The minute after I was standing on the side of the road, looking at what I created. My car was completely exploded and the car I hit wasn’t looking good either. Hopefully the passengers were alright, checking at how bad it was, still in shock. I did not know what do you. What have I done? I was holding my phone in my hands, I needed to call someone but I was too afraid. I couldn’t possibly say it to the members, I did not wanted to worry them, they were still waiting for me to come home. The only other person I could think of was my manager but I already knew he would be very disappointed in me. With trembling hands I managed to type his number. I pressed the phone against my ear, unable to hold it properly because of my trembling hands. He finally picked up after endless seconds. He was probably sleeping at this time.

“- Seunghyun-ah ? What’s wrong ? Do you know what time it is?”

Suddenly I could feel tears running down my cheeks.

“- Hyung… I am so sorry… I did something really bad… I don’t know what to do… I need your help.”

I could hear a door closing, he was probably going to another room, and my manager’s voice became louder.

“- What happened!? Where are you now?

- I don’t know exactly, I think I am at Dongbuichon-dong, on the main road. I hit another car while driving, I really don’t know how it happened… I am so sorry hyung…”

He let out a deep sight.

“- Don’t move, I am coming right now. Are you okay? Are you hurt somewhere? And the people of the other car, how are they?

- I am fine, I am not hurt anywhere. The other people too are okay, I think they called the police and the paramedics.

- Don’t go anywhere with them and don’t say anything until I am there okay?”

I could not help but let out a sob.

“- Don’t cry Seunghyun-ah, I know you are scared right now but everything is going to be alright. I’ll be there soon. I’m hanging up.”

Even though he was really pissed right now I knew I could count on my manager. Despite of all the minor scandals I’ve created before, he always stayed by my side without judging me. But I knew that this time it would be different.

Even though I said to my manager I was not injured my chest was slightly painful. I could feel a sharp pain each time I was breathing but it was not that bad. I would probably get a bruise, I must have hit something during the accident, it was not a big deal. Thinking about all this made me dizzy. I leaned myself on the car before seating on the floor. A couple in their 40s ran towards me. They seemed to be the people who were involved in the accident. At least both of them were alive and alright, it was all that matter to me.

“- Young man are you okay?”

I nodded weakly while they were helping me to stand up.

“- Yes I am. I am really sorry for what I did, it was my entire fault, I must have felt asleep for some seconds, I don’t know… I am relieved you are fine. Did anybody got hurt?

- It seems that everybody is alright; only both of our cars were involved. Are you okay? Were you alone? Is someone coming for you?

- Ye… Yes. My manager is coming to get me.”

As soon as I said those words I started to regret it. It was better if nobody knew that I was a celebrity. I needed to make the upcoming scandal as small as I could.

“-Your manager? Are you a celebrity? According to your car I’d say you are, it looks expensive. I think I already saw you somewhere… By any chance are you a member of…”

His wife made him stop talking before he had the chance to name Big Bang.

“- It does not matter. But are you really okay? You don’t seem that fine, you should be checked. The paramedics just arrived. Come on, let me bring you to them.”

I was too tired and too shocked to protest and I let her guide me to the ambulance. Luckily my manager arrived when I was about to get in. He thanked the lady and apologized for my wrong doing before getting in the car with him. I sat on stretcher inside the ambulance, ready to get checked. I decided not to talk about the pain I felt earlier since it went away.

“- Please check him well, he needs to take the plane in few hours. If anything is wrong with him let me know.”

The paramedics asked me dozens of questions and my answer was the same to all of them, “I am fine”.

After thirty minutes spent in the ambulance they finally agreed to let me go on the condition to go to the hospital if I was hurting somewhere, even slightly. I swore that I would. My manager dragged me quickly to his car, his jacket covering my face. In case some journalists were already aware of what happened. Once inside he told me few words that I didn’t understand before closing the door. I was completely out of it. I never imagined like this would happen to me. I was so stupid. Seunghyun hyung was right, I could have waited a little longer but as usual I decided to do only what I wanted without thinking of what could happen. People probably won’t be surprised when they hear about the news. I could already hear them: “Seungri got involved in car accident ? This is not surprising.” Well I guess they were right. I saw my manager coming back to the car. He came inside.

“- They still need your car to take some pictures and to check the black box. Seunghyun-ah, what happened? You can tell me the truth. Did you drink or take anything? I won’t judge you but I need to know in order to be able to help you, do you understand?”

So it was like this. Everybody was thinking the same, I was either drunk or under the influence of drugs.

“- I did not hyung. I didn’t drink or take anything, I swear. What about the other members hyung ?

- I already told them what happened. Jiyong and Daesung wanted to come back to Korea before leaving to Singapore but I told them you were alright and they will see you at the concert. You are making everybody worried you know?

- I am so sorry…”

I don’t know how many times I said this sentence in the last hour but it was a lot. I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, I wanted to sleep.

“- Are you okay Seunhyun-ah?

- Yes hyung, I am just tired, I need to sleep a little bit.

- Sleep, I will wake you up when we are here. Don’t worry about Youngbae and Seughyun, they are too worried to be mad at you.”

I nodded before falling asleep. It was not a peaceful sleep. The scene of the accident was constantly replaying in my head. I just couldn’t put myself together. I was also worried about the upcoming concert. Will I be able to do well? What if the fans already know what happened? Will they blame me for it like they blamed Daesung back then?

Not long after we reached the dorms. I could see the windows of our apartment, the lights were still on. My hyungs were waiting for me. I couldn’t tell if I was feeling grateful or scared. I knew they would not say a thing tonight but I couldn’t help but feel ashamed. I was about to get off the car when my manager put a hand on my shoulder.

“- Seunghyun-ah, I didn’t tell you earlier and I know you are still shocked but you will need to go to the police in the next days, they want you to go there as soon as you come back from Singapore. Even though they tested you for alcohol and it was negative, there are still things that cannot be explained. They want you to go alone, will it be alright?”

I nodded.

“- Yes hyung, I need to take my responsibilities for what I’ve done.

- Don’t be too severe with yourself, accidents happen, you can’t help it. You should have been more careful but it just happened, okay? Now let’s go in, you need to rest a little bit before leaving for the concert.”

We both reached the apartment in silence. I was not feeling very well. The few steps I walked made the pain come back, stronger than earlier. I will have to take some painkillers in secret to not make the other more worried.

The elevator was not completely open that I could see my hyungs in front on the apartment’s door. TOP hyung was the first to come towards me, walking quickly. He stopped when we were around one meter apart, he was not sure how to act. I could tell he wanted to hug me but he just patted my head. He let out a barely noticeable: “This is why I am always scared of not seeing you coming back home.” before smiling at me.

“- Come on, let’s get in. Before you ask, we are not mad at you, we are just happy to see you are fine. Please don’t get hurt Maknae-ah.”

His soft smile made my heart warmer. Taeyang hyung stretched out his arms and welcomed me in a hug.

“- Didn’t I tell you to come back safely?”

I could not help but start to cry again. He made his hug tighter and pated my shoulders. I wanted to cry my whole heart out but I did my best to stop. I gently let go of his hug. His took my face between his two hands.

“- It’s going to be alright, you are a strong baby after all.”

He hugged me once again and I let out a small moan. The pressure on my chest was too much, this bruise was really hurting me. It made my hyung worried.

“- Are you hurt somewhere Seunghyun-ah?”

I shook my head.

“- No, it’s nothing. I must have hit the wheel when the car collapsed.

- Are you sure? Let me check on you.

- I’m okay hyung, the paramedics already checked on me and everything was fine. I just want to drink a glass of water and sleep a little bit. How much time do I have?”

He looked at the clock in the kitchen. It was already 5am.

“- I guess you can sleep for one hour or one hour and a half. I will take care of your suitcase, you will only need to take a shower and to change your clothes. I’ll get you a glass of water, just lie down in your bedroom.

- Thank you hyung.”

Inside my room, I quickly looked for painkillers in my nightstand, Youngbae hyung should not see them. He came back few minutes later, the water helped me swallow the medicine which was already in my mouth. I was hoping it would make the pain fade away quickly to allow me to sleep peacefully. The minutes went by one after the other and the pain was still there, becoming stronger and stronger. It was the tenth time I was changing my position and I was still not comfortable. The pain was getting harder to hold in and I buried my mouth in my pillow to let go moans in order not to scare them. It was this moment that my stomach had choose to start twisting. I was nauseous, I knew I could throw up at any moments but I was too tired to get up. I was trying to get back to sleep when I felt something strange in my throat coming from my stomach, I gathered my strength and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom which was attached to my room. I let go of what was bothering me. Before flushing the water I checked what was inside the toilet bowl. The blood spitting caught my attention, what was happening ? I just scratched my throat while throwing up right? It could not be an internal bleeding, the paramedics said that I was just fine.  Should I call to let the other know that something was wrong me? No, I’ve already done enough today, I should not bother them anymore. I decided to stay there for a while, just in case my stomach was acting strange again. Then I became sleepy again.

Knocks on my door woke me up.

“- Seunghyun-ah ? Are you in there? Is everything alright? It’s 6am, you should start to get ready.”

I did not want him to see me like this, I needed to find something to answer and fast.

“- Yes hyung, I am going to take my shower right now. I will be right…”

My stomach started to act strange again and I leaned on the toilet bowl to throw up again. This time more blood came out, it was not only my throat getting hurt, it was more serious than that. Youngbae hyung starting banging on the door.

“- Seunghyun-ah ! Seunghyun-ah ! What’s going on in there? Let me in!”

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

“- No Hyung, don’t come in! I just feel a little be sick...

- No Seunghyun-ah, let me in, I beg you.”

I crawled to the door and turned the lock to let him in. I leaned back against the tub. He came in like a fury. He gave me a terrified look after looking inside the bowl.

“- I’m alright hyung… Really…”

Listening to the way I was speaking it was barely believable.

“- Stop saying you are alright, you are not, not at all. You need to go back to the hospital.

- And what about the concert hyung?

- What about the concert!? What a question! It is not your priority right now, you are badly hurt Lee Seunghyun!”

He strongly caught my arms and made me stand up. He put one of my arms around his shoulders and leaded me to the living room and my manager and TOP hyung were packing. Youngbae hyung tried to walk as fast as he could with me leaning on him. After a few steps he was panting.

“- Hyung! He needs to go to the hospital, now!”

My manager was looking at us, shocked.

“- Wait, what? What happened?

- He was throwing up blood in the bathroom, I don’t know since when he was inside.”

He quickly wiped the sweat off my face.

“- Are you hurting somewhere Seunghyun-ah? Any pain?”

I tried to show them with my free hand.

“- Here… Above my stomach.”

He came closer and raised my shirt. I could see his gaze changing. He seemed terrified.

“-Let’s take him now, Youngbae-ah help me putting him in the car. Seunghyun-ah, can you walk to the parking lot?”

I did not answer, I did not know if I could do it or not. I was fighting not to lose consciousness. Everything was going too fast and my body couldn’t follow. I was trying to make Taeyang hyung slow down but he kept increasing his speed. I grabbed his waist with my free hand to make him stop walking.

“- Hyung, I don’t feel well.”

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I felt my legs gave up and my whole body crashed down on my Hyung.