Chapter 18

I call Chen as soon as I get to Gwanghwamun station but he doesn't pick up. I wonder then if I should try again or if Kai's just being a worrywart. I walk up the stairs and exit into the open air taking note of my surroundings. It's crowded even at this hour and it makes sense being that it's the location of a huge tourist attraction.

It occurs to me then that maybe that was the point of sending me here, that Kai wanted me in the crowd, the only place away from himself that he considers safe.

I move to stand against the brick wall of a building and look at my phone again. School isn't over yet, but I already know that when it does end I will likely be called by Tao.

It's not that I dislike him. I still want to consider the violist the closest thing I have to a friend. But the fact remains that I was warned away by Lay and remain unaware of his intentions. I am at a loss as to the next course of action. I hesitate to call Chen again. I don't even know who he is,

My phone vibrates and I look down reading the name on the incoming call. It's Tao. My blood seems to curdle within me. The former feelings of tenderness running cold with, not fear, perhaps anxiety would be more accurate. I cannot take the uncertainty and I feel trapped. Why does it feel futile to ignore his call, as if he will always know where I am even if I failed to tell him. I shiver and it's then that I hear my name.

I look up, startled, but it's a voice I do not know and standing before me is a young man, not a teenager, with a strong jaw and mischievous grin that reaches to his eyes. He looks like a trickster demon from the legends.

"I'm Jongdae," greets the man. "But you can call me Chen."

Oh, I'm a bit surprised to see him in front of me. I called him but he hadn't answered, but I suppose that Kai must have alerted him after leaving me on the train. It made sense, but at the same time I feel annoyed, as if Kai didn't trust me to take care of it myself.

"Who are you anyway? Other than your name he didn't really say. You're not one of Suho's are you? Definitely not Yesung's."

I am not sure how to answer. After all, I'm new to these muse politics. However I know enough that Kai's my boss, whatever that means, and so that I assume that would be the answer.

"I'm Kai's," I reply, and the words sound funny coming from my mouth and I try to self correct. "I mean, he's... he's my boss!"

I blush and look away in embarrassment, down at my feet causing Chen to laugh.

"Is that so?" he asked. "It's like that, huh? Why I didn't know the little guy had it in him! He's really going through with this, huh?”

He nudges me roughly, despite being shorter than I am he's strong and I stumble like a leaf. He doesn't seem to notice, clapping me on my back and offering to buy me some patbingsu.

"I like you kid, and a friend of Kai's is a friend of mine."

I don't know what I did to earn it but I accept it anyway. We walk on down the street. His arm is slung over my shoulders as chummy as ever. We must look like good friends but I find that I do not know if I can get close to this person. Kai drew me and I drew Tao but as for Chen I find I am fairly neutral. However I know this is an opportunity, I can finally learn more about muses. More than I ever did before. Chen doesn't seem like he'd keep secrets from me. He has no reason to and so I resolve to pick his brain, to find out more about the world I've been into.

"You're not much of a talker are you?" he asks.

"I'm new to this," I answer truthfully, though I doubt he knows that I mean new to human interaction.

I suddenly am aware of the violin on my back and I want so desperately to play. It became like an impulse. Why did I leave school again? I have to remember and replay it in my mind and suddenly the image of Luhan inside the trunk comes flashing back to me. The caked and congealed blood, the purple bruises on that porcelain face and the rawness of his wrist, all of these images are vivid within my mind's eye.

"Kai says my job is to keep you safe, care to explain to me what the heck you two are planning?" Chen asks.

"Ah, well, I don't really understand it myself."

"Ok."

"But I've been being chased by homers consistently. I thought it may have been my senior at school, but then Kai and I found him near dead though we're not quite sure why."

I leave out the part about suspecting Tao. I vow not to mention Tao at all. I don't even know how to begin to explain him if I did.

"Do you think it's Suho who is after you? You may say your boss is Kai but Kai still answers to Yesung."

"I just don't get it," I reply.

"Then why don't you join us then? If you're with Yesung we can all keep you safe. I am pretty sure Kai already know this. That's why he wants me by your side in the first place."

We reach the restaurant and we order, me getting green tea and Chan ordering yogurt. Supposedly we're muses who don't need food so much and it amuses me as we take our seats and begin to eat.

"You're going to come back to Yesung's place," Chen informs me. "That's how you'll be safe. No more running around."

"I don't even understand what's going on. I don't even know why I have to have a boss in the first place. Why can't I just live and play my music?" I ask.

Chen looked at me and for the first time in his eyes there is no sign of laughter. He just scrutinizes me for a bit, sizing me up and I try not to let it bother me. I eat my patbingsu, letting the shaved ice melt on my tongue. It had been so long since the last time I ate it.

"I didn't know I was a muse until just recently. I didn't even know what a muse was. I didn't know my parents weren't my real parents or that I had been born from a gem. I thought I was just a boy, broken, but a human boy still. I thought all I had to do was play my violin and that was enough. That that was all I needed to do to go through the motions of living. But then Kai showed up, introduced me to all of this and now everything is a mess. Things keep attacking me and the only friend, my first friend, I don't even know if I can trust him."

"Do you really think Kai's the cause of all of that?" Chen challenges. "That if he never contacted you this would never have happened? You only delayed the inevitable before you entered that school. With everything that you've told me just now, I guarantee if Kai hadn't found you, you'd already be dead."

"And what if I wanted to be dead!?" I ask, raising my voice.

My spoon clatters in my bowl as i drop it. I notice that a few girls near the counter stare at me a few moments before returning to their ordering. I make note to lower my voice, to not get so emotional. I hate dealing with all of these emotions. Chen just regards me with that same look.

"Wanted to," Chen noted. "But is that still what you want?"

I clinch my fist against my knees under the table. My heart feels so hurt because I know he's right. It's not what I want anymore. I do want to live because I really care about things now, things other than music. I care about Kai. I want to understand him.

"A year ago Kai's brother ran away," began Chen.

I look up shocked. That wasn't what I heard from Kai earlier.

“He insists that his brother didn't leave on his own will. That somehow he was lured over there or--”

“Sold?” I supply.

Chen smiles wryly, “So he told you that much, huh?”

I nod in the affirmative and he continues.

“He may say that his brother was sold but he left on his own. Yesung used to favor them. They were beautiful and strong and promising. They were his twins. He was so proud. But then Taemin left to go to Suho and to appease him we received soul gems in payment. It was Taemin's way of saying he wasn't coming back. Needless to say, Kai doesn't except that. He has some crazy idea in his head that he can get his brother back on his own.”

“And do you not believe that?” I ask.

Chen chuckles, “If Taemin wanted to come back he'd come back. That's how I see it. He wasn't mistreated here but he has his reasons for being over there. That's fine with me.”

“That doesn't make sense,” I reply, feeling a little frustrated with his relaxed view of it all. “People are dying. Those homers are out for blood. Is that really OK with you?”

“It's how it's been for a long time now.”

I want to reply but I don't know how. It seems like such a defeatist attitude to have. But Chen seems finished with the conversation then, content that he said his piece, convinced that I can no longer argue in the other direction. We finish the rest of our food in silence and and leave.

I follow him to who knows where, perhaps Yesung's place. The silence from the restaurant lingers and I find myself once against thrown into deep contemplation. I do not understand the full story behind Kai or his brother nor the role of Yesung and Suho in the entire matter. I wonder if I really am just a pawn for Kai to gain some leverage, to eventually become strong enough to get his brother back.

I find that I don't really mind. If his brother is really in trouble, I'm willing to help Kai in this way. Kai's helped me as well and I think it'd somehow put us on more equal footing. And after all, our relationship has continued to progress. He's Kai but he's taken on so many roles in my life from mentor to, even dubiously, lover.

But Kai's not the only one I owe things to. There's my mother. She knew who I was and tried to raise me accordingly. Uncle did too. Despite their shortcomings I see now their guiding hand. I remember always being encouraged to follow the arts, and the interest mother took in it. I found it stifling at first, I mistook her attention as obsession. Instead he wanted me to live and flourish. She was afraid I'd die.

“I'm going home.”

Chen walks a few paces before me and he promptly stops at my words. I nearly bump into him and he turns, regarding me with calculating eyes.

“Thanks for meeting me at the station. You must have been busy but I really ought to go.”

I'm ready to go but Chen grabs my bicep, halting me.

“You can't,” he says. “Didn't Kai tell you? Well he told me, I have to watch you. The homers might have tracked your house you know.”

I shake my arm from his grip.

“That's why I have to go back. My mother is there you know.”

I imagine my house, my quiet little home, surrounded by those creatures and I feel a nagging worry in my gut.

“They wouldn't bother her if you're not around,” Chen assures me.

He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.

“Why can't you just call her? She can assure you she's ok.”

I don't move and he urges me on.

“Go ahead.”

I do as told, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my phone. As soon as I do the screen lights up and it's Tao. Had he been calling consistently this entire time? I wonder if something happened or if he's just worried. The image of Luhan in the trunk flashes through my mind giving me shivers. Chen notices.

“Are you all right?”

I nod and suddenly it occurs to me that maybe Tao went by my house. It's how I found him the other day when we made up. He was waiting for me and I wonder how long he'd wait this time if I never came back. I imagine my mother would invite him in, he's wearing my school uniform after all, maybe they'd have a cup of tea.

If Tao really was the one behind Luhan's injuries is mother in danger?

I'm going against everything Kai said but I really can't help it. Tao is my responsibility because I'm the one who invited him in to all of this, if Lay's word is to be trusted. If I ask him about Luhan would he answer? If I warn him away would he listen? It was time I find out all of these things properly for myself.

“Chen,” I begin. “Can you fight?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Great. Don't worry about Kai. If anything happens just blame it on me. Come on.”

I gesture for him to follow and he does but not without complaint.

“Wait, Sehun, where are we going? I thought you were calling your mom.”

I don't answer and he scoffs.

“Fine, be like that. But I'll hold you to your promise if we get attacked by a homer. You're taking all of the blame. Kai can't get mad at me about any of this.”

And then like that we're off. I can tell by his voice he doesn't mind. He's a carefree type, I can tell. Even more so than Kai and I hope that he's a good fighter as well. But of course ideally it won't come to that.

-to be continued-

AN: I am sorry I have to admit the reason for my absence is because I am a brat. I got sad because nobody reviewed chapter 18 and just waited and waited. and waited.  and then i got so discouraged and didn't have any will to write anymore.

LOL but anyway whateve i guess i'm back! review or no review i will update! I won't let it discourage me! this story has always ben unpopular and I'll accept that.

CHEN IS HERE! his power if of course lightening. let's see what they find at Sehun's house dun dun dunnn