Though Yi Fan has hidden his secret in the deepest pits of his heart, there's no way it can remain there for so long. With his recent lawsuit, people have been paying more attention, and there are eyes watching him day and night. Eventually, rumours of his problems snuck their way into public view.

It was May 16, 2014 when they were told. A Chinese media site released a public report with the comments of medical professionals, telling the results of Yi Fan’s cardiologic examinations, and saying that ‘they couldn’t exclude the possibility of myocarditis’. When there were people watching him everywhere, and it was also reported that he visited a hospital in Guangzhou, China at some time last May 2, Yi Fan had realized that having all his secrets revealed is inevitable. The worst part is that it reminds him of that date, a day that he should've spent with his Tao, to celebrate his beloved’s 21^st birthday.

--

“Yi Fan, why didn’t you tell me about this?” cried his mom, the newspaper she was reading now crumpled on her hands.

“I’m so sorry, mom. I just didn’t want you or anyone to worry about me.” He replied, staring at his shoes as if that would wash away his guilt.

Yi Fan's mother rubbed her forehead with her palm, trying to smooth out all her problems.

“You didn't tell Tao, did you?" she asked, and the way her son bit his lip told her everything.

"Oh god, Yi Fan."

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It's not about whether you feel sorry or not! It's about you not telling Tao about it! How do you think the poor boy feels, knowing his boyfriend lied to him?”

“I know, I know, but,” Yi Fan furrowed his brows in frustration, burying his face on his hands, "I won't do that ever again, alright? I promise."

His mother sighed.

“You should tell him.”

“Okay.”

--

Yi Fan sat on the worn-out couch facing his open window in his small room. Staring at the dim, dark-clouded sky, he the phone in his pocket anxiously, debating on whether or not to call Tao. He had unconsciously wrinkled his forehead and furrowed his brows in the midst of mental turmoil, fingers now tapping along the phone in a quick, nervous beat. He knew it would be a busy morning for Tao who, he presumed, would be up and about, practicing even more for their next concert, the burden of him leaving sinking not only on his beloved, but also on the rest of Exo's shoulders.

He decided to wait a bit longer. He pondered and pondered with much uneasiness. It was hesitance that made him turn on the phone after two long hours, at 9 o'clock in the brightness of morning, the hovering rainclouds slightly muting the sun's rays. It was determination that made him finally dial Tao's number, scooped the phone up and held it to his ear gingerly, expecting the worse.

“Hello? Who’s this?” the person on the other side of the line asked.

Yi Fan could not respond, out of words. Why was he answering the phone?

“Who’s this? Why do you know this number?” the person persisted in their questioning.

“Um…Hyunkyun hyung, this is Kris,” he said softly, hesitantly revealing his identity. His old stage name felt somewhat foreign now as it rolled off his tongue.

“You again? Haven't you done enough? We’ve been trying to reach you 24/7, but apparently, you changed your  phone number, and now you have something to say to us. For goodness' sake, are you still trying to make more problems for us? " his former manager responded, exhaustion and frustration evident on his every sentence.

“I’m sorry, Hyunkyun hyung. I’m really sorry,” he replied, his lips moving automatically.

“Well, if you can't tell already, it's too late.”

Yi Fan could hear the exasperation and exhaustion in Hyunkyun's voice, the pits of his stomach churning with even more guilt as he imaged his manager-- no, his ex-manager-- sitting back at the dorms, eyebags clear against his pale skin, shoulders sagging with all the stress. Yi Fan felt hurt, yes, but at the same time, he knew that this was the consequences of his decision, the consequences that he must face.

“Hyung, please give the phone to Tao. I want to talk to him.” No, I just want to hear his voice, but he didn't want to admit that he was missing him so much-- so much that he was on the verge of flying back to Korea just to touch him.

“He left his phone in the dorm when he went to practice. I'm not walking all the way to the studio just to pass his phone to him.”

“Please, hyung. I really need to talk to him.”

Though he was still mad at Yi Fan, Hyunkyun had still watched over him and the rest of his group for two long years. As much as he tried to dissuade himself, he relented.

“Fine. Just stay on until I get to the studio.” he answered. 

“Thank you, hyung.”

--

The walk to the studio was quiet. Though Hyunkyun knew that Yi Fan was still on the other side of the line, he felt that he had done his part, and to speak more would be overstepping his boundaries. Exo's latest song "Overdose" was playing as he opened the doors, and he stood there for a while, just watching the group dance. After the run, he caught Tao's attention, gesturing for them to talk outside the studio. The other male swiped at his sweaty forehead with a towel before draping it over his neck, following his manager outside. 

“Here,” Hyunkyun said while giving the phone to him. “It’s Kris.”

“Kris?” Tao asked, eyebrows furrowing.

“Yes,” replied Hyunkyun.

“I’m too tired to talk to him. Just end the call.”

“Maybe you should talk to him, Tao.”

“Why do you want me to talk with that ing traitor?” he shouted, his voice vibrating with anger.

Though Yi Fan had silently willed himself to expect something like this to happen, the dull crack of his heart ripping into two still reverberated on his eardrums. His finger hovered over the 'end call' button, deciding whether or not to press it, but he figured Tao didn't want to talk to him anyway, so he willingly ended the call. Silently, he promised himself never to dial that number again, lest he make his beloved angry.

At least, at that moment, he was able to hear Tao’s voice.