Well, what now?

Joonmyun sat cross legged on his bed as he stared at the wrapped box in front of him; Chorong's birthday present tormenting him by the passing seconds. He had ordered it a while ago, knowing that it would be something that she would really like. But now? Now, he wasn’t welcome to give it to her.

Because he was an idiot.

No, he wasn’t just an idiot – he was a jackass. He knew it, Chorong knew it, the world should probably know by this point. He was a real jackass and he screwed up the one thing he really didn’t want to screw up anymore. He was so close to finally getting her to be able to tolerate him, and now there was no chance in hell that was happening.

She really hated him. Though, nobody probably hated him as much as he hated himself at the moment. He messed up big time and there was no fixing it now. He should have just called the stupid bet off a long time ago, but he didn’t. He continued to use Nayoung and in the end he screwed it all up for himself.

You’re pathetic.

That was another problem he was having aside from his guilt – his mind was being an even bigger jackass than he was.

You’re Kim ing Joonmyun, and you’re going to sit around and pout over one stupid girl? Get over it and move on!

It was this big battle, his heart versus his mind. His heart was telling him that he should do exactly that and continue to feel sorry for himself about what happened. On the other hand, his mind was being a real and telling him exactly what he’s been trying to tell himself since he met her:

Why is Park Chorong so damn important?

He honestly didn’t have an answer. He didn’t have one now and he wasn’t sure if he ever would. This random girl had come into his life and now he couldn’t escape. She had her hooks in him without even wanting to. And it made no sense to him.

Joonmyun knew this wasn’t him. He didn’t fall into a downward spiral over some girl he was just chasing after for . So why did it feel like someone took his heart, ripped it out of him and stomped on it? He wanted this feeling to go away. He had already experienced heartache before and he definitely didn’t want to do it again.

So maybe the best thing to do was to give her up for good.

Maybe giving up on Park Chorong was always going to be the outcome. Maybe he was never going to be able to reach her. Maybe she was always going to be unattainable. And maybe he was and has been wasting his time on a girl who would never really see him.

And the truth was he didn’t want to feel this way either. For so long now he has been so set on just and nothing more; he couldn’t take anything more. His heart had been ripped to pieces and he just wanted to have fun and not care who got hurt. So why couldn’t he just keep doing that? Why did this girl have to get all up in his head? He didn’t want this. He just wanted it to stop.

He wanted to go back to being the guy he was when summer started. But, for some reason it just felt like that version of him was gone, and he didn’t know when, or if, it would be back.

“Joonmyun-ah?” Luhan knocked softly on the door as he pushed it open, knowing that he was risking getting hit was something or yelled at for interrupting Joonmyun’s ‘alone time.’ “Are you okay? I haven’t seen you all day so I thought I’d check on you before I left.”

“Where are you going?” He already knew the answer to this and he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Never mind. Um, since you’re going do you mind just giving this to her?” He picked the present up and tossed it in Luhan’s direction, brushing it off like it was nothing. “Just something stupid.”

Luhan wasn’t buying it, though. He gripped the box in his hands and stared at Joonmyun, a questionable look on his face. “So you did get her something.”

“Like I said, it’s just something stupid. Not really a big deal.”

“It’s kind of a big deal –”

“Luhan hyung!” Joonmyun stressed, the red on his cheeks growing darker with embarrassment. He didn’t do these kinds of things normally and he didn’t want anyone making a big fuss about it now. “Can you just take it and go? I’d rather be alone since I’m not very welcomed there.”

Luhan took that as his cue, not wanting to upset him even more. Though, he had quite a lot he wanted to say, he decided that keeping his mouth shut would probably be best. He moved back towards the door, throwing a sympathetic look back towards Joonmyun before leaving without another word.

And then he was alone. Again. Like always.

He could be surrounded by tons of people and girls and anyone and he would still feel just as alone as he did now. Filling an empty void with meaningless things just didn’t seem to cut it anymore. So what was he supposed to do?

Drink, of course.

Joonmyun's feet carried him out of his room as he stumbled over to the make–shift bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. It was definitely a night for this. He poured himself a glass and lifted it to his lips. He just wanted to drink until he didn’t have to think about anything. Maybe he’d get drunk enough to get him into some trouble like usual, but he wondered if that would solve anything.

This whole thing started because of his stupid, troublesome decisions.

She’s not worth it.

That’s what he wanted to believe. He wanted to believe that Chorong wasn’t worth any sadness or regret or anything. She wasn’t worth his time and she sure as hell wasn’t worth being so damn pathetic over.

He wandered around the entire hotel room, trying to find something to do for what seemed like hours. He wondered what everyone was doing - what she was doing. Was she having a good birthday? Was she happy?

A knock on the door got his hopes up as he stared at it, wondering if maybe his inner wishes were getting answered and maybe she had actually showed up. It took him no time jumping up and heading straight to the door. Though, once his hand met the doorknob and he pulled it open he instantly wished that he hadn’t.

Joonmyun felt his breath shorten quickly as he stared at the threatening man standing in the doorway. He was decked in an expensive looking black suit and a scowl that covered his face, like usual. He honestly frightened Joonmyun. Why? Because the man before him was none other than his own father.

“F–Father,”Joonmyun was barely able to get the words out as he swallowed hard, trying to calm down a bit. He gripped the sides of his pants as he tried to stop his shaking hands, but nothing seemed to work. He was way too nervous to even think about being calm in front of this man. His breathing started to stagger as he opened his mouth to say, “What are you–”

The man raised his hand, silencing Joonmyun with just one little motion. He pushed past his son and strolled into the room, letting out an irritated huff as he looked around at the mess. “Still a child, I see. Can’t even pick up a little before your father comes.”

“I – I’m sorry. I had no idea you were coming.” Joonmyun closed the door slowly, doing breathing exercises and silently cursing himself as his back was to his father. “If I had known you were coming I would have straightened up, honestly.”

The man grumbled something under his breath that Joonmyun couldn’t comprehend as he took a seat on the couch and crossed one leg over the other. His hands were placed neatly in his lap and he narrowed his eyes at his son. This was always his position when he had something important, or harsh, to say and it worried Joonmyun.

His gaze grew more intense by the passing silence before he finally broke it. “My assistant left you multiple messages on your phone about my arrival. Did you not get them or have you been ignoring me?”

Of course he did. Joonmyun continued to curse silently to himself for losing his phone and for it being stolen. He should have just gotten the number disconnected a long time ago, but the thought had honestly slipped his mind and he hadn’t had the time to do so.

“Never mind that. We have other things to speak about.”

Joonmyun knew where this was going and he really wished that this conversation wasn’t happening; especially in person. He didn’t want to talk about it. He never wanted to talk about it. It was the one thing that lingered in the back of his mind constantly and was something he hadn’t decided on yet. Why couldn’t his father just understand that? Why did he have to come here when the whole thing could have been talked about, like always, on a phone?

“Father, you told me that I had until the beginning of August to decide on the matter. Please tell me you haven’t changed your mind. I really haven’t had the chance to decide quite yet–.”

His father rubbed two fingers in circles against his temple, as if he were signaling that his son was giving him a headache. Joonmyun decided to just shut his mouth and keep quiet instead of pleading with the man over something he wouldn’t have a choice in.

“I’m not here to talk about that yet, son. I have other matters of business to speak with you about,” he spoke so sophistically, unlike Joonmyun. “I have come into a new trading partner recently and it is a major business opportunity for the company.”

“Father, that’s great.” Joonmyun was a little confused, but just nodded in respo