Hello.

Firstly, thank you so much for getting this fic featured!! Believe me, I didn't see it coming at all. I literally freaked out when I saw this fic on AFF's homepage. Thank you so much, really.

Unfortunately, I've been reaaaally busy with life that I almost have no time to write. But don't worry, this fic is far from being abandoned.

Enjoy!!

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Tiffany’s light sobs could be heard in that silent room.

She sniffed, wiping her wet cheek sloppily. A hand was caressing her head gently, tucking strands of hair behind her ear. There she was, they were, lying face to face on the singer’s bed, with a blanket covering their bare bodies. They had calmed down from their high, and Tiffany was supposed to feel better, but in fact, she still couldn’t stop her tears.

“Why are you still crying?”

Jessica’s voice sounded tired, and Tiffany shut her eyes close to redeem that suffocating feeling on her chest hearing that. She pulled the blanket to cover her face, because she couldn’t stand Jessica’s curious eyes searching for their answer at her. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Jessica should’ve slept, and Tiffany could just… cry somewhere else alone without the need to show her miserable self to the former.

But then Jessica’s hand that was caressing her head caught her hand, and pulled it slowly from Tiffany’s face.

“Stephanie,” She shifted closer, “tell me.”

Tiffany dared herself to open her eyes, and blinked a few times to get rid of the tears blurring her vision. She stared at Jessica, at her eyes, her nose, down to her lips. The lips she had kissed so many times that night to pour all her I’m-sorry and I-love-you to Jessica. But strangely, it didn’t feel enough to her. And she had no idea what she should do about that.

“Y-you’re…”

She tried to speak, her voice cracked, but Jessica waited patiently with her eyebrows raised.

“You’re still scary to me.”

And the brows were furrowed, “I’m what?”

“I’ve said it before,” The sobs kind of stopped her but she continued, “that you’re too calm, it scares me.”

Tiffany sighed, and grasped Jessica’s wrist tight.

“You… you shouldn’t be this… calm. You should be angry. You should be… upset.”

The image of an angry Jessica honestly also scared her, but at least there was indeed a reason for her to be displeased, so Tiffany still preferred it that way.

“You shouldn’t be this understanding.”

So I wouldn’t feel this guilty anymore.

Jessica slightly nodded her head with her lips pursed, showing that she understood what Tiffany meant. Her hand moved up again to Tiffany’s head, calming the singer who was back to silently sobbing again.

“Hey,” Jessica held Tiffany’s cheek, urging the latter to look at her, “listen to me.”

Tiffany complied, even though a bit hesitant.

“Back then, I wasn’t like this.” Jessica started, “I was even… quite the opposite. I was sensitive, a jealous freak, I hardly understood people around me. I accused them for things they probably didn’t even do just because I thought and was sure they did, and so on. If something didn’t go right, I’d think of the worst causes immediately, I’d blame people easily, and I wouldn’t come close to understand them.”

Jessica paused for a second before she continued,

“And that’s why I lost him.”

Him.

Tiffany noticed the way Jessica’s eyes dropped and her shoulders sagged at the mention of him. It wasn’t obvious, but it wasn’t so subtle either.

“Why did you blame yourself?”

“I didn’t, I just…” Jessica hesitated, eyes wandering to left and right, blinking a little bit too much compared to the usual.

Tiffany noticed it all.

“He had put up with someone like me for a really long time and it’s not fair to solely blame on one party. I, too, had treated him badly when we were together. I didn’t blame myself. I just… realized that it wasn’t his fault entirely.”

Tiffany held Jessica’s wrist even tighter.

You loved him that much, didn’t you?

“I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to change for the better. If you think this is scary, don’t. I’m trying to get rid of my past self. Because I… I don’t want to lose more people around me, including you. Especially you.”

There was this side of Jessica that Tiffany often forgot. The Jessica who was insecure, confused, contemplating. She hid it well beneath that reserved personality of hers, making Tiffany didn’t realize that this was Jessica’s first relationship after her last one that didn’t end up in a good way. That she had doubts and hesitations too.

“Hey, you’ve stopped.”

They went silent for a while before Jessica said that, so Tiffany was confused.

“You’ve stopped crying.”

She really had stopped sobbing. Tiffany smiled weakly as she realized it.

“Yeah, like finally.”

Jessica then smiled Tiffany’s favorite smile, and it sent her worries slightly away.

“So… am I still scary to you now?”

“Well… not really. I can understand now.” Tiffany assured her, still had Jessica’s wrist in her grip, “But… were you really not angry because of all this? I mean, like, at all?”

Jessica hummed, “Hmm… I was kind of upset, honestly. It kind of… threw me off but work and all distracted me. Also the moment I saw you, I just… felt like it was useless being angry. It’s been a while since we last met, and it’d be a waste if I… I don’t know, acted harsh because I was upset, probably? Things like that.”

Tiffany felt strangely more relieved knowing that, “So you really were upset.”

“Yeah. I was about to tell you that, we were supposed to talk earlier, but…” Jessica paused, her expression became somehow… amusing, “you just went straight to the point.”

Tiffany frowned, “What? What did I do?”

“I didn’t know you can be pretty rough.”

It took Tiffany a few more seconds before she realized what Jessica meant.

“Oh my God,” She slapped Jessica’s hand away and hid her face with the blanket, “don’t bring that up.”

“Oh, you’re acting shy now? How contrasting of you.”

“Jessica!”

“What?”

“Stop that!”

And it resulted in Jessica cackling. Tiffany seriously didn’t get how Jessica could be so open in talking, or teasing her, about it.

“Next time you should just tell me that you want to be on top.”

“Geez, Jessica!”

In the end Tiffany had to remind herself that there was also this side of Jessica. The endless teasing had made Tiffany’s face turn bright red before she finally surged forward to kiss those lips so Jessica would stop talking. Tiffany ended being on top again, and Jessica had no more intention to continue teasing her after they grew bolder.

They barely slept that night but not that they minded.

-

“She was in fourth grade,”

Tiffany nodded her head, even though Jessica was too busy cooking to actually see it. She finally was able to get herself up from bed after she caught a sight of a disheveled Jessica wearing her white blouse, barely buttoning it, and gray shorts that Tiffany didn’t know how the latter could find it.

Their morning was warm. It was pretty late but there was still no call from Sunny and Jessica was in no rush to leave, so Tiffany assumed that they could have some more time for themselves. And as usual, Jessica cooked, and Tiffany waited, sitting on the mini bar.

“when it happened.”

The singer tapped her fingers rather impatiently on the mini bar stall. A random question popped up in her head earlier. And she couldn’t help but ask, since Jessica was actually there with her and could answer it right away.

I don’t know if Soojung will like it that I’m telling you this, she said, but in the end she gave up because Tiffany was too curious.

“What happened?” Tiffany asked again.

“Our house,” Jessica was still busy pacing back and forth, “our old house in San Francisco was set on fire. By someone, on purpose.”

Tiffany frowned.

“It’s another long story, save it for later. But, yeah. It actually happened. The house wasn’t as big as mine now. Even it was much, much smaller. We only had… two or three maids with us that time. That day, I was away with both my parents and Soojung was home with the maids. Long story short, the fire burnt my house, while Soojung was inside.”

Jessica turned off the stove and took a time to settle the foods onto the plates and putting those on the dining table. Tiffany joined her sitting there, waited still, before Jessica continued the story,

“Nobody died, thankfully. We lost a really huge amount of money, though, including the house itself. And Soojung… became claustrophobic because during the fire, she hid inside our storage room. She couldn’t go out. She just hid there, until the fire stopped.”

“Does she… remember that?”

“She does, now.” Jessica nodded, started eating, “Because of the shock, she once kind of… lost her memory partially. But she had gained it back from time to time. It took a while. But she needed to know the cause of her fear. So I guess it’s best for her to remember.”

Tiffany was starting to get used to Jessica’s calm manner in telling heavy stories like this so she didn’t question how relaxed Jessica looked while eating the breakfast, or brunch at this hour. And it kind of worked in making Tiffany not to shocked or surprised knowing things she didn’t before.

“I know that sounded like a drama, but it did happen.”

“Who did that? I mean the culprit. Who was it?”

“My father’s rival. He was a businessman too and back then it was scary at how things worked between rivals. He was starting to get power, but his rival played dirty. Almost nothing went well after that accident. That rival won, my father lost. Not just business wise, but family wise too.”

The frown was still there, “What do you mean?”

“My parents divorced after that.” Jessica said it easily, “My mother couldn’t stand being with my father. He was a workaholic, really obsessed with his business, hardly ever made time for his family, but ended up failed. Well… I can understand my mother at that part but still… she could’ve chosen a better time. At least not when Soojung was undergoing an endless cycle of treatments with those doctors and psychiatrists, and needed my parents’ attention the most.”

“Doctors?” Tiffany could understand psychiatrist, but doctors? “Like, medical doctors?”

“Lungs issues. I’m not sure what it’s called but, she had trouble in breathing, back then. She doesn’t have asthma, though. So she’s okay now, I guess.”

Tiffany tried her best to comprehend those quickly without looking too stunned.

“Then, what happened after that?”

“Hmm…” Jessica said while munching, “Soojung and I moved to Korea, living with our grandparents from my father’s side, starting a new life. I really, really didn’t want to admit my secret ambition to be a businesswoman but my grandma supported me. So, I studied here and there, before I actually started my own business.”

Tiffany had heard some of it. That Jessica Jung wasn’t just simply smart but she was literally a genius that she finished school way earlier than people at her age. That’s why she succeeded in such a young age. I didn’t have anything to do but study, Tiffany still remembered reading that quote somewhere and at that time, she felt pity that Jessica Jung’s past life was so boring.

Well, turned out it didn’t sound so boring at all.

“And your parents? Where are they now?”

“They’re… somewhere in US, both of them re-married. We don’t talk much. Soojung and I talk more with our grandparents. They’re in Busan now.” Jessica’s expression became slightly brighter when she talked about her grandparents, “They’re getting old, so they don’t really enjoy living in Seoul. They’re there with some of my cousins and their great grandchildren.”

“I see…” Tiffany smiled, “I want to meet them. Do they know me?”

Jessica laughed, “They probably do, Tiffany.”

Tiffany laughed with her.

They continued eating in silence after that. Tiffany peeked at Jessica, worried if the latter actually regretted in telling her about many things all at once. But Jessica looked… okay. There was no hint of uneasiness.

“Well…” Tiffany started again, “I guess it’s great that Krystal has you.”

A nod, “Yeah, lucky her.”

Jessica really looked okay before a few minutes later her munching slowed and her shoulders sagged… she was hesitating. Tiffany looked up to her and she noticed how Jessica’s grip onto the spoon and fork became tighter.

“You’re surprised, right? About… what I told you…”

“Honestly, yeah.” Tiffany nodded with a smile, “But what is new, anyway? It’s not you if it doesn’t surprise me, baby.”

Jessica cringed, “That pet name sounds weird.”

Tiffany chuckled before she continued, “No, but, really. I’ve met a lot of people and they all have their own stories. It does surprise me, but not in a bad way. I, too, have a long story to tell about how I become myself now. Everyone has their own past, and I don’t distinguish people just based on their past. So, if you’re worried, then no, I don’t like you less after hearing those.”

Jessica held her smile, but Tiffany knew she was trying hard to do it.

“And you should tell me more about yourself if you feel like it. Things about you or your family that not a lot of people know. I’m dating you, I should know more, right? Like, we should get to know each other more, don’t you think?”

And it wasn’t a bad idea at all. She would appreciate Jessica being open to her about herself and she was more than willing to do the same.

Those beautiful eyes stared straight at Tiffany’s when Jessica gave her a nod.

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

They smiled at each other shyly after that. It was crazy that Jessica could turn her from a sobbing mess the day before, to the all smiley her today. They continued eating their brunch while talking about some random things, continuously nudging each other’s feet under the table.

After they had finished, Tiffany stood up and put the dirty plates under the faucet. She then sat down on the table in front of Jessica, bending down to her ear, whispering about how they could take a shower together.

So they did. And they took their time.

-

The phone kept buzzing and Tiffany had to run from the bathroom while still brushing her teeth. The day almost ended and it had been hours since Jessica left her apartment, and Tiffany was preparing to rest. She wasn’t tired, actually, since she did nothing but stay at home all day because Sunny assured her there would be no schedule or appointment. But her phone suddenly buzzed uncontrollably out of nowhere and she had to pick up.

Disgruntled, she reached her phone and narrowed her eyes reading the name on the screen. But turned out it was Nichkhun. Tiffany became less disgruntled when she actually answered the call, still brushing her teeth.

“Hey, what?”

“Are you home?”

Tiffany’s eyebrows were raised, “Huh?”

“Fany, are you home?” Nichkhun repeated.

“Uh, yeah. Why?”

“I’ll come. This is urgent. See you.”

“What--” The call abruptly ended, “hey, Khun? Hello?”

Tiffany just shrugged as she put her phone down and continued cleaning herself up. She thought Nichkhun wasn’t serious, but he actually showed up in front of her door about half an hour after the phone call. Tiffany opened her door and was kind of surprised seeing Nichkhun was really there.

“Oh my, you don’t cover up?”

“No need to.” He barged in, “Everybody knows I’m your boyfriend.”

The singer nodded and closed the door behind her. He had come here countless times before but that was his first time being obvious, not covering up. But like he said, everybody knew about them anyway, it didn’t matter.

She followed Nichkhun to the living room. He looked grumpy that time. He was panting, probably was in hurry to come here. Well, something was definitely wrong.

“What is it?”

Nichkhun turned to her, and showed what he had been holding that Tiffany didn’t realize. It was a box wrapped as a gift. And it looked cute.

“What’s that? For me?”

He sighed, “No. This is the thing that brought me here.”

Harshly, he opened it and threw it onto the table in front of the couch. And Tiffany literally gasped out loud seeing what inside the box was.

“What the hell?!”

There was a dead rat inside. It was clear and raw… Tiffany wanted to throw up.

“Yeah, what the hell, I know, right?” Nichkhun sighed again as he slumped himself onto the couch, “And it came with a note too.”

Tiffany didn’t realize there was a note until Nichkhun pointed it out. It was full of inappropriate, rude, even kind of crossing-the-line insults, but the point of it was, stay away from her.

The singer bit her lip and brought her both hands onto her face, sighing into them. It was obvious who did that to Nichkhun.

“I thought they’re over it.”

“But they…” Tiffany crossed her arms, “they know we’re not dating. Well, not all of them, you know which ones I’m talking about, right? They know, Khun. They even know my real girlfriend. So why would they…”

“Well, it could be the ones who don’t know?” He argued, “And I don’t think it matters if they know or not. They would still hate me. They hate everyone who’s close to you. And probably I’m topping that list.”

Tiffany bit her lips harder. Nichkhun was right. It was weird that her fans were by far scarier than Nichkhun’s. He had been handling it pretty well, because his fans mostly supported him even though of course, not all of them liked Tiffany. But this time was the worst. Someone sent him a dead rat and told him to stay away from her.

Great.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” She carefully closed the box, which looked like a shoebox, and sat beside him, holding his arm, “I’m really sorry, okay? I just… I didn’t think it’d be this… I’m sorry. Do they still send death threats to you?”

“Yeah. I’m totally used to it.”

“I’m sorry… it must’ve been shocking for you.” She slowly massaged his arm, feeling apologetic, “But at least you know how I felt when someone sent me almost the same thing as this one.”

“Someone did to you?”

“You don’t remember? I was rumored to be dating… what is his name again… and his fans went crazy because of that. They sent me threats, blood letters, and they even directly attacked me, well, verbally, if I accidentally met them in real life. All of those just because of a ing rumor. You remember those times, right?”

His face turned slightly paler, “Yeah… I kind of remember. Was it bad?”

“Literally the worst.” Tiffany shrugged, “Anyway, this is… not supposed to happen. I thought things like this had died long ago. Wouldn’t people these days prefer using the modern way, like insulting through social media or something?”

“Your fans stay traditional, I think.”

Tiffany sighed again, staring at the box on the table. It had happened to her before, even probably worse, but she felt really bad for Nichkhun. It’s a good thing that he was her friend, so he could come to her directly and actually show his displeasure.

She couldn’t imagine how the dude who was rumored to be dating her felt when she got all those hate that time. Because Tiffany wasn’t even close to him, and they had to drift even further away because of that unwanted rumor.

If he cared, though.

“Fany,” Nichkhun started again, nudging the singer, “we should break up.”

“Yeah, we should.”

It was what they had always wanted. They often threw it off as a joke most times because they knew they couldn’t, not when their fake relationship did wonders to both of them, even though not entirely. But that time, Tiffany felt like they needed to be serious about their break up. She wouldn’t let her friend to get treated this way by her own fans.

“Like really should.” She added.

“Do you think we can?”

Maybe they could, maybe they couldn’t. It all depended to those people above them who basically controlled their lives since the day they signed the contract. There was no minimum time for their fake dating but Tiffany felt like there actually was, and it definitely wasn’t a short period of time.

“I don’t know.” Tiffany leaned her back, “But we should try. Like, together. You and me, let’s ask for the break up together. I mean, not simultaneously, like at the same time, no. But we have to show that we both want the break up, not just one party.”

He nodded, “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

“We have to be serious about it this time. Who knows, probably it’ll work?”

“Hopefully. Let’s try.”

They both nodded at each other at that. It would be the best way for them. They both were already tired of pretending anyway. It’s best for them to stop.

If they could.

****