Uhm, there’s a bonus chapter before this though, if you wanted to waste some of your time, go read it --- sincerely not, silver (I’m rude, sorry, haha)

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Luhan is dying. He is dying and he deserves to be happy. He has to be happy in his remaining days in this world. And he doesn’t ing deserves to be hurt like this.

Kyungsoo and Luhan are talking in the café and restaurant as usual. Luhan has been in this town for a week but he’s been in this café and restaurant for only three days. He accepts what is Kyungsoo’s feelings towards Jongin and he doesn’t know what going on with the two yet.

He thinks carefully before doing this action. He thinks that there is nothing wrong and maybe, Kyungsoo can consider his feelings now that he knows that Jongin doesn’t like Kyungsoo for all the insults he heard yesterday from Jongin.

Luhan takes his courage because this will happen once in a lifetime, this will happen for the first and last time, Luhan thinks. Besides, if he gets rejected because Kyungsoo cannot fall inlove yet, he’s willing to wait until his death. All for Kyungsoo.

Luhan orders everything Kyungsoo wants in the menu of the cafe and restaurant and as he expects, Kyungsoo’s eyes sparkle just in time when the orders are in front of him. Kyungsoo gives Luhan a million of thank yous because he cannot afford all of these foods in front of him now.

Kyungsoo takes a bite and Luhan melts, because he sees Kyungsoo’s heart-shapes smile which he loved and will always love. He smiles at Kyungsoo and it catches Kyungsoo’s attention. “Why aren’t you eating?” Kyungsoo thinks it’s unfair because it is Luhan who ordered this so Luhan must take even just a little bite.

Luhan shakes his head and chuckles, “I cannot.” he simply says because he knows Kyungsoo understands. And Kyungsoo does but it makes him sad now that he remembers it. He pouts and stops eating. Luhan notices it and blinks his eyes at Kyungsoo. He asks Kyungsoo what the problem is.

Kyungsoo looks at Luhan sincerely and it is enough for Luhan to think that Kyungsoo cares for him. And as Kyungsoo says, “I don’t want you to leave.” Luhan’s heart starts to beat fast and he thinks he’s find the courage to tell Kyungsoo what he’s feeling.

Luhan holds Kyungsoo’s hands and Kyungsoo does the same, he’ll surely miss his bestfriend, “But I have to.” Luhan says and Kyungsoo understands but he still doesn’t want it, “So I want you to come with me.” and with that, Kyungsoo looks at Luhan, confused.

Luhan continues, “Kyungsoo I love you…” Kyungsoo knows it… but in the other way because Luhan continues, “I love you like how Chanyeol and Baekhyun love each other, how Suho and Chen love each other, like how Sehun loves Jongin, and I know it hurts, just like how you love Jongin.” Luhan seems so encouraged that he is so happy confessing to Kyungsoo.

But when the bell on the door rings and reveals Jongin, Kyungsoo looks at him with those eyes that indicate that he’ll be hurt. Kyungsoo shakes his head and tells him calmly. “I’m sorry Luhan. But--“

“But I can wait!” Luhan says even if he knows that his hours here are counted. He just wants to be with Kyungsoo, “until you forget about Jongin and I’ll wait until you love me.” Luhan smiles at Kyungsoo, but he doesn’t know why he trembles because Kyungsoo’s heart starts to break that Luhan can see it in the tears which drop from Kyungsoo’s eyes.

Kyungsoo holds Luhan’s hands tighter as he explains to the loved bestfriend, “I love you Luhan, I love you. But… I love Jongin and w-we’re dating.” Kyungsoo’s voice softens that Luhan almost cannot hear it. It strikes Luhan right in the hole of his heart. He sniffs and tears start falling down his eyes. He pulls his hands away from Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo cannot let go of Luhan especially when he knows Luhan’s condition. So Kyungsoo pulls Luhan’s hands and holds it again. Jongin sees this but he thinks that he knows what is going on. He just stays on the counter to watch the two because he understands what Luhan is going through. Luhan bows his head in pain and embarrassment.

Kyungsoo kisses Luhan’s hands repeatedly and mumbles I’m sorry endlessly, “Let me kiss the pain away Luhan…” Kyungsoo kisses Luhan’s hands for the last time because Luhan pulls his hands away from Kyungsoo’s grip again. Kyungsoo looks at Luhan as Luhan drops his hands on the edge of the table and he lifts his crying face as he tells Kyungsoo, “I’m sorry Kyungsoo. But I think you cannot do that.”

Luhan says and he stands up to get out of the café and restaurant. Kyungsoo runs after and calls Luhan but Luhan seems not to hear Kyungsoo because he can only hear his heart breaking. Kyungsoo cries as Luhan gets out of the place. Kyungsoo bows down his head to apologize to Luhan even though Luhan cannot hear him anymore.

Jongin then goes to Kyungsoo and gathers him in his arms. Kyungsoo hugs Jongin because Luhan is important to him. And he knows that Jongin can understand him. Jongin runs his hand on Kyungsoo’s hair to rub it gently. He kisses Kyungsoo’s head as Kyungsoo mumbles I’m sorry to Luhan.

Luhan runs to nowhere until he finds himself staring at the playground where he and Kyungsoo used to play. And it makes him sadder and the pain in his heart gets more visible when tears start to fall from his eyes once again. He crouches down and cries in his knees. He doesn’t care what people will say to him crying with the snow falling down him. All he knows now is that he’s hurt. And he is dying. He cannot love another man anymore, because who wants to love another man? He wants to thank the hell for his luck.

Then someone places a cold water bottle on his neck which makes him lift his head up just to see the poker faced Sehun looking down at him. Sehun looks down and places the water bottle in front of Luhan’s eyes. Luhan shakes his head because that is not the one that can relieve his heart right now, but Sehun says, “This can ease the pain in some way.”

Sehun takes his seat beside Luhan on the ground and places the water bottle beside them. He relaxes himself and looks at the playground where he is in. He looks at Luhan whose lips are pale and he snorts, “Aish, I’m telling you to drink it. Look at you, yo---“

“It can never kiss the pain away!” Luhan cuts and shouts at Sehun. No one can kiss the pain away he’s feeling right now because it still hurts him. He cannot forget the pain too because it means that it is forgetting about Kyungsoo too, and he can never do that.

Then Sehun looks at him with judging eyes and he shouts at Luhan, “Who the hell told you that it can kiss the pain away? And you’re shouting at me? I just told you that it can EASE the pain in some way.” And that makes Luhan stop in place hearing the curses he hears from Sehun. Sehun continues because he cannot contain his annoyance that he’s trying to cheer the person up just to be shouted right in the face, “Aish, are you that deaf to be mistaken the word ‘ease’ to the word ‘kiss’? I know it sounds alike but what the hell are you thinking!”

Sehun pauses because what Luhan said is ridiculous, “A kiss can never take the pain away. In some instance, it can hurt someone more. And that thing doesn’t exist in this world, now that we’re adults, aish, that’s only for ones like Kyungsoo. Are you Kyungsoo? That you’ll believe in those statements? Aish, he’s really an idiot.” Sehun insults Kyungsoo but Luhan can see that there is something different in Sehun talking about Kyungsoo now that he has known Kyungsoo for some days.

“No one can kiss the pain away because pain will always exist in one’s world. Look, there’s so much in pain now in that world, in that café and restaurant? Do you see it? They say that sadness is not allowed in that world. Should I tell them that they are not allowed in this world? Because sadness is one of the reasons why someone can smile.” Sehun says and Luhan can only look and blink at the things Sehun is telling him, somehow he’s got a point but how is sadness a reason why someone can smile.

Sehun looks at Luhan and explains, “Because you can never feel happiness when you haven’t feel sadness.” Sehun explains shortly but meaningfully. Then Sehun places his hands on the ground to lean, “Aish, I’m saying too much right? When I am just telling you to drink this water.” Sehun smiles at himself because he’s being ridiculous. “Yah, drink that now, it can EASE the pain in some way. And I’m not asking you why you are crying because I cried because of them too. But I won’t give up.” Sehun stands up and leaves Luhan to go to the café and restaurant, ready to be hurt again.

Luhan looks at Sehun’s back and at the water bottle. Then he finds himself asking as he stares at the water bottle, will I ever experience happiness after this sadness? If I will… where? In heaven? Luhan drinks it to ease the pain in some way.

Sehun goes in the café and restaurant just to find them swarming around Baekhyun. He rolls his eyes because here it goes again. Problem arises again. And he thinks he is right, this can never exist when there is no pain or sadness in it.

He just goes to a table to watch Jongin and Kyungsoo beside with each other while Baekhyun is explaining something to them. Sehun looks around and he knows now who are they talking about. It is not him, and he’s thanking them for it, and it is not Luhan either… because it is Chanyeol.

Baekhyun wipes the tears forming in his eyes as he explains everything what happened earlier in the morning in the Park’s residence. They were about to go to the café and restaurant together when the classmates of Chanyeol saw them walking hand in hand together.

They both froze in an instant and Baekhyun let go of Chanyeol’s hand because they shouldn’t be caught especially, these students were the mischievous ones and can spread the news to everyone in the campus when vacation ends.

Baekhyun let go of Chanyeol’s hand even though Chanyeol felt that it was not important because they’re outside the school and it was fine because they love each other and that was what more important, right?

They greeted Chanyeol and Baekhyun then they asked them if they were dating because they caught them holding their hands. Chanyeol thought that there was nothing they can do because they were caught but Baekhyun immediately told the students that they were not dating and that hurt Chanyeol.

The students insisted that they saw them holding their hands then Baekhyun told them that Chanyeol was his nephew and he has to take care of him because they also knew that Chanyeol was so clumsy. Chanyeol was about to oppose to what the hell Baekhyun was saying when Baekhyun held his hand again and told the students that he was shopping with Chanyeol.

The students bid goodbye to them and looked like they believed at the lie of their teacher. They believed because they were nephew and uncle and there’s nothing wrong with it, maybe because Baekhyun was so sweet and caring that’s why he held onto his nephew to take care of him.

Baekhyun sighed in relief that those students were afar from them. He smiled at Chanyeol but Chanyeol did not. Baekhyun felt like Chanyeol was disappointed. Baekhyun blinked at Chanyeol and asked Chanyeol what the problem is.

Chanyeol then asked Baekhyun if he really loved him. And that question made Baekhyun gasp, “W-why are you asking me that? Of course I love you!” Baekhyun exclaimed and acted that everything will be alright after this because he knew that Chanyeol understood their situation.

But Chanyeol didn’t because he complained to Baekhyun, “Then why did you deny me in front of them?” Baekhyun didn’t like the sound in Chanyeol’s deep voice. He tried his best not to furrow his eyes on Chanyeol and this just needed a little explanation.

So he explained, “I had to Chanyeol, for our protection, for our relationship.” He held Chanyeol’s hand to assure him but Chanyeol didn’t let him and that made Baekhyun froze.

Chanyeol looked at him with disappointment and Baekhyun didn’t like it a bit, “Or is it for our reputation. Baekhyun, I want to tell them that you are my boyfriend.” Chanyeol told what he’s thinking about.

Then Baekhyun shook his head, “No Chanyeol, we’re not doing that. Do you know what people will say when they knew about our relationship? Yes, I can apply to other schools but it won’t be easy because I’d have a bad image and the same goes to you. Don’t worry Chanyeol, we’ll get through it after you gradu---“

“So it’s really for our reputation. Baekhyun, I don’t care about it now. I just want you to know how proud I am that I’m your boyfriend. Or is it because you are not proud of it?” Chanyeol wrinkled his eyes on Baekhyun and Baekhyun did the same. “Chanyeol, it’s not easy.” But he was suddenly cut by Chanyeol.

“It’s not easy? Then let me make this easy for you. Let’s break up.” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun cannot believe what he was saying. He shook his head to Chanyeol and tried to explain once again.

“Look Chanyeol, people will throw insults to us. And you won’t be happy because of it. Do you know how those students insulted Kyungsoo? That it hurt Kyungsoo so much? I can’t stand to see you be hurt by those.” Baekhyun looked like he was about to cry but Chanyeol was the one who started crying that it hurt Baekhyun too.

Chanyeol shouted his love for Baekhyun, “I can handle those insults Baekhyun, for you!” He didn’t care with what other people say; all he cared about now was that he wanted everyone know that Baekhyun was the one he loved.

But Baekhyun knew more in this world, and he’s too afraid that Chanyeol will get hurt because of the words people will throw at them. Baekhyun shook his head. “For how long Chanyeol. for half a year? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Chanyeol pouted and another batch of tears come out from his eyes, “But you’re hurting me everytime you reject me in front of me and in front if them!” Yes, Chanyeol’s heart broke everytime he heard Baekhyun denying him. He just tried to smile at it but smiling at those lies made him feel broken more.

Baekhyun thought that Chanyeol loved him that he was complaining to Baekhyun, but Baekhyun was more aware and affected to the insults people will give them so he didn’t agree to what Chanyeol was saying, “I’m hurt too Chanyeol! That I want to just cut my tongue because I’m telling all those lies that can hurt you and me. I don’t want to tell those lies Chanyeol but I have to.”

Chanyeol then punched the wall beside him that Baekhyun realized that Chanyeol was really hurt. Baekhyun wiped his tears so Chanyeol won’t see that he’s so tired of telling those lies too. “Why? Why do we have to lie?”

“Because they wouldn’t understand. Not all of the people will understand. So please, I hope you are not one of those people who can’t understand. This will end after you graduate Chanyeol and everything will be fine.” Baekhyun knew that they can do this until Chanyeol considered, even though he won’t understand everything for now. But he knew that Chanyeol will understand when he’ll be more matured and aware of the surroundings.

“I can’t take this anymore Baekhyun. Everytime you deny me in front of them, I break down a lot. You always deny and reject me Baekhyun, I’m so hurt.” And Baekhyun was hurt now too that he’s realizing that he’s denied and rejected Chanyeol many times in front of many people, but what can Baekhyun do?

“I have to reject and deny you Chanyeol, because I’m afraid. I am more matured than you are and what you think I am, Chanyeol, so I’m trying to reject myself too. I have to reject these feelings of how much I want you. I have to consider the things that will happen if we get too reckless. Please understand.”

“Then reject me too.” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun froze. He thought that if he explained everything, Chanyeol will consider and will try to understand. But what is happening now? Baekhyun let Chanyeol walk away from him. And Baekhyun knew, he was the one who was rejected this time.

And he knows now how much it hurts. And now he thinks of how much hurt he gave Chanyeol everyday, countless times of rejection a day. Baekhyun understands, so he lets Chanyeol. But it hurts so much.

Chen tells him to let Chanyeol think for a moment. Maybe Chanyeol is getting tired of hearing those rejections and denials anymore that he complained to Baekhyun, that it just turned out to have their relationship be broken.

Baekhyun looks at Chen with those sad eyes. He thinks he cannot stand a day without Chanyeol who made him smile more than before. Suho gets the attention of Baekhyun as he puts a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder, “Let him for now. We’ll take care of everything tomorrow.” Suho assures Baekhyun.

Suho looks at s and they all nod. He smiles because with just one look, they all understand and nod. Then Suho looks at Sehun too, and he knows that Sehun is looking at them, wanting to know what the commotion is about. Sehun is taken aback when Suho looks at him. Suho nods and smiles but Sehun takes his eyes away from another smiley one. He rolls his eyes because he doesn’t know what the hell Suho’s plan is.

Baekhyun wipes his tears with his fingers and pouts at what Suho is talking about. Suho sees this and he tells Baekhyun, “I’ll take care of it tomorrow. Aish, don’t worry. Just sing.” Suho winks at Baekhyun. Baekhyun trusts his hyung that he nods to whatever Suho’s plan is because he knows that Suho won’t let him down.

 

Notes