CHAPTER 17

The whole ride to airport doesn’t take much time actually, but since my mood was already bad, it feels like years here. Don’t get me wrong, I like to with my hyungs and everyone here. I sat at the back of the van, while Kyungsoo hyung and Jongin right beside me.

I can do this, its only a hour to airport. I can act like he didn’t pull act last night. My seat and Kris’s was opposite. I sat at the left of back seat and Kris was in the middle of the seat, right at the right side. Sometimes I found him slightly turned his head towards me and sometimes he was just openly staring at me. I could say, he often did that.

I tried so hard not to looking back at him, pretending to sleep and leans my head towards the window. I’ve been doing it since we got into the van, saying that I’m tired. To be honest, it was difficult to do. I was just hoping that he would believe my fake sleep.

As of the others, they were loudly as always. Talking about this and that. In my fake act, I can heard Luhan hyung being his ball of fluffy like he always been. Giggling here and there at Baekhyun’s attempt of being funny. I think it was a good decisions to grab Kyungsoo hyung to sit besides me. If I had pulled Luhan hyung, I believe he’ll ruin everything.

Now that why I said it was like years here in the van.

In the middle of my stupid act, my eyes hand twitching to grab my vibrated phone. not now, please! Because if I opened my eyes now, I couldn’t not looking at him. His intense gaze was piercing through my body.

To sum up, it was everything what I’ve been doing inside the van. In the end I got my neck stiffed for a moment.

There wasn’t anything special during our flights also. Kris did asked me a few times if I were okay. I don’t understand why he still giving me attention after everything we said back in moment ago. Doesn’t he understand a single thing? How am I supposed to move on then?

Kris helped me got off from the van.

Kris helped me carry my bag.

Kris helped me buying drinks.

Kris standing right beside me the whole time.

Kris this, Kris that. Doesn’t he understand that I wanted a space from him? I just can’t asking him to stay away from me, can I?

Well, yes, he said that he wants to remind friends with me and nothing changes. But doesn’t he knew, everything has already change the moment he rejected me in that Jacuzzi? Which part of my body language that he doesn’t understand?

I suddenly got my head a headache and massage my forehead with my hand. This whole conversation inside my head really make me dizzy somehow.

“Hey, is something wrong?” Kris asked. I turned my head towards him and giving him a very tiny smile.

Yes, he sat beside me in the plane.

~

We dropped off  at Sehun’s apartment, because Kris left his car on his apartment before we continued on to our apartment. We ware picking up Sehun and Luhan hyung before we went to airport four days ago.

I wonder if Luhan hyung is gonna spend his night in Sehun’s.

I told them that I could just grab a taxi to go home, telling them that I was tired. Lies. I just wanted avoid him. Maybe I should’ve run faster Kris grab my hand and telling me that its better for me to go home with him. He also mentioned about it was dangerous to go home alone.

I rolled my eyes at that statement.

What am I? a five years old kid?

Though we mostly just ben lost in our thoughts, the tension had grown during the drive, abd it was even more noticeable now that we were alone in the car. I was asking myself, how can he being a good friend while we were with others and being quiets one when its only both of us. Funny isn’t it?

Kris and I had always had things to talk about, but now we have so much to discuss, we were silent. I didn’t want things to be weird, and I knew I’d have to be the one to make sure he knew I was okay now.

He must have wondered if I was going to thrash him and dump his body in the lake. Looking at his hands on the steering wheel, the very hands that were on me in a very pronounced way the night before, I marveled at his ability to stop himself, because I know for a fact he had been in to it.

Or his body had been, at least, if not his head.

The thing is, though, I did think his head was in it, at least until he thought about it too much. I glanced over at him once more, noticing we were pulling down our street.

As we stopped at our apartment, he looked over at me, biting down on the same lower lip that less than twenty-four hours ago I’d had the good fortune to be biting on.

He sprang from the car and ran around to my side before I even had my seatbelt unbuckled.

“Um, I’m just gonna…get the bags,” he stammered, and I studied him closely. He ran his left hand through his hair while his right drummed against the side of the car. Was he nervous?

“So, yeah,” he stammered again, disappearing around the back.

Yep, he was nervous, just as nervous as I was. He worried my bag out of the car. We were still not talking, so the only sound was our keys jangling in the locks and  our steps as we climb the stairs. I couldn’t leave it like this. I had to square with him. I took a deep breath, and turned.

“Kris, I—”

“Look, Tao—”

We both laughed a little.

“You go.”

“No, you go,” he said.

“Nope. What were you gonna say?”

“What were you gonna say?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Oh my God, just say it.” I instructed

Kris snorted and leaned against his door. “I guess I just wanted to say I had a really great time this weekend.”

“Until last night, right?” I leaned against my own door, watching him flinch as I addressed the elephant in the hot tub.

“Tao,” he breathed, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back.

He looked like he was in actual pain as his face twisted. I took pity. I shouldn’t have, but I did.

“Hey, can we just forget it happened?” I said. “I mean, I know we can’t, but can we pretend to forget it? I know people say things won’t get weird all the time, but then it always does. How can we make sure things don’t get weird?”

He opened his eyes and looked hard at me. “We make sure it doesn’t get weird. Okay? Like I said, I don’t want anything changes between us.

“Okay.” I nodded and was rewarded with the first real smile I’d seen since I unwrapped my sweater back in Jeju.

He gathered up his bag and unlocked his door.

“Play me something good tonight, okay?” I asked as I headed inside.

“You got it,” he answered, and we shut our doors.

He did played me something good. It was more like a sad song. Everything I did last night was lean back my backside on the head of my bed. Listening to the lyrics that was playing on the next wall.

“Just the thought of another day

How did we end up this way

What did we do wrong?

Always weighing on my shoulder

A time like no other

It all changed on that day

Sadness and so much pain

How to forget? We can’t forget

The lives that were lost along the way

And then you realize that wherever you go

There you are

Time won’t stop

So we keep moving on”

I should be the one who feel uneasy, right?

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