Seunghyun had become used to his life in Japan, the sunny bright days and the endless nights socializing with his actor friends, directors, artists, singers and models. He was trying to find himself, trying to open himself up and find the core of his pain- but Somehow during his stay in Japan he was never alone. Everyday he was doing something, anything. The perks of being in the industry is that you get to know a lot of people, make a lot of friends all over the world.

Admittedly Seunghyun had become comfortable, absorbed in having a good time and enriching himself by jumping straight into a different culture- His Japanese had improved also due to throwing himself in the busy life Japan had to offer. Every night would be the same, drinks at a bar, club, house or boat. Nothing was dull. Seunghyun had almost forgotten about going back to Korea, he'd almost forgotten about Bigbang, YG. Almost- but Jiyong was the only thing he'd not forgotten about. The one thing that still crossed his mind daily.

So when Seunghyun got a phone call whist he was out with friends having a good time, reality hit.

“Our flight leaves at 3 tomorrow” The words his manage spoke over the phone caused him to feel on edge as he sat with friends, glass of red wine in hand.

“W-What” Seunghyun stammered hoping he misheard over the noise of everyone having a good time. He was going through shock, completely lost for words.

“urm, YG tour, BIGBANG Japanese dome tour? -- How did you forget something like that- must be all that drinking” His manager sighed. Seunghyun ended the phone call soon after that. Most of him dreaded going back to Korea- back to where the problems all began. He wasn't ready, even after a month, he still wasn't ready. He lit a cigarette, face and body language normal but emotionally he was falling apart.

He'd gone through the situation again and again in his mind but with no solution that wouldn't end badly. This time, even though enjoyable for the older male was still about figuring things out but Seunghyun began to think over the time that maybe it wouldn't ever happen, him and Jiyong, happy with no troubles, no drama. It seemed unlikely.

But in the case he did gain enlightenment on his situation then he hoped that it would go smoothly, naturally. He no longer wanted to be withheld.

///////

Jiyong had adjusted without Seunghyun in his life. He'd grown, become more independent, more sociable and that showed as soon as Seunghyun laid eyes on the younger male for the first time. They'd not talked, neither had the confidence nor a clue how to appraoach one another-- so they didn't. It was odd at first, when Seunghyun first saw Jiyong again, he seemed like a different man. Seunghyun could barely comprehend it but somehow the change just made it easier to avoid the emotional mess they were both going through.

and s­omehow they worked together, through all the awkwardness on stage in front of thousands of fans. However forced it felt between the two, they kept it professional. They had too, it was part of the job.

Being professional.

Backstage after preforming they all relaxed, fighting the exhaustion of putting on a show. Everyone talked among themselves. Jiyong sat on the sofa, phone in hand, scolling through instagram. Seunghyun was surprised that Jiyong had sat so close to him in the only quiet corner of the room. 

"Want a cigarette?" Seunghyun just blurted it out and it must have surprised Jiyong even more as he looked up, lips slightly parted in shock. Admittedly Jiyong felt nervous suddenly due to the older male even talking to him, but he declined the offer.

"No thanks, I'm alright." His words came out friendly, not angry or spitefully but nevertheless Jiyong's response shocked the older male. So much so he let out a laugh, completely lost for words.

"W-What? Seriously?" Jiyong was surprised that Seunghyun saw the situation so amusing but couldn't help crack as smile since the older male knew him so well.

"You quit?" Seunghyun asked causing Jiyong to shrug. "I smoke occasionally, mostly when out having a drink but I don't do it much on a daily basis, some days I don't smoke at all." Jiyong explained before his facial expression changed slightly. "I think one day it just hit me that smoking cigarette's don't actually get rid of stress --" Jiyong admitted.

Seunghyun wasn't sure how to re-act, it was a shock, Jiyong never acted like this -- it was almost wise. Seunghyun wasn't sure how to respond to it and when he finally could Jiyong was already back to playing on his phone. Yang approached the two males. Seunghyun sat silently absorbed in his own reality with a cigarette in hand seeing how much things had changed.

Jiyong didn't smoke like he used too, he admitted that. He'd cut down but he wanted people notice it, he wanted them to think that he was coping with Seunghyun gone-, however when Seunghyun lit his up a massive rush of craving came over Jiyong but he resisted. He had too. He didn't want any common ground between them anymore. He needed to erase everything in his life to do with Seunghyun, no matter how hard.

“Good work today” Yang muttered in a proud manner, knowing how hard it must've been for the pair to be civil and act well on stage to hide the real issues between them. Jiyong nodded and Seunghyun turned behind him hearing his words and just smiled weakly. What was there to say? Yang let out a small sigh before placing a hand on Seunghyun's shoulder whist looking at Jiyong, eyes locked. Seunghyun just looked up at Yang in surprise. Even Yang didn't know what to say.

Luckily Jiyong's phone ringing caught everyone of guard. Seunghyun's eyes moved from Yang to Jiyong who smiled at his phone before putting it to his ear.

“What up, Daddy~” Jinwoo cooed down the phone causing Jiyong to scoff in disbelief with a smirk because he couldn't help but find it funny.

“I thought I told you to not call me that-” Jiyong stated as both Yang and Seunghyun just exchange looks, uncertain to whom Jiyong was talking too.

“You didn't complain the other night” Jinwoo said flirtatiously, Jiyong flushed somewhat red before Jinwoo listened to Jiyong's surroundings.

“Oh god, I forgot- You've just finished your concert haven’t you? , no-one heard that right?” The younger male panicked slightly before Jiyong let out a small laugh whist crossing his legs.

“Yeah, I'm heading back to mine soon though. Nah- It's safe. You're not on speaker or anything” Jiyong said whist looking at the nearest window- It was dark, The night was drawing to an end.

“Have you just finished for the day?” Jiyong asked before standing up, walking over to the window, a few metres further away from Seunghyun and Yang.

“Yeah- Quite literally.” Jinwoo said whist sitting in the dance hall alone since everyone had previously retired.

“Hmm~ You want to stay again tonight then?” Jiyong uttered somewhat softly but not quietly enough because the two men still overheard. Seunghyun took another drag of his cigarette trying to calm himself before looking at Yang. Seunghyun now looked more uncomfortable than ever.

“I think I'll leave now” He said before excusing himself, Before Yang could say anything Seunghyun had left. Yang pulled a disapproval face, slightly upset that the pair hadn't figured things out, hadn't fixed things. It hurt him seeing both so low most of the time.

Seunghyun fled to his car and in his weakness lit up a joint- Jiyong's influence had rubbed off on him even more than ever. Something so casual had turned into a nervous habit. Something that helped him cope, something that kept him of the xanax. He played music from his Ipod through the car speaker. Trying to drown out everything. He closed his eyes, music blasting, inhaling deeply. He didn't think that making this decision to temporary live in Japan would result in him feeling so empty- he didn't have the warm loving support from Jiyong, from anymore. It was all so different now.

“Hey!-” A familiar loud voice that made Seunghyun's heart race caused him to open his eyes in haste. He couldn't believe it- a situation he thought wouldn't even occur had just happened so abruptly.

“I knocked on the window” Jiyong said whist turning the music down, climbing into the seat next to the older male. “But I guess you didn't hear over this huh?” Seunghyun could only look, stunned- not even certain how to behave. So he moved, did the most naturalist thing possible and passed Jiyong the joint.

There eyes locked and a moment of weakness hit Jiyong like a tonne of bricks.

He accepted.

“Thanks”

Jiyong was thankful, because hoped just built up through a tiny gesture.

"Thought you quit?" Seunghyun joked to break the awkwardness causing Jiyong to roll his eyes and smile.

"I said I quit smoking cigarette's, you never mentioned weed." Jiyong replied with one of his lame smart arsed remarks as Seunghyun lit another joint feeling normality between them again.

“So why did you knock?” Seunghyun asked, confused and curious. Jiyong pulled a phone out of his jacket pocket and passed it to the older male.

“You rushed off and left it.” Jiyong said softly before inhaling on the joint.

“Thanks” Seunghyun replied before taking the phone from Jiyong's grasp.

Silence built up- and realistically speaking they both knew it would happen, after all, Jiyong had so many questions and even Seunghyun had a few.

And then the silence broke seven minuets and another joint later.

“How was Japan?” It was probably the simplest and casual question Jiyong could think of.

“It was eventful, I heard you were back and forth a bit.” Seunghyun stated. Jiyong didn't seem surprised.

“Yeah, Yoon invited me out a lot and Soonho loves a good party- then again, so do I.” Jiyong said softly, smile on his face like taking to Seunghyun was now the most naturalist thing to possibly do. Seunghyun cracked a smile because seeing Jiyong happy filled him with warmth.

“So, what's this thing with Kiko?” Seunghyun laughed knowing it was completely impossible, Jiyong laughed as well before rolling his eyes.

“Kiko? She's damage control.” Jiyong stated honestly, they are friends, hang around with the same circle of friends, it only seemed logical.

“Makes sense I suppose. Now everyone thinks you're straight” Seunghyun smirked but for Jiyong, it may have been to early for gay jokes, or even the idea of it because although it wasn't being said, Kiko was damage control for him and Seunghyun-

Silence hit and Jiyong caught Seunghyun's gaze.

“Was it worth it though Seunghyun? The hate from the fans because of Kiko- Was it worth it? Because right now, there isn't anything to hide, is there?”

Jiyong's words almost took Seunghyun's breath away, shocking and surprising him.

Reality had again hit Seunghyun hard.

“Don't be like that, Jiyong...” Seunghyun uttered softly, almost sadly.

Anger just hit Jiyong though, he was blinded by it. So ing blinded because it hurt him so much, Seunghyun leaving with no explanation.

“Are you ever going to come back?” Jiyong bit his tongue, put the anger away for a moment and asked a question that he asked himself daily about Seunghyun.

“I'm back now aren't I?” Seunghyun replied causing Jiyong to roll his eyes- It wasn't the response he wanted, not even close.

“but for you, is that enough anymore?” Seunghyun said openly. The older male was more than aware Jiyong had been sleeping around, trying to numb his pain, mask it even but Seunghyun couldn't deny it hurt.

“How could it be enough when you left me?!” Jiyong's voice was pained and angry. Seunghyun didn't know what say to that statement because he was lost- he doesn't know what to do to make things better.

" this" Jiyong said with blatant irritation before fleeing, slamming the door behind him in anger without once looking back whist heading to his own car. Seunghyun wasn't expecting the conversation to end as abruptly as it began but he left Jiyong alone, didn't try and run after him, didn't try and fix what was breaking right in front of him.

He just let it go.

///////