chapter twenty ; 
               suffocation

"Hakyeon? Hey... We need to talk. Please."

Hakyeon, despite being quite furious and heavy-hearted towards Leo, hurried to his place without hesitation. He didn't even bother to cover himself with a coat or what so ever, he just needed to see him pronto. 

He hasn't seen Leo for quite some time too. How long has it been? Months? Years? Probably not. It's just him exaggerating because this is his best friend for goodness' sake. A best friend who he had been through high and low times. The best friend he had always tried to look out for. The best friend who he often prevents from playing that damned blood violin.

A best friend... he would always love.

Hakyeon's heart raced as he arrived at the porch of Leo's residence. He saw his car there, parked prettily and the door, probably unlocked. Leo never bothered to lock it anyway. Heck, why don't the robbers even rob him already? Sure, it'll be an easy job.

"Leo?" he croaks as he turns the doorknob. Just as expected, unlocked.

"Leo? Hey, I'm here already. It's me, Hakyeon." he repeats as he paces around the living room. His eyes wandered around the empty room, eyes eyeing the antique decorations hanging on the walls. He eyes those exotic figurines resting peacefully on every cabinet and table placed. He could smell the faint lemon and lavander scent filling the area. He always loved it.

"Leo?" he calls out once more as he begins to climb up the stairs. "Jung Leo, wherever you are, come out. This isn't funny." he cries out, his voice shaking in fear. 

Thoughts were clouding his mind. And to be frank, these were ugly thoughts. 

What if Leo was laying down on that furry, white carpet he had neatly placed beside his bed in his bed room?

Lifeless.

Not breathing.

Laying motionless in a puddle of crimson blood. His crimson blood. And on his hand is the bow of his blood violin. He had already played it numerous times and no one had heard its painful sonata. Only Leo fell under its spell and collapsed into an eternal slumber.

Hakyeon feared for the words and with panic slowly coarsing through his veins, he runs towards Leo's silent room. He locates it with ease, considering the fact that he had been in this place for numerous times already. He's sure he can pace around freely and with ease with his eyes closed. 

The hallway was filled with pictures of Leo's memories. Some dating back to the 50's until the twenty-first century– which is the present, to be precise. 

He saw a few pictures of theirs. He and Leo. Leo with that charming emotionless expression and Hakyeon grinning widely as if he's got married to his beloved person of his dreams. 

The man of his dreams, to be honest. Sometimes, Hakyeon dreads the fact that he was born male. Society being against gays, to be exact, is the main reason why.

He eyes them with soft eyes. He recalls those moments as he walks along the halls. He remembers meeting Leo back then in college. He could still freshly see that scene of him walking towards Leo's table and greeting him with a sunny smile. That's where he fell in love with Leo at first sight.

Next, he recalled their first lunch together. Leo shoved him numerous times but Hakyeon refused to leave the table they shared. Alas, he finally lets him join in and they have their lunch together. Hakyeon could still remember how he accidentally stained Leo's shirt with ketchup that time. He laughed at the memory.

He recalled much more moments. The time Leo became his crying shoulder when his sister got diagnosed in Leukemia. The time Leo stood up for him when he was bullied. That time he was hopelessly lost in his life. That time he nearly let his studies fall berserk. Times when Leo patiently tutored him in Mathematics and History, and extra lessons for English. Times Leo was actually his leaning pillar.

And now, the tables had turned.

Hakyeon was about to open Leo's room when his handphone rang. He hurriedly dug in his pocket and grabbed it, answering the call. "Yes?"

"Hakyeon?"

"... Leo, where are you? I've been calling out for you numerous times already! Are you cutting yourself again?"

"What? No–"

"Then where are you?!"

"I'm in... the hospital."

"What?! Why? What happened? Are you okay? Are you weak? Were you there because of blood loss–"

"Hakyeon, no. It's not me that's in the care of the hospital... and I'm quite unsure if you'll be happy to hear who it is."

Hakyeon paused and froze in palce. He had a few names in mind but one name highlighted itself in his head. He was afraid to utter that dreaded name but he had to guess. Besides, it can't be her, right? "Is it... who I think it is?" Hakyeon stuttered.

There was a pause on the other line. Hakyeon gulped a lump on his throat as he realized his guess was freakishly right. "Jinae?" he asks again.

"... She's in a terminal state right now, Hakyeon. I'm scared. Can you... drop by? I need someone right now." Leo sounded so weak. It pained Hakyeon's heart so he had no choice but to attend his colleague. He sighed heavily before he answers as cheerful as he usually is. 

"I'll be there as soon as possible, Leo. Wait for me, okay?" he smiles as he tries to assure his fragile friend. He could hear Leo smile through the call as he heard those sweet, sweet words from the other line.

"Thank you, Hakyeon." Leo softly says before he ends the call.

Hakyeo wastes no time and scurries towards the hospital Leo and Jinae are in.

"You're saying it's a Stage four cancer?!" Hakyeon's voice nearly broke the glass windows.

Leo weakly nods as he eyes Hakyeon's hands on his. It was always a habit of the tanned latter. Holding him tightly and feeling him tremble under his small, soft hands. He could feel Hakyeon's worry-filled eyes pierce through his soul. He was afraid to look up.  

"... I never knew she was in a dangerous state, Leo. I'm sorry if I carried an ill-will towards her." he hears Hakyeon apologize dearly. He only smiles as he looks beyond Hakyeon, not wanting to make eye-contact with him.

"I can never carry any grudge on a best friend of mine." Leo smiles softly as he continues trembling underneath Hakyeon's touch. Since when was the last time he actually had Hakyeon's hands over his. "I understood your situation. Your best friend suddenly vanished out of no where. You see, I'm at fault too. I understand and I forgive you, even if you have no fault to begin with." he smiles once more.

"I'm totally lucky to have such an understanding friend like you." Hakyeon giggles. "I actually thought you were the one to be sent to the hospital this time, Leo."

"I quitted wrist cutting months ago, Hakyeon." he frowned.

"Don't call it 'wrist cutting'. It's too old-fashioned!" the latter scolds. "Blood violin is much more like it."

"Sheesh, you and your 'fancy' ways." he rolls his eyes before he eyes his unconscious girlfriend. Jinae lied motionless on the white bed, her chest raising as she breathed in and it fell whenever she breathed out. It was as if she was in no pain at all. He frowned and Hakyeon noticed that.

"She'll be fine." Hakyeon assures as he taps Leo's shoulder. "She's a strong woman than what we both imagined back then, remember?"

"She's not a mannerless alley-girl anymore, Hakyeon. She's now the innocent, fragile Seo Jinae right now." he corrects. "And... she's not...–"

"Don't say it." Hakyeon glares. "She'll be fine."

"W-what if it happens again?" Leo trembled. "What if I lose her again like Minhwa? I'm not able to do anything again. I'll lose her! I'll break my vow once more and... and–!"

"Leo!" Hakyeon snaps, grabbing the latter's broad shoulder. Ugh, those muscles underneath those long sleeves. "Geez, Jung Leo! You're not losing anyone again! Jinae will live and I assure you that, okay? She's gonna live! She'll survive! Sure, cancer might be a tough opponent, but she'll win this fight, okay? Do you understand me?"

Tears were around Leo's lids. He kept his eyes low. "Hakyeon..." Leo croaked. "I'm scared."

"We'll find a way, okay?" he smiles, hugging his best friend. "We will." 

Leo gazed with mouth agape as he stared at the enormous closets filled with dust-filled books. Thick, thick books.

"I never even imagined you'd be interested in these kinds of things, Hakyeon." Leo softly commented as he paced in front of those closets, scanning the books neatly arranged in them. It was kind of stomach-flipping since, to be honest, he had never imagined a guy like Hakyeon– who's rather the most normal-looking fellow he had come across to– to be collecting these kinds of books that talked about all sorts of supernatural topics.

Hakyeon chuckled as a reply as he side-eyes his best friend. "You're mistaken, Leo. These aren't mine."

"Then how do you explain this wonderful collection, hm?"

"These were pass-downs."

"Pass-downs?"

"From my grandmother."

Leo's expression scrunched as he found his statement questionable. Hakyeon had once told him that he had no close relatives aside from his siblings and maybe, his parents. He was never even close– not even a bit– to his grandparents or uncles or aunts. But this time, he was claiming that these extravagant book collection was directly handed down to him by a grandmother of his? A grandmother he claims to be not close to? "Excuse me?" Leo questioned, scowling. "You lost me there."

"Back then in college, remember? I lied a bit that time." Hakyeon giggled. "One grandmother is actually close to my heart. Unfortunately, I alone found her interesting." he grinned.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"She's crazy."

Leo's expression flashed a bigger sign of confusion. "Crazy metamorphically? Or...?"

"Literally crazy." Hakyeon smiled, somewhat taking that topic lightly. Leo's jaw fell and his eyes widened. Seeing through this, Hakyeon wasted no time to explain. "She was thought of being crazy when in fact, they weren't just in the same frequency as her. They thought she had lost her sanity but no, she was just too wise for them. She saw and knew things they couldn't. Those things you said to me before as well."

Leo paused before he realized what Hakyeon was addressing and pin-pointing at. The supernatural things about immortality, spells, reincarnation.

Reincarnation.

It hit him like a train in full speed before he rushed towards one of the three closets, astonishing Hakyeon. "Hey! Hey! Take it easy, Leo– Hey! Handle them carefully! Those are antique, y'know!" Hakyeon shrieked loudly as he tried to hold back Leo. But alas, the moment he saw that typical desperation from Leo's eyes, he knew he couldn't be stopped.

"Where are the reincarnation books? Where are they, Hakyeon?!" Leo was practically screaming as he grabbed Hakyeon's arms tightly. Surely, he'd leave a mark–

"L-Leo. It hurts." Hakyeon croaked, making Leo slowly release his grip on Hakyeon's thin wrist. He frowned and mumbled a breathy "sorry" before he sees the tanned latter smile angelically. A sign he understood him. "Come on. Let's look for that book or whatever." he smiled as he headed to the second closet. "Grandma used to pull those kinds of books from here... but how'll that help Jinae's situation?"

"There must be a cure for it. A way to save her." Leo explains with a stern look. "There must be a way because I am not letting her life slip away so easily like before. I'm not losing the battle once more."

"Yeah, but you're up against cancer this time, Leo. Not some assassins watching outside her home's gate or her window." Hakyeon pursed his lips as he continues to look for the said books. "You're challenging an incurable disease her that could only go away with a miracle and a strong body, and by the looks of it, there won't be any miracle nor does Jinae have a strong body. She's a fragile woman, Leo." Hakyeon tried to explain.

Though he knew what the answer would be.

"I believe that there'll still be ptiy brought upon a woman like Jinae, Hakyeon. I believe in impossible cases. I've experienced lots more things that miracles, Hakyeon, so why can't I take another risk, hm?" he asks.

He knew his words would just go through one ear and exit the other.

And he was slowly losing to jealousy.

Jinae was winning Leo again.

He's going to lose him.

He's going to be drifted away from his best friend again if ever Jinae succeeds in healing.

But why is he acting so selfish? He's up against a woman who couldn't even stand straight without her walker. A woman who'd collapse just by walking a few feet away from her bedroom. A woman who's been struck by a deadly disease called cancer. A woman whose days are actually counted down.

And Hakyeon? He's born into an average family who loved him and raised him perfectly. Siblings who achieved high positions in different places in the world. A family who had lovingly supported him throughout his life despite being admitted gay. A guy who could save this desperate Leo from hurting himself on and on. A guy who stood out as a model to youngsters and even people older and of the same age. A guy who was born strong and healthy, with no problems.

But he was being constricted by jealousy itself that made him go blind in the battle.

He's the lion and Jinae's nothing but a poor, helpless kitten. 

He needed to help Leo.

"Here." Hakyeon cried out,forcing his expression to brighten up as he held a leather-covered book, dust still embracing it. He brushed it off carefully with his bare hands before he flipped open the pages. The paper was a yellowish color and it smelled really, really old. The pictures were kind of blurry and so were the words. He placed it down on his lap as the two of them sat down, scanning for any useful information.

"Reincarnation... magic... spells... yatta, yatta, yatta." Hakyeon clicked his tongue as he glanced through pages. "Nothing useful!" he hissed. 

"Calm down and flip the next page." Leo tapped his shoulder as he scanned the pages.

Then.

There it was.

"Stop!" Leo cried out as he stopped Hakyeon's hands with his. He was literally clasping them, that made Hakyeon's heart skip beats. 

Leo. Holding his hands. Clasping them tight. 

Keep it together, Cha Hakyeon. This guy's taken. Calm down..–

"W-what is it?" Hakyeon asked, voice stuttering. "Did you locate it?"

Leo froze as if he was a statue before Hakyeon notices his shaky eyes. They were out of focus as he felt his hands trembling over his. "Ring."

"Ring?" Hakyeon blinked. "A ring? What about a ring, Leo? What ring?"

"I buried a ring in the forests of Seoul centuries ago. A ring I was supposedly going to give to Minhwa the day she was assassinated." Leo narrated as he shot up. "I buried a ring in the forest, Hakyeon! It might help! Look here." he says, pointing at a specific part of the page. "It's a sort of riddle or something." he says, reading the words. "A jewel shining brightly in the hearts of lovers. A jewel that can make love more powerful than it is."

Hakyeon pouted. "Alright. We'll dig that up one time. Other than that, we'll find more solutions, alright?" he smiles, making Leo flash back a small er and fainter smile before they began scanning up the other books. 

Hours had passed.

And Leo nor Hakyeon wasn't giving up. Hakyeon fogot the jealousy things and just had to help.

"Excuse me, I'll need to take this." Leo suddenly says as he grabs his phone . He stands up and the moment he does, he doesn't return sitting down, instead, returns Hakyeon a panicked and worried expression. "Alright... alright... I'll be there as soon as possible. Thanks, Bin." he shakily says before he cuts the call.

"What's up?" the tanned latter questioned.

"J-Jinae." Leo faltered.

"What about her? She woke up? And was that Hongbin? Is Hyuk with him? Are they–"

"Jinae's in the Emergency Room."