I sing because my heart hurts

I only sing sad songs

I sing because I can't forget you

Our love is over but

My love, good bye, good bye, good bye

With a sad song like this,

I keep calling out your name

 

"What's with that song, YuRa?" my best friend, YuGyeom, asked. I shrugged.

"I just like singing it."

"I see..." he said, obviously not believing me.

"Yah!" I hit his arm. "You don't have to make it that obvious that you don't believe me!"

"Sorry, Jung YuRa," he smiled playfully. "But it's fun teasing you." I pouted. "And what's this about you and BamBam hyung kissing?"

"Oh... That..."

 

I let out a deep breath.

 

"He just kissed me."

"Why?"

"Because of.." I trailed off.

"Because of JungEun?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"He really does a lot for her, doesn't he? Even going that far as stealing your first kiss."

"I don't mind, though." I shrugged.

"Really? Why?" he asked.

 

I didn't answer.

 

"Is this because you like him?"

"He's already taken."

"Taken? Wow. That's a nice choice of words. Don't change the subject, though. You really don't mind him taking your first kiss? I mean, he doesn't love you. Aren't you hurt, YuRa? About the fact that-"

 

I raised my eyebrows at him. He cleared his throat.

 

"He and JaeBum hyung got into a fight last night."

"What? Why?"

 

Now he got my full attention.

 

"You're always interested when it comes to JaeBum hyung, but you always deny the fact that you like him."

"That's because I don't like him as more than a friend."

"Yeah yeah." he rolled his eyes. "Anyway, they were fighting because BamBam kissed you. JaeBum hyung was saying that since he still loved JungEun, he shouldn't kiss you."

"And....?"

"That was it."

"Seriously? Just that?"

"Why? Were you expecting more to happen?"

 

I shrugged.

 

"Bad thing is that BamBam hyung has a bruise. JaeBum hyung hit him, you see."

"Ohh..." I said slowly. "I wonder why BamBam can't just give JungEun over to JaeBum. I mean, it's obvious how much he cares for her! Can't he just..."

"Can't he just get over her?"

 

I nodded.

 

"He could, but he doesn't want to. After all, she's his first love."

"But she already hurt him!"

"Even though. BamBam hyung can be really stubborn sometimes. You know that."

 

I sighed.

 

"Why does he have to keep on chasing after someone who doesn't even care about him anymore?"

"She does care, YuRa. But she's torn between JaeBum hyung and BamBam hyung. She's using JaeBum hyung as a rebound."

"Hurtful."

"I know. But even if it's like that, JaeBum hyung still likes her."

"Lucky girl." I sighed. "She has two hot guys chasing after her, even fighting over her."

"And she's hurting- Wait a second.... Did you just call BamBam hyung hot?"

 

I bit my lip.

 

My sentence came out so easily, I didn't realize what I saying...

 

"You're jealous of her, aren't you, YuRa? With BamBam and-"

"Shut up, Gyeom." I sighed.

"I hate the fact that he's just using you, YuRa. But it's his decision and yours. Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

 

 

***

 

 

I sighed, shaking my head, as I walked away from the studio. I was supposedly going to practice but I almost lost my will to practice when I saw what was happening inside.

 

Yeah, you got it right. BamBam and Noh JungEun.

 

I took out my phone and dialed Yugyeom's number.

 

"Hello?" he answered after a few rings.

"Hey, Gyeom, where are you right now?"

"I'm at school with YeRin and JiMin. We're practicing together."

"You could have told me that so I would have joined you." I sighed.

"Why?" he asked me.

"No reason. I'll go to you guys. I don't want to practice alone."

"Okay." he said before hanging up.

 

I let out a deep breath and went back to school to find them.

 

Yet I couldn't get that scene out of my head. I sighed and went to the music room, thinking they were there. And I was right.

 

"YuRa!" JiMin smiled at me.

"Where were you?" YuGyeom asked me as I smiled back at JiMin and sat down next to him.

"I thought I'd go and visit BamBam then maybe practice with him, but it seems like his busy, so I just called you and came here."

"What was he doing?" YeRin questioned.

"I didn't bother to ask."

"Didn't you see him?"

 

I shook my head.

 

It hurts to lie. Especially when I'm lying to my friends about something like this. Something that I'm extremely hurt over.

 

"So. Let's practice?" YuGyeom said. We nodded. "Who goes first?"

"Latecomer goes first," JiMin pointed at me.

"Go on, YuRa," YuGyeom smiled at me.

"I just sing?" I asked. He nodded.

 

I let out a deep breath before starting to sing.

 

I’m going to sing a sad song

A song that we used to listen to all the time

It seems like you will be singing

this same song from somewhere

 

"That song again?" YuGyeom asked me when I stopped singing. I nodded.

"Seems like YuRa has some relationship problems..." JiMin said. "Did you just break up with your boyfriend?"

"Don't have one." I sighed. "I don't have one, and I don't want one."

"Really? But what-"

"Kim YuGyeom." I stared at him. "I do not feel anything whatsoever for BamBam. Nothing at all. Not for BamBam. Not for JB."

 

I know I'm lying. He knew it, too. He knew full well that I liked BamBam. I just didn't want to say it in front of JiMin and YeRin. Me liking BamBam was a secret between only me and YuGyeom, since he was the one I trusted most.

 

"Okay..." JiMin said slowly, breaking the silence between the four of us. "YeRin, you go next."

 

And so, YeRin sang. Then JiMin, then lastly, YuGyeom.

 

"Why is it so quiet? It's strange." YeRin spoke up. I shrugged.

"I just have a lot on my mind these days." I admitted.

"Mind sharing? It might be easier for you." JiMin offered.

"No thanks, JiMin. Just YuGyeom is fine."

"Seems like YuRa really does trust YuGyeom a lot." YeRin commented.

"We're best friends, YeRin, what do you expect?" YuGyeom said.

"No, it's not just that." YeRin said. "You guys are so close that you have things that only the two of you know. Am I correct?"

 

I lowered my head.

 

"True."

"Yeah. There are some things that only the two of us know." YuGyeom agreed.

 

There were a lot of things only the two of us know.

 

Me liking BamBam. What I felt about him liking JungEun. Most of things that were related to BamBam, he knew about it. Though, there were things that I only kept to myself.

 

"I have to tell you something later, YuGyeom." I said quietly.

"YuRa?"

"What?" I asked, looking at YeRin.

"You really have a lot of secrets, don't you?"

"They're not exactly secrets, YeRin. They're just things that I'm too embarrassed to say to anyone besides YuGyeom."

"Doesn't that count as a secret?"

"Not exactly..."

 

 

***

 

 

"Help me out, will you, YuRa?" he asked. "I really don't know what I should do."

"Maybe you should just forget about her, BamBam."

"It's not that easy."

"I know, but still. She has JaeBum there for her. And you..."

"I have you."

"No, you don't."

"She has JaeBum loving her. As for me... I don't think anyone loves me like JaeBum loves her."

 

I bit my lip.

 

I wanted to tell him that there was me, but it would probably just cause problems.

 

"You can't have everyone loving you like that, BamBam."

"I know. But I had her."

"That was then."

"I think I still have her now."

"If you had her, she would be beside you, not going around, dating JaeBum."

 

He was silent.

 

"You know that I'm not giving up, YuRa. She was my everything..."

"Your everything?" I raised my eyebrows. "I see... Then you could have at least tried to get her back instead of trying to make her jealous by having me act as your fake girlfriend."

 

He sighed.

 

"I need her, YuRa. I love her, and..."

"Are you sure she loves you, BamBam? And not JaeBum?"

 

He didn't say anything, and instead, turned to the wall mirror beside him.

 

"If she loves JaeBum, I think I can make her fall for me again." he said.

"You can't control her, BamBam. She has a heart of her own." I said quietly.

"I can at least try to make her realize who she really loves."

"Are you positive it's you? Not him? What if you make her realize who she really loves, and it's JaeBum? You'll just end up hurting even more."

"Why do you keep on trying to make me forget her?"

"Because you should. If they really end up as a couple, and she genuinely loves him, you'll get hurt. I don't want that to happen to you." I spoke softly.

"You're a great friend, YuRa, but don't worry about me." he looked at me, giving me a soft smile. "I'll be fine." He reached out to hug me. "Thanks for being such a good friend."

 

Friend.

 

Is that really it? Is that all he thinks of me? Can't he look past my expressionless face when I speak and see my heart? 

 

I doubt he'll be fine if JaeBum and JungEun really get together. He's just telling me that he'll be fine so I won't worry... But he can't make me believe that he'll be fine...

 

 

 

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Hi!! First chapter's up already! XD This was a bit boring, I suppose... But what do you think?? Any comments??