August 3 2003

 

Tomorrow is my first day.

First day of my senior years in senior high.

I’m already 18. It has been 516 days since my Brother died (March 3 2002). Sometimes I miss him a lot. And I’m so grateful that I’m still alive after few times of my suicide trial.

Nothing has changed. Maybe, all I can say is ... my family is getting worse.

Mother. She always crying every night in Kyungsoo’s bedroom before my Father comes home. She never talks to me after the funeral. But it’s okay, I don’t really mind it.

Father. He is so busy taking care of his patients in hospital, moreover, President of Hospital had choosen him as Team Leader of Emergency Room. He never went home since couple months ago. He always sleep in special room in hospital for emergency doctor.

I’m totally home alone.

 

 

---

 

 

“I’m leaving.”, Krystal slammed the door after she wearing her leather boots. She went to mini mart to bought some stuffs for her stomach, “Oops, stomach growling, now.”

She pushed the mini mart’s door with her left hand while other hand holding on her purse. She looked around, what kind of food that could fulfill her stomach and stop the growling thing inside her.

She stopped at snack section. Trying to find which snack she should buy. She put her hands in her skirt’s pocket after she put down her stuffs she already bought, then she looking around and around. And then, one kid bumped her, Krystal stumbled, and that kid ran away innocently before Krystal caught him, “Bad kid. Not even apology.”, cursed Krystal while she saw that kid ran in rush toward a pile of cans, “WATCH OUT KID!”, Krystal yelled at that kid before he crashed those cans as she dropped her purse on the floor and she ran to the kid.

It’s too late. That kid already bumped those cans, she stopped her ran in shock. And out of nowhere, a guy ran as fast as lightning to that kid, hug him to prevented him from getting ill because of dropping cans, holding him tight, covering kid’s head with his hand. And he let himself as a shield for that bad kid.

Everyone looking at him pitiful. He got scars on his face. His shirt looked dirty. Krystal walked closer to them, she can not see his face properly because he wiped the kid’s face with hand, and his back blocked her vision.

And suddenly, the mother of that kid appeared, “Julio! What are you doing?! – You must be careful young man! What if my son got bruised on his body? Would you take the responsibilities?!”,the Mother’s kid blamed him as her kid ran to her and cried.

 

Krystal got angry.

 

She stood up next to that guy who still in his knees in confusion state.

“Wait a minute, Madam. Because of YOUR SON, those cans were falling down. And this guy helped your son before he got hit by those cans. Before you scold someone, look your son first!”, Krystal pouted as she put her hands in to her pocket again.

But, the mother’s kid seem angry, “WHAT?! – Put those things in hat kind of place is also dangerous!”, the Mother yelled at Krystal but Krystal turned her body away, seem like she doesn’t have interest in those things, “So frustating!”, Krystal looked angry while she kicked one of those cans

“We are sorry, Madam.”, Krystal heard an old man’s voice, begging for forgiveness, she assumed that an old man is the owner of this mart. Before Krystal decided to walked away, she shouted at a guy who standing next to her, “YOU TOO! You should let that kid got hit by those stupid cans! Look how terrible his mother is!”, she pointed her finger right in front of that guy’s face, then she walked away, doesn’t care about the mess behind her.

 

 

Before Krystal walked out from the mart, someone held her left wrist, “Wait a min.”, Krystal turned her head and saw a handsome face appeared in front of her, “Oh, you. What do you want?”, she realized it, he was a guy who helped the bad kid before. He is so handsome, it makes Krystal’s face turned red.

 

 

‘What are you doing, Krystal? You already saw him earlier. Why did you amazed at his face, now? – oh no, GET YOUR SENSE BACK, KRYSTAL!’, and Krystal back to her sense after that guy waving his hand in front of her face, “Are you okay?”, asked the guy then smiled at her

 

 

‘Oh no! I’m blushing!’

 

 

“Oh. I’m okay.”, she nodded several times and gave him a sign to unheld her wrist, “Oh sorry.”, that guy apology, “I just want to say thank you for helping me earlier.”, he said as he gave his best smile to Krystal

“Nope.”, Krystal smiled while she was holding on her wrist, “You better careful, then.”

 

 

“Kai!!”

“Yes, SIR!”

The Boss – the owner of this mart – called out someone name. Kai.

“Okay, see ya...”, Krystal didn’t realize if that names were belong to a guy who were walking away while he waving his hand to Krystal, Krystal just gave him her biggest smile of joy. Without looking front, that guy – Kai – he got slipped by banana’s skin and he landed right in front of a pile of a batch of bread, everything were falling down. Krystal chuckled as she saw Kai drowned by those bread.

“! Crazy son of bit*ch!”, Kai spelled his bad words, cursing at every single slices of bread which makes him drowned, and he got really embarrassed, “So stupid.”, Krystal smirked as she waving her hands to Kai who accidentally looking back at her smirked, “Oh no... He looking down on me. How stupid I am. Stupid Kai!”, mumbled Kai while he was trying to stand up, and unfortunately the boss came over, “Oh.My.God! What’s wrong with you?!”

“Sorry, Sir!”

 

 

---

 

I walked out from that mart. And I lost my purse. I forgot to pick up my purse, and actually I don’t where it is. I don’t care. Thankfully, I already put all my moneys in my pocket, so, i have nothing in my purse. Haha.

By the way...

Who is his name? Ka- who?

Ah, right. Kai. Doesn’t sound familiar. I think it’s not his real name. Like my brother, kyungsoo. When he went outside everyone calls him D.O. But for certain people, they’d called him Kyungsoo, his real name.

If my brother still alive, I think his age as old as Kai. Kai looks more mature. But he more stupid than I thought. Haha. So careless.

 

 

My brother died when I was 17. One week after my 17th birthday. He died because some people gang up on him, and attacked him on purposed. At that time, Hospital which my Father works in called him to came over for urgent surgery. Then he dashing off to hospital.

My Father has no idea it would be my brother who needed a surgery. No one could recognized my brother’s face. His face totally destroyed unexplainable. His whole body got injured. His life chance only 10%. My Father had been trying his best to save my brother life.

 

How dare they are? Who dare attacked him until he suffering from dying so bad like that?!

 

And I blamed myself.

 

Why would I asked him to bought me a food in the middle of night? And I’m innocently thinks nothing happened to him, and I really thank my Mom for slapping my face back then.

 

 

Now, I got it. Why she did that. Slapped me.

 

I was lying around in the house. Uncaring about my Brother whereabout.

The big hole inside my heart, would never been erased. Until I die, until God grant me a wish, this big hole will stay alive with me forever.

 

 

 

Since then, my family’s relationship getting worse and worse.