Since last time she met him, after he told her everything, she makes an effort to not meeting him. Nana sighed while leaning backward, pinned her eyes on the racing track, the day after would be the biggest day for her but she could not feel anything, instead of worrying either she would win or not, she did not think about it at all. She closed her eyes and tried to feel the atmosphere, tried to collect back her memories before and after she becomes a racer, trying to absorb the common chaos for the day before the actual race as the mechanic teams, the racers, even the presidents for each clubs would be there to look around, to test and practice on the actual track, meanwhile she, rather practicing, she just watching from the viewers seat. The atmosphere that she was dying for before and she liked it before but at that time, she was suffocated with it. It was noisy and dirty, the sound of engine, the smoke, everything, everything of it causing her to think, wondering where was her spiritual feeling for it, wondering the reason underneath it- the reason for her to feel nervous about it, no more exciting feeling.

“Are you okay?” Feeling a cold thing touched her cheek, Nana opened her eyes and looked at the right side, bitterly smiling and taking the bubble tea from him.

“I wouldn’t be here if I’m not okay.” She answered then, playing with the coldness of the cup, ignoring the fact that it caused a red shade on her palms.

“Uhha. As I know you will not sitting here if you’re fine. Instead…you will be testing or practicing on those tracks. I haven’t seen you like this; care to tell me…precious?”  She shrugged off; drinking and bottom up the cold bubble tea in one go, pressing the plastic cup and shoots it into the dustbin at the last seat of their row, faking giggles when it in.  She hiccupped shortly after that. Hanbyul sighed and caressed her back, while she lowered her head, contemplated.

“You know… everything is too blurry for me. I tried to understand but I can’t, instead I feel mixtures here. I’m angry…hurt, I feel guilty and then, I’m back and feel angry, then I feel something else. I, even I can’t understand this feeling.” Spilling everything, she spoke her thought, her myriad thought after he told her everything. “I keep thinking. What should I do about this? Should I run away? Should I apologize? Should I…should I forget everything and back to my normal life. Though it’s not that normal, but at least it is fun.”

“Nana…” Hanbyul grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him. He traces his fingers on her cheeks, slowly caressed it, trying to calm her chaotic mind. “Does he ask you to do that? In this situation, he knows better and he did not even ask anything from you except… you know it. Why would you apologize? You know that it’s not your fault and even he knows it. So, you shouldn’t think more, go for him. You deserve him and he deserves you as well. I don’t want both of you…running away, falling apart just because of the past. Gives both of you chance for new. Don’t drag this any longer. Hmmm?”

She heaved a deep breath, raising her palm and puts on his palm, and squeezed it lightly. She gazed at him and…sighed again. No matter she tried to be positive like that, she could not. It is not as easy as ABC; it was not confusing but the crystal clear makes she scared of it. She scared for possibility and she scared for the future.

“It’s hard; I don’t want him…to fall apart because of me. He needs someone better than me, who, he can forget the past because of her. Me, I’m playing the part of his dark past. Don’t you think so? Though…I’m likely giving both chance but…think about it, I can’t. He deserves more.” In fact, she could give both, she and him, chance to work it on but every time she wanted to do it, there were something she felt, and she was literally giving up on it. No point of working their relationship back to normal, because she thought about him more than her. There was no way to create new, because the past in always seeking for her, might be for them.

Nana pats his palms and removed it from her cheeks. She pressed her lips together, trying to smile, bitter. Turning and facing those tracks, she leaned on the chair while raising