New Beginning

Chapter 25

Buzz.

Buzz.

Buzz.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” A voice from inside answered.

Sica rang again.

Buzz.

Buzz.

“Wait a minute, can’t—“ The blonde woman was ready to scold the impatience visitor, when she opened the door and her best friend came in crying, hugging her. Hyoyeon had her arms up, completely perplexed. “Sica? What happened?” She kept Sica’s back as she guided the crying girl to her couch and sat there.

Sica just continued to cry.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Hyoyeon rambles.

Sica wiped her face.

“What happened, Sica?” Hyoyeon asked, again.

“It’s over.” Sica’s voice cracks. “Yul leaves me for real.”

“Wait. Who? Yul? Yul leaves you?”

Sica nodded.

“Wait, wait. What do you mean, Sica? You guys already broke up nine months ago.”

“We’re back,” Sica bit her lip, “we’re together again one month ago.”

“What??” She yelled as her eyes widened. “How can it happen? You’re already married to Taeng, Sica.”

“I know, Hyo. I know. I’m feeling so bad about it too.” Sica broke into tears again.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry.” Hyoyeon Sica’s hair until she finally calmed down again. “What happened to Yul then? You guys had a fight?”

“No, no, it’s not like that,” Sica sniffed. “He asked whether I would divorce Taeng or not. I ended up couldn’t give him answer. So he said he didn’t want to keep hurting because of our relationship. He kissed me goodbye and wished me happy. He leaves for real this time.”

Hyoyeon studied her friend. “This isn’t like you. You never hesitate to choose your decision. You’ve never been in the gray area. What happened?”

“I’m not sure, Hyo. I know I love Yul so much. But there is a part of me who won’t let Taeng go either.”

“You like him?”

“I don’t think so, Hyo.”

“So why?”

“I really don’t know, Hyo. I think he changed my mind.”

“How?”

“Because he knows. He knows everything, Hyo.”

“Know what? What everything?”

“Everything about me and Yul. He even saw me kissing Yul.”

“What? You did that to him?”

“I didn’t mean it, Hyo. It was an accident. But you know, he didn’t even yell at me?” Sica’s voice started to tremble. “He didn’t curse me or hit me. Yet he smiled at me and even he cooked me a pancake next morning. He said he loves me so much to even yell at me. What kind of person does that? What kind of normal person doesn’t get angry when they’re hurt?”

“Ssshhh. Ssshhh.” Hyoyeon hugged Sica again and tried to calm her down.

“I don’t think I can ever forgive myself, Hyo.”

Hyoyeon kept Sica’s back.

“After all I’ve done to him, he still loves me like that. He never stops caring about me, Hyo.”

“And that changes your mind?”

Jessica pulled out of the hug and sniffed. She slowly nodded.

“Don’t you think you just feel guilty to him?”

“I am, Hyo. I’m such an evil, you know. I’ve done a lot of bad things to him.”

“Then doesn’t it come across your mind that letting him go is better?”

“Huh?”

“You love Yul, Sica. Why don’t you let Taeng go too? Won’t it hurt him anymore if you stay by his side?”

Sica took her time in answering.

“I think if I stay I can repay all his kindness to me.”

“With what, Sica?”

“Treating him better.” Jessica was unsure too.

“Out of what? Out of guilt?”

Sica couldn’t give any answer to that. What did Hyoyeon expect from her? Wasn’t it enough already to treat him better?

“Are you serious, Sica? You don’t even know?”

Sica looked down, avoiding a sharp gaze from her best friend.

Hyoyeon sighed at her best friend. “Listen to me, Sica.” She looked at the brunette woman. “Maybe you think act nicer to him will be enough. But it’s not, Sica. It’ll never. Remember how much you hurt him? And how he keeps welcoming you back? That’s how much he loves you, Sica. He loves you so much that all he can think about is your happiness. Can you repay it with just act nicer towards him?”

Sica slowly shook her head.

“That’s it. You can’t, Sica.”

“Then what should I do, Hyo?”

“You should have tried, Sica. He doesn’t need your pity. He would never want your guilt, Sica. He needs your love.”

“But Hyo, you know who I love.”

Hyoyeon rolled her eyes. “Then why are we having this conversation, Sica? Tell me. Why? Because I don’t see any point of talking about it if you keep sticking with your love for Yul.”

“I can’t forget him that easy, Hyo. I’ve tried, you know. I’ve tried!!” Sica was getting frustrated. “I’ve tried for eight months, but the result is none. It’s nothing. I came back to square one again.”

“Then don’t you dare to think to stay by Taeng’s side,” Hyoyeon warned her friend sternly. “I don’t want my best friend hurts anyone anymore.”

“I can’t let him go, Hyo.”

“Why are you so selfish, Sica? Don’t you think about him? Even once?”

Sica’s mouth was opened as she wanted to counter her best friend’s words, but it came out as nothing.

Hyoyeon’s temper immediately went away after looking at the broken expression of her friend.

“You are right, Hyo. I’m so selfish.” Sica looked down. “What do I do? I really mess up, right?” She said with tears in her eyes.

Hyoyeon once again wrapped her friend in a hug.

“I feel horrible, Hyo. I feel like everything I ever do is hurting.”

“Oh, Sica. Don’t say that.”

“If I had known it earlier, I would just choose to go learn the business. That way I wouldn’t hurt so much people like this.”

“Hey, hey, there’s no use of regretting, Sica. We can’t prevent these things from happening, you know.”

“No,” Sica shook her head. “I deserve this. I deserve this for not being brave enough.”

“Self-pity won’t help anything, Sica.”

Sica looked at her blonde friend with her puffy eyes. “What should I do now, Hyo? What should I do?”

“If you can’t love him back, then leave him alone, Sica.”

Sica was thinking for a while. “What if…”

“What if what?”

“What if I want to try?”

“Then you have to try hard. And don’t use your guilt as your motivation. It will never work.”

“So?”

“Open your heart, Sica.”

***

Sica didn't know what had gotten into herself back there in Hyoyeon's house. She couldn't believe that she said it herself, that she wanted to try. She wanted to love Taeng back. Was that real?

She was really confused with herself. Her heart jeopardized on its own.

She knew that her heart was only for Yul. She knew that she loved Yul so much. Then why did she want to love another man?

Was it out of guilt?

Was it out of curiosity?

Or was it purely because she wanted to try?

It felt like her own heart was betraying her.

But was it really like that?

Because...

Being with Yul was not possible anymore. The affair they had done the past month wasn’t right to do and she couldn’t keep hanging Yul around like that anymore. Yet she couldn’t divorce Taeng too, which meant she wouldn’t be able to be together with Yul too. In this condition, she had to learn to let go. Like what he said. Letting go for his happiness. She should learn to let go for real this time.

And if she couldn't be with the love of her life, then at least she could try to fulfil his wish. He had wished for her to be happy. She would try her best so his sacrifice to let her go would not go in vain. She would be happy. And maybe making the person who loved her happy would give her happiness too.

It meant she should try. She should give her best shot to repay all of his kindness and made up all of her mistake to him. To make him happy.

Yeah. Maybe it was like that.

This time she would want to do it the right way. At least for once. She wanted to make them who loved her happy.

And it was her new mission: a new beginning - let Yul go and open her heart for Taeng.

Sica was now standing in front of an ice cream stall. She wanted to buy something, for this new beginning. And food had always been the perfect choice. Also, Taeng was an ice cream lover.

Although, Sica didn't know much information about her husband, but it was clear for her that the man really loved ice cream. She noticed how often Taeng brought ice cream back by the amount of the cold treat stocks inside their refrigerator at home.

Just...

She didn't know which flavor he liked.

"Can you give me the favorite? For take away." She said to the girl behind th