Here we go again. 

Joonmyun grinned down at the blonde on the bed as he pulled his shirt over his head. The girl, whose name Joonmyun didn't bother remembering, ran her hand over his chest, tracing his pecks with her finger. 

"You're so hot," she slurred the 'so' as her finger hooked around his neck before she pulled him down to her level and pushed her lips against his. Joonmyun could taste the alcohol on her breth, but instead of pulling away he deepened the kiss and pushed her farther down against the bed. "You sure you want to do this?" 

He tugged on the bottom of the girl's shirt and pulled it up and over her head. He leaned down and pushed his lips against her bare skin, kissing and biting slightly against it. 

"This is all I know how to do anymore." 

Okay, so he was feeling down about himself. It was like a big Kim Joonmyun pity party lately. He had messed up, as much as he didn't want to admit it. He had messed up big time. And he wasn't quite sure if he would be able to fix it with her. 

Chorong.

What was he supposed to do now? She had her hooks in him without even knowing and he just couldn't escape. Even a part of him wasn't sure if he wanted to escape it. And to be honest ... it scared him. 

Why? Why couldn't he just let her go. It was the question of the summer to him. Hat girl comes in, messes with his head without even knowing, and is gone before he even got the chance to know her better. Of course he couldn't blame her for that. The only person he could blame was himself. And his capades began again. 

He couldn't remember the last time he actually put on a good chase other than Chorong. For the past week it had been nothing but ty bar girls who just wanted a bit of company for the night. Basically, he was sleeping with the female versions of himself. 

But was that him? Was he really this bad of a person? The more he thought about it ... the more he was afraid to hear the answer. If someone had asked him two years ago where he wanted to be in life and what kind of man he wanted to be ... it wouldn't be the person who was here today. And that was the honest to God truth. 

How did he get here? How did his life fall apart and lead him down this path? 

Jongdae. That was the only explanation that he could give. Two years ago when he walked into that country club and met this guy he should have known that his life would flip completely upside down. A part of him wondered if he went back in time if he would have changed anything. Would he have altered the past and gone down a different road than the one he was following? Would he give up sleeping with beautiful women and not giving a damn about anything other than himself? 

He wasn't sure. He wasn't even sure why he was thinking of all these things when he should just be focused on the girl under him. But the more he tried to rid himself of these thoughts, the more they crept upon him and clouded his judgment. 

He had a lot to figure out. The most important things? Chorong and his life. He just wasn't exactly sure where or how to start. 

"I got to go." Joonmyun pulled away from the girl and grabbed his shirt off the floor. 

"Excuse me? You're leaving?" The girl sat up, giving Joonmyun a completely shocked look. 

"Sorry, I've got better things to do." 

And there he was, back in full swing. The Kim Joonmyun that he had become. He tried his best not to feel bad about it. She was just some girl at a bar so who cared? 

He didn't even give her the time to respond before he was out of the door and making his way down the sidewalk. The sun was just beginning to rise as he glanced down at his feet as he walked. 

What was he doing? This wasn't like him. He was never one to be so consumed in his own thoughts that he would leave before actually sleeping with someone. So why? Why now? 

The only answer he could come up with was Chorong. He was too far into her to think straight anymore. He couldn't get over her. He wanted to, he really wanted to, but he just couldn't. He wanted to walk away from her and never turn back, but he knew that it was impossible. Getting her out of his mind was impossible. 

Joonmyun found himself walking towards the beach as he left the hotel. He glanced at a few girls as he passed by, giving them his charming and irresistible smile in the process. This is who he was, right? He was a charmer. He pulled in girls that were easy and didn't give a damn about them. 

But the more he stared at the passing girls as he walked through the sand, the more he kept imagining her. It was like she was everywhere and he couldn't understand why he just couldn't shake her. He fell back into the sand, sighing loudly as he curled his fingers against it. 

He messed up as much as he didn't want to admit it. He messed up with her badly. He wished that he had known that it was her sister that he was sleeping with. Would he have backed off? He wasn't quite sure. But at that moment ... he surprisingly felt a little bad. 

Was what he was doing a waste? Sleeping with all these girls and not giving a damn? He had pondered the questions over and over again many times. Of course he liked it. Who wouldn't like sleeping with pretty girls? But another part of him felt bac. No, not even just bad. 

He felt a little lonely. 

The truth was out. Kim Joonmyun, the man who keeps breaking hearts like it's nothing, was lonely. He could deny it all he wanted to himself or to Jongdae; to anyone really. But those feelings were still there deep down inside. He was lonely. 

He grew up in a family who was too busy with work to notice him. He fell in love with an amazing girl and she destroyed his heart. He was lonely for attention. For something sound. He wanted to feel whole. 

But how do you feel whole when you don't even know where to start? He didn't know what it felt like and he didn't even know how to go about getting that wholeness. A part of him felt like he was destined to be alone. Was there anyone out there that could make things okay? 

Maybe she's that girl. He sighed, thinking over his own thoughts. He knew she wasn't going to let him anywhere near her without reason. She hated him. So what could he do to be near her again? There had to be something. Anything, really. 

The waves crashed against the sand as Joonmyun propped himself up on his elbows. It had been a while since he just kicked it back on the beach and relaxed. But the truth was he just couldn't relax. He was caring about something and that something was driving him absolutely crazy. 

"You look a million miled away, hyung." 

Joonmyun looked up and gave a half smile to Jongdae as he pulled himself away from the girl who was wrapped around him and dropped into the sand. He motioned with his hands to the girl, as if he were telling her to 'get lost' as he turned back to face Joonmyun. 

What was he supposed to say? That he was lost in thought about a girl who hated him? That he wasn't sure if he could do this anymore? 

"Something wrong?" 

"Do you ever wonder what the hell we're doing?" Joonmyun watched the water, not daring to look his friend in the eyes. Maybe being honest was the path to go for once. "Are we making a mistake?" 

"About what?" 

"Messing with these girls," Joonmyun could almost feel the eyes burning into him and he kne