“Hyunkyun hyung, have you received any more calls from Kris?” Tao asked his manager as they sat in the company car, the former driving with the latter slouching in the passenger seat.

“No, Tao. He hasn't called since then,” his manager answered, sighing. Why was the boy asking him about this now?

“Can I borrow my phone for a while, hyung? I want to call him.”

“You can’t. I've tried calling him back again, but his number's changed. No one knows how to contact him anymore.”

“No one knows? What about Jing Ming director? Or Jing Lei director?” Tao asked hopefully.

“We've tried that already, Tao. We've gone through all his contacts, at least those that we know of, but we still haven't been able to contact Kris.”

“But why? Why doesn’t he want to talk to us? Why doesn’t he want to talk to me? Why? Why?”

“Tao, he wanted to talk to you. You’re the one who didn't want to take the call.”

“But why didn’t he call me again? I was waiting for him to call again.”

“You told him never to call you again. And that's exactly what he did.”

Looking down at his hands, folded neatly on his lap, Tao felt little again, like a child who had to be reprimanded for not listening, for not doing the right thing. Because this really was his fault - he was given a chance, and he rejected it without thinking twice.

And now, he’s searching for the one he can’t see anymore. He’s listening for the one he can’t hear anymore.

“I'll keep waiting for his call, Hyunkyun hyung. Just please, please give me the phone. I swear I'll tell you and the company if Kris ever calls again, but I really need to be the first to know if he calls again. I have so much to apologise for, but I have to be able to find Kris to do so.”

--

And Tao waited for his call. He waited and waited, borrowing his phone from his manager everyday without fail. At night, he'd spend hours and hours simply staring at his phone, the wallpaper selca of him and Kris never failing to tug at his heartstrings. 

He was busy rehearsing. He was busy performing. He was busy making people happy. He was busy making everyone feel love.

Though he was always busy working, Tao always remembered Yi Fan, and missed him greatly. Every time he rapped, he remembered him. Every time he sung, he reminisced about their past. Every time he danced, he imagined their paradise.

He was always busy, and yet he always waited.

Days passed. Weeks passed. A month passed.

He waited, and waited, and waited.

But his lover never called.

--

Even with all the waiting Tao was doing, it seemed like Yi Fan was still slipping through his fingers, going farther and farther away from him. And now the latter was in Prague, Czech Republic. It was like fate was playing with them, teasing them, dragging them further and further away from each other. But he couldn't do anything about it.  He already chose to let go, and no matter how he cries, he could never go back, for the past is unchangeable.

The moment he arrived in the beautiful city of Prague, he had work, work and more work, and absolutely no free time at all. He had a lot on his schedule; filming his movie, accommodating fans who approached him, talking to interviewers - there was so much to be done. He entertained the people around him and made them happy, as he tucked his dark feelings deeper and deeper into his sleeves.

Three days of filming and hectic work had been completed. At last, he was granted a short amount of time to actually enjoy and experience his time in Prague. During those three days, he had already caught glimpses of the beautiful surroundings, the gorgeous, quaint little city, even despite his continuous work and fatigue. However, though it was absolutely breathtaking, in everything he saw, he always saw a bit of Tao. 

The colour of Tao's lips in those blossoming pink flowers. His obsession with looking cool and expensive in all the unique little shops. Everything. 

Oh, how Yi Fan wished he could have brought the love of his life with him.

Instinctively, his hand slipped into his pocket to take out his phone. He stared at the blank black screen for a few moments, waging a war with himself in his head. In the end, however, though his finger slowly dialled in the digits of Tao's phone number, he never pressed call. He could, at the very least, listen and obey the last instruction his love had left him.

Yi Fan couldn't remember the amount of times he'd been in the same situation these past few days. Simply standing, staring at the screen of his phone, wanting to press call. However, his finger always only hovered above the temptating green button, never actually pressing it. For he was so afraid, so afraid of disappointing Tao again. So he held back, held himself back, because no matter how much he wanted to listen to Tao, listen to his beautiful, soothing voice, he couldn't. 

Yi Fan was a man of his words, and for the most part, he stuck to his promises.

Instead, one night, he picked up his pen, and putting down the phone that he had been staring at for almost half an hour now, he selected a piece of paper from the hotel stationary and began writing.

Hello, Tao.

How are you, my love? I hope you’re doing fine.

I don't know what to say - there's just too much, too much for me to explain and to apologise for. I've wanted to call you and tell you about it all for so long, but I guess I didn't want to make you mad. You said not to call you, and not call you was the least I could do for you, right?

I want to say that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I left you and the rest of Exo without an explanation. I know it’s hard to understand, but I’m really sorry.

My heart always feels weird. My heart beats too fast when we’re just sitting together. It beats too slow when it’s supposed to beat fast. I know it may sound confusing, because I didn't understand when it first happened to me either. Sometimes, it gives me too much pain, like someone is stabbing me right through the heart. It's a hiding monster that jumps out at me sometimes, but when it comes, it hurts a lot. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this, I really am. I want you to know that I didn't hide this from you because I didn't trust you, but because I was afraid of how you might react. I was selfish, wanting you by my side though I was a dying man.

To be honest, I've considered leaving our group for a very long time - even before we debuted. However, I had already trained for four long years, so no matter how badly my heart hurt when I was dancing, and how tired I felt, I still continued, because I thought that otherwise, it wouldn't be worth everything I had given up on. 

But no matter how terrible my situation was, I couldn't hate it completely, because of you. I'd lie down on my bed, resting, my heart still hurting from too much physical exertion, but then I remembered that only because of my pain, my sacrifices, had I met you, and found love. That, I was grateful for. 

Have I told you that you were one of the only things that kept me going? Other Exo members gave me love, our fans gave us love, but in that crowd of people who loved me so much, you always stood out, Tao. It's always been you. 

I want to spend my whole life together with you, together with all of Exo. But I can't stand it anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't. I know, I know for sure that something is wrong with me now, and maybe I knew even then, so I did the only thing the cowardly me could do, Tao. I ran. I ran, in hopes that you wouldn't miss me, that you 'd be able to move on from loving such a worthless loser, and that you'd find someone else, someone that deserves you, and is able to make you happy forever.

I'm so, so sorry, for not telling you anything, for not trusting you earlier. I wish I did, now. But I can only wish.

On to lighter subjects, I'm in Prague now. You should know, if you've read the recent newspapers, but if you don't want to be associated with me anymore, it's fine. It's fine. I still really wish you could be here with me; it's one of the most beautiful places on Earth, I swear.

Actually, this sounds really stupid, but inside my head, I've already planned out what we could do if we were here, together.

We could go to Petrin Park, and enjoy the romantic, blissful atmosphere. We could go to the Gardens of the Prague Castle - one of the makeup jie jies told me that the fountains there are spectacular. We could go to the astronomical clock, and convince Father Time to turn things back to what they were before. He would listen to us, because love is always strong. We would go to St. Nicholas Church, and confess our undying love for each other in front of the altar. Maybe we would even get married, maybe, but I'd want you to have some time to think about it first, so just a proposal would do. We'd go to anywhere and everywhere, and make more happy memories to wash away the bad ones that the last month has brought.

Take care of yourself, Tao. Don’t make yourself too tired, and always remember to treat yourself well. I’ll always be here, watching you from afar, loving you with all my heart.

Take care, my love.

I love you. I always will.

Yi Fan always kept that piece of paper in his black luggage bag, hoping everyday that maybe, just maybe, he could finally send it to Tao.