What in the world am I going to do? 

Chorong couldn't help but smile as she laid on Jongsuk's bed and watched as he painted away on the canvas nearby. He had the most intense and concentrated look on his face and would glance up only occasionally to look at her, not saying a word before looking back down and continuing with his art. 

It wasn't the first time she had seen him paint, nor would it probably be the last. They had been handing out so much lately that it felt like a daily part of her routine now; seeing Jongsuk, being with Jongsuk and basically doing anything that had to do with Lee Jongsuk. It was like everything in her life was starting to revolve around the one person she really didn't mind letting it revolve around. They could do absolutely nothing and she would still love being near him. 

It was only making her decision even harder though. The more time she spent with Jongsuk, the more it was making her even more conflicted. She knew where Jongsuk stood and she knew he promised that he'd wait for her. So why couldn't she just see that he's an amazing guy and give in already? Why couldn't she just saw yes and just be with him? 

What was holding her back still? 

"Don't make that face," Jongsuk piped up and she quickly darted her eyes in that direction, forgetting all about her worries and focusing on him. She scrunched her face up in confusion, wondering what in the world he was talking about. "Chorong, stop it. You're ruining it." 

"Ruining what?" 

He stared at her for a few moments before finally smiling, letting out a small sigh and putting his paints down on the floor. He got up from his stool and climbed up on the bed right next to her, getting a little closer than she had expected. She didn't mind though, even though her stomach was doing major flips as he edged closer next to her and leaned his head on the pillow she had hers on. He crossed his arms and continued to grin in her direction, which only made her even more nervous. The closeness always did that to her. Well, really it was just Jongsuk that had that effect on her. 

He leaned in a bit closer, his face only inches from hers as he let out a small huff. "Your pretty face." His voice was so soft that it made her almost melt to pieces right then and there. She couldn't help but blush, feeling embarrassed by his comment since she didn't always hear it from people. "Though, that blush does look good on you." 

Jongsuk placed his hand on her face, caressing her softly as she closed her eyes and melted against his touch. She knew what was about to happen next and she knew there was no point in stopping it now. She was too far in to pull away. 

Their lips met so softly that she wasn't even sure if they were kissing. It wasn't until the bed shifted below them and Jongsuk was leaning a little farther over top of her that she knew it was happening. She pushed her lips a little harder against his as her arms lazily wrapped around his neck. 

Despite their unknown status regarding what they were and weren't, the kissing was something that happened a lot more often than she thought it would. It started with that small kiss on her bed the day he told her that he would wait for her, but now it seemed like every time they were together some kind of kissing would initiate. She just couldn't help but go with it. It was Jongsuk, after all, and he was amazing. 

But it didn't stop those confused feelings that would build inside after a few minutes of kissing. They were the reason she pulled away each time and also the reasons they weren't anything more than friends. Though, she wasn't sure if friend was the right words to describe her and Jongusk. There was obviously something more there, even if she wasn't ready to admit it. 

She touched his face slightly as she pulled away only a little bit, taking a breath for air, but also putting a stop to today's little session. She leaned her forehead against his and couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "You really have to stop kissing me." 

Jongsuk laughed and she expected him to pull away since that's what he always did at this point, but for some reason their faces continued to stay close. He looked into her eyes and just smiled. "What if I don't want to?" 

It surprised her when their lips met again, this time a little more effort on both their parts. Everything in her was telling her to pull away and put a stop to this before something more happened, but she just couldn't. The way Jongsuk tasted and smelled and just everything about him drew her in so much. 

He was like a drug to her. Every time she thought she needed to pull away Jongsuk was there pulling her right back in. She didn't blame him, of course. He wanted what he wanted and what he wanted was her. She knew that he'd let her pull away at any moment, but for some reason she just didn't. She let it happen. She felt prepared to actually give in and just roll with it for once. Because it just felt too good to ruin. 

They moved so in sync as Jongsuk shifted a bit more, this time actually laying on top of her. Her heart was racing as she felt him push up against her, but despite the awkwardness on her part she didn't stop it. She wasn't going to stop it. She wanted him. And it really seemed like he wanted her too. 

He pulled away again and stared at her so intensely as he reached down and pulled his shirt off. She couldn't help but stare down his body, staring at his abs. He was gorgeous. He was absolutely gorgeous and it only made her want him more. 

"Give me one second," Jongsuk leaned down and gave her a quick kiss before pushing himself off the bed and going over to his dresser across the room. Chorong closed her eyes and tried to relax, but just couldn't. This was actually happening. She was about to be with Jongsuk and she was going to let it happen. 

She cared about him, she did. He was someone she could trust and someone she could see herself with for a long time if she gave it the chance. But was she ready for this kind of change? Was she ready to actually give herself to him? This was something important to her; her ity. She thought she was going to save it for when she was in love and maybe even married. But being here right now ... 

The bed dipped in again and she felt someone slowly climb on top of her. She was prepared to see Jongsuk there, ready to take her and make her feel amazing. But when she opened her eyes she saw someone she never saw coming. Someone she couldn’t believe was here right now. 

“Chorong.” 

Those hazel eyes burned into her like he was staring right into her soul; like he was trying to figure out what was going on just as much as she was. She was completely shocked that Joonmyun was here right now and being so close to her. Chorong wanted to ask what was going on and where Jongsuk was, but the only thing she could do was look at the beautiful boy on top of her. 

Joonmyun laid his hand against her cheek as she nuzzled her head against his touch. It was so soft; so perfect. She had never felt someone touch her so beautifully before, not even Jongsuk. Joonmyun used his other hand to run it through her hand, chuckling under his breath. 

“You’re so beautiful, Chorong.” 

She melted as he spoke, finding his voice so irresistible. She didn’t know what was going on with her and why she was having this moment with Joonmyun. She hated him more than anyone so why was she letting this happen? Why was her heart racing from being this close to Kim Joonmyun? 

“I want you so bad. I’ve always wanted you, Chorong. Don’t you know that?” Joonmyun leaned down closer, resting his forehead against hers and letting his breath hit her face and paralyse her. She took it in, exhaling on how good he smelled. “Don’t you? Don’t you want me too, Chorong-ah?” 

She sighed heavily, not understanding what was going on. “No ... No, I like Jongsuk. I don’t like you, Joonmyun.” No matter how much she kept saying the words, it felt like her heart was telling her otherwise. It didn’t feel genuine when she said the words out loud; when she said she didn’t like him. It didn’t feel real. 

Joonmyun moved down, letting his lips ghost over hers which drove her absolutely insane. It felt like her breath was literally being pulled right from her. Like he was seriously taking her breath away. “Chorong,” he whispered against her lips. “If you didn’t like me then you wouldn’t be dreaming about me right now.” 

“What?” 

He laughed, her cheek with his thumb before moving in closer. “Wake up, Chorong.” Joonmyun closed the gap between them, finally pushing his lips against hers. 

The sound of an alarm going off caused her to jump awake as she placed her hand against her chest. Her breathing was heavy as she looked around the room, her eyes landing on Joonmyun’s phone on her nightstand as the alarm blared loudly. She calmed down, realising everything was a dream as she reached over and grabbed the phone, turning the alarm off and tossing it down farther on the bed. 

What the hell? She pulled her knees close as she pushed her head into them, letting out a muffled groan. That did not just happen. She did not just dream about him. She couldn’t have. She shouldn’t have even been thinking about him, yet there she was dreaming about being near him and kissing him. 

Joonmyun’s phone started to ring and she quickly grabbed it, staring down at the screen. Sajangnim calling … She felt a little bad not answering the call, but how was she supposed to explain that she was practically holding her enemy’s phone hostage? 

She really should give it back. 

Once the phone stopped ringing she rolled out of bed and tucked it away into her dresser to decide on what to do later. For now, she just really needed some time alone with her book and have none of these confusing feelings. She already had enough to deal with as to what she was going to do about her situation with Jongsuk. So she definitely did not need Joonmyun to come in and make everything conflicted. 

“Happy Birthday Eve, dongsengie!” Chorong was surprised when Nayoung jumped at her and hugged her tightly when she came out of the room. She had completely forgotten that her birthday was coming up, everything else just taking priority in her life and keeping her from thinking about it. She had never really been one for birthdays either - her last one kind of ruining it when she found her sister and her boyfriend together. 

Definitely not a fond memory. 

“You’re so weird,” Chorong grumbled as she pushed her sister off, not wanting her personal space to be invaded. “Only you celebrate the dumbest things in the world.” 

She grabbed an apple from the bowl on the counter and jumped up there, deciding to let Nayoung go on with whatever she looked like she was dying to say. Chorong expected it to be something she really didn’t want to do, though. 

“So for your birthday party–” Well that didn’t last long. 

“Have a nice day, Unnie.” Chorong got back down off the counter and started to walk away, not wanting anything to do with this party. She hated being the centre of attention and she hated parties more than anything. The last kind of party she attended she ended up kissing Jongsuk and then freaking out and hiding for a week. 

Not happening again. 

“Oh, Rongie!” Nayoung stomped her foot down, upset that she wasn’t jumping up and down with glee. “I have this whole thing planned out and you are not going to ruin my party!” 

“I thought it was my birthday party?” Typical Nayoung taking things into her own hands and making it all about herself without realising. Chorong didn’t mind too much. She was used to this kind of behaviour and she was used to all of Nayoung’s antics. 

Nayoung pouted a little, still wanting her sister to go along with it. “Rongie, it’s going to be so fun I promise! All your friends are going to be there and I’ll bring some too so it can be this huge thing! You’ve got your little boyfriend, Jongsuk–” an eye roll from Chorong, “–and that cute blondie, Luhan. Oh, and that … creepy guy, Jongdae? He can come too. And of course Joonmyun will be there!” 

That all would have been okay except for one little problem. Joonmyun isn’t and never will be her friend. 

“I think you’ve mistaken something. Joonmyun’s your friend. I hate the guy and you know that. I don’t want him there. I don’t even want a party, Unnie. I just want to have a quiet night here in the room.” 

Chorong excepted her sister to start complaining or going on and on about how she isn’t giving her boyfriend a chance, but for some reason she looked a little distracted. Maybe Joonmyun was a sensitive subject? Chorong hadn’t really seen the guy in days which was really odd since the two were practically inseparable. 

“I meant to ask ... Have you seen Joonmyun around lately? It’s just been a few days and I haven’t really heard from him since–” She stopped talking which made Chorong even more curious. Did something happen that she didn’t know about? It was obviously something bad and she wanted to get to the bottom of it. But before she got the chance Nayoung shook her head, stopping her from answering. “You know what? Forget about it. I’m going to go find him and then check on a few things for your party. Go invite your boyfriend!” 

Chorong blushed, feeling extremely embarrassed with her calling Jongsuk her boyfriend. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the idea of it, she just didn’t want people jumping to the wrong conclusions before she got everything figured out. 

Nayoung grabbed her things quickly before Chorong could say something again and headed out the door, mumbling about going to the bakery and something about Joonmyun. She sighed loudly, slapping her hand to her forehead and trying not to stress. So she wasn’t going to get a relaxing birthday. At least Jongsuk would be there … hopefully. 

She tried to push all the thoughts out of her head as she grabbed he