“You are really stupid kid! You CAN NOT DO anything! You always ruins everything you touched. You are the most terrible daughter I’ve ever seen in this world! You are not supposed to came in to this family! You are NOT!”

“Mom... please... stop it! Let me take care of all this, this is not her fault, this is my fault, i forgot to reminded her. Mom please, don’t scold her!”

As usual, I’m stay still with my blank gaze looking at Mom who still yelling at me and Brother who helped clean up the mess that I have made. And without complaining anything, my Brother wipes my dirty face because of my burnt eggs that i made for my Mom and him with wet cloth. And remember how stupid i am, I didn’t do anything. All i have to do is stay quite.

 

 

Those words...

 

 

My Mom’s words, it’s not the first time I heard those words. Everyday I always, and always listening to her bad words to me. The more I heard, the more I got my heart pounding and aching every single time, and it makes me want to kill myself so bad. They hate me. My parent do hate me. I’m not their precious child, I’m just their stupid child that is not supposed to live any longer in this world. Especially, my Mom.

 

I’m not like my Brother who’s perfect. Do Kyungsoo. There are no mistakes he ever made. He’s smart, good person, good looking, patience, and the most important thing, he is the one in this house who always stay beside me, support me, and believe in me, every time. He always be there when I need him, when I fall into my darkness times.

 

 

I knew I’m stupid.

 

 

My parent never makes their time for me. They never attend my school events. But once it’s about my Brother, they always make sure that they have so much time to attend his school events. I envy my friends. My parent’s friends always support their kid even though they hate their kid’s event, just because they want to make their kid proud of their parents. How wonderful.

I cannot do anything. Stupid. I should die.

I wish I was die. And that is my parent’s wish in this year, at least.

 

---

 

Once again, these cold night ambiences come back as usual. No more laugh. Only silence remains tonight. Everyone has been sleeping. Trying to throw away everything that happened this night.

 “Krystal? Are you awake?”, Kyungsoo knocking Krystal’s bedroom door slowly, trying so hard to not make some noise. No responses. Once again, Kyungsoo is knocking the door but still, no responses.  Kyungsoo sighed heavily as he make sure that chocolate milk still hot in his hand.

 “I’m coming.” Kyungsoo open the door carefully. Apparently, Krystal is fall asleep on her bed. “Really. She is really a stupid girl. It’s so embarrassing.”, he chuckled as he seeing how horrible her position when she was sleeping like a crazy girl. Blankets everywhere, lesson book scattered around the bed, lamp desk still on, even the windows still open, “How could she sleep like that when her room almost looks like a wrecked ship?”

Kyungsoo put a glass of hot chocolate on the coffee table beside his sister’s bed. He neatly folding his sister’s blanket and put them back in her wardrobe, put away the books to the bookshelf, turn off the lamp’s desk, and the last one, he close the windows

 “Oppa...”, said Krystal while she is sleeping

Kyungsoo turns his head as he heard his little sister called out his name when she was delirious. Kyungso walking closer and sit down on the bed beside her. As he looking at his sister intensely, “What?”, asked Kyungsoo as he patted Krystal’s hair with a lovely touch

 “I’m so sorry... I’m really stupid.”

He chooses to not answer that. He let his sister sleep with her face downward, then without realize it, Krystal hug her brother’s waist tightly. And it makes his tears comes out.

 “Sorry... if I have so much courage to tell you everything...I just.. I couldn’t help myself to stop crying.”

Slowly, he unleashes her grabbed on his waist and put blanket on her. Then he sneaking out stealthily and closes the door.

 

---

 

Phone's Alarm

 

 

Right when my phone was ringing, showing me that the time has come and now, I’m already 17.

 

 

Happy birthday to me.

 

 

 

17 years, I’ve spent my life time with this family, being fooled by these people, except my brother. I don’t know which one is more hurt me the most, being abandoned or being retarted. I don’t know why i talking these non sense. But I do. I do not know what i have to say when it comes to my birthday.

 

 

Wishes?

 

 

If we talk about wishes, maybe it would be on the last place.

 

I never have a wishes since i was born in this world. Not because i have everything in this world so i have nothing in mind, but i just... i don’t know.everything has been set up by God. Can i wish that everything can change? The whole things?  I want to change my life.

I know, we all have been living in reality not fairy tale. But, at least, can we hope if we could live as fairy tale like our Mom always tell us before we go to sleep? Can we still believe in happily ever after? I guess no.

 

 

There’s no such happy ending in this reality world.

 

You are being fooled by fairy tales.

 

Being 17, isn’t that great.

 

 

Every year, you thought you are more mature than before, everytime you blows your candles one by one as you closed your eyes and telling your wish to your God. Hoping that God will grant you a wishes.

 

But life is not that simple, right?

 

Someone once told me, more mature we are, more older we are, there’s more hard way we have to face it in the future. Living in this world, not because we have to live here. But because, God want to tells us, there’s something miracles in this universe we should know, and we are hardly to see it. We are too blind to realize what the meaning of life is. It must be our pleasure because God had been choose us.

 

 

, “I wish... i was dead.”

 

 

That was my first wish since i was born. Good luck for me.

 

---

 

Now, i am smiling when i saw that paper were lying beside the  little cake on the table in the kitchen with one candle still on with its flame. I walk closer and sit on the chair. Grab a cake closer to me, i read his bad-hand writing on a cake, i know this is from him, my brother.

 

 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, MY LITTLE SISTER. WISHES YOU ALL THE BEST.”

 

 

He is the one who still remember when my birthday comes.

 

 

I take a deep breath, trying to holding back my tears, you’d never know how much happy i am, everytime i saw that little candle on top of a cake. It always reminds me, that, there’s still someone who care about me.

I’m only 17, right? But i’m already had these kind of thought. Too much pressure and thinking,  i think.

 

 

And...

 

 

I blows the candle.

 

 

As I wish i was dead...