Chapter nineteen: Selfish?

Kiseop and I were finally together, and we had done a good job at hiding that we were an item. I was studying in the lounge room when I heard footsteps in the corridor. Kiseop must have been coming back, I heard the keys going into the lock. I stood up and tip toed to a place where I could hide. The door opened and closed, the footsteps got closer and I jumped out

“Roar!” I shouted. I could see that Kiseop was startled, I giggled in satisfaction.

“Yah, aren’t you too old for hide and seek?” He laughed and ruffled my hair. He was about to walk into his bedroom, when I got the nearest cushion on the sofa and threw it at his back. He turned around; I had a huge grin on my face.

“Why you little-” He smiled playfully. He picked one up and softly threw it at me, I caught it. I dropped my guard and Kiseop gently tackled me down onto the sofa, we were both laughing together, Kiseop softly planted a kiss. He pulled away, both of us with burning cheeks. 

He coughed awkwardly,” I’ll go take a shower.”  

Giving him a soft smile, I nodded “Okay.”

A month was up and I worked hard on rehearsing the solo, Kiseop also helped with the instrumental and pitching. I walked into class feeling confident.

“Good morning, Cindy, Kevin.” They both giggled sweetly together.

“Morning ______!” They both beamed in sync. Wow, they’re almost like twins now. Both full of energy.

Kevin was up first to perform, “This song was written about a past experience. This song is called ‘Because we’re friends’.” Kevin took a deep breath and started to sing:

“I was going to embrace your shoulders because you were crying
But I just put my hand down
Because I'm a friend, a friend, a friend
I'm just a good friend to you

I want to go to that guy who is hurting you and punch him but
I can't, I can't I can't
Anyway, I can't be anything more than just a friend

I want to suddenly hug you, kiss you on the lips
Comfort you, who would be surprised
And be the one who will make you happy
I want to tell you these things but I only clench my fist
Eventually, I can't say those words
Like a coward, I make an excuse for my heart - we're just friends

Because I'm afraid of your obvious rejection
Because we might not be able to even be friends
I love you, I love you, I love you
I hide those words that I want to tell you

I want to suddenly hug you, kiss you on the lips
Comfort you, who would be surprised
And be the one who will make you happy
I want to tell you these things but I only clench my fist
Eventually, I can't say those words
Like a coward, I make an excuse for my heart - we're just friends

If I wait one more day, I wonder if you will look at me
Every time I see you crying
I get so mad that my heart feels like it will burst and cry

Although I hurt as much as you hurt
Although I swallow my tears
I can't go a step closer to you
I deceive my heart saying that we're just friends
And like a fool, I just cry inside
And on the outside, pretending to be a good person,
I just say, we're friends”

Once again, he sang with so much emotion that it made me cry. I looked around, I wasn’t the only one who got teary. Some guys and even the teacher got teary. Everyone gave him a huge round of applause. It was finally my turn after half of the students. I took a deep breath and sang.

Time skip

It was finally winter; my year as a first year had almost come to an end, which meant Kiseop and Hye Ri shi would be graduating and I knew that they both would debut. The winter was cold so I lazed in bed. I looked at my alarm clock: 7:00am. I groaned, I didn’t want to get out of bed. Christmas was coming up; I heard from Kiseop that Christmas in the shopping district was very fun. I smiled at the thought of Kiseop, we were both very happy together. I got out of bed, got dressed, went to a vending machine and got a bottle of chocolate milk. I finished in no time and walked to class.

“There will be a graduation concert for the seniors.” The teacher started to remind, I was in a daze. All I could think about was Kiseop. He had been working hard lately.

Hye Ri’s P.O.V

“Kiseop, can we take a walk together alone?”

“Huh?” He looked at his watch, “Um, sure.”

“Let’s go to the garden.” I smiled at him, as I ushered him towards the garden.

“Alright.” He nodded and put on his scarf.

We arrived at the garden, it didn’t look too pretty in the winter because most of the flowers and trees were hibernating, but the dead trees and flowers were covered up by a blanket of snow.

“Kiseop-ah, isn’t the snow pretty?” I smiled at him while the snow fluttered down. He seemed to have something else on his mind.

“Kiseop, are you thinking of ______?” He didn’t answer. “Why do you choose her over me? Why don’t you love me? I’ve been here for so long, I’ve loved you the longest. I’ve known you for so long. Everything I do is for you Kiseop. For once have you ever considered my feelings?” I looked at him, tears welling up in my eyes, I knew my eyes were going red too.

“Hye Ri… I love you very much. But not the way you expect from me. We’re not meant to be, if we were, then I guessed we’d be together by now. Time is what you need. Someone is already waiting for you. And that person might even love you more than I do.”

“No! I don’t need anyone else’s love but yours!” Tears came out uncontrollably.

“Hye Ri don’t be so childish, realise what you have in front of you.” I watched him walk away as I slumped down into the cold snow.

Hye Ri’s P.O.V end

“______, can I please talk to you in private?” Hye Ri asked me.

I nodded and followed her to a practice room, “Hye Ri eonni, what’s wrong?”

She turned around, “I don’t want to talk in circles, so I’ll tell you straight out. Stay away from Kiseop. You will only regret it in the end.”

“Hye Ri shi, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Do you think I don’t know that you’re going out with Kiseop? In case you don’t know we’ve been friends for a long time and he tells me everything.”

“Hye Ri shi, don’t dissuade people.”

“________, don’t you care for Kiseop’s future?! He is almost about to debut, and if you’ve forgotten the rules already. Let me remind you: you’re not allowed to date at this school. If you do, you’ll be expelled and won’t be able to debut, ever!” She raged at me. “You’re selfish! Think about Kiseop for once, he’s putting everything on the line for you.”

I stayed silent; she then turned to a cool tone, “Think about it. Because I’ll be the one going to tell the principal. At this point, blame yourself because you made me do this.”

She turned around and headed to the door. “Hye Ri shi, I’ll take what you said into consideration.” I tried to speak in a calm tone.

Cindy’s P.O.V

I was in the library with Kevin; I was reading a book about animals. He was reading a book about plants. He looked over at my book where there was a picture of a gorilla.

“Hey, look Cindy. Why are you in this book?” Kevin pointed at the gorilla and smiled jokingly.

“Yah.” I pouted, “That looks nothing like me.”

“It does, merong.” He stuck out his tongue.

“Aish.” I pinched his cheeks.

“Shh!” A student opposite our table hushed at us. I nodded apologetically and hit Kevin softly. “Yah, we’re too noisy.” I whispered and giggled.

Cindy’s P.O.V end

I thought of what Hye Ri said for a few days, until I decided that it was the best. I was sitting on the sofa and cuddling my legs.  Kiseop came back and sat himself next to me.

“How was your day, dork?” He asked smiling.

“It was fine…”

“Is something wrong ______?” His smile faded and his expression turned to worry.

I took a deep breath. I tried not to tremble my voice as I spoke “Kiseop shi… we can’t be together anymore…”

“Haha, what’re you talking about? Don’t joke silly. It’s not a funny one.”

I shook my head, “I’m not joking Kiseop. I’m suffocating in this relationship, I can’t breathe.” It wasn’t like I didn’t like the fact that our relationship was a secret… but it was a good enough lie.

He smiled faded, “…. Do what you want.” He stood up and walked into his room, slamming the door behind him.

I broke down right there. The hardest part was letting go, that I still loved him. But if a person truly loved them, they would do whatever they could for that person to benefit the most. I needed to let him pursue his dreams. I couldn’t be selfish and get in his way.

Chapter 19 end: Selfish

A/N: Omg, just one more chapter to go! I hope you don't get too mad at me in this chapter! Did you guys get a bit teary? Or are you hating in Hye Ri, lol. I feel sorry for Hye Ri though.... But anyway. I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. The final chapter will be uploaded either tomorrow or so. Sorry for cliff hanging you. ♥