chapter eight ; 
              crystal clear

"Can you please sit down and stay put? You're making me dizzy, Leo."

After bringing himself back together to work once again in the company, Leo decides to just appear out of no where, walking in the halls and greeting a few familiar co-workers along the way. Of course, lots were rather astonished. Where was Leo two days before? He's been no where to be seen and having no ways of contact to the silent worker, they were rather worried on how Leo was during those times. And him returning as if nothing happened? How weird was that?

Hakyeon refused to show up as well, and the moment he decided to show up in work that one day, everyone showered him qith questions. Well, he is the closest to the most mysterious worker in the company... which was Leo. And having some common sense knocking in his cranium constantly, he takes the choice of not to say anything for the best.

Well, if he did say that Leo hasn't been in work due to extreme depression and that he is too busy cutting himself in hopes of trying to die, the whole situation will simply just get worse.

But what no one expected Leo still being unsettled in his office. One co-worker who handed him the paperworks was first to witness Leo seemingly being dazed and unsettled, and quite not making any sense. Worried, he tells this to a fellow co-worker.

And so, the information goes to one worker to another until it eventually reaches Hakyeon.

"Come on," Hakyeon tries to bargain with Leo as he walks towards the troubled male. "What's going on? What's bothering you, huh? You know that you can tell me, right?"

Leo simply eyes him before he crosses his arms and sighs heavily. He gave a reaction, but no response, which eventually makes Hakyeon a bit more impatient. He wanted an answer, and he needs one now. "Jung Leo, tell me. That one's an order, not a choice. You've got to tell me right now, mister." Hakyeon tries once again, his voice sounding a lot more strict and firm. "Leo–"

"I'm fine." Leo cuts off, finally setting down on his chair. "I'm fine... just thinking of things."

"What kind of things?" Hakyeon's voice sounded so worried. He knew Leo and the things that might run in his head. By the word "things", he kind of expected suicidal thoughts. Well, Leo is suicidal, so why not? 

"They're not suicidal thoughts." Leo says, seemingly reading his best friend's mind. "I'm just thinking about... well, Jinae and Hongbin. I'm just–"

"What's wrong? Did something occur between the two? A fight perhaps?"

"No. Not that kind of problem. Jinae's, well, suspecting Hongbin."

Hakyeon blinks in confusion. He and Hongbin, and even with Leo and Ravi, had been college friends and in that period of time, they can say that they know each other quite well. Suspecting Hongbin was something Hakyeon thought to be a rare incident or what more, something impossible. Hongbin is a loyal guy. He's the one whose secrets will safe to tell to. He stays true to his own words and if he doesn't, well, he has his own consequences to face for himself. "Suspecting him for what? Did Hongbin do something wrong?" Hakyeon questioned.

"He didn't." Leo shakes his head, confusing the latter more.

"Then what?"

"Jinae's suspecting him to be 'faking' his feelings for her or some sort." Leo says. "And, well, I suppose I can say that I decided to lend the lady a helping hand–"

"So basically, you're saying that you're going to spy on Hongbin?"

"What– no. Just, well, holding a few investigations." 

Hakyeon sighs before he stands up and crosses his arms. "Jung Leo, I suppose you know Hongbin quite well as of now. He doesn't lie or 'fake' things. When he says one thing, he stays true to it. He's a loyal guy."

"I know that." Leo breathes out. "But what if Jinae's correct? What if Hongbin's lying to her? What if he's simply playing around with her? Hakyeon, I can't bear to have Jinae all hurt because of those pathetic lies men build for their own satisfactions. I don't want her to feel pain. She's feeling too much as of now and I can't have her feel more. You understand what I'm saying, right?" 

He did. He understood that. Hakyeon understood the other's point, but what he can't bring himself to be convinced to is that the fact that Hongbin can bear to lie to his "beloved" girl. Jinae is that kind of woman a man shouldn't play nor let go of. She's an epitome of perfection, so what's more to seek for? Was Hongbin simply keeping such perfection to himself for lustful reasons? No. Hongbin isn't like that. In fact, that dimpled guy is like a reincarnation of the most angelic angel ever existed in the heavens above. He wouldn't do that nor will he try to do such. 

But what can he do? He himself isn't a hundred percent sure. "Alright." Hakyeon sighs in defeat, running his fingers through his jet black hair. "Go on and investigate, but I assure you that you'll just find answers that'll support that fact that Hongbin isn't lying." 

Leo had asked his boss that he'll have a day's leave for today. Hakyeon was left in the office, trying to at least help in the buzzing business in the company. With Leo's absence, everything seemingly just went a lot more hectic that usual. But was it Leo's problem as of now? No.

His mind was too attached on the fact that he should help and Jinae in finding answers to her hunches. If they were right, if they were wrong, Leo simply stuck to the role of assisting the young lady confirm things. Nothing more, nothing less perhaps. "You shouldn't be nervous if you are, Jinae. There's nothing to be nervous of." Leo reminds as he sat beside the female.

"I'm not nervous." Jinae smiles. "Whatever answer Hongbin has, I'm ready to listen. All I want is the truth, simple as that. If he's lying, if he's not, I don't mind. I just want the answers."

Leo nods as he averts his eyes away and finally, he saw Hongbin make his way towards their place. It was nearly dusk so that meant that Hongbin had just taken his leave from his work. He was now wearing a rather casual attire, a bag slung on his shoulder and bounced as he walked towards them. "Leo! Jinae! There you are." he greets with a dimpled smile and a wave. Jinae hurries towards him, as usual, and gives her boyfriend a tight hug, greeting him with a sweet, sweet smile. Leo, on the other side, simply smiles at him and offers a seat to the other. "So, what're we to discuss today? Something important perhaps."

"I'm not included." Leo softly states as he eyes Jinae. "It's just you and Jinae discussing things."

"Hm?" Hongbin blinks in confusion before he shoots a look at his girlfriend. "Why? Is something wrong? Jinae, love, what's wrong? Is something bothering you?"

Jinae nods before she shows a gentle yet faint smile as she plays with her hair. "There is something bothering me, and I'm sure you're, well, going to be bothered once I say it too, Hongbin." she mumbles.

"If perhaps it will, I don't mind. Will you tell me?"

Jinae nods for the second time. She didn't mind Leo and at that moment, it was just Hongbin and her. "Hongbin, do you really love me as your girlfriend?"

Hongbin was rather held back. He was feeling a mixture of shock and doubt. Why was Jinae asking such thing to him? Was she doubting him? Did he do something wrong that caused the lady to ask such? "Why did you ask such thing, dear? Of course I truly love you. I love you 'til the bottom of my heart!"

"Are you sure that... you didn't choose to love me just because I'm, well, ill?"

"I love you for who you are, Jinae." Hongbin frowns as he eyes his beloved. "I love you."

"... Are you not... loving me because I'm going to die soon? Perhaps... you're just feeling pity over me because my days are counted. We've been friends since we were in kindergarten and maybe, just maybe, you fear the fact that I will die missing one emotion and that is love. Perhaps, well, you only loved me because you at least wanted me to feel love because I go. Is that it?"

Hongbin stayed quiet. His mouth was ajar, seemingly speechless. Jinae felt her heart skip a beat. Was her guess correct? 

"Jinae..." Hongbin begins, looking up at her with sad eyes. "Look, I really love you but–"

But?

"You're correct." he pauses, averting away to hide his shame. "I only... loved you because I felt pity over you. The moment I knew that you were suffering cancer gave me the fear of you dying without learning or at least experiencing love. And I know you, you're someone who wouldn't be at rest until she has at least experienced almost everything in the world."

Leo silently agreed. Minhwa was also like that.

"You mom and dad... told me about our childhood days. We used to like each other, remember? We'd pretend to be a couple. We'd childishly dream that we'll have a daughter and a son in the far future when we're all grown up. And soon... that crush either grew larger or faint. Mine grew faint when we reached middle school but yours, well, it was still there. Faint but there. And I don't know if it's still there but–"

"Stop." Jinae breathes out, shaking her head away. "Just... get to the point. End the discussion."

Hongbin felt Jinae's pain as he saw those eyes glimmer with agony. He knew he had to end it. "I... was faking my feelings for you, Jinae. Not because I wanted to play with you and use you as a toy of some sort but because... I was afraid. I was afraid that you wouldn't feel love. I wanted to help you accomplish things, Jinae, like before."

Jinae stayed quiet and as if Hongbin was being stabbed multiple times by the sharpest of knives, he tries to make it quick. "I'm sorry I tricked you, Jinae." he softly apologizes. 

Time seemingly froze after Hongbin's soft apology. Leo somewhat foresaw things but he still felt the fear residing in the next events. 

Instead, Jinae flashes her signature smile as she stands up and pats Hongbin's shoulder. "I'm not angry, just so you know, Hongbin." she softly says, her voice calm and gentle. "I'm quite, well, upset because of learning the truth but it's okay. You decided to be the honest guy here, and that's who Lee Hongbin is supposed to be– an honest guy. I'm glad you were true to me on how you were feeling and I'm also glad that you cared for me well. I appreciate that." she says as she then pulls Hongbin for a tight and last embrace. "Thank you. I had a good run for a total of five months. I'm really thankful."

Guilt somewhat began swallowing Hongbin as he realized that the hug he received from Jinae will be their last as a couple. He felt pain and his heart being crumpled mercilessly.  "This marks the end of our relationship, Hongbin. Thanks." he hears Jinae whisper in his ear just before she pulls away the next second. A small smile was flashed before she calls Leo and asks him to assist her furthermore. Once they were further away, Hongbin felt his legs grow weak as he fell back on his seat. Tears rushed down his eyes and flowed down his pinkish cheeks. His hands slowly covered his teary face.

He felt extremely angry over himself. He felt his chest tighten and found himself gasping for air. The next thing he realized was that his vision was getting blurry as he felt that he was slipping from consciousness. He realized one thing– he was having an asthma attack due to extreme emotions.

He heard and saw the crowd slowly forming and before he finally fell unconscious, a pair of hands carried him towards an arriving ambulance. "Hyung, I'm here now. Don't worry." he heard Sanghyuk say.

"Are you okay, Jinae?"

Jinae slowly looks up, her eyes somewhat slightly watery. Rubbing them gently, she flashes a sweet smile at the taller male before she nods. "I'm fine, Leo. Thanks for accompanying me throughout the day. I appreciate it." she says. "And sorry for making you leave work for such pathetic reason."

"It's not pathetic, and I don't mind it neither." Leo softly smiles before he observes the wavering emotions flashing through her charcoal orbs. "Are you definite that you're okay, Jinae? No one would be okay after such incident like... that."

"What matters most is that I've found the truth now. The thorn has been plucked out of my chest and finally, I can breathe with ease and content. I'm fine. The break-up went fine. I'm fine and I hope Hongbin will soon be fine. 

Leo was rather amazed on how Jinae carried such emotional situation. She was brave enough to walk with her chin up high and to not shed any tears. "So, what're your plans now?" he asks.

"To live my remaining days to the fullest. Who knows when my time will be, right?" Jinae grinned happily as she began skipping in bliss. "How about you?"

"Go and work?" Leo answers in an unsure tone, making the female laugh.

Now that Hongbin is officially out of Jinae's story, it is his turn to protect her.

No matter what.

"Jinae." he calls out, making the female stop in her tracks to lookat him. 

"Yes, Leo?" she blinks. "Is something the matter?"

"What if..." Leo begins. "Well, I know this is quite quick, but how would you react if I told you that I'm sort of liking you?"

Jinae only smiles before she pretends to think deeply. "I'll be glad, duh." Jinae giggles. "But I wouldn't assure you of a sweet 'yes' as an answer, Leo. Courting a cancer patient would demand great patience and striving extremely hard."

"I know what." Leo smiles. "But for now, let's remain as friends, okay? And if I'm sure of my feelings, I'll let you know."

"Deal." she nods happily. 

Together, the two walked home. Something ended.

But surely, something was just starting.