chapter fifteen ; 
               beleageur

Hakyeon hasn't been in work for solid two and a half weeks. It's a lot of time wasted, he can admit that. Plus, because he hasn't shown up for work for quite some time now, salary will surely be deducted and that means there's less money to receive. And if there's less money, he can't purchase the things he extremely needs such as food and other stuff. 

And of course, the reason would be quite obvious yet easily hidden.

"Leo," Hakyeon calls from his best friend's room. His voice sounded helpless– too helpless. Him pleading like this has been quite typical for the past two and a half weeks. Hakyeon didn't only sound helpless, he is helpless. 

Leo had somewhat reverted back to his extremely depressed self, cutting himself out of the open blue and letting himself bathe in his own crimson blood. Hakyeon thought that Leo had finally moved on from that phase in life where he is drowning in his own self-pity and pain, but no. He just got out of the hole just for him to fall in again. 

Hakyeon could still remember it. One night, he received a call from Leo. When he answered it, there was no reply. About five "hello" were given before Hakyeon heard a loud thud from the other line. Growing worried, Hakyeon wasted no time running towards his best friend's house. 

And he was thankful he did.

Leo was there, panting and gasping for air. He can't die, obviously, but he is making himself suffer gradually, which hurts more than one quick death. Slow death, according to the majority, is the worse thing to suffer in. Leo was making himself suffer that, so imagine the pain his bestowing on himself.

And the reason? Obviously what Hakyeon had feared the most.

"Please, we can talk about this." Hakyeon continued to beg as he knocked softly and weakly on Leo's door. He is sure that Leo might just be pretending to be asleep or completely dazed as he's drowning on his own sea of thoughts once more. Hakyeon knew that intruding just like that would be rude, but did he even have any other choice?

None. Definitely none.

"Leo," he breathes out, just to find Leo dazed at the sight outside his window. Cars were coming and going, the birds were flying here and there. The trees and flowers danced with the wind's melody. But nothing can ever pull the pain out of Leo.

He's been like this since that incident Hakyeon had somewhat foresaw– the bitter betrayal of the doppelganger, Seo Jinae. But Hakyeon didn't expect the way how Jinae actually acts. Beneath her sweet image lies a bitter fruit. There lies a corrupted persona the complete opposite of Jinae's innocent and angelic mask, which hurts Leo more. Yes, for some reason, she was able to conceal this image and act very similar to Leo's beloved, Seo Minhwa. It's amazing on how a sick girl can play serious things in her hands as if it's nothing fragile. She played with a depressed and suicidal guy's love as if it's something normal to toy with. 

Jinae, as Hakyeon feared, is nothing but one of those tricksters that fools one's heart. They do that for two reasons: for the gains of treasures or simply for fun. Jinae took the second reason, which the most painful for the victim. Leo had it hard.

"Karma will serve that girl right, Leo. Trust me." Hakyeon tried to comfort as he patted Leo's back. "Listen, why don't we go to that place you always tell me about? I'm sure you'd love the new release they displayed there–"

"What have I ever done to deserve such cruelty, Hakyeon?" Leo croaks as he slowly eyed Hakyeon with teary eyes. "Is fate really mad at me for letting Minhwa's life slip so easily like that? Doesn't fate know how to forgive and forget, Hakyeon? Tell me, what did I ever do?"

Hakyeon felt a lump on his throat as he found no right answer for Leo's sudden question. "... I don't know, Leo." Hakyeon sadly murmured. "I'm sorry but I don't know why. Maybe... it just happens. I'm sorry, that response is weak."

"I want to die." he hears Leo say, making Hakyeon's heart skip a beat. He can't bear to have this precious person die, like he can. He's immortal, which makes it both good and bad. Hakyeon won't lose him but at the same time, Leo will experience various pains forever. "Please, just... just kill me. I want to die. I want to put an end to everything, Hakyeon. Please, just kill me–"

"I won't do that." Hakyeon refuses. "Besides, you can't die, remember? That stupid curse made you immortal so whatever torture you'd let yourself enter would definitely be useless. You won't die and will never do."

Once more, Leo cries.

Hakyeon just realized what he had said– the bitter truth. He had lost Minhwa and now, he's deprived of his eternal freedom and rest. Forever shall he roam the earth, witnessing all pain the world bears and receives. He's one with the seeming eternal earthly realm and as years wither away, he will see how everyone leaves him... one by one. Minhwa had already left him, and soon enough, everyone else will. They will forever be gone. Reincarnation doesn't exist and that's already proven. Jinae, whom they once had thought to be Minhwa's reincarnation, is a fake. She isn't whom they thought she is.

And that's the plain and bitter truth Leo suffers in.

"I won't leave you, okay?" Hakyeon whispers as he hugs the sobbing latter tightly, feeling the agony Leo has. Tears rimmed on the corners of his eyes but not wanting Leo to worry more, he held it in by bitting his lower lip, making it bleed a bit. "I won't leave you and if only I were immortal like you, I'll accompany you throughout this painful life we will have. I won't ever leave you, Jung Leo."

"Why..." he hears Leo ask. "What makes you decide to not leave me?"

"Because I care for you, obviously." Hakyeon sighs, feeling Leo's head fall lightly on his shoulder. "And you have no idea how much and to what extent I care for you, Leo."

If only he could spill the secret already.

It was hurting him. The secret stuck in him and growing impatient to come out.

If only he could say that he loves Leo more than a friend he is in his eyes.

Toyed.

One word describes a lot.

Why? What horrible thing had he done?

Leo shifted on his side, just to be greeted by a bandaged arm and Hakyeon sleeping peacefully. Due to the previous events happening, Leo had Hakyeon worrying greatly over him to the point that this bronze-skinned guy had insisted on staying in for a few days up until he's assured that Leo's in the normal thinking and lifestyle again. Along with this, Hakyeon had forced himself that he'll be sleeping with Leo in the same room, just so the security of Leo not trying to kill himself, as if he could, will not grow out of hand and unattended. 

Leo's arm is wrapped in a thick layer of bandages, red stains visible in the dark. Leo can still feel the familiar tingle of an open wound, particularly in his wrist area. The wound is still open and fresh and those bandages were just preventing the blood to gush out more or to be infected and so. Leo appreciated Hakyeon's help and he's rather thankful that even after all these things, there's still that one guy who cares greatly.

And where were his other friends?

Having their own happy life of course.

Sanghyuk, the youngest, is busy building up a steady future for himself. He's trying to earn a doctoral degree in his said course, thus, he is forcing himself to earn money through part time jobs. He wouldn't want to bother his hard working parents now, would he?

Hongbin? Possibly one lucky guy as of now. His previous girlfriend, who is secretly hiding a terrible persona behind the name "Seo Jinae", had officially left his life. He's able to focus on his life once again, living single and happily. Who knows, maybe this time, he'd find the right woman he'll happily spend his eternity with.

Ravi? That young guy's busy making a name out of himself. He's busy traveling around the world, making his own color in the music industry and breaking music charts with one snap of his finger. Ah, that boy's really grown. He's able to handle himself well and is now living a life of luxury. And to think back, this same guy used to sleep in almost every subject in college and had nearly not graduated!

Hakyeon will probably have one peaceful life it weren't for Leo. He'd be living normally, possibly earning a high stand and position in the company. And since he's the boss' relative, he has ninety-nine chances of inheriting the company since, well, the boss has no one else to hand his treasures down. The boss has no child, and Hakyeon's pretty much of a son already. 

Leo's just hindering everyone. He's hindering Hakyeon's perfect life. Instead on focusing in success in the future, Hakyeon's busy worrying over this depressed suicidal guy– Jung Leo... and that's him. Leo didn't want to hinder Hakyeon anymore.

But no matter how much he tries to push him away, he just won't budge.

Once more, he looked at his wrist, stained still with red. Not far away were a pair of scissors left unattended. A small spark of suicidal thoughts flooded quickly in Leo's head, making his body move without his consciousness entirely acting. His hand was reaching for it.

And then, he hears Hakyeon's voice.

"Leo, be strong. I'm going to stay beside you even if it's the last thing I do." he hears Hakyeon sleep talk. They say people who speak in their sleep don't lie, similar to drunkards are. Without their consciousness acting up a hundred percent, they say things they shouldn't, most of them being deep secrets they hide. "Leo, I love you too much so please, please live for me." Hakyeon snores.

Leo saw hope through his friend.

Jinae's words from before echoed in his mind but Hakyeon's sleep talking slowly killed those nightmares down. His hand retreated from the scissors as his hands traveled on his wounded wrist. If he were to wound himself once more, Hakyeon will grow more frantic and will have to tend on his wounds again. If he does, he'll be deprived of sleep and will suffer more. Hakyeon will have to guard him up until he's sure that he's okay or maybe sleeping. Hakyeon will inspect Leo's whole residence to remove all sharp objects that might wound him.

The end part? Hakyeon will have more stress.

Leo didn't want that. Leo doesn't like to bother his friend anymore.

"Leo, I love you too much. Please... please live."

Leo knew that Hakyeon loves him dearly. He has to live... not like he has a choice, right? He can't die either way. He just has to live bravely.

Soon enough maybe, things will clear up. Things will clear itself up on its own.

Leo smiled softly, sadness still visible. He slowly climbed back on his bed and scooted nearer to Hakyeon, wrapping his arms around his dear friend. The "love" he knows is different from Hakyeon's definition of love that he feels for Leo. He embraces his tanned friend tightly, whispering gratitudes to him as he tries to block the horrors of Jinae's voice echoing in his head.

Soon enough.

They'll clear up.

Yes, he's toyed. He'll figure out the reason sooner or later.

And he has Hakyeon to guide him through.

[A/N] It's VIXX's Leo day! Happy 24th Birthday! (25 in Korea). It's been exactly 2 years since VIXX debuted and since our lovely Jung Taekwoon began his               singing career, breaking music charts with the awesome VIXX. 
               And after that Weekly Idol thing of him being criticized, let's still continue to support the group, including our unpredicatbale lion. Let's keep on                      understanding on how he is still striving to adjust being sociable and open with his thoughts and emotions. Fellow Starlights, let's wish that VIXX will                 continue having a good run in the near future, and for our beloved Jung "Leo" Taekwoon to be better and to conquer obstacles bravely with the                     whole group!

"The quiet soul of Starlights, conquering the world with his warm heart, innocent smiles, soft voice and extraordinary charms, Happy Birthday, Jung Leo Taekwoon!"