LEENA POV 

“ Mommy, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” Clarence reassured when I rechecked his backpack, again, to make sure everything is inside, for I don’t know how many times already. I rechecked before we left home, before we got off the car, and before we entered the school entrance. I felt restless, but every mother did, especially on their child’s very first school day, didn’t they? 

 “Clarence Lee, I don’t want you to get into any trouble on your first day. First impression is important, and it’s your first day, first day should be perfect,” I said as my hand kept rummaging through his backpack. “Okay books are here, lunch box is here…” I murmured to myself, “And inhaler…” 

INHALER!!! 

Where is his inhaler? 

I rechecked every unit of his backpack, hoping I was just missing it, but it’s nowhere to be seen. I started to panic. 

He needed his inhaler. He can’t go to school without his inhaler, no way I will ever let him take this risk. I took a deep breath to calm myself down, and started to think. 

Did I leave it at home? 

Did I leave it in the car? 

I lifted my head to look at the car parked nearby the gate, then shook my head. I didn’t take it out just now. I didn’t touch it since… 

Oh my God! The last time I saw it, it was on his bedside table. 

! 

“What mommy?” he asked as my gazes darted fidgety between him and his backpack. 

“Your inhaler. I left it at home,” I said to him weakly. I felt tired, and defeated. 

Last night I can’t sleep at all thinking about all the possibilities that might happen to him when he goes to school. I was afraid. 

What if someone uses violence against him? Is racism serious in Korea? How will the children look at him? I mean, I’m fully aware that he is slightly different from the ordinary students here. Well, not slightly. He is black. I’m a Korean but my son, his skin colour is different. His complexion is much lighter than a normal African American, but still, he’s darker compared to mine. And what worries me the most is, he really stands out in a crowd. 

 “Here mommy. Don’t worry. I will be fine,” he said, showing the object he held in his hand to me. I left a heavy sigh, then I remembered handling it to him right before we left for school this morning. I really should get my memory checked.  

I probably looked like I can breakdown in anytime right now. In my defence, my anxiety is totally reasonable. 

I knew he’s different from the kids here. I knew he’s not going to speak their language as fluently as them. I knew these all along. From what I heard from the headmistress of this kindergarten, all the kids in here are Koreans, except for Clarence and two other kids.  

The blame was on me. I should have taught him Korean before we came back to Korea. I thought speaking Korean was not as important as learning English, since we’re living in the states. And now he’s comfortable with speaking English, although he can understand Korean. But language shouldn’t be a barrier for him, I’ve been raising him since five years ago, and he’s the most wonderful kid in my life. He’s supposed to make new friends in here, and he can have friends if not for the language barrier. 

 “I’ve everything in here. Don’t worry,” his voice snapped me back to reality. He took his backpack from my hand, zipped it up, and slung it on his back.  

“Don’t worry Miss Lee. He will be fine. We will take good care of him. If something happens, we will contact you immediately,” the headmistress, Mrs.Park, assured me. I tried to fake a smile, “This is the first time he’s outside without me. I’m worried. I don’t know how the children will treat him as you know… He’s different……” I expressed my concern to her. 

“Don’t worry. He will be just fine. I’m sure he will love to stay here with his new friends. Besides, the Diplomats children can understand him. I’m sure they can get close to each other. You don’t have to be worried,” Mrs. Park said, trying to assure me.  

In fact, the two diplomat children kind of worried me too. Clarence was born premature, he’s got a problem with his heart. He’s getting better with the help of medicines and whatever bothering him now was just asthma. Will they make fun of him because of this?  

I watched him entered the building, hoping that everything will be fine. I knew I can’t keep him around me all the time, he needed to grow up and learn to deal with whatever life will throw at him. 

When Clarence disappeared from my sight, I drove to office. There’re two priorities in my life. Clarence, and my career. 

The company I’m managing belonged my grandfather. It’s hell of a long story if I had to explain everything. So long story short, my father inherited the company from his father, and screwed everything. Well, he almost screwed everything. Not that he didn’t have this entrepreneurship mindset, he’s just not interested in this company, plus he had a bigger company in his hand, why would he add more burden onto his shoulder? 

At last, my grandfather got the company back and passed it to me. It saved me when I was at the bottom of my life. My grandfather saved us. The two years were one of the happiest memories in my life. But he left us two years later. It was heart attack. 

And that was the first time I met my parents since I came back from the states. They didn’t accept Clarence as their grandchild, so they didn’t have to accept me either. I could see so much hatred in their eyes, everytime they looked at Clarence.  

After the funeral, I sold our house, and moved to an apartment near to my workplace. My father used to send his man to tail after us. They even attempted to kidnap him once. I’d never understand what his intention was, but I was sure that it won’t be anything good. 

I knew perfectly the reason behind all this. It’s pretty obvious, given the disgust I saw in his eyes when he first saw Clarence. Clarence’s different. I wasn’t given a chance to explain his existence to my parents. Clarence wasn’t given a chance to show he’s the same with each and everyone of us, despite his different skin colour. 

The apartment we used to live in wasn’t safe anymore. I saw dark figures hiding behind the wall, and there were cars tailing us. And I knew I wasn’t being panaroid. That was when I decided to move in to a villa nearby the Han River. It cost me a fortune, but I was more than willing to pay for it, as long as it meant our safety can be guaranteed.  

It was a gated residential area, nobody can enter without the residential card. As far as I concerned, most of the residents here were either celebrities or chaebol’s family. And yep! The neighbour living right opposite my house was Lee Hyori, the famous and talented singer. And there was a poet living beside her house. The house right beside mine was vacant, I didn’t see anyone in or out since I moved in. 

When the clock on the wall struck 4pm, I dashed out of my office to the kindergarten to get my son, before two of us went to a mall. I just want to pamper him for being a good boy on his first day at school.  

“So, how’s your first day?” I asked as two of us sitting across a table in a Western cuisine reataurant.  

“That’s great. I met a lot of friends, although they can barely understand me,” he said to me cheerily. 

“Did you talk to them?” 

“I talked to all of them. Haraboeji taught me to speak Korean, mom,” he said to me, knitting his brows a little. But I knew better. My grandpa indeed did teach him Korean, but there were some basic words such as haraboeji, omma, kimchi. How was he able to talk to the kids with these words? 

“Alright. Impress me.” 

“Omma is yeopoyo.” He said cutely, without realising that he had the words wrong. I burst into laughter. The sudden outburst of laughter made people turning their sight at us. I slightly bowed my head to apologize to them. And my smile died when I saw the man sitting few tables across mine. 

He looked so suspicious. He was wearing a navy blue jacket, a cap, and a mask to cover his face. With half of his face covered, his eyes were the only exposed feature. And he was looking at me as if he can pierce through me with his eyes. My instinct told me something’s up. My father used to send men dressed like him to tail after us. What if the man in front of us was one of them? 

“Clarence, let’s get out of here. It’s not safe here.” I said to Clarence hurriedly while grabbing Clarence’s hand and quickly dashed out of the restaurant, right passed the waiter who was about to take our order with a menu in his hand. 

Clarence understood what’s behind my unusual behaviour. This had happened quite a lot of times, we were doing something, let it be dining, shopping or walking down a street, and I would grab his hand and trot away or jump into a cab. 

He understood that when I said “it is not safe”, that meant someone was after us, and we had to run. Totally not something a child should get used to.  

After making sure there was no sign of that man, I decided to buy something fast and convenient for dinner before we went back home. I turned around to look for the nearest fast food restaurant, and the first came into sight was a huge M. “McD it’s!” I said as I gave Clarence a big smile, trying to cheer up the tightened atmosphere. 

When we were lining up, I saw the man from the restaurant walking towards the counter. “THIS. IS. BAD…” I murmured to myself. 

“Let’s just go home Clarence. We will have delivery,” I told Clarence and dashed out of the restaurant once again. 

Once we’re safe in our home, I made sure every window, door and gate of the house was locked. Well, I might be paranoid… But being cautious would never do you wrong, right? 

I called for pizza delivery. My mind was all about that man. The way he looked at us back in the restaurant. I was afraid something bad might happen again. The incident happened few years ago was still fresh in my memory. It happened before the death of my grandpa. Clarence was playing at the playground when a man came and offered him a lollipop. Clarence rejected, and the man grabbed him and pulled him into his arm, while trying to run to the car parked nearby. Thanks to my “scream-at-the-top-of-your-lung-when-you-are-in-danger” nag over the years, the neighbours nearby heard him and saved him from the man. 

The pizza delivery man was finally in front of our house after half an hour. I took a look at the surveillance monitor (yes, I have surveillance cameras installed in and around

the house), to make sure that was indeed the pizza delivery man, and not some men hired by my father. 

After I paid for the pizza and was about to enter the house, suddenly there’s a car approaching my direction. I didn’t give it much thought, it was probably Hyori eonni. I used to say hi to her whenever we met. So I decided to wait for her to say hi. 

When the car finally stopped in front of the vacant house, I realized it was’t Hyori eonni, it was a taxi. 

Someone rented the house?   

Then, a man got out of the taxi, making me frozen. 

That was the mysterious man at the mall. 

“Omo!” I heard someone exclaimed from Hyori eonni’s house. 

“Yah! Jashik-ah! You’re back!” Hyori eonni exclaimed before she waved her hand in the air to the man. He was just few steps from me. 

“Ne, noona! I’m back! And I won’t be leaving again!” he shouted to Hyori eonni, after pulling down the mask he was wearing. 

A familiar face to almost every citizen in Korea. How could I not know him? The charismatic rapper with husky voice. TOP. 

SEUNGHYUN POV 

It had been a week since I was discharged from the army. I stayed over at my parents’ before I decided to move back here, to my own house. I enjoyed spending time with my family, but I needed my own space.  

I used to be an extrovert. I loved to meet new friends, loved to go to different places, loved to be surrounded by different people. But before I realised it, I shut people out, I locked myself in the only place that made me feel secured, my house. It’s my haven. I guessed I was just tired with all the hypocrites and brownnoses around me. Nobody’s sincere, everyone approached me because of my fame, my money.  

The enlistment kind of gave me a break from my previously unrealistic world. And now I was discharged from the army, I planned to have a good rest before I jump right back into the work. Speaking of work, I hadn’t come to an agreement with Sajangnim regarding my contract renewal.  

What I needed the most at this moment was freedom, and some alone time. I wished to hide from the cameras as well as the public, I just want to be me, Choi Seunghyun, not TOP on the stage. 

I used to walk down the neighbourhood alone in the middle of the night. I used to hop into a train to Busan, spend a night there, and come back to Seoul the day after. I loved doing random things like that, because I was random.  

So was I tonight. I missed this city. I took a cab to bring me around Seoul city, as if I was a tourist. I just wanted to stroll around the Seoul City after being locked up in the army for almost two years. I wondered to see how much this city had changed since I was away.  

in the end I asked the cabbie to drop me at the mall nearby Iteawon. I was not being me, otherwise why would I choose a crowded place? A mall? That’s the other side of me, the contradictory side of me. I hated being surrounded by people, but I wanted to be in a crowd. I’d observe, and at the same time I didn’t want to b e observed.  

I entered a restaurant when I was hungry. There’s nothing specific I would like to eat, so I just walked into the restaurant right in front of me. Everyone around me had their companion, except for me. I missed my Bigbang members. The atmosphere reminded me of them. We used to be inseparable. We could have so much fun for just being together. We used to make jokes over meals. And I hadn’t seen them since my last day-off. I should find Seungri and Daesung. The maknaes were the only two hadn’t enlisted yet. 

“Hahaha!” 

Suddenly, I heard a female’s voice burst into laughter, the voice came from few tables across from mine. I lifted my head and saw a Korean woman, with an African look-alike boy sitting in front of her. I can’t be sure since he had his back facing me. Her laughter earned attention from other patrons in the restaurant as well. She apologized by bowing her head slightly. And her face drained when our gazed met. I looked at her in confuse. Did she recognize me? 

I saw her mumbling something to the boy. And before I realised, they were gone from my sight. 

I received a call from Seungri when I was scanning the menu. He volunteered to pick me up at the mall, with one condition, to buy him his favourite double cheese burger from McD. Who’s the hyung now? 

I gave the waiter an apologetic smile and left the restaurant with huge tips behind for him as a compensation. 

I queued behind a couple in McD. It’d been years since I last had this. My sight stopped at vanilla sundae and apple pie, my lips formed a smile automatically. Suddenly, I heard noise came from behind. I turned around and saw a boy falling on the floor. I walked over and tried to lift him up, but the woman with him didn’t let me. She just brushed my hand off of his arm! “I was just trying to….” Before I could finish my sentence, they were already turning their back to me and walked towards the entrance. That looked familiar. The incident just now came to my mind. It was the same kid, with frizzy hair. We’d met in the restaurant earlier. What a coincidence.  

“So, what is hyung going to do?” Seungri asked me when we both settled in his apartment. He called Daesung to come over too, but he can’t make it since he had a dinner date with his girlfriend. Girlfriend always wins, the golden rule if you wish you relationship to last. 

“I don’t know,” I said, stretching my legs on the coffee table, “Hyung had asked couple of times about the contract. But the truth is, I’m not ready yet. I don’t feel like doing it right now.” I took a gulp of beer as I finished the sentence. 

“BIGBANG needs you hyung. Youngbae hyung and Jiyong hyungs, they are still in the army. We need to do something, before the public forgets us,” Seungri said, like a successful businessman.  

I tried to reason with him, “You know Seungri, I was out from the army like a week ago, and you want me to jump right back in? Come On! I need my life too. I could use a long vacation now.” 

Before he could come up with another sentence, I suggested, “Why don’t you make a new solo album? Fans must be missing their strong baby.”  

I kept on talking about how fans adored him as our cute maknae, so that the topic of our comeback will never be brought up again. It’s nice catching up with him, but comeback was still the topic I would rather not talk about. 

“It’s late. I should go home,” I said to him and gulp down the rest of my fifth beer of tonight. I looked at him and smiled. The guy lying on his stomach on the couch, I bet he would barely move with you sing Fantastic Baby over a loud speaker right into his ear. And the guy said he could outdrink his hyung… I put my jacket and cap on before leaving his place.  

“Yah! Jashik-ya. You’re back!” It was Hyori noona. I didn’t have to look at her to confirm that. I got out of the taxi, turned to look at her, who was standing behind the window, and waving her hand at me. She was smiling brightly at me. She’s one of the few people I really appreciated in this entertainment industry. She’s real, straightforward, sincere.  

We weren’t this close, especially after the kiss we did at MAMA years ago. I was shy around her. But it started to change since I moved to this neighbourhood. We got close, she’d invite me over to dine with her husband. She was a really nice person to hang out with. 

“Nei, noona! I’m back! And I won’t be leaving again!” I waved my hand at her as the taxi drove away. 

I turned around to enter my house when she was closing her window. My eyes caught a glimpse at a figure standing in front of the house next to mine. It was dark, I can’t make out who the figure was. Probably just a fan? But how did she get in here? I was told the security here was strict, that’s why I chose to live here. 

I took a few steps towards the figure. I kept a distance though, just sufficient to take a clear look at the figure. She was a woman in her late 20s, standing there, with a box of pizza in her hand. She looked at me in disbelief. And she hadn’t moved a bit. 

“Are you a fan?” I asked.