“You have to promise- no- no noona you don’t understand you have to promise you aren’t going to bring up that god forsaken story or I swear- Noona- Noona!”

“How long has he been on the phone?”

“I don’t know but if I could write a book about all the ‘rules and regulations’ he’s been mentioning I could probably form a constitution.”

It’s lunch time in the hongdae university and the campus cafeteria is bustling with people clad in scrub suits and white coats. So much so that Jongin and his little circle of friends, comprising mainly of chanyeol, baekhyun, and xiumin, decide to savour their soggy, flattened sandwiches elsewhere. They end up by the fountain, right at the heart of the university square.

The minute they settle down comfortably, Jongin excuses himself and steps out of hearing range, mentioning something about an urgent phone call he has to make. It’s been around 20 minutes since he’s asked permission, and with much eavesdropping, Chanyeol manages to get the jist of his conversation, and the taller is not the least bit surprised to learn that it has something to do with little baker boy.

“…Something about Kyungsoo coming over to his house this evening.” He says throwing his hands in the air seemingly frustrated with the subject at hand “I’m not sure. But I swear to god Baekhyun, this morning he woke me up asking me which shirt looked better, which shirt.”

The latter merely takes a bite out of his sandwich, unamused.  “What’s wrong with that?” Baekhyun comments, spitting out breadcrumbs in the process.Chanyeol lets out a childish whine accompanied by more of his exaggerated hand gestures “It was the same ing shirt in two different colors!”

“Huh.” Baekhyung stops chewing for a moment, staring into the empty space in front in deep contemplation for a brief instant, before he goes right back to inhaling his food “he’s lost it.” Is the deepest conclusion he could come up with.

“Hey c’mon go easy on him, the guy’s in love.” A third voice joins into their conversation, Xiumin plopping himself down comfortably beside Baekhyun, three fresh milk cartons at hand which he promptly distributes. “By the way, did you guys see Kyungsoo last night?”

“Last night?”

“Yeah, Junmyeon said he came by the dorms” the duo eye each other cluelessly.

“You mean here? At night?”  

“Mhm.”

“How’d he get in?”

“Got listed under myeon’s name as visitor…no idea what he was here for though.”

“Jongin maybe?”

“Not possible,” Chanyeol says, shaking his head with certainty ”it was video game night for us, I was with Jognog till he passed out.”

At this Xiumin’s brows furrow in confusion, “That’s strange…I couldn’t think of any other possible reason he would come around.”

“Well didn’t sugar daddy mention anything?”

Xiumin’s face contorts in obvious disgust “Ew stop calling him that. And no he didn’t, he looked pretty tired and went straight to bed. He’s taking some advanced midterm exam today or something in exchange for a month or two LOA.”

“LOA??”

“I believe he’s signed up for an exchange program in the NYC state university.”

“NYCSU?! What’d I tell you? Sugar daddy.”

“I’m still wondering about Kyungsoo though” the tallest interrupts, bringing them back on subject just as the thin-eyed boys are about to go askew “such a strange strange baker boy he is.”

“Hey I know, let’s ask Jongin he’s bound to have some sort of clue,” Baekhyun dusts his hands off, swallowing the last bit of sandwich he had stuffed inside his mouth before turning towards the said boy who was still too preoccupied with his phone “Hey Jo-!” He manages to call out, although he never gets past the first syllable of Jongin’s name before Chanyeol’s large hand is effectively stopping him from making any sort of coherent speech. The tanned boy standing some feet away glances at them and does a double take.

“Put a sock in that Italian speaking trap of yours, we are not asking!”

Baekhyun rambles on and on against Chanyeol’s hand and Xiumin just watches somewhere in the background (thinking someone was bound to shut Baekhyun up anyway, someone always shuts baekhyun up)

The tallest could only manage to make out the words Why and out of the muffles that die down against his palm.

“Because!” He half-whispers and half-shouts, knowing all too well that Jongin’s probably wondering what sort of mischief they’re up to again “Do you want him to look any more obsessed that he already does right now? We’re just gonna get another fifteen minutes or so of how much he loves Kyungsoo or how much strands of hair the baker has in his head or something along the lines of it.”

The smaller spends a few more minutes struggling against Chanyeol’s grip, Xiumin allowing a bubble of laughter to escape his lips as he watches Baekhyun’s limbs flail all over the place. It isn’t until Jongin finally tucks his phone back into his pocket that the trio fuss to regain their composure.

“…did I miss something?” the tanned boy questions, an eyebrow raised in suspicion as he takes his place beside Chanyeol, mumbling a soft thanks upon accepting the milk carton that Xiumin reaches out.

Baekhyun eyes the other two warily before smiling with mock innocence “Nope” he says, popping the ‘p’ for emphasis. Or sarcasm.

Small talk ensues after which, with Jongin’s attention now completely on the pack of yogurt in his hands while the rest try not to speak of their conversation just minutes ago. Baekhyun brings something up about an assignment and it all goes downhill from there, a hill of medical jargon and arguments that they fall too deep into until Chanyeol has to excuse himself for class. This is how everything continues, with an aura of normalcy that is a stark contrast to how another person’s morning is going. Specifically of a certain boy who is currently some miles away along the outskirts of town, about to make decisions that would ultimately change the course of his life.

***

Three knocks on his hotel room door go by ignored.

Five knocks and he’s feeling a bit annoyed.

Seven knocks and he’s taking off his reading glasses, scoffing in its direction.

It’s not till the ninth knock that Huang Zitao finally decides to shove his papers aside, push his chair back and walk swiftly across the room, cursing this person’s assumed illiteracy seeing that he/she couldn’t even seem to read the big bold DO NOT DISTURB sign practically plastered onto his door.

Despite his annoyance, Tao takes a brief moment to pause and compose himself, letting the eleventh and thirteenth knock go by before swinging the door open with a tight-lipped smile ready by default. Despite his often childish demeanour, he knows very well when and where his tantrums ought to be kept at bay.

Today however, he does not seem to need to mask his distress, seeing the familiar face of Seungsoo standing right outside his room has him sighing in relief, the default smile wiped off his face almost instantly being replaced by a scowl along with a few creases on his forehead. He barely notices the box of tape recordings the older boy is holding, but he manages to give it a quick glance once he steps aside to silently invite his guest into his humble quarters.  

“Goodmorning.” The older greets, and if Tao notices the absence of his usually playful tone he chooses not to mention it, closing the door behind him before proceeding to resume his position by the desk, responding with a mumbled “morning” without so much as a glance towards the other’s direction.

“Paperwork?” Seungsoo comments, peeking over the younger’s shoulder briefly. Tao just nods and continues scribbling in a few signatures onto some formal looking documents scattered all across his desk, a passport carelessly laying open on the upper right side, proudly displaying a straight faced photo of him right underneath the Japan Visa heading.

“So, which country is it? Japan?” Seungsoo continues after figuring that he isn’t getting a reply anytime soon. “And this is the real deal this time right?”

“I’ve planned this for a while now.”

“Well you weren’t kidding when you said you’d do it right after you graduate.”

“I’ve already settled a place there”

“What about your parents? They’re okay with this?”

“They’ve been a bit overprotective. Took me my entire college life, but I think I’ve managed to convince them than I’m okay. That I- well- that I’m better.”

“What about your friends? Family? Lover maybe? Anyone in Anyang?”

“None. None. And None.”

“None?”

“None that matter at least.”

“None?”

“None.”

“What about Kyungsoo?”

Suddenly, the world pauses. Tao abruptly stopping his actions and Seungsoo merely standing a few spaces behind him, tattered box of tape recordings looking sad and forlorn in his arms.

There’s a growing tension in the room that neither of them can explain. It feels like the burden of several secrets weighing down on them, heavier than ever, blocking the escape route they’re supposedly trying to build for themselves through all these documents and moving papers. Tao looks straight ahead with a blank expression, trying to piece together what his life has become, and where Kyungsoo stands in it.

It’s either the said boy is a god he ought to thank or a witch he ought to shun, an internal debate that’s been going on in his head long since high school, since his little encounter with death.

Once upon a time he had come face to face with death. He vaguely remembers how his senses slowly left him, how his ears failed to pick up the erratic beeping of the machine and how his vision gradually clouded with white. The very last his senses registered was the feeling of soft hands holding onto his own, the sight of a young boy with raven black hair plopped right next to his hospital bed, drool slightly spilling at the corner of his mouth as he slept soundly. Tao remembers smiling, with all every last bits of energy and strength he had left in him before his eyelids felt too heavy to be kept open. He closed them. One last time, supposedly.

But when he woke up the next morning with the news of excellent health records and the death of the next door patient who was scheduled to be discharged that evening, he trembled and felt like it wasn’t quite right, waking up in the first place. It wasn’t quite right at all.

But Kyungsoo was gone and in his place Seungsoo came with a ready explanation. Tao’s health had impeccably improved overnight and thus he requested to be discharged as soon as possible. Maybe not only from the hospital, but also from Kyungsoo’s life.

“What about him.” The bitter boy responds, gathering up his documents into a neat and orderly pile.

“Tao…he’s miserable. Confused. Lost. Haven’t we kept enough secrets?”

“You were the one who begged me not to tell him hyung. Or have you forgotten? The morning when I woke up alive and well?”

“I haven’t, of course I haven’t. I only did it to protect him. Mostly from himself, really. The kid was suicidal Tao, the memory of our parent’s death hadn’t left him till Luhan and Sehun came around to help him forget. God knows what he’s done to himself those nights in elementary when he had shut away from the world. I didn’t want him to relapse, I didn’t want him to know he had interfered with someone’s life cycle again…most especially since you were very dear to him.”

“You think it would be any easier on him? Revealing it to him now?” Tao spins around, his calm demeanour doing nothing to hide the venom nearly spitting out of his own words.

Seungsoo shakes his head, placing the box of tapes down onto the bed carefully. “It’s never going to be easy. I used to be his only confidant…the only one around to look after him. But now he’s surrounded by good people, people who love him genuinely. That gives me a bit of assurance.”

There’s a brief moment of silence, where Tao chooses to take a glance out the window. It’s a bit dim outside, cloudy and blue, he thinks it suits his feelings well. He turns back to Seungsoo, examining the older’s expression carefully. Tao finds it amusing, how he’s grown taller than both the Do brothers, taller, broader, leaner, making it seem like he’s the strongest among the three of them, even though anyone would know it’s the other way around.

Because here Seungsoo was, dedicating his life and soul to the brother he loves, and somewhere out there was Kyungsoo, bearing the burden of his own abilities. They’ve both endured so much, and yet here was Tao, the boy who ran away, the boy who would not admit that a tiny part of him only did it because he selfishly feared for his own life.

The irony of it all makes him smile to himself, extending the silence for a second or two longer before finally turning his attention back to his guest who couldn’t seem to wipe the sadness off his gaze. “So what’s all that?” Tao asks, finally addressing the box of tape records.

Seungsoo smiles. “I don’t know. Something Kyungsoo told me to give you.”

The taller takes a closer look at the contents, picking one tape after another and inspecting the writings scribbled on to them in permanent marker. The more he goes through the more he recognizes. A fond smile spreads across his lips upon coming across some of the tapes deeper down the box. “He still has these?”

“What are they?”

Day 24 of confinement Tao reads, his fingers tracing each letter, throwing the older a brief glance. “I brought my dad’s video camera along with me to the hospital when I was first confined…” he chuckles at the memory “Kyungsoo and I used to love to record the most random things on days he would visit. He said it was to have something to laugh about once I got better.”

Seungsoo picks up a tape himself, the words Day 6 of confinement nearly fading on its front. “So these are yours?”

“Yeah…When they broke the news to me that I didn’t have much longer, I found it a bit pointless to continue filming. So I asked Kyungsoo to take the tapes home.” The younger smiles sadly at the thought  “I didn’t tell him what the doctors told me, I just told him to take the tapes for safekeeping till I came over to your house myself to retrieve them. Of course, that’s not what I really intended. I just wanted him to be the one with my memories.”

Seungsoo’s expression turns sad. “Well he kept them. He kept them well. And now maybe he’s giving it back to remind you.”

The elder’s words hang in the air, both of them choosing keep silent, nothing but the sound of the tapes rustling around as Tao fishes deeper into the box.

With the minutes ticking by and nothing being said Seungsoo takes this as his signal to leave. “Goodluck finding a player for something as old as a tape” he jokingly comments, already making his way towards the door. Tao spares him a glance and a wave before once again immersing himself in pulling out the memories one by one, from Day 1 to the very last.

Seungsoo walks out the door then stops just as he’s about to leave. He turns back, biting his lip in hesitation as he contemplates whether to send Kyungsoo’s message or not. The unceasing debate in his head goes on until he decides to clear his throat, catching the other’s attention and leaving him no choice but to spill. “Still here?” Tao questions, straightening his stance with an arm full of tapes.

Seungsoo bites his lip, mumbling lowly. “Kyungsoo sent a message”

“Oh.” Tao’s expression instantly turn dark. “What is it?”

“He said he didn’t need those anymore.”

***

Despite the circumstances, Kyungsoo finds himself enjoying the solitude.

He's currently a five and a half hour ride away from civilization, sitting on a patch of dead grass right outside a rather sad looking building. It's old and crumbling and empty,  but it's the only standing infrastructure within eyes reach in an otherwise vast area of nothing.

He's alone, eyes downcast at his barefeet and hands that lightly graze over the grass, daisies and dandelions sprouting from underneath his touch creating a little garden of sanctuary around him. His red hair is ruffled and messy due to the breeze and his nose and cheeks are pink from the cold. There's a twinkle in his eyes and a subtle smile on his lips, the baker feeling content...feeling free for the first time in a while now. He stands and walks around a bit, green grass and little dots of lavender trailing behind him as he allows himself to enjoy this momentary freedom, trying not to let the compromising situation he's stuck in get to his head till he hears from Sehun again.

Until his phone lights up with the dreaded go signal, Kyungsoo continues to roam around the vicinity as he pleases, with no watchful eyes to fear him or his dark secret.

That’s all there is, A boy, an abandoned apartment complex, and the lifeless body of a young woman lain carefully on the cold cement.

It’s been around four and a half hours since Sehun’s left and Kyungsoo knows that the end of his peace is nearing. He sits at the center of the cemented floor of what he supposes is the apartment’s lobby, right next to where Krystal is lain, her hair decorated in daisies and lavenders and flowers of all sorts (how Kyungsoo probably passed some of his time). His eyes roam upwards, staring at a large hole on the ceiling that goes up two floors. It’s terribly quiet with nothing but the occasional chirping of birds outside. He had also noticed a few dogs trotting along from a distance but luckily none of them seemed predatory.

It feels...tranquil. He thinks. A complete contrast of how he felt just four and a half hours ago sitting inside Sehun’s dad’s car, suffocating on sad thoughts and hopeless decisions, choking on his own tears.

Drive me somewhere isolated he had told the younger.

With those words, Sehun obediently fished his mind for the closest place he could associate with ‘isolated’. Pulling out the memories that had receded from his mind, he debated on whether to drive to the farthest location he could remember or simply to drive and drive till they’re inevitably taken to nowhere.

In the end, the image of a specific place vividly flashes across his memory, along with childhood memories of his father’s escapades, of ruins and nowheres, of the smell of snow and fields and the echo of his little footsteps running through long and empty hallways. It hits him so suddenly that he finds himself blindly driving through the city roads, city lights eventually fading in the distance behind him, cemented asphalt replaced by dirt roads surrounded by fields stretching as far as the eye can see, all underneath the dim blue glow of dawn.

Kyungsoo didn’t question where they were headed, he didn’t question how the younger had come to know the existence of such a place, he just didn’t speak at all. The entire ride was torture to him, and all he wanted was to get things over with. All he wanted was to see Jongin later that night, to meet his family, to see monggu and janggu, to tell him Krystal’s fine, to kiss him, to be in love. But being in that car ride only reminded him that he was being taken further and further away from the place he wanted to be in, from the arms he wanted to snuggle against.

He looked down at Krystal often, lying on his lap in her bundle of clothes. He wondered why he didn’t feel angry, why there was no trace of relief at the fact that she was gone.

But then he would think back to that day he had lost his parents, to that day Luhan had begged for the life of his dog, to that day she had smiled at him and told him how in love she was and how young and pure she had looked telling him. Its then that he thought of the grief of losing a family member, a friend. He thinks of how he’s lost everything when he lost his parents, and he wonders whether its the same kind of dying feeling Krystal had felt when she had lost Jongin, Jongin who was so close to being in her grasp. Too close to just slip away like that.

Then he’d just stare back out at the fields they drove past, numb.

Upon arriving to the site, they had a bit of an argument, he and Sehun.

From the very beginning, Sehun had this vague idea of what insane risk Kyungsoo was supposedly planning to take. He was definitely not one to support it, but the older looked absolutely broken sitting there at the backseat of his car and he hadn’t the heart to deny his request. He drove quietly, hoping that the silence would clear up some of the fog on Kyungsoo’s mind.

It didn’t though. At least that’s what Sehun concluded, when Kyungsoo had ordered him to leave and drive all the way back, as far back as he can without him.

It was an outright “no.” from the younger at first. Because there was no ing way.

Touch and see what happens was Kyungsoo’s plan, Sehun infers. Knowing the older boy, he was probably going  to revive Krystal, to bring her back because she’s Jongin’s precious friend, to do it in such a way that no one else is put at risk.

No one else other than himself that is.

The more Sehun said no the more agitated Kyungsoo became. The more he persisted, the more he shouted. Sehun shouted too, words like "YOURE THE ONLY OTHER LIVING BEING WITHIN A HUNDRED MILE RADIUS THIS IS ING SUICIDE" shooting out of his mouth like a bullet from a gun.

It came to a point where Kyungsoo wasn’t even raising any valid points anymore and was just simply shouting the word please over and over again while Sehun repeatedly spat big fat no-s to his face. This went on for a good hour, with an interval of a fifteen minute tense silence.

It was when Kyungsoo began crying fresh tears that the youngest’s resolve to stop him quivered a bit. The baker clenched his fists tightly, his scrunched up face a sad attempt to stop the waterworks. He croaked out one last “Please” and it came out sounding very...determined. It was then that Sehun realized that there was nothing he could do, the boy was far too lost in his own drive to set things back to how they were, even if it meant putting his own life in danger.

“It won’t harm me.” Kyungsoo had said, talking about his ability like it were some sort of animal to be tamed. “It won’t. I’m the host. I should and will have control over it. Please Sehun. I’m not going to risk your life. Please.”

“Why should i risk yours then?”

“Sehun we don’t even know if my powers backfire on me, but with you close by i’m sure I’m sure it will take you.”

“You don’t have to do this. You really don’t. Everyone dies Kyungsoo.”

“Not this early...Not this sad.”

Sehun turned around, running a hand through his hair, frustrated. By then the skies were lighted but a bit dim, cloudy and blue, and Sehun thought it suited his feelings well.

“You know, Junmyeon knows i was the last person to see her.” Kyungsoo had mumbled lowly “If they find her body stiff, drowned in that tub, who do you think would be the first suspect?”

Sehun opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, cursed, then closed it. He spun around, stomped towards his car and kicked the life out of it. Walked back towards Kyungsoo with a finger pointed at him in a threatening manner, he was trembling but he tried not to show it, he tried not to show how goddamn scared he was for his bestfriend. Kyungsoo merely lifted his chin, stared back at him with much less tears and much more certainty, unfazed by the threatening finger pointed at his direction.

Sehun bit his lip, he let the silence serve as his last warning before he turned away one last time. He walked towards his car, the slam of the door revealing how he truly felt despite his calm outer demeanor. Then without another word he drove off, the sound of wheels against dirt grew fainter the further he went. And Kyungsoo stood there and watched it all.

But as though Sehun could read his mind even from miles away, Kyungsoo’s phone lit, displaying the youngest’s number across his screen along with the message that went:

I’ll text you when i’m back in Seoul. You better ing text me back or i swear to god.

Kyungsoo smiled. Typed in a short, genuine reply.

Thank you.

Four and forty-five minutes later he clutches the phone in his hands, staring at the message that displays Sehun’s number across the screen yet again. Though this time, he doesn’t smile.

I’m in Seoul. Text me back okay? You text me back.

Kyungsoo visibly pales, his hands tremble and his mouth goes dry. He lowers the phone to stare at the body right next to him, at Krystal’s lips that have turned blue, at her cheeks that have lost its color, at her eyes that remain closed. He sits on his heels, taking deep breaths as he takes off the layers of gloves he wears, one by one, laying them neatly in a row. He tries to channel all his energy under his control, something he’s never tried to do before. He closes his eyes, breathes, tilts his head back till he’s facing the skies and just breathes. He was never one to be a strong believer in gods but for this once he prays, to all the gods he knows of.

Then, bare hands come in contact with cold and pale cheeks.

And pale turns into rosey.

And cold turns into warm.

And the blue disappears.

And lashes flutter open.

And while one heart gains a slow and steady rhythm,

the other skips a beat  

A/N: it acTUALLY EXISTS OK http://abandonedkorea.com/exploring-an-abandoned-apartment-complex-project-in-south-korea/ 

Anyway, i know what you're thinking my child.i know. shhhh /caresses your head repeatedly/ Its long overdue. and very short. and very unexciting. and very unfluff. I know. shh. 

BUT do know i've been extra (extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra ) busy with college. I'm currently working on three baby theses OTL (and no this isn't my final thesis yet it's just homework crying sobbing dying). So please be very patient with me ;; and for those who are thank you so much i really appreciate all your comments and subscriptions and ish. the story line's a bit confusing at this point but i swear it will clear out (hopefully lmao) in the chapters ahead. I hope you're all having a nice day!  ✨ ✨ ✨