chapter seven  ; 
                he hurts me?

Cancer?

She had cancer? For how long has she been suffering such? Why hasn't he been aware of this? 

The Seo's weren't in the cancerous genes, if he could remember clear. They weren't the type of people who would easily catch sicknesses, much more the deadly types. Perhaps someone joined the family line that wielded cancer? Perhaps Jinae inherited it from there. But no, the Seo's wouldn't let that happen. They wouldn't let anyone in their family line carry such deadly illness! They're the careful kind. The said blood line has a small chance of getting cancer.

So, how?

What kind of cancer was she carrying along? There are lots of types. How bad? Is she constantly in pain? How can she never told him? Maybe it's because they're not that close yet for him to learn about her health conditions. No. Someone must've said that to him. What if it was told and yet, the one to tell was made to vow to never spill the beans out? No. It's impossible.

Leo then conducted a small and serious investigation. Unfortunately, he was just someone normal. He had that normal level of intelligence and he didn't have the instruments to put such idea into action, eventually leading to his failure.

But that wasn't enough to stop him. He had a plan that he could surely resort to.

"What cancer she has?" Hongbin blinks, eyes locked on Leo.

The often seen quiet man wearing a rather casual attire of an ash-gray long sleeve and jeans was sitting in front of the dimpled waiter, a cup of cappuchino in his hand. His seemingly lifeless black orbs were locked back at the waiter, nodding his head upon hearing the latter's question. "I'm curious on what kind of cancer Jinae has and on how bad it is." Leo softly says before sipping on his drink once again. "It's nothing weird, right? I'm just... well, curious."

"Of course, but I'm just surprised that something like Jinae's condition would grab your interest." Hongbin softly chuckles before he puts down the tray. His eyes broke contact with Leo's eyes for a while, scanning the area. The place was surprisingly empty, not a single customer inside. Most often times, it would be a buzzing place, both waiters and waitresses walking to and fro., getting and delivering everyone's orders. 

But for now? The lack of customers was an advantage to enter such serious conversation with the quiet male sitting in front of him. "She has blood cancer." Hongbin replies, calm yet a faint spark of fear and worry audible. "It's in a rather... ugly stage."

"Is it bad? Perhaps at its worst?" Leo asks again. This time, Hongbin answers replies quietly with a nod. ""

"Yes." 

Leo fell silent. It was indeed a bad one.  "How long does she has before she, well... goes?" his voice was shaky, and Hongbin might or might not notice so. This time, the waiter answers with a shrug. "I see. It's still unsure."

"And if she does have to go..." Hongbin's words fell. "Let it not... be now. Or tomorrow. Or the next days. Let her last at least a bit longer. She hasn't enjoyed her earthly life that much yet. She has so much to see. So much to feel. So much more left unsolved and undiscovered for Jinae.

Leo could agree. The young girl's life, if compared to a shrub, was nothing more than a seed just beginning to make its way into "life". It was just starting. It wasn't even halfway through.

It was pitiful.

But Leo was rather impressed. Hongbin managed to stick into honesty despite having his beloved lady suffer a deadly sickness with a 50-50 chance between life and death. And even Jinae, he was extremely proud. The young lady was bravely fighting cancer with a smile on her face. It was pretty brave of her.

But the thought of Jinae being stolen away from them– no, him– was more than frightening. If her life were to be taken away once again by death itself, Leo would literally break down and crumble into a broken and crazy mess. In fact, he himself doesn't know how he would survive this deathless life he was living. If he couldn't save or do anything to keep Jinae away from the hands of death for the second time, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself. He wouldn't be able to life normally. He'd just continue and do all sorts of things to die.

Because Jinae, at some point, is Minhwa as well. It's possible. She could be Minhwa's great grandchild, or perhaps a reincarnation as what the old folktales stated out. Anything was possible at this moment. Anything could be considered "real" for a man like Leo. Anything was possible, and nothing seemed impossible.

"What can we do about this then? Is there something we can do for her?" Leo asks after taking another sip from his drink, his eyes finding their way towards Hongbin. Once more, he wanted to know what he can do for her. What he can do to at least lessen the pain. Death can be avoided, yes, but if he couldn't do anything at all– not like he can't do anything anymore– he'd like Jinae to have the best life she could ever live. 

But Hongbin wasn't rather sure. He had accepted that fact that anytime, death could come knocking on her door. Yes, he wanted to keep his beloved happy, but he can't do anything if it's death they're talking about. "... Hope and pray that a miracle would happen." Hongbin answers in a whisper-like way. He wasn't even sure if Leo heard it. 

"At least... you're there to be with her, right?" Leo softly says, standing up and digging in his pockets for his wallet and the right amount of payment. "And we're here to support her too. Don't ever hesitate to ring us a call if anything becomes a burden or so. Or if anything... goes off plan. Don't ever hesitate, do you understand, Hongbin?"

"Of course. I wouldn't even dare to forget such." the dimpled waiter smiles, picking up his tray again and walking up to the counter. "Well, I have to go work now. Customers have the tendency to just come in the place when you least expect it. Plus, you must be a busy man. You must have lots of work to do."

"I do. But I can spare some time to do those and have a few minutes all for myself and so."

"Lucky. You don't have to work late just to earn a living."

"Perhaps I am." a soft smile appears. Leo slowly stretches his right arm to the waiter, the bill paid correctly. "I'll go now. Do well in work, Hongbin."

"Same goes to you." the waiter replies, waving his hand, a bright smile to match.

Hakyeon had just finished eating lunch with Leo. Throughout the meal, he did notice Leo quiet and seemingly deep in thought. He acted rather differently, not that he was too different to handle. He was just worried on what ran in his complex mind. A new suicidal method? A new deadly plan? Was he drowning in his own self-pity once again?  "Hakyeon," he hears Leo's nearly inaudible voice call out. 

"What's up?" he tries to reply in a calm tone.

Leo stands up and places his book down. "What can you do for a cancer patient?" he asks. Hakyeon was rather astonished on how Leo had asked something like that out of the blue. Unsure of what to say, he simply tilts his head in confusion.

"What made you ask so?" Hakyeon questions. "Is something bothering you?"

"Well..." Leo hesitated to tell Hakyeon about Jinae. It's been a week since he learned about Jinae's real situation and yes, he continuously hesitated to tell Hakyeon such. Why? He's witnessed how the latter could get worried. It's a horrible sight. Hakyeon has a sixty percent chance of breaking down into a panicking mess. Leo hated to see or even make his best friend drown in worry. 

"Well what?" Hakyeon pouts, crossing his arms. "C'mon, don't hesitate. We're best of friends, I'm sure I'll understand."

"Promise you won't panic and worry in a bad way?" 

"Promise."

"... Alright." Leo nods, inhaling sharply before he starts to prepare to spill the beans out. "It's, well, it's–"

"Leo! Leo!"

The familiar voice of Hongbin coming from outside grabbed the two male's attention. Alerted, the two darted towards the front door where the dimpled waiter was panting heavily, leaning on the doorway to support his shaking body. Based on how he was, he seems to be panicking about something, which worries both Hakyeon and Leo. "What's wrong?" Hakyeon nearly cries out, seeing the beads of sweat form on Hongbin's forehead. "What's going on, Hongbin?"

"Jinae." he breathes out. Leo could already feel his colors go down the drain upon hearing that name. "Jinae... Jinae's no where to be found."

"What?!" Hakyeon nearly exclaims in shock. "Wha–... how?! What do you mean no where to be found?"

"Her parents... called me. They told me that... Jinae hasn't been back since six in the morning. She told them... she was going for a quick stroll alone but it's nearly two in the afternoon and she isn't back yet. They tried contacting her, but her phone seems to be unattended. Either it's dead or it's not with her. We've got to find her... we have to–"

"Leo!" Hakyeon shouts, seeing Leo sprint out of his residence. He didn't bother on using his car, it wouldn't help him in this situation. He didn't even care where Jinae can be, he only wanted to find her. He forgot Hakyeon and Hongbin. His legs were sprinting at their fastest pace, carrying Leo with the wind.

Soon enough, he got in the center square. There were possibilities that Jinae can be around. Perhaps in a cafe, sipping some hot chocolate or eating a slice of strawberry shortcake. Maybe in a bookstore, reading a rather heart touching novel. Maybe in the arcade, playing the gun game all by herself. She can be anywhere, doing her own stuff.

She was Minhwa in some way anyway. She was similar to Minhwa.

Minhwa was someone no ordinary person could predict. Maybe she's thinking of something deep right now, but by the next five seconds, she could be thinking about her dinner from a month ago or so. She was so unpredictable that not even Leo could see through her at some times.

Where would Minhwa go in this modern era of time?

Ah, who cares? Let his feet carry him wherever and maybe, just maybe, he could see Jinae wandering off in her own life's beat and pace.

And he did.

He had no idea why he arrived at this lonely street lined with trees. Jiane was there– up in a tree. She sat there, basking in the afternoon sun's rays, a book on her hand and her shoulder bang dangling loosely on a branch nearby. She sat ever so comfortably that her position seemed to shout "I'll fall anytime, someone catch me". Leo nearly felt his heart drop upon seeing the young lady up  there. "Jinae!" he calls out, grabbing the female's attention quickly.

"Oh! Leo, hi there!" she casually waves as she puts her book down. "What brings you here? Wind carried you to where I am?"

"Don't mind why I'm here, why are you up there?! Get down before you even get hurt! Geez, don't you know the word 'safety'?!" 

"Don't be such a worry-bout, Leo." she simply chuckles as she shifted her sitting position, a smile still plastered on her face. "I'm fine up here. I do this almost every time. I'm perfectly used to it."

"Used to or not, get down! You might fall!"

"I'll be fine– oops!"

"Jinae–!"

A laugh escapes the females lips. Leo could only glare at her upon feeling his heart skip a beat upon hearing the female's sudden scream earlier. "Tricked you!" she pointed, still chuckling. 

"Don't do that!" Leo literally shouts again, stomping his feet and crossing his arms. "Get down already!"

"Alright, alright." she giggles before she reaches for her shoulder bag, slipping the book inside. In a blink, the female prepares for her big jump and lets go of the branch, which lights up Leo's reflexes to catch her. Like lightning, he runs towards Jinae and catches her as she falls.  Of course, he succeeds in catching her, but eventually surprises the female as well. "Woah, what was that for?" Jinae gasps as she felt Leo catch her perfectly.

Noticing what he had done, Leo hurriedly yet carefully puts the lady down, rubbing his nape in embarrassment. Jinae looking like Minhwa and him being used to guarding Minhwa off of danger. Blood rushed to his face and not wanting to let the latter see, he simply turns around and hides his face.  

"That was pretty sweet, thanks." Jinae grins as she taps Leo's shoulder. "And to add, you getting ashamed is actually pretty cute. No need to hide it." she laughs as she tries to take a glimpse of Leo's reddening face. Eventually, she succeeds in seeing Leo's blushing face, and of course, she had to squeal to show how she found his face too adorable to handle. "Too cute! You're too cute!" she giggles as she squishes the male's cheeks. 

Although Leo had to swat her cheeks away gently in the end, Jinae still tried to cling on the taller male. "Hongbin must find you troublesome to handle, huh?" he jokes as he pats the shorter. True. Jinae is indeed a container of happiness and energy and purity. She was someone so fragile that anyone who'd have her– particularly Hongbin– would truly treasure her and has the chances of not wanting to let her go. "He's pretty lucky to have you, Jinae." he smiles faintly.

For a moment there, he saw Jinae's smile vanish as they slowly walked down the street. Confusion hits Leo and due to this, he tries to see the female's face the similar way she tried to see his face of embarrassment. "What's bothering you this time? Something going on?" he questioned, trying to eye Jinae carefully.  "Come on, you saw my red face lately, why won't you turn around and show me yours as well? It's unfair if you keep doing that–"

"Hongbin doesn't love me." she mumbles under her breath, barely inaudible.

But Leo has some sharp hearing senses. "What?" he blinks as he turns to Jinae. "What do you mean?"

"He doesn't really love me." Jinae smiles in agony as she tries to eye Leo with those teary eyes of hers. Leo was rather surprised to see those tears slowly pool in her eyes, a few threatening to roll down her cheeks. "He... the feelings he say that he feels towards me is nothing but a sad fairytale. Hongbin... never really felt anything true towards me. I know, I'm weak, and perhaps that's what made him fear to tell me the truth. I'm fragile, perhaps the reason he wants to protect me. But he's lying alone. The love he speaks of is nothing but a mere lie."

"What are you saying? Hongbin loves you." Leo frowns as he continues to walk beside Jinae. "The way he's worrying as of now due to your absence, the way he talks about you, the way he acts towards you and the way he talks about you... aren't those proofs of how true his love is towards you–"

"You don't understand, Leo. There is something... you don't know. Something that brought him to act as of now." 

Leo scowls. Was it her illness? Was Hongbin pitying her all this time, and that made him. He knew that he shouldn't show that he's aware of such, but someday, the cat will be let out of the bag. Why wait if there will be the same results soon? He hesitated, but hey, for what? "I know, believe it or not." he softly says.

"What?"

"Cancer. You have cancer, right? Blood cancer?"

"How...–"

"Hongbin told me by accident. I know that I shouldn't stick my nose on those kinds of things, but well... I kind of knew it. Accidentally knew it. He was panicking and well, he kind of slipped. He told me."

Jinae went silent. Leo could only hit himself mentally for spitting such information. Jinae would probably hate him now. Of course, why would cancer patients like to hear and recall their current situation? Ah, how stupid of Leo that was! "... So now, do you pity me too?"

Leo's eyes widened as he heard Jinae's soft voice. Her voice sounded hurt. Her eyes were almost filled with tears, anytime, those tears would be rolling down her slowly flushing pink cheeks. She'd be sobbing within seconds so he had to say or at least do something. "Of course I do. Anyone who'd learn so will pity you. They'd be worried."

Jinae sniffled as she tried to wipe away the threatening tears about to fall down. "I hate making people pity me. It makes me feel so small. It makes me feel like I'm drowning in other's towering shadows and all. I hate making people worry." she states out in a broken sob. "I want... to make others see me as an independent person too."

Leo sighed.

She didn't only look like Minhwa, she acted like her too.

"I want to be known as an independent being one day." those words still rang clear in Leo's mind, Minhwa's voice still echoing in the depths of his head. Minhwa, and Jinae as well, both craved to be known to be strong, independent ones in the society. Something might hinder them, yes. In Minhwa's place, her pacifist nature and for Jinae, her cancer, might be obstacles but that doesn't mean anything nor diminishes the chances of being independent. They both know their limits and surely, they'll not push themselves over the line, right?

"I don't pity you that way though, Jinae." Leo smiles. "It's natural for someone to instantly pity you especially when you're, well, terribly sick. But that doesn't mean we don't see you as an independent person anymore. We're just here to support you if things start getting risky. Something like supporting walls, you know?"

Jinae slowly smiled. "Really?"

"Really."

"... But Hongbin," Jinae pauses. "I'm still... not sure. I want to hear the words coming from himself that he, well, chooses to be with me because he really wanted to, not because he simply pities and worries about my limits, about my illness, about everything."

"How'd you get the hunches that Hongbin doesn't love you truly though?"

"I don't know. Just, well, felt it. My parents told me that a female's hunches never lie fifty-percent of the time." she simply giggles as she eyes Leo. "Thanks for listening though. I might've sounded a bit, well, selfish."

"Selfish? Nah, I've heard way more things than those." Leo smiles, keeping the fact that those "things" were basically Minhwa's. "It's normal for a lady to have hunches and she definitely has the right to confirm such."

"True." Jinae smiles.

Leo softly feels better as he sees Jinae's sunny smile. "If you want," he begins, grabbing the female's attention with ease. "I can help you confirm such. I'll talk to Hongbin and all."

"You'd do that?"

"Of course, why not? We're friends now, aren't we?"

"Indeed we are! Thank you, Leo."

"Anything for you, milady."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing." he laughs. "It's nothing."