It was back. That pain he had felt ever since his trainee days-- those endless hours of physical and mental exhaustion. At first he had assumed that the feeling was a result of prolonged physical fatigue. Kris thought that he just needed to adapt to increase his stamina and to feel pain was merely a means to an end. But he was wrong. The stabbing pains continue torturing his heart. They don't come frequently, but every time the pain attacks, Kris feels like he's hanging on to the last string of life, one step away from the edge of the cliff. Luckily, they never came whilst he was in public or in the company of other people. And because no one knew of his pains, he was given the opportunity to debut as a member of Exo. And even throughout the years he has been with Exo, Kris has kept that secret safe and sound, hidden away from the other members, their fans-- everyone.

And now, aside from the chest pains he’s been dealing with through the years, he also has to face the pain of dealing with how other people are judging him, saying that he's worthless, that he's nothing but a talentless, disrespectful former member of Exo, that he is now just a part of history, just a part of the past, a star that is now losing its shine in the galaxy where he once belonged.

Besides having to face public opinion, Kris also has to deal with the raging emotions of the people closest to him-- his brothers, Tao especially. It was very, very hard. Though he himself knew the reasons why he had to leave, it still hurts thinking of how much his brothers felt so disappointed and angry towards him. Even his most beloved was seeing him as nothing but a traitor.

It was the worst kind of pain a person could ever suffer from.

---

“Yi Fan! Yi Fan!” Kris’ mom yelled as she grasped his son’s shoulders, shaking him frantically, trying to wake him up from his terrible nightmare.

Kris, whose trembling form was a stark contrast to the still environment, suddenly opened his eyes. His tremulous nightmare had ended, and he was left with beads of perspiration covering his forehead, his fingers clenching the bedsheets tightly.

“What’s the matter, Yi Fan?” 

He couldn't respond. He stared blankly at the white ceiling, tears dripping in a steady stream from the corners of his eyes. Kris’ mother cradled her son's head on her hands as if he was still her little baby Fanfan. She pulled him up gently into a sitting position, letting his head rest on her caring arms and gently patting on his soft hair to calm him down.

“Tell me, baby. What’s wrong?” she asked again.

“I…I was trying to apologize, mom,” Yi Fan replied as he started to sob. “I dreamed that I called them…and it hurts to hear their voices. I just...”

“Sshhhh,” whispered his mom as she bent her head to kiss the top of his head. “You don't have to talk about it, okay? I understand.”

“I’m here. Cry all you want, my dear. I’ll just be right here by your side,” she added.

“Mom, I think...I think I made the wrong choice. I shouldn't have left them. I should have endured it a little more. I should have stayed. I just didn't want to make anyone feel bad. Not my brothers. Especially not Tao. Not Tao, mom. Not Tao,” he said softly, though his clenched fists betrayed his anger.

“I know, Yi Fan, I know,” his mom said, her voice quiet and soothing. “But son, you've thought about this for so long. What's done is done. You can never go back to them again.”

“Yes, mom, I know. But...it still hurts so much. I think I shouldn't have entered the industry in the first place. I thought I was strong enough to survive there, but...”

“Don’t say that, Yi Fan. You were never weak.”

“But I should have tried harder. I'm just a quitter who takes everything he gets for granted, mom. I thought it was going to be easy, but it wasn't, so I left them to find an easier way to reach my dreams. I'm selfish, so, so, selfish,” he said, another wave of fresh drops pouring out of his eyes.

“You’re not selfish, Yi Fan. You work hard for our family. Even though you didn't say a word about it at the time, as your mother, I could tell you weren't happy with your life. I want you to be able to do what you really want to do, but still be happy.”

“Thank you, mom. Thank you for believing in me all this time. I love you.”

“I love you too, Fanfan.”

Their conversation seemed to have drained all the energy out of Yi Fan as he yawned and rubbed his eyes.

"Go back to sleep, okay?" He listened to his mother's words, lying down obediently. She stayed next to him for a while, sitting on the bed, running her fingers through his hair to ease him into sleep. Hearing Yi Fan emit gentle snores, she kissed his forehead, fixed the blanket so that it completely covered his body, and padded out of the room.

Little did she know that Yi Fan wasn't asleep yet. The moment she stepped out, Yi Fan opened his eyes, right hand clutching at his chest. The pain had come back again, slowly but surely eating through his heart. His hands were clammy, his armpits laced with cold sweat as he fought the pain. Yi Fan didn't-- no, he couldn't let anyone know about this.

He would rather make everyone be happy and free of their worries than burden them with his own problems.

---

And so on that night of May 14th, Wu Yi Fan sat at his desk, poring over the lawsuit, carefully reading every single detail.

The last line asked for his signature.

His hand trembled, and it took him five tries before he put his pen down.

This was it.