//////

Seunghyun stayed at YG later then everyone that night- Instead of becoming bitter he just put the emotions he felt into lyrics. Honestly, the older male felt sceptical about the future because he felt worried about what was going on in the present time. His eyes dark from working all night whist he walks outside needing a cigarette. It was 4am. He can't remember a recent time that he'd been in the studio this long: It was out of character. He remembers Jiyong's surprised expression when he said he was going to stay and work. It wasn't even like the younger male could protest because Seunghyun had the most work out of them all to do at this stage.

However, right now Seunghyun almost needed to be alone. To think to figure his thoughts out, without solitude the older male becomes uncomfortable- sometimes he just needs to be like this, in the breeze watching the night sky turn light whist smoking, deep in thought about the complexities of life. He let out a sigh not knowing how to react about everything, the photos, the gossip- Seunghyun hated all of it because he hated being forced into situations that were all about him. A private man that hated his life being pried in to.

As they days went by Seunghyun's anxiety had increased; this was one of the problems that he used to have whist depressed- back when fame had hit them. He felt like he was being swallowed up again. In response to this Seunghyun pops a xanax, the pill he used to take in order to relief some of the anxiety and make him feel at ease. Days continue and so does his pill taking and his constant overnight trips to YG. Seunghyun had his own way of dealing with stressful complications, some might argue that it's selfish or bad but the older male just saw it as coping. Jiyong on the other hand felt cut off from Seunghyun during this time but the younger male felt hopeless, he didn't know what to do to make it better so he gave Seunghyun the space that was needed.

And then another week soon passed.

Jiyong woke up in bed, alone. Seunghyun by the looks of it hadn't even come home- the younger male sprawled out in the bed and let out a sigh. Is this what all the pressure had done to them? Jiyong didn't know what to think: he just picked himself up like everyday and started his daily routine. He walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like he did back before Seunghyun happened. He looked lost and exhausted. His head pounding from the wine he'd consumed the night before.

He opened the mirror cupboard hoping there would be some kind of pain killers in there. He reached for the nearest box and started at it in interest- His eyes widened when he saw the pills, reading the name of them, jaw slightly dropped. He blinked completely stunned whist recalling a flashback. He'd caught Seunghyun taking these pills on more than one occasion whist thinking about it. He took a deep breath, slightly let down-

He tried to carry on with his daily activities: a photo shoot for Vouge magazine that seemed to take all day. Despite being a little hungover and concerned about Seunghyun he pushed through it with apparent 'flawless' results, according to the photographer anyway. Jiyong didn't see it but at the moment nothing in his life seemed visible or even reachable. He spent the day wondering whether Seunghyun going back on the Xanax was all down to him and their relationship- and thinking about that just made him feel even more guilty.

At 5am the older male creeped into bed not wanting to wake Jiyong up, the older male unaware that Jiyong was already wide awake- not being able to sleep due to all the worry and pressure he was feeling. The younger male tried to hold back tears because he could feel everything falling apart but suddenly he was embraced from behind, Seunghyun spooning him randomly. Jiyong's fingers slowly and softly intertwined with Seunghyun's.

“You're awake?” Seunghyun mumbled causing Jiyong to feel the breath of the older male on his neck.

“Couldn't sleep” Jiyong replied before letting out a sigh before sitting up abruptly, running his hands through his hair in a anxious manner. Seunghyun had been so self absorbed that he hadn't seen the stress that Jiyong was going through, alone. A wave of guilt hit him before he sat up too.

“You're mad at me aren't you?”The older male asked softly almost dreading the reply but Jiyong shook his head to Seunhyun's surprise.

“I'm not mad- I get that you need space. You've always been that way.” Jiyong said whist going into the bedside draw to get a joint and lighter. He lit up and inhaled. Seunghyun watched not knowing what to say to his previous statement.

“Both of us are waiting for something more serious to leak when we don't even know if it'll happen” Jiyong sighed causing Seunghyun to look down. The younger male was right; they were waiting and days felt like years because of it.

“And I can't sleep every night because I'm worried about you. I found the box of Xanax, I don't want you going back to that place Seunghyun” Jiyong said with a slightly frightened tone of voice. Seunghyun wasn't sure how Jiyong knew and didn't want to ask- either way, somehow the younger male knew Seunghyun used to have an addiction to these particular pills.

“It's not like that- I'm not reliant on them I'm just taking them to not feel as anxious...” Seunghyun mumbled but deep down he knew that somehow it didn't justify him taking them.

“Walking in YG and hearing everyone gossip isn't exactly relaxing is it?” Jiyong asked rhetorically understanding why Seunghyun was taking the pills but deep down it did immensely worry him, not only that Jiyong was scared that a massive strip of distance was building up between them.

“I've been indirectly hurting you without even realising it and right now, I feel so about it- I feel like I've ed up.” Seunghyun declared in his deep voice before Jiyong turned around to face Seunghyun, legs crossed sitting on the bed whist passing Seunghyun the joint.

“You know I don't hold grudges. I'm just scared the lack of communication is distancing us-” Jiyong said softly whist Seunghyun inhaled deeply whist listening carefully to the younger male. Jiyong's words came out slowly and in the darkness they'd locked eyes.

“I'm sorry” Seunghyun muttered softly. “I'm not exactly good at talking about how I feel, you know that... I don't mean to be this way...” Seunghyun added causing Jiyong to smile softly.

“I know you don't” Jiyong said softly before Seunghyun held the younger males hand with his free hand whist smoking. It was a subtle action showing his affection. The older male knew his attitude was hard to cope with and felt guilt because of it. Jiyong was blinded so much by love that he couldn't be angry with Seunghyun. They both had their own flaws. They stayed up smoking and talking about meaningless things but it helped Jiyong feel more secure and less distant from Seunghyun. The older male knew he needed to try harder and planned to do so from here on in.

Yet, In the back of Jiyong's mind, all he could think about was what John had told him that night.

"Let me give you a word of advice about Seunghyun- Don't ever let yourself believe your secure with him because when it gets tough, and believe me it will, he'll run. He'll run because that's what he does when things get hard. You might not have seen that side to him yet, but I have."

He couldn't stop the words from floating through his head.

///////

A few months later.

Things had calmed down again, like everything had just froze and slowed down. It was well needed after all the photos that had previously come out. The pair stronger than ever, after that night Seunghyun let go of his selfishness and tried opening up more- It had worked to some extent. It was a slow gradual process but it was working nevertheless. Jiyong was proud of the older male for trying: it made him realise how much Seunghyun must love him in order to try and change himself.

They spent a while away from each other during the end of December up until mid January because of Christmas, Jiyong also used that time to take a break away from work as did Seunghyun. Being with their families seemed like time to detox- everything about it felt comfortable and relaxing. A part of Jiyong during that time couldn't help but miss Seunghyun and deep down wished he could be a part of the family but everything like that was still complicated. They just didn't talk about it, almost like it wasn't an option, like the scenario was impossible. And maybe right now it was.

Jiyong's parents asked about his love life, about Soo-Hyuk, whether they were still together. Jiyong updated them on the situation and explained he was dating someone else. They seemed supportive all the same, making remarks about meeting the man-

“Aigooo, Why don't you introduce us?” “Is it someone we know?”

Jiyong almost felt pressured hearing these questions but he couldn't lie.

“You've met” Was all Jiyong could reply though. His family tried to persist, Jiyong brushed it off.

“It's too early for meetings” Jiyong said with cuteness “It's not been that long” He added. However, in a sense it had been a while from the beginning to the present time it had almost been half a year. Surely that's getting somewhat serious. It may have only been half a year but in reality they pair had known each other longer than they could remember.

“Eh? It must be love.” Jiyong remembers his mum stating that after she saw Jiyong's bashful and shy expression whist talking about him. Jiyong looked at the calendar on his phone, it was already the middle of February. He looked up at the sky whist smoking and let out a subtle laugh.

“Love...” Jiyong muttered, cigarette in hand whist taking interest in the dreary weather. It had pushed past 7 months and even though it had been somewhat hard at times, the younger male knew nevertheless that he was more than in love- it was a feeling he thought he'd experienced but in comparison to what he felt for Seunghyun now all past relationships and feelings seemed incomparable and irrelevant.

Seunghyun sat beside Jiyong, leaning his head on the younger males shoulder whist also looking up at the grey skies. Winter had barely just passed, but for Seunghyun it was his favourite time of the year. People always thought it was odd that he preferred rain, snow and grey skies over sunshine and scorching heat. Jiyong however, didn't. Like Seunghyun he also loved the harsh weather. He'd learned that about Jiyong, among a long list of other facts.

Jiyong smiled whist throwing his hand up to the sky, two fingers and thumb making an L shape. His smiley face tattoo in sight making the older male smile. Seunghyun reached up, grabbing his hand and pointing to his tattoo before showing Jiyong his scar, or what's left of it.

“How come you got a tattoo there?” Seunghyun asked since up until this moment he'd always been curious about it. Jiyong pointed to Seunghyun's scar before placing a small kiss upon Seunghyun's lips.

“You already know the answer, right?” Jiyong said softly “I could have sworn I told you I was planning on getting it done even back on the Alive tout. It just took a year to get it done- ” Jiyong laughed recalling the Alive tour, a smile flashed on Seunghyun's face in amusement.

“I wanted to get it on the same hand as you- but I thought it would be to obvious...since you were worried about it scaring forever I decided to get a permanent tattoo” Jiyong added causing the older male to smile brightly.

“Even back then you cared, huh?” Seunghyun smiled before taking a drag of his cigarette, smoke rushing through the air.

“Of course. I always cared, you were and still are my best friend, the closest person I have in my life. It would be impossible not to care” Jiyong smirked whist Seunghyun laced his fingers with the younger males feeling loved.

/////

The next morning Yang had showed up on a whim causing Seunghyun and Jiyong to sit down with him in a slightly sleepy and apprehensive manner. They'd barely slept last night and now they were sitting down in front of Yang completely zoned out with dark eyes. Yang didn't have his mega serious face so neither males looked particularly worried about him showing up out of the blue, after the photos leaking it almost became normal for him to pop in and update them both. He'd brought coffee for them all which Seunghyun and Jiyong were both thankful of, especially this early in the morning, even though they needed up regardless.

“So.” Yang said causing both males to suddenly pay attention to him.

“So?” Jiyong asked after a while of silence, curious and slightly apprehensive.

“I told Seunghyun a while ago, once you two become stable I'd talk to you both. It's been a while. I'm here to talk.” Yang said in a relatively normal manner before taking a sip of his coffee.

“How long has it been now? Half a year or so?” Yang asked curiously causing both males to just look at each other not sure if they even wanted to have this conversation with Yang- but they knew they couldn't avoid it forever since they were a company couple and in the same band and both males.

“Just over 7 months I think.” Jiyong said correcting Yang before falling back into the sofa, grabbing a pillow in the process. Seunghyun sat beside the younger male in a more sophisticated manner, leg crossed over the other with his coffee firmly in his grip, sipping on it now and again.

“Well then- Since YG is a family, have you thought about letting everyone know about you two?” Yang asked curiously.

“Well it's not like neither of us have thought about it, it's more like how do we go about it.” Seunghyun uttered softly before taking another sip of his coffee.

“Do you mind if I have a cigarette?” Jiyong suddenly asked causing Yang to shake his head. “Go ahead. I think I'll have one too since you are.” Yang said in a casual manner. Seunghyun also gave in, knowing once they lit up he'd want one as well. So all three sat and lit a cigarette whist discussing the relationship between Jiyong and Seunghyun.

“I was thinking about making an private meeting with the soul members and staff of YG- people that only you two trust. Obviously this information can't leak so I need to set up a confidentiality form making sure no-one will discuss the matter outside the company however, this is only if you two want this. The offer is on the table.” Yang said in a slightly business manner but with a casual attitude. It was obvious he didn't want to hide this information from everyone forever but saying that neither did Seunghyun or Jiyong.

The pair looked at each other, reading each others emotion from their facial expression and eye contact. Both seemed fine with going ahead with what Yang had suggested.

“Seems logical. I can't see why not.” Seunghyun uttered causing Jiyong to back him up, agreeing with him.

“There's another issue however-” Yang said before dragging on his cigarette as smoke seemed to be filling the room, both males waited for him to carry on.

“Before I do this, If you haven't already, I need you both to tell your parents, your families. I don't want to be responsible from keeping this from them since I'm close with everyone's parents- it doesn't seem right. So that's the first thing. Once all of that is done, I will acknowledge this relationship for what it is.” Yang said before rummaging through his bag.

“If you do want to go through with it, Sign these and bring them back to me when you have time. It's all the basic confidentiality and privacy issues regarding you two. Once signed I can go ahead with the meeting-” Yang said before his phone started ringing furiously. He sighed looking down at it in a stressed manner.

“I have to go- I'll see you both in a bit. Don't be late!” Yang said before seeing himself out leaving both Jiyong and Seunghyun in slight shock. Yang had been and gone within minuets- or so it seemed.

“How long until we even have to be there?” Jiyong asked Seunghyun who seemed slightly zoned out. He didn't even hear the younger male speak.

“Seung?” Jiyong said softly causing him to finally look up in a confused manner.

“How long until we have to be at the venue?” Jiyong asked again causing Seunghyun to look down at his watch.

“Literally in about 40 minuets...” Seunghyun said whist letting out a sigh. Jiyong jumped up almost distressed, knowing 40 to get to the venue was pushing it, especially for Jiyong who takes at least that to get ready. Seunghyun finished his cigarette in the front room whist Jiyong ran out. Surprisingly neither seemed to acknowledge what had just happened due to the short amount of time they had before needing to be at the concert venue.

/////

They worked hard all day, performing and pleasing the fans- something they'd all mastered by now. They all loved the buzz of performing. Jiyong poured a few bottles of champagne after the show for the staff, dancers, band and themselves. Winner had stayed behind filming for an upcoming WINNERTV, 2NE1 also decided to stay seeing as their was drink and an array of food that fans had prepared. Seunghyun had his arm drapped softly and comfortably around Jiyong- He didn't really care about the display of affection, it was normal for them- but eyes did look at them more than normal after the rumours that had recently come up.

In fact, Jiyong thought back to up on stage- they'd had more interactions than they had on stage in a long time. He looked up at the older male whom seemed memorized in tormenting Bom in a playful manner. Jiyong felt a kind of comfort being with people he loved around him- it was calming. Jiyong spotted Jinwoo and caught his eye whist the younger male was talking to Minho. Both Winner members noticed Jiyong looking and smiled softly before walking over to him.

“You did well today” He spoke softly and full of sincerity. “You must be happy that you finally got to debut recently right?” Jiyong added.

“Ah- well of course we're happy” Jinwoo smiled. “But this is just the start, we've still got to work hard.” Jiyong nodded hearing Jinwoo's words, Minho also agreed in the same modest manner, reminding Jiyong of his past and back when him and Bigbang debuted. It felt like so long ago now. They'd all aged, personalities grown and matured.

“You'll all grow up so quickly, time just flies. I can promise you that.” Jiyong smiled before passing them both a glass of champagne.

“To YG, to success” Jinwoo uttered whist catching Jiyong's gaze- at that moment the three lightly bang their glasses together, toasting in a discreet manner. Undeniably seeing Winner debut and become more and more popular by the day made Jiyong feel old but whist engaging in conversation with them he didn't feel much of a age difference. He was young at heart- Jinwoo more than the others was more aware of that. He felt a firmer grip on his shoulder causing him to turn to Seunghyun, his lips close to Jiyong's ear as he mumbles quietly.

“I'll be back in a bit” Seunghyun said before pulling away causing the two to lock eyes. Seunghyun smiled softly as Jiyong nodded. Jinwoo raised his eye brow and Jiyong rolled his eyes at his reaction. Even when Jiyong and Seunghyun exchange looks, they're both aware that it looks more loving and affectionate then how they look at other people so it wasn't surprising that members of YG were slowly realising even if they didn't confront them about it.

/////


 

Seunghyun sits outside in the night air absorbed in all of his worries and emotions. He didn't feel great, in fact he felt completely stuck. Confusion mixed with a torn feeling. It was horrible, almost torture. Seunghyun had learnt to hide his feelings well, it was something he'd mastered to some extent. Jiyong seemed unaware, as did everyone else. He knew what needed to be done- but it seemed impossible to him right now. The wind blew a little harsher as yang walked outside making his leave for the evening returning to his wife and kids. Yang almost looked surprised to see Seunghyun in the dimly lighted back entrance with a cigarette lit within his trembling hand.

“You almost scared me” Yang uttered holding his pounding chest from the shock, whist beginning to look Seunghyun up and down trying to read his body language.

“You can smoke inside you know” Yang said slightly confused since everyone else seemed to be smoking inside whist hiding from the camera's eye.

“I needed the air to figure some stuff out.” Seunghyun admitted before letting out a sigh. Yang grasped that Seunghyun wasn't okay, but that was simply because right now Seunghyun wasn't putting up a front.

“The truth is... I need a favour” Seunghyun said his words fully of uncertainty whist smoke filled the air and as Yang listened to Seunghyuns proposal his expression dropped as did his mood. But in the back of Yang's mind he knew there'd have to be a logical reason. It was Seunghyun, it had to be logical...

/////