitation? To his father’s birthday?   I hesitated. “Omoni…”

“To be honest, it’s an excuse to gather all the family members. It’ll be just lunch, nothing fancy,” she added, “I hope you can be here tomorrow, Nahyun. I miss your boy too.” It’d be stupid to deny my happiness upon hearing omoni’s last sentence. She missed Clarence?

Omoni asked again when I stayed in silence. “I take that as a promise that you’ll come with Seunghyun tomorrow, ok?” I swallow the lump in my throat to hide the excitement in my voice. “Ok, sure, I’ll be there. Thanks for inviting me, omoni.”

When omoni hung up the call and silence surrounded me again, realisation of what I had just agreed to swept over me. It’s not some random lunch, it’s a family gathering on his father’s birthday. FAMILY!

Deep inside my heart, I knew there’s something waiting to be solved and it might be a bad idea for making appearance on his father’s birthday, meeting his family members. It’s like declaring Seunghyun’s mine, when I was so unsure what our future could be.

But that was an invitation too tempting to be turned down, part of it because I’d always yearned for family gatherings, for I didn’t have anyone now other than Clarence so family gathering was impossible, a bigger part of it was because it’s about Seunghyun. Perhaps I could understand him more through his family. 

I don’t want to give the impression that I’m trying too hard and on the other hand I want to show my respect to this special occasion. It’s my first time attending his family gathering, I wouldn’t want to mess it up. I’ve tried on every possible outfit in my closet, mixing and matching accessories, only to go back and opt for the first one I laid my eyes on, a floral pattern one piece. A simple platinum necklace with a small heart pendant should go well with the dress.

“Uncle Man!” Clarence jumps into his arms while I’m walking down the stairs. He crouches before him, a big smile spread across his face. “Wow, look at this little gentleman here. Are you planning to take all the girls’ breathes away?”

The kid pull at the hem of his tuxedo, smiling sheepishly. “Mommy said this is part of social etiquettes.” He raises a brow. “Oh really? What do you think of it?” Clarence tugs his collar and sends the older man a pleading look. “It’s suffocating.” Seunghyun straightens up and ruffles the little gentleman’s hair, laughing earnestly.

I take it as a cue to walk towards them. “Hey.” “Hey.” Clarence darts curious gazes between us as none of us speaks and an awkward silence hangs in the air. “You look beautiful.” Taken aback by his compliment, I shift my eyes from the floor to the tall man standing before me.

On my way down the stairs I’d thought of what should I say to him other than the stupid “hey”, but my mind went blank the moment he came into my sight. And my mind is still blank as a paper now.

His black hair brushed up, the crisp white shirt attenuates his built body so well and with two buttons undone, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the tight dark jeans are unarguably a plus. He has effortlessly left me in awe.

A grip on my hand snaps me back from the trance. I shoot Clarence a questioning gaze only to find out that it’s not his hand which is grabbing mine, it belongs to the other man in the room. He flares me a smile that causes flowers blossom in my heart. “Should we get going? Omma and appa can’t wait to see you.” He pinches Clarence’s cheek, “and this little gentleman here.”

Socializing really is not my forte. I just can’t pretend to be interested in those so called potential partners’ or potential buyers’ life, nor do I care, giving I’m hardly surviving my own here. I can’t be more glad that there’s a PR department operating in my company, it saves me an awful lot of social engagements and unnecessarily conversations.

Omoni pulls me to a silent corner not long after I stepped inside the house, her hands holding mine. She scans me from head to toe, a worried expression on her face. “Last time I saw you, you weren’t this thin. I need to give my son a lecture.” I smile, feeling warmed by the concerns she showers me with. “Seunghyun’s shoving me food, I guess it’s the pressure from work, I’m fine, omoni.”

She smiles back at me, tightening her grips on my hands. “You should come over more often, I want to make sure you eat.” I nod at the cordial woman who reminds me of my mother. She used to make a full table of dishes for me and make sure I finish all of them. “It must be hard, to raise a child all on your own.” My eyes are welled up in tears because who can understand a mother better than another mother? I stubbornly shake my head. “I’m lucky to have Clarence.”

Then a familiar voice chimes in. “Omma, here you are. Aunt Misook is looking for you.” She spots me and makes a face. “Oh, hi Leena! I’ve missed you! How can you not contact me at all? I’m hurt.” Omoni reprimands with a smile, “Stop being a drama queen. I need to go, I hope Misook-ie is not jeopardizing my tangsooyuk. Will you show Nahyun around, introducing her to the others?” Hyeyoon eonni bows dramatically. “My pleasure.”

Seunghyun’s family, however, is surprisingly friendly and easy to be mingled with. It’s not as hard as I had presumed to find common interests with them. I can’t say none of them is surprised by Clarence, that would be unrealistic. I’ve overheard whispers like “look at the kid coming with her” or “can’t he speak Korean?”. Believe me, I’ve heard worse. So I would just let this slide. It’s not that their tone is offensive anyway, they’re probably just feeling curious, and curiosity is something I can put up with.

“I like Yeonjoon, but Clarence is the most talented kid I’ve ever met.” Seunghyun’s exciting voice can be heard coming from the kitchen when I walk past it, on my way to join Hyeyoon eonni in the common area. The mention of Clarence makes me stop in my track as I strain my ears to eaves— listen more. “I’ve been working on a song for a while, I know there’s something not quite in the right place but I just can’t put it. Then I brought him along with me to the studio, I thought he could have some fun with the two monkeys, you know.”

I let out a suppressed giggle that fades away when I heard giggling coming from the kitchen. That’s definitely from a girl, kill me if Seunghyun can make that flirtatious sound. “What happened next? Tell me Hyunnie.” Hyunnie??!! I frowned at how overly intimate she has just addressed my BOYFRIEND.

Driven by inquisitiveness and jealousy, more latter than former, I tilt my head to peek through the kitchen threshold only to find him sitting beside an unreasonably flamboyant dressed lady whose exposed thighs unpleasantly pressed against Seunghyun’s. A wave of rage rises within me as he seems to be unaffected at all.

“And when I played the recordings we’ve made, he stopped me at a point and said samchoons’ voice sounded weird. I didn’t take it seriously though, but when I replayed and listened really carefully, he’s right!” She gives his chest a playful punch, grinning. “Wow, this kid’s got talent! Jiyong should be worried now.” The stupid man laughs with her. “This is the first thing I’m telling him when he comes back, he could use some motivation.”

I weigh the options I have. I could either walk away, suppress the burning jealousy and pretend that I did not see any of those indecent scenes, or— “He’s my son, of course he’s talented.” Before myself knowing it I has walked into the kitchen and stand before them with a slight upward tilt of my chin.

After sending a death glare at the man, I plaster my best smile across my face and have my full attention on her. “I’m the talented kid’s mom, Leena. Did we talk just now? Sorry I didn’t catch your name.” She stands up, beaming a smile that seems too falsehearted. “Oh I just arrived a while ago and I got too caught up with Hyunnie that I didn’t get to talk to anyone else yet. I’m Sayoung, by the way, nice to meet you.” She reaches out a hand which I might have grabbed with a little too much force with my poker face still plastered on.

She fakes a cough and pulls back her hand. In nanoseconds her fake smile is back on her face. “It’s weird, I’ve known him for so long and in my memory Hyunnie’s definitely not a kid person.” She throws a glance at the said man who seem to be struggling whether to stand up or remain in his position.

I eye him before turning to her with a raised brow. “Oh? How so?” She chuckles and sits back down beside him, an arm draping casually over his shoulder. “Remember when we were together and I asked you to babysit my nephew with me for one day? You made sure he’s at least ten feet away from you. What was it that you said? Ah, having them around asphyxiating you.” Giggling, she tilts her head at my direction as if declaring a challenge. “He didn’t know he was a child himself back then.”

I knew it! The way she looks at him, the closeness between them and my inerrable sixth sense above everything else, tell me there’s something fishy between the two. We’re together? It’s in past tense or present tense?

“We’re…together?” Gone the cockiness in my voice, I direct my eyes at him, demanding an explanation. He opens his mouth but she beats him to it. “Oops, how inconsiderate I am. Did I forget to mention that we used to be in a relationship before?”

So… She’s one of his ex girlfriends…She can’t be the second who left him that heart broken. Or she is?

I wish I could say something to fight back but all I am doing is biting on my lips and fighting back tears that are pooling in my eyes. Looking him straight in the eyes, I know I should stay calm and act cool, but my voice comes out trembling. “No, I wonder when he’s going to tell me that.” I shift my gaze at her, forcing a confident smile on my lips. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go back to my son.”

I waste no time to wait for their response and turn on my heel, walking out of the kitchen. “Leena…wait up!” I hasten my pace, pretending not to hear his anxious voice.

“Leena, are you ok? You look pale.” I smile weakly when I bump into Hyeyoon eonni walking down the stairs. “Nothing serious. I guess I’m just a little worn out, I’ll be fine after a rest. Don’t worry, eonni.” She has that concerned look on her face. “Take my room, it’s the furthest down to the left.” I give her a grateful nod before climbing the stairs. “I’ll get you when it’s time for the cake, ok?” I hum absentmindedly in response.

Closing the door behind me and locking it, I lay my back against the door, leaving out a heavy sigh. I shake my head, confused. What was I doing? What’s with the possessiveness? I’ve never thought myself as an over-possessive girlfriend, if I’m still his girlfriend because clearly I didn’t have the honour to be introduced to his ex-girlfriend.

Hell, I’m not even sure is she his ex-girlfriend. His weird behaviour lately, his attempts to distance himself from me and to add hail to snow, the intimacy they shared which I had witnessed with my own eyes. This can’t be a coincidence.

Alarm goes blaring in my head. Is she the reason of us drifting apart? Is his ex coming back? Because exes always come back.

The more I mull over it, the more I’m convinced that I’m on the right track. A tear rolls down my cheek, another follows suit. Then another, and another. The recognition sends me slumping down wearily on the floor.

That I could be his ex-girlfriend now, or soon to be.