Twenty minutes later, everyone was seated in the living room. After the news of Jimin’s proposal the others had discarded their cabbage-plans, and were now having a meeting to discuss the circumstances. Well, Namjoon liked to phrase it that way. It was more like an interrogation and possible blackmailing-material.

“So,” Namjoon said matter-of-factly. “You’re engaged now?” Both Jimin and Yoongi looked uncomfortable, twirling their thumbs in silence as their eyes were glued to the floor.

“Maybe,” Jimin muttered, turning his gaze to the window. This was not how he had predicted his future to be decided, and with Yoongi nonetheless. He was going to live the rest of his life on cabbage-based food.

Namjoon sighed. “How can you maybe be engaged? God Jimin, I hope you talked to his parents about this,”

Jimin sent Namjoon a look. “Why does everyone keep talking about Yoongi-hyung’s parents? Shouldn’t I be taken into consideration here?” he protested upset, because all the other people mentioned were Yoongi’s parents. Jimin had, as a matter of fact, met them once, and they were quite nice.

Hoseok furred his eyebrows, looking at Jimin like he was joking. “You were the one who proposed. You’ll have to face the consequences,” he remarked.

“Why do you keep talking about it like I am a horrible person?” Yoongi broke in, staring at Hoseok with a sour look. Hoseok in the other hand, just gave him a ‘really? You seriously don’t know?’-look, but didn’t say anything.

Jungkook, who was half-asleep in the couch, sat up. “You can’t get married in South Korea though,” he said. “I admire the fact that you’re willing to travel to a foreign country to get married,” then he lay down again, satisfied with his contribution to the issue. Now he could dream away (hopefully without the stupid cabbages – the root of this whole damn problem), and no one could bother him about not participating. Maybe having Jimin married away would work in favour for him either way – he wouldn’t be able to drag Jungkook around anymore. That was surely a benefit.

Seokjin sighed. “That’s a good question though,” he said. “What will the general public think of it?”

Namjoon snorted displeased. “The general public can go to a certain place instead of concerning themselves with the love-life of our two members. Love is love no matter who it is, and, in this case, what it is.” He stated clearly (Jimin let out a offended “hey!” at this point, but no one really cared). It was a well-known fact that Namjoon was open about supporting gay rights, and whenever issues surrounding it were brought up he turned from Emotionless-Mon to Who-Dares-Argue-With-Me-On-This-Watch-Me-Slay-My-Enemies-Mon. Needless to say, no one ever mentioned it, because they would be verbally attacked even if they agreed with him.

Yoongi shook his head and looked over at Jimin. “I am not travelling to Japan to get married to you,” he announced, making Jimin grip his hair in desperation, wanting to drop to his knees in frustration.

“I won’t take you to Japan to marry you!” he exclaimed.

Taehyung tilted his head slightly, crossing his arms. “But gay marriage isn’t legal in Japan either,” he said confused. “So why would go you there anyways?”

“I want to go to Japan!” Seokjin nodded for himself.

“But you’re not getting married,” Hoseok remarked.

Namjoon looked at Hoseok. “But I thought we just sorted out that you couldn’t get married in Japan,”

“Well, why else would Seokjin go to Japan other than getting married?” Yoongi pointed out, seeing how the oldest had gotten so old he should probably begin to search for a spouse already.

“Wait, is Seokjin getting married as well as Jimin and Yoongi?” Jungkook asked confused, not having followed the conversation, as he had been busy trying to sleep.

Jimin wailed in frustration, wanting to lie down and cry. “No one is getting married!” he said loudly.

Hoseok just lifted an eyebrow. “Hey, your fiancé is right beside you, show some respect,” he huffed. And Jimin had never wanted to drown himself so badly in all his life.

Jungkook sighed. “I wanted Seokjin to get married though,” he muttered.

Seokjin squinted at him from where he stood, danger in his voice. “You want what?” he inquired.

“I want you to get married soon,” Jungkook said louder. “Namjoon is being even more reckless than normal and now all he does is laze around. If you finally got married to him you would be able to put him in place without him screaming about you not being his mother,” he explained, and both Taehyung and Jimin nodded in acknowledgement. The youngest did have a point.

“When you marry someone you don’t become their mother though, so he would still be able to say that,” Yoongi shot in from the sideline.

Jungkook shook his head. “No, because Seokjin would be the wife,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Hey!” Seokjin broke in. “Why would I be the wife?”

“Well, do you want to picture Namjoon in a wedding dress?”

“I guess I’ll be the wife then… wait, I’m not even getting married!”

“No one is getting married!” Jimin almost shouted for the third time, on the edge of despair.

“Hey!” Namjoon complained. “Just because you’re about to have a problematic marriage doesn’t mean you can ruin mine!” At this point Jimin tried to vaporize him with his mind. It didn’t work.

“So you are getting married to Seokjin!”

Seokjin shook his head. “If Namjoon is trying to me, he is going to have to propose,” he declared stubbornly.

“Does this mean it’ll be a double-wedding?” Hoseok wondered.

“No,” Jimin cried. “Because there will be no wedding!”

Yoongi looked at him with an arched eyebrow. “I think you’re being a little bit inconsiderate here. Do you intend to keep me engaged forever?” And Jimin was so close from having a breakdown.

“If Namjoon and Seokjin are getting married, I want to get married too!” Taehyung stated. Then he looked at the two other people currently un-engaged in the room, before he jumped Jungkook and sat on his stomach in the couch. Jungkook let out a very questionable noise are there was a very unhealthy-sounding crunch, as Taehyung hugged him.

“Kookie!” he exclaimed. “Will you marry me?”

Jungkook chocked, desperately trying to breathe. “Cabbages and you are – crushing me,” he said as he heaved for air.

Taehyung frowned. “So you won’t marry me?” he asked disappointed as Jungkook started to flail with his arms and legs, to signalize that he was kind of dying, pressed between Yoongi’s cabbages in sofa and Taehyung.

“Will you get off me then?” he choked with what was left of air in his lungs. Taehyung nodded eagerly, and Jungkook just managed to give him a thumb up before the older finally got up and he was able to breathe.

Seokjin looked at Taehyung and sighed. “You can’t do that,” he said.

Taehyung furred his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly in question, and the others did as well, not seeing why Seokjin was opposed to Jungkook/Taehyung if he was okay with Namjoon. “And why so?” Taehyung wondered.

“Because Jungkook is underage. You’ll end up in jail,”

There was a silence, and Jungkook – who hadn’t even quite caught what Taehyung had asked him to as he was too busy trying not to die, realized he was now supposedly engaged as well. And to Taehyung nonetheless. Sometimes he caught himself thinking that his day couldn’t get any worse, but then stuff like this happened and he wondered if he was going to survive to see himself turn twenty. Calculating his chances as of now, the probability was more negative than anything else.

“They can still be engaged though,” Namjoon rationalized. “They just can’t get married before Jungkook turns eighteen.”

Jungkook stared at Namjoon with his best ‘are-you-ing-kidding-me-right-now’-gaze, looking completely done with him. “You are not helping,” he said irritated.

Namjoon just shrugged. “You accepted, so it’s your fault,” he stated, which in theory was true. Jungkook didn’t look very impressed.

“Why are we even discussing this?!” Jimin asked, his despair having turned into melancholia. Seeing the way this was going, he was going to grow old with Yoongi and the cabbages. “There is no wedding!”

Taehyung just looked at him. “Hey, just because I got the best member to marry doesn’t mean you can annul my wedding! Don’t be jealous just because you ended up with Yoongi!”

This however, despite him not actually intending on marrying Yoongi anytime in the near future, fired Jimin up. No one was talking about his fiancée that way. “I’m sorry? All your fiancée is doing is sleep anyways, you’ll be married to a bed!”

“It’s better than being married to a vegetable!”

“Hey, tha-”

At this point, Namjoon broke in to stop the fighting. “Just stop it now, okay?” he tried to negotiate.

“You’re just jealous because you’ll go bankrupt when covering Seokjin’s Starbucks-fees!”

“At least I’m not getting married to a guy that talks to kelp!”

“Okay, that was one time,”

“He also named a palm tree, Namjoon has a point,”

“Your future spouse meditates on the top of that tree, you don’t get to have a say.”

“Hey! Don’t talk to my fiancée like tha – god what am I saying we are not marrying anyone!”

“Actually,” a new voice said, interrupting the fighting that had broke out as everyone tried to protect their own. “That isn’t quite right,”

Everyone jumped in surprise, and Taehyung hid under the couch and covered his ears, just like last time this had happened. “OH MY GOD!” he screamed. “IT’S THE ALIENS, THEY’RE GOING TO KILL US!”

Namjoon just threw Taehyung a glance, and then looked at Jungkook, who tried to get comfortable in the furniture Taehyung was taking cover. “Jungkook, shut your husband up,” he ordered.

Jungkook sent him a sour stare. “But I didn’t know what I was agreeing to!” he complained. “I was dying a minute ago and now I’m getting married and I’m going to die again before I can meet G-Dragon,” Strangely enough, the others didn’t really care because the maknae was usually lucky and karma seemed to finally had gotten to him. Jimin was extra happy for that.

Seokjin looked at the tv-screen behind them, which had lit up with the face of their manager. “Oh. The one who kidnapped us and placed us an abandoned island to wither away and die,” he said in a flat tone, not very impressed. Their manager sighed, and Taehyung crawled out from under the couch.

“Hello!” he exclaimed. “Guess what! I’m engaged!”

“Taehyung, you are not,” Jimin said between clenched teeth, but Taehyung didn’t seem to even hear him.

“Yeah, I heard something like that,” their manager nodded.

Namjoon furred his eyebrows, looking skeptically at the screen. “You know already? Are you watching us live or something?”

Their manager shrugged, something they all took as a yes. Seokjin honestly felt betrayed, because that meant they had been witnessing his suffering this whole time without doing anything. It was just too cruel.

“So, what do you want?” Hoseok asked directly and straight to the point. This had only happened once before in the time they had been there, so it had to mean something.

“Ah yes, the reason I am calling you guys. Now, we’ve caught the word that you are intending on… marrying each other? We expected much but this was rather, uhm, surprising. Nonetheless, this ended up in something good as the next challenge has been decided through this.” He explained, and Jimin knew it was going to be bad.

Taehyung looked like he wanted to interrupt, but the manager continued on before he managed to do so. “Anyways, we thought we would inform you before you went off and got married on your own–” at this point Namjoon muttered something about “where the hell they were going to find a chapel and get married on a goddamn abandoned island” which actually was very rational. “-as we believe you should get the right directions. The next challenge is the ‘the Bridal Mission’. You’ll be paired into two, and we intend on using your current teams. Hoseok, you will act as the commentator as you are deemed the most fit for the job. You will try to win different contests together, and you will need to have good teamwork and focus to get through it.” He continued explaining, but at the point everyone had pretty much zoned out. Jungkook looked at Taehyung as he realized they would be paired, and he wondered if he was allowed to forfeit. Probably not.

After their manager was done talking, Taehyung lit up. “Does that mean I can marry Kookie?!” he wondered animatedly.

“…yeah, in theory, I guess you will. It’s mostly for the on-screen part of the show, but I guess if you want, you can have a platonic marriage…?”

To this, Taehyung grinned. “That’s great news!” he jumped, turning to Jungkook. “We’re marrying!” he said, throwing himself into the arms of the maknae again, who – just like last time – ended up fainting from the lack of oxygen.

Namjoon tilted his head. “So basically a marriage without the intimate parts,” he concluded, which the manager agreed to. Namjoon could live with that. At least he got the only one that could cook food. He did have his doubts about the others though.

“Well,” their manager ended the conversation. “You’ll get a new package soon, so look out for it!” he said and the screen went black again.

 For a couple of seconds there was complete silence, everyone looking at each other.

“But… I just wanted to not eat cabbages,” Jimin muttered helplessly.

I have been gone for such a long time! The chapter was longer this time, but quite a lot of concersation. I'm really sorry. But now I'm done with school and there is three weeks of nothing before school ends. Thank you for reading!

That said, this was originally meant to be posted much before! I didn't know how to write the scene until I read another BTS-crackfic, and realized I needed to get working on my own. I owe you for waiting for me and my stupid writing. The next chapter is planned though, so I think I'll be able to update relatively fast.