Exo was finally done rehearsing. In a short while, their concert would begin. Thousands of people were already inside the arena, shrieking and shouting, as they waited for Exo to appear on stage. Long before the gates were closed, the area was already full of people, ready to support their idols.

Out of habit, just before the performance, Tao went to the dressing room to check up on his phone. As he his phone, he already half-expected it to dash his hopes. However, this time, there were five missed calls from an unknown number.

An unknown number. Any idol knew it was dangerous to answer something like this, but Tao just couldn't give up the chance. What if it was Yi Fan? What if it was? Quickly, he answered the missing call, pressing the screen anxiously against his ear.

It rang, and after a few seconds, someone answered.

“Tao…,” the person said, in a deep, gentle voice.

Tao's eyes widened. He recognised that voice. 

"Yi Fan." he breathed out, tears already building up in his eyes. It was that familiar voice, the voice he had been missing for so long.

He was speechless. His heart thudded violently in his chest. Yi Fan was on the other line. Yi Fan was on the phone. He was talking to Yi Fan.

He was about to speak, but someone grabbed his phone from him.

“Tao, you need to head to the backstage now. The concert starts soon.”

The stage curtains finally opened, and the large screen beside it blinked to life. Everyone in the audience instantly recognised the maze on it, knowing it to be from the introduction to 'Overdose'. They sat up in their seats, excited. 

Exo was in the backstage, preparing to move onto the stage in a while. Most of them were rocking on the balls of their feet, balancing on one foot then another, ready to perform. Watching their fans already starting to wave their banners and signs around, adrenaline coursed through their veins. They were ready.

Tao was the most jittery. Like the other members, he couldn't wait to get on stage. But at the same time, he also couldn't wait to get off it as soon as possible, so he could call Yi Fan, and hear his lover's voice some more.

The introduction ended with a bam, and Exo's members rushed onto the stage, greeting and waving to the audience. Exo-L sang along to their songs, having already memorized the lyrics by heart, fully supporting their idols, the ones they treasured.

Tao was physically on stage, but mentally, he was in the dressing room, getting ready to call Yi Fan back again. He could hear his lover's voice in the corners of his mind, calling out to him, and Tao wanted to answer them, so, so bad. He was oh-so-tempted to just run off stage and call Yi Fan right away, but restrained himself. Not right now, Tao, he told himself.

After their first performance, the group went backstage, for it was time for Chanyeol to showcase his drumming skills. All the other members waited patiently backstage, except for one.

Tao, who wanted to hear his lover's voice again, quickly ran to the dressing room and searched for his phone.

“Hyunkyun hyung, where’s my phone?” he asked the manager, eyes desperate.

“I have it. But I can only give it to you after the show. You have to standby,” Hyunkyun replied.

“But it was Kris hyung’s call. I have to call him back.”

“I know, I know. You can call him after the show. I already told him that you’ll call later. Go to the backstage now.”

Tao went back to the backstage, even more jittery than before with the new knowledge. He appeared on the stage again, patiently waiting for the time to hear his lover speak to him; for the time when at last, he could talk to Yi Fan, apologise, ask how he'd been, and talk, converse, like they used to be able to.

The show was running great.

Almost two hours had passed. They had already performed so many songs.

The next song was their latest single release, ‘Overdose’. It would be their second to the last performance, and as the time got nearer and nearer, Tao got more and more excited.

Music started playing. Its powerful beat dominated the whole place. The performance was going well.

The song was about to end, the last beats already playing and resonating in everyone's ears. Seconds pasted, and the last shout of ‘Overdose’ was heard. Tao's cue had arrived. He ran forward, doing the flip he had done, and executed perfectly for so many other performances.

However, after his spin in midair, because of wrong timing, Tao couldn't land properly, crashing to the ground headfirst.

A pool of crimson red blood surrounded his head, like the veil of a soon-to-be-bride. Everything stopped, only the sound of white noise filling the atmosphere. After a while, the fans began murmuring amongst themselves, the ones nearest the stage who saw everything telling other people what had happened.

Tao just stared at the black space covering him from the dark sky. He stared, and kept staring, unable to move any of his limbs, unable to talk, unable to do anything. And despite hurting so much, his mind and heart kept on shouting with all the strength he could muster, "Yi Fan...Fan..." 

He was rushed to the hospital, where he was declared to have a traumatic brain injury, and in a coma.

Tao never got to do what he had been waiting for.

--

Yi Fan's phone rang. At first, he thought it was just a call from Jing Ming director to settle some schedules for their upcoming project.

But it wasn't. When he looked at his phone, his eyes widened. Tao.

He was so surprised. He never expected him to call.

He swiped his phone to the right, and answered.

“Tao…,” he said in a deep, gentle voice.

Yi Fan thought he heard someone whispering his name quietly, but it was probably just a figment of his imagination. The only thing he could really hear properly was the loud music in the background.

Suddenly, he heard someone speak. “Tao, you need to head to the backstage. The concert starts soon.”

“Hello, who is this?” the person asked him.

It wasn't the voice he wanted to hear, but he knew who it was. “Hyunkyun hyung, it’s me, Kris,” he replied.

“Kris! How are you? Where are you? Everyone here misses you, you know. Especially Tao." Yi Fan's heart sped up once he heard those words, but still answered Hyunkyun anyway.

“I’m fine, thanks. Hyung, where is Tao?”

“The concert's already started, so he has to perform. Don't worry. I'll tell him to call you back after this, alright?”

“Okay. Thanks, Hyunkyun hyung.”

--

Yi Fan sat patiently at his desk, staring intently at the phone in his hand, as if willing it to ring. His heart was full of excitement, filled with utmost happiness. At last, after two long months of loneliness, he could speak with his Tao. He could say sorry, he could tell him that he missed him, and that he loves him and he always will.

He waited and waited. Almost two hours had passed, but he still hadn't gotten any phone calls from Tao.

When suddenly, he felt an abnormal sensation tugging at his body.

Yi Fan felt weak and light-headed as if he was drunk. Goosebumps were appearing on his skin as if the working heater in his room had ceased to exist. His heart was beating unusually quickly, and he felt nauseous. He felt the vomit slowly travelling up his throat, but pushed it down for as long as he possibly could, until he couldn't stand it anymore and rushed to the toilet.

He vomited, feeling a lot weaker than earlier. His chest, neck, and left arm hurt, twinging pains stinging at them.

Enduring the uncomfortable feeling, he stayed at the toilet, the naseous feeling still dwelling in his throat. Minutes slowly passed, and he began to feel weaker and weaker. He was already sweating excessively, his pain becoming greater and greater.

 His face gradually got pale, lips turning a deathly shade of grey. His breathing became louder, more ragged in his desperate attempts for more air, and more air. The pain was getting worse and worse, and he had to fist his hands in his sweater to prevent himself from clawing at his skin. It seemed as if there could never be an abundance of air for Yi Fan as his chest rose and fell dramatically with every breath.

He tried, tried so hard to endure it all, but his strength couldn't last. The burdens placed on it were too strong.

So he did the only thing he knew to do - call out for his love. He had heard that when people were dying, their loved ones would appear before them, before they died. And so he cried out, with all his heart, "Tao... Tao... Tao..."

Crying his love's name took up all his remaining energy, and his eyes drooped shut as he fell.

Several minutes passed. His mother knocked at his room’s door, ready with his dinner, but no one answered her. The door wasn't locked, so she pushed it open, peering into the room. Seeing no one, she finally stepped in, looking all over the room to find her son. The last place she hadn't checked was the bathroom, and she rushed there as fast as she could, a sense of foreboding building up in her chest. And there Yi Fan lay, on the cold bathroom tiles, dead to the world.

She called the ambulance, and Yi Fan was immediately rushed to the hospital, where the medical staff tried their best to revive him. However, it was hopeless.

July 18, 2014. 11:05 p.m. Yi Fan was declared dead on arrival.

--

Five days passed.

Tao finally came back to the world he momentarily left; to the world who grieved when they thought that he was going to leave them forever.

Finally, he blinked awake, the blinds of unconsciousness and sleep being raised. The gentle rays of the sunny morning struck his eyes and welcomed him back with amiable warmth.

He looked straight and saw the white ceiling. Glancing to the left, he saw a window, bright lights shining through the crack the curtains left open. When he peeked at the right out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the hanging medicine bag, the green oxygen tank, and some other medical equipment. Finally, he looked down and saw the face of Lay, who was sleeping in a sitting position beside him, his head resting on the bed on Tao's lap. On the floor, he saw his brothers sleeping tightly packed together like sardines in a can.

His eyes opened, but his arms and legs - the rest of his body - felt paralysed. But he was awake.

Moments later, Lay woke up, and saw Tao’s open eyes.

“Tao!” he shouted happily, voice still hoarse from sleep.

Hearing him, everyone else in the room began to rouse, slowly waking up. When they spotted Tao, awake and safe, they scrambled off the floor, dying to check on their friend.

“Tao, you’re awake!” Luhan yelled, rushing over to the patient's bedside.

“We’re so glad to have you back, Tao,” Xiumin said, a grin stretching from one of his ears to the other.

Everyone was filled with relief that their brother was alive and well. Tao also felt happy, and his smile was faintly visible behind the mask of his respirator.

Tao looked at each of them, counting them out of habit. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. He went over them again, just to make sure he was correct. But he found there were only eleven.

“Where’s Kris hyung?” he asked softly.

The smiles on their faces were erased by his question. A blanket of silence enveloped the room.

“Where’s Kris hyung?” he repeated his question.

Everyone was silent. No one wanted to answer him.

“Why aren’t you answering?”

“Lay hyung, where’s Kris hyung?”

Tao looked to everyone for answers, but Baekhyun was in Chanyeol's arms, face buried in his chest, Luhan was staring at the floor, his refusal to answer eminent. All of a sudden, the atmosphere in the room darkened, a shadow of sorrow falling over it. The innocence, the simple fact that Tao didn't know the answer to that question brought Lay to the brink of tears. He couldn't imagine how it would feel if Tao knew the truth. He didn't want to tell him. But there was no way to avoid it. One lone tear travelled down his cheek.  

“Why are you all crying? Hyung, why are you crying?”

Lay racked his brain for an answer that wouldn't be as blunt, as tragic as the truth.

“Tao,” Lay softly said as he sobbed. “He can’t come here.”

“But why?”

Lay didn’t respond.

“Is he busy with his activities? If he can’t come, he can just call me.”

“Tao, he can’t call you.”

“But why? Did my phone get broken?”

“No.”

“Did Hyunkyun manager change my number?”

“No, Tao. No.”

“But why? Why? I want to talk to him. I miss him so much.”

Lay took a deep breath. He couldn't. He just couldn't.

“Tao, he can’t come here, and he can’t call you anymore.”

Lay gathered all his strength again to finish what he had to say, even though he didn't want to be the one to reveal the news. The sorrow was already killing him from the inside out, and as the deceased's lover, he didn't even want to imagine what would happen to his friend. But he had to tell him. He had too.

Lay opened his mouth, to tell Tao that there would be no call anymore, no forevers.

“He’s gone, Tao. He's gone. Forever."

--

I am searching for the one I can’t see anymore.

I am listening for the one I can’t hear anymore.

I can see the things I couldn’t see; can hear the things I couldn’t hear.

You’ve given me this power ever since you left me right here.

Before, I was selfish and I didn’t care about you.

I didn’t understand your heart, I was a fool.

Right now I’m trying to change who I am

And now that you’re not by my side

But it’s because of your love, that I’m trying to change.

It seems as if everything in my world somehow reminds me of you.

Each snowflake in the sky is like a teardrop that came from you.

I wish that somehow you would appear.

I wish you’d be by my side, right here.

Even with this powers, I still cannot bring you back to me.