six

I don’t want to tell myself I believe Kai. I may be insane but I still have a bit of rationality left in me. To try and “eat” the way he proposed seems crazy to say the least.

“You eat not with your mouth. It’s an extra sense an untrained muse such as yourself can’t feel but if you try it you’ll likely be able to do it instinctually,” he had explained.

I headed to school, my mind buzzing with possibilities. All I have to do is try one thing, just touch it and focus, and if nothing happens I’ll know Kai to be a liar.

I get off at the station.

“Passion is found in art.”

I can hear his words echoing in my head as I scan the area for art. At the north exit there is some corporate statue and on the walls a mural painted by local elementary students.

It’s as if I know instinctually that it would not do. There is no pulse. It’s not fresh.

I continue with my commute. I feel an odd excitement come over me, a feeling I’ve never had before. I am more conscious of the blood flowing through my veins than ever and the weight of the violin on my back doesn’t press so sharply into my shoulders.

I always said I was dead before and if Kai turns out to be right I’ll find out that in fact I’ve always been alive, barely. I’m in some kind of odd emotional coma, mimicking life but not fully aware. And it’d mean I’m right about my violin. Although not exactly my soul it is a limb, a member of my body.

I stand outside the gates and I listen, closing my eyes and trying to feel the pulse of the school. There is a faint beating and I open my eyes and stroll in. I touch the stair railings as I head for the door and even if it is in my mind only, I feel a wild spark as my heart leaps.

The best violinist in this school is me. They just don’t realize it yet. I’ve always been the best, and Kai said when properly fed I’ll be even better. The mere thought of being even better thrills me as I recall the practice session from the previous day. Right now the best violinist in the school is officially a Chinese upperclassman: Luhan.

I feel a red burn begin within me. Luhan. I want to eat Luhan.

My eyes widen as I catch my train of thought and I feel a pang of guilt and disgust. Kai is getting to me. He could very well not be a muse at all but rather the actual demon I initially thought him to be. I can’t let my guard down.

I enter my classroom and immediately Tao greets me.

“Hi! Are you feeling better?”

I attempt a smile, “I am. Thank you.”

He eyes widen and he’s stunned.

“Oh Sehun,” he gasped.

“What?”

“That’s the first time you greeted me with a smile,” he replied. “I’m so happy.”

“I guess I’m well rested,” I say, a bit bewildered.

“Or well fed.”

I tense at the sound of that voice and whirl around to see Kai. I look around and notice my classmates can see him too.

“You had like 10 burgers last night” Kai continues and slings his arm around my shoulder.

“Kai! Jongin!” I protest and correct myself.

“Who are you?” Tao’s voice intercepts and I notice he’s looking at Kai very curiously. “I didn’t know Sehun had any friends.”

Ouch! But it’s true. Not until recently did I talk to anyone.

“I’m in the dance department so of course you wouldn’t know me,” Kai shrugs.

“Oh..” Tao’s voice goes a little quieter..

Kai grins and leans towards me.

“Did you try it yet?” he whispers.

I gasp involuntarily at the feel of his breathe against me and then tense when I feel a hand grab mine. I look down and see it’s Tao’s and he’s pulling my forward and away from Kai.

“It’s time for orchestra,” Tao says innocently and leads me away from Kai and deeper into the room.

When I glance back Kai is already gone and I feel sad. He is quite possibly in the running to be my first friend in the world. That is, I look down at Tao and mine’s linked hands, unless I counted Tao. But as far as Tao is concerned I’m confused. If Kai is right about the must thing then it made sense for Kai to befriend me. But Tao? I have nothing to offer him.

We reached the violin section and I pull back my band. Tao felt reluctant to let go.

I wonder if right when he’s about to or just finished playing would I be able to feel his passion. Our eyes meet and I flush embarrassed as if he could read my mind. These kinds of thoughts are impure.

“I really hope you gave some thought to joining chamber,” he says.

Instruments are tuning around us and I have to listen harder to him when he speaks because with the noise of strings and the constant beating pulse of the room it’s like we’re underwater.

“I have,” I lie. But I realize now this would be good.

If I join chamber I’d have more access to what I potentially need. But first I need to test if Kai was true or not. For now though I can say certain things to be absolute.

One: Kai is not a human. The way he passes through objects and moves is nothing less than supernatural.

Two: Kai can be seen by others as he wants to be. My mother and classmates both confirmed this.

Because of this I can ascertain that I am not 100% insane yet. I know now this creature is not a figment of my deranged imagination but that doesn’t mean it should be trusted. My initial guess can still be right and he’s a wraith aiming to earn my confidence. In any case, I have to be cautious. I cannot be sure who my friend is or not.

Except…

I’m looking at Tao as he’s unpacking and I start to speak.

“I’ll join chamber,” I say.

Tao looks at me with dark eyes but then smiles a genuine bright smile that makes my heart feel funny all around.

“Really?”

I nod.

“I’m glad.”

And I manage to smile a half smile back. I’m glad too and I guess it isn’t too late to make friends.

I don’t see Kai for the rest of the day which makes sense because of our classes. Of course we’re in completely different departments. I find myself during a break wandering the music department halls as if I’m a ghost myself. Normally I’d practice but I feel compelled and curious about thing, specifically the music department faculty.

I don’t mean to be obsessive but when what’s likely a demon falls into your life you tend to find yourself intrigued by it and all that it says. Beforehand my life was all music. Now it’s all music and Kai.

I scan the teacher’s names on the board.

Lau Henry is my violin teacher and of course I know him. There is also Choi Siwon, a symphony conductor. I know all of the names in my department. I recognize the list of people affiliated with strings but it’s the vocal department I’m looking at.

Cho Kyuhyun
Kim Ryeowook
 

I freeze.

Kim Jongwoon

It’s just a name. It neither confirms nor denies a thing Kai has said. Kai attends this school and knows the faculty names. He could easily have said Cho Kyuhyun and told the same story.

My eyes scan the board and takes note of the office number beside Kim Jongwoon’s name: 214.

“What are you doing?”

I jump in surprise and sigh in relief only to see Tao.

“Nothing.”

“Did you eat lunch yet?”

I shake my head dumbly and he grins and takes my hand in a gesture I’m both getting used to and like.

“Then let’s go together.

I nod, smiling. The expression just feels so easy around him.

“OK.”

-to be continued.

AN: as you may or may have noticed i don't have a beta *cough* anyway, i think my fav character is Tao in this. thanks everyone for the reading and comments and upvotes!