What am I even doing here? I shouldn't be here...

"The hell, Noh JungEun. For one thing, you broke up with me. You hurt me over and over again. You kissed JB!" BamBam said, his voice rising. "And now you're telling nothing was real and you still love me."

I looked away from them and accidentally caught JB's eye. He shook his head a bit. I tilted mine in confusion. He jerked his head to the door.

I followed him as he made his way out.

"We lost." Those were the first words he said. And he spoke them quite bitterly. "Can't you tell? BamBam loves her. She loves him back. They'll get back together."

Yeah, he does love her. It's obvious now.

"Doesn't it hurt you? You know that they're going to get back together." he raised his head to look in my eyes.
"But they'll be happy together. Isn't that enough for you? The one you love will be happy with the one she loves."
"It hurts. She used me. He used you, too!"
"Reality is supposed to hurt. I realized that because of him," I spoke quietly. "And because of Yugyeom, as well,"

He sighed.

"You're nice, Jung Yura. But you're too nice. Look. You're letting BamBam hurt you. Yugyeom's keeping secrets from you and he's your best friend! You have to do something about that!"

I lowered my head.

"I know we're not close, but I'm just going to tell you this. Change yourself. Just change yourself. Don't be the sweet, innocent, nice girl you always were. People are always going to manipulate you if you're like that. Don't let yourself be used because you're just going to get hurt. There's a monster hiding inside of us. Inside of all of us. Let that monster out and they won't use you. Hide your feelings. Don't show it if you're hurt. Then that way, things will get better for you. Less tears. Less pain."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I'm supposed to be a leader, right?"
"A leader should be a good person, Jaebum!"
"I am. But love can change people. Love changed my way of thinking. I don't want to be used anymore."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, surprising me.

"Trust me, Jung Yura. Don't let yourself be used by other people. You'll just be the one who will get hurt in the end."

With that, he walked away from me. I stood there, thinking about what he said.

Let out the monster hiding inside of me? Then they'll stop taking me for granted? I stood there for around ten minutes, maybe, replaying the things he had said and just thinking about it.

"Hey," someone poked my cheek. I jumped slightly. "What are you thinking about?" I looked to see BamBam's smiling face and shrugged.
"Just something JB told me,"
"So you talked?" he asked. I nodded. "Is that why you guys walked out?"

I nodded again.

"I see...." he nodded slowly before placing his arm around my shoulder. "But now we have a lot to talk about."

***

For one thing, I don't know why I always find myself eating sweets with BamBam while talking about things that are supposed to be serious. Like now, we're eating cheesecake while talking about what he should do with JungEun. Whether he should get back together with her or not.

"I can't believe you're actually thinking about that."

He smiled faintly as he shoved the last of his cheesecake in his mouth.

"I know, right?" he said after he swallowed. "If this happened last month, I would have said yes at once!"
"But know you're thinking about it. How things change so fast..."

He laughed quietly.

"I'm really lucky that it's already Christmas break for you guys who have school. At least I have you."

Remember what JB said. I told myself. Don't let yourself be used. Let out the monster in you. But what monster do I have in me?

"At least you're here," I sighed.
"Yugyeom's still ignoring you?"
"He's spending all his time with Yerin."

I don't understand why but I remembered what JB had told me. About Yugyeom keeping secrets from me. I sighed and pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind.

Why should I even care?

He said he wouldn't care anymore. He said that when I needed him, he won't come to me.

I shouldn't care about him, either.

"And we haven't made up either..." I said slowly.
"He's not talking to you?"

I shook my head.

"Then don't make up with him. He's not worth it."
"He's my best friend." I spoke softly. 
"He's mine, too. Well... He was."

I stared at him.

I'd hate to think of what would happen to GOT7 if this went on... With BamBam and Yugyeom fighting... With BamBam and JB loving the same girl...

Doesn't it seem like BamBam's the cause of the problems, though? This all started because of him.

.... Right?

But if I'm always with him, won't I get stuck in the middle of the problems, too?

"Maybe we should stop talking to each other for a while, BamBam."
"What? Why?"
"I.... Just because."
"Are you mad at me, too?"

I shook my head.

"It's not that. It's just-"
"What did JB tell you?"

I looked at him.

"Nothing."
"If he didn't tell you anything, why won't you tell me?"

I stood up.

"I just can't."

If I told him, he might get mad. I just don't want to get stuck in the middle of their problems... I don't want to be used.

"And Bam?"
"Yes?"
"Let's cut the act. I don't want to do it anymore."

He was silent. I suppose he was surprised. After all, it was me who didn't want to stop. And it was that which risked my friendship with 

I stood up.

"Thanks for everything you did for me, BamBam, but I'm sorry. Let's stop talking to each other."

I think it's strange how this seems more like a breakup than anything else. It was a breakup though, but not one of a real relationship. It feels like I'm ending my friendship with BamBam. Strange.

If this was before, I would never stop being friends with BamBam. He was too much of a great friend to lose. But here I am now, telling him that we should stop talking.

I guess things do change...

***

I find it weird on how I missed school. I never really liked going to school except for music class since I loved music so much. But I have to admit. I'm lonely without Yugyeom. I mean, Jimin's always with me, but it's still different.

These days, Yerin and Yugyeom are always together. I honestly think they're dating but the chance is a bit too low, in Jimin's opinion.

"See you around, Yura!" Jimin waved at me before heading off in the opposite direction, leaving me and JB alone.

As for JB, I didn't even know why he was here. He gave me a weak smile.

"All is lost," he said quietly.
"They're back together?" I asked, just to make sure.
"Yeah," he nodded.

It felt like the world came crashing down on me.

Falling in love was a stupid thing. I should have never fallen in the first place. I knew JB could understand me. We were used by the people we loved, only to be hurt in the end.

"I need Yugyeom back," I said softly. "He was the only one who can comfort me in times like this,"
"But he's gone. You two fought over BamBam."

Harsh reality...

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Hiiiii ~ So sorry I didn't update for a long time. Happy new year!! (Yeah it's late) But how was this chapter?? It's a bit confusing, isn't it?? I also got a bit confused while writing it...