eight

I practice for hours and eat dinner alone before finally returning to my room. I shouldn’t be as surprised as I am to find Kai already there waiting.

“How long have you—What are you doing?”

Kai sits up from where he reclines on my bed. His eyes are dark and hard. He isn’t here on a social call. I can tell.

“Stay away from Tao.”

“W. what?” I stutter. “Who are you to tell me who I can and can’t be around?”

“He’s dangerous.”

I scoff, “Yeah right. Tao wouldn’t even hurt a fly.”

I choose not to mention his martial arts skills.

“And besides, he’s my only friend.”

“He is not your friend. You have no friends,” Kay replies.

“But…”

“I am not your friend and neither is Tao.”

I grew hot as anger began to rise within me.

“Music is brutal. I didn’t think I had to tell you that.”

“Tao isn’t like other musicians. He's honest and pure and—“

I’m cut off.

“I sense something horrible in that school. I think Yesung does too and it’s in your department. Sehun, please stay away from Tao. You’ve lived long enough without friends. I’m sure you can do without this one.”

Those words when said aloud seem so cruel. If I thought about it I know in my heart it isn’t want I want. Even if it’s only been a short while I do cherish Tao’s smiles.

When was the last time a person smiled at me and not just the music that I make? Suddenly I feel validated for it.

Kai glares as if he knows what I’m thinking.

“I hope you listen to what I said, because if not you won’t even be alive to regret it.”

And then he is gone. The only thing left in his wake is the fluttering of my curtain. I sigh and close the window and as soon as I do so my phone rings.

I jump. My phone never rings unless it’s my mother and I know for a fact she’s home. I walk to my bag and pull out what has hitherto jut been my glorified pocket watch. The number is unknown. Not surprisingly as I only have four contacts: mother, uncle and my cousin. I debate if I should answer and pick upright before it goes to voice mail.

“Hello,” I said.

“Oh Sehun.”

I recognize that voice immediately. It’s Tao.

“How did you—“ the questions comes out before I can even think, but I remember that class roster of numbers we all received on the second day and I relax. “What did you need?”

“I was wondering if you’re busy?”

“Why?”

“I’m on my way to a music store and thought I could use some company.”

My brows furrow. Who needs company to a music store? Why couldn’t he just go alone? I glance at the clock. It’s almost 7 o’clock.

“Meet me at the station near your place. I’m waiting.”

He hangs up and I slowly bring the phone down from my ear. The confused expression lingers. He knows the station near my house. Knowing my number is one thing but my address was not on the roster. Nobody’s was.

Kai’s warning comes to mind but I push it out. Tao’s not like that. He isn’t dangerous. He’s my friend.

I meet Tao in ten minutes tops. We’re both dressed in our uniforms and he has his viola with him. He’s just come from practice. I’m surprised by how long his practice ran and then realize I have yet to hear him play.

He smiles as soon as he sees me and waves. In that moment, I know I’ve made the right decision to trust him.

“Oh Sehun,” he greets. “I’m so glad you came. I saw there is a shop two stations over. Let’s go.”

I nod and follow.

“My friend works there,” Tao said. “He recommended it.”

I wonder who his friend could be. As we ride Tao talks. He spoke about chamber and he’s still trying to convince me to join. The thought of wasting time with a group pains me but I want to see that happy light in Tao’s eyes should I do so.

“I’m sure if you joined youｒ solo violin won’t supper and besides there’s no such thing as playing too much.”

I couldn’t agree more. The thought of playing too much never occurred to me.

We arrive at the shop. The store front is calm and as we enter we’re greeted by a face I had seen before.

“Luhan!” Tao greets and runs over to the register to begin a conversation in Chinese.

I try to tune it out as I go through the rows merchandise but something about Luhan unsettles me. Perhaps it’s because he’s unwittingly became my rival. He’s the best violinist in the school after all.

They chat as I look at different regions. I’d needed some new rosin but kept procrastinating about it.

Is this why Tao brought one here? To chat? I find myself dismayed but that’s when Tao comes bounding over.

“Sorry about that,” Taos says.

“I don’t mind,” I reply.

Tao reaches out and takes a circular box of rosin and opens it, rubbing the smooth rosin. “I love new rosin. It’s so shiny and smooth and pure like crystalized amber. It makes me sad when I have to use a new one.”

“Huh? It’s not a jewel or anything,” I reply.

He looks at me his fingers still caressing the top of the dark honey colored mound.

“Yeah, but I just hate seeing beautiful things ruined.”

He folds the cloth back over the rosin and closes the box. He moves to place it back on the shelf but I reach out and touch his hand, stopping him. As he looks at me questioningly I take the box from him gently.

“I’m buying this,” I say.

Somehow his description of rosin touched me and this particular piece I associate with him. He’s beautiful and unmarred like a fresh, polish piece of rosin. And just like rosin in time he will be used and abused by music. There will be no stopping it. That’s just how it is. It’s the rosin’s purpose and if Tao continues on this path it’ll also be his.

The rosin is light in my hands. It just an object but it means something to me already. At the register Luhan attempts to make conversation as he rings me up.

“Tao says you’re really good.”

“I try,” I say noncommittally.

“I’d love to hear you play sometimes,” Luhan says.

And I know it’s not a sincere interest in listening to my music but rather he aims to size me up as his competition. I should be flattered that the best violinist in the school should care about me. What exactly did Tao tell him? But I can’t bring myself to care. When the time comes for it he’ll hear me. The same goes for me with him.

He bags my rosin and hands it to me. I take it and when our fingers touch I glance up and notice for the first time the necklace he’s wearing. Really it’s just a black leather string, but the pendant hanging from it is strange. It’s cloudy with what looks like a purple mist. It’s so eerie and I feel a shiver and withdraw my hand, dropping the rosin. He picks it up again.

“Are you OK?” he asks.

My eyes are trained on that necklace and I feel a dread crawl through me. Why? I have no clue. It’s just a stone or marble am duet the murkiness feels like more than just a pattern. It feels like it is alive and trying to scream.

Tao is beside me now and accepts the rosin in my behalf. He smiles gently at me and loops his arm with mine surprising me.

“I’m sorry,” I say, finally jolting back to reality with Tao’s touch.

Tao looks concerned but Luhan, his large deer like eyes, though expressing worry, radiate falseness. I don’t like him and I’m not sure why.

I take the rosin from Tao but he doesn’t let go of my arm. I then notice Tao had put a C string on the counter. So that’s why he’d come. Luhan rang him up and the entire interaction was in Chinese so I didn’t understand a thing.

Even when he pays our arms do not disconnect.

“Thank you,” Luhan says as we head out the door. “And Oh Sehun?”

I turn confused as to why I’m specifically being obsessed.

Luhan smiles, “See you in the chamber.”

I can’t get it out of my head. Even as we’ve long since exited the store Luhan’s words, his empty eyes and his necklace, all of it leaves me cold and unsettled. I don’t want to be with him. I walk arm and arm with Tao. Neither of us speak but I can tell we’re not going back to the station. He’s leading me somewhere else and I allow myself to be led right into the park.

“I can’t join chamber,” I finally say.

There, I’ve made up my mind and mustered my courage. I’ve taken my stand. I fear Tao’s disappointed reaction but none came.

“I figured,” Tao said as he leads me towards the edge of a manmade lake or pond.

“You… you’re not mad?” I ask.

He chuckles and lets go of my arm finally and walks towards the water’s edge. His back is towards me as he speaks.

“I’m not mad. A little sad but not surprised. We love music too differently I suppose.”

But I don’t love music.

Tao turns his head to glance back at me.

“I don’t think I’m particularly good,” admits Tao. “I love playing but I’m not like you. I’m a violist. I’m harmony to your melody. My role is to support and I’m content with that. Symphony, chamber, and quartet they fulfill me. I feel most alive playing that complimentary part to the light of the melody. It’s not glamorous. People don’t usually find it fun but I can’t see myself living any other way.”

Tao’s body now faced me completely.

“When I first saw you I thought, this person is really fragile but something in them wants to shine so bright. I thought, maybe I could be the melody to your harmony and make you shine. It sounds so stupid but that’s how I felt. Then I heard you play and… now I don’t care if it’s against fate. I must play with you no matter what,” he finished, voice and eyes warm with emotion.”

“But why? Why me?”

Tao shook his head, “It’s something I cannot explain. I’m just moved to do so and I know and feel it… in here.”

He placed his hand over his heart.

“Even if you don’t join chamber I’ not going to fret because I know somehow… we’ll come together, Oh Sehun. I’ll make it so.”

And his last words were so frigid and laced with the vagueness of threat and feral look in his dark eyes. But even so I could see in them affection.

“Nothing can keep us apart. Not even you.”

I was unsure of what my proper reactions to it all should be but oddly enough I know I was touched because this was Tao and he was saying it about me.

“So,” and the switch back to Tao’s normal innocent persona was back. “Oh Sehun, why do you play?”

I hate this. After what he’s just told me how should I even answer? How should I even answer? How can I even express the very notion that if I don’t play I die?

‘But you’re already dead,’ I remind myself.

‘Not anymore,’ my mind speaks to itself. ‘I’m not dead anymore.’

‘Because of Kai?’

I stare at the boy with feet of me and his shy, humble and sweat smile, pure warmth dancing in his eyes.

‘No, I’m alive now because of this boy because of Tao.’

And I mean it. I really do. I step forward and grab Tao’s hands, grabbing them so tightly I see him wince.

“For you,” I say, and my voice is shaking. “From here on out, I play for you.”

-to be continued-

AN : i am half dead. i am a zombie posting this. sorry for any mistakes. thanks for all subbersand comments are great! What do you think of Tao and Luhan? Also Sehun is going crazy. He doesn't know how to handle having emotions. I will try to write him better in the future. nighty